What can we do when it is impossible to pay back kindness and generosity received?
A Learning a Day blog, Pay back and forward, inspired this reflection.
In October 1996, my son was diagnosed with childhood cancer (leukemia) at two years and two months old (see Terri Tomoff‘s memoir The Focused Fight, published in March 2021). What happened over the next ten years was an outpouring of support from family, friends, community, medical professionals, and countless strangers (see my blog regarding a Postcard Project) that we could never possibly pay back. We were touched by kindness and support that impacted our family indelibly.
In a time of great stress and extraordinary circumstances, people stepped forward to help us in an unimaginable and overwhelming movement. “Paying it forward” was the only possibility for us, and we have dedicated our lives to helping others, moved by the thought that “there is no way we can repay everything we have been blessed with thanks to the kindness of others.“
The blog post is provided, in its entirety, below:
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“Reciprocity is wired deep within our psyche. As a result, our natural response to getting help tends to involve asking ourselves “how can I pay this back?”
It isn’t a bad question. Every once a while, we might find ways to give back to the folks who helped us.
But, more often than not, this isn’t possible because it is context dependent. Many of the folks who’ve helped us out in times of need in our careers (for example) are often many years ahead of us in terms of the problems we’re facing. The best we can do in such situations is express our gratitude.
That’s why asking ourselves – “how can I ensure I’m paying it forward?” – tends to be a better question.
If someone gives you a great gift, share that gift with two others. If someone gives you great career advice, find two others who would love to receive career advice from you.
There is always someone we can help. There is always an opportunity to pay it forward. And, letting someone know of the ripples their gift to us created is often the best gift we can share with someone who helped us.”
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This resonated. Where in your life can you pay it forward for the help others have given you? Hint: Kindness and helpers are all around us–Slow down and intentionally notice! I pray that no one encounters the extreme needs our family has faced, yet I do encourage you to reflect on the countless times someone has helped you in your life and then adopt a mindset of paying it forward every day. Because you can, and it creates a circle of good!
The mindset is about something other than repaying a debt you feel you owe. Instead, strive to pay forward kindness to others continually! Because of others who have selflessly helped our family because they cared, we are inspired to pay it forward throughout our lives.
Join the movement. Remember an act of generosity you have received, and go pay it forward.
