As the year 2024 is coming to a close, I am excited to be working on my 100th blog post since establishing my website and blog in 2017. I have chosen a fitting topic for my 100th post: Gratitude.
I am dedicated to adopting an attitude of gratitude and expressing appreciation for the good in my life. At this stage of my life (66 years old), I often reflect on and savor the life I have been blessed with. While persistent dedication, continual learning, hard work, a mindset of abundance and possibility, and luck are all imperative components of any success, the overall theme that stands out is the importance of quality, caring people in our lives.
If we pause and reflect, everything that happens to us is the result of someone:
Teaching and mentoring.
Giving an opportunity.
Supporting and caring for your well-being.
Being kind and generous.
When our (Terri Tomoff and me) daughter, Olivia, graduated from James Madison University, she prioritized time in the final months of her senior year to handwrite notes to people who had a memorable role in her growth and development from early childhood through college. On graduation day in May 2015, she mailed 50+ thank-you notes that included family, teachers, soccer coaches, and community support that touched her over many years. Her effort inspired me, and she taught me and her a lesson about expressing sincere appreciation for others who help us in our path of life.
Through our family’s challenges with our son, Ryan, cancer battles since 1996, we learned acutely the fact that people need people. The people who came into our lives and have selflessly supported us in countless ways resonated, over the years, with us to the core. We have been profoundly changed and now experience ever-present gratitude for the people in our lives.
In October 2024, I completed a book by A.J. Jacobs, Thanks A Thousand: A Journey of Gratitude, about his efforts to thank everyone involved in making his morning cup of coffee a reality. As explained on the book back cover:
“In hopes of restoring my sanity in these troubling times, I recently undertook a quest:
I pledged to thank every single person who had a role (however small) in making my morning cup of coffee possible.
I wanted to show how life-changing gratitude can be. So I thanked the barista, the lid designer, the South American farmer, the trucker who hauled the coffee, the folks who paved the road for the trucker, the people who painted the stripes on the highways so the truck didn’t veer into traffic. It turned out to be a surprisingly huge number of people. My gratitude quest has taken me across time zones and up and down the social ladder. It made me feel delight, wonder, guilt, and a whole bunch of caffeine jitters. It taught me the secrets to practicing gratitude, and how it can transform anyone’s perspective.”
I highly recommend this book and hope you find it as inspiring as I do!
Bill Tomoff | Thanks A Thousand: Who Can You Thank?
As we turn the page on another year and head into 2025, I am taking inspiration from Olivia and A.J. Jacobs. I will be undertaking a more intentional lifelong effort to thank the countless people who have helped shape me and my life’s journey. I am going beyond coffee and asking myself, “Who has played a role in the many aspects of my life span from childhood through school, personal and professional years?” Then, who can I thank in person and/or via a handwritten note? This project is undoubtedly an audacious goal, yet I will chip away one person at a time.
A.J. Jacobs | My journey to thank all the people responsible for my morning coffee
I am energized to begin this gratitude journey. My mission to thank those who’ve shaped my life feels daunting yet deeply meaningful. I cannot predict how long this endeavor will take, but each thank you will strengthen the connections that make life rich, and the journey will enhance my life fulfillment. Who can you thank today? The ripple effect of expressed gratitude might change someone’s life—including yours.
December 15, 2024 | Bill Tomoff Book Recommendation “Thanks A Thousand”
My blog post emphasizes the importance of personal development as a foundation for making meaningful contributions to others and improving the world. Drawing inspiration from quotes by Margaret Mead and Simon Zingerman, the post underscores that everyone has talents that can be harnessed to contribute positively. The twinz, Bill and Don Tomoff, encourage individuals to dedicate themselves to continual learning and self-improvement, guided by the question: “How can I contribute with my talents?”
The draft incorporates insights from two recent blog posts by Seth Godin:
“Better at being better” (December 12, 2024): While Godin discusses this concept from an organizational standpoint, the #TwinzTalk message adapts it for individuals. The post highlights the transformative power of committing to ongoing improvement, which is both challenging and rewarding.
“Our new school” (December 25, 2024): Godin emphasizes the cumulative power of small, consistent actions, likening it to the ocean being made of drops. This resonates with the #TwinzTalk philosophy that daily efforts can create significant change over time.
I leave a call to action that aligns with the #TwinzTalk theme: “Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.” It ties the message back to our core values of personal development, urging readers to believe in their ability to make a difference through steady, thoughtful dedication to learning and sharing to lift others.
Full Blog Post
In our personal development work, my twin Don and I emphasize the importance of building a foundation of skills and expertise so that individuals can contribute to others and make the world a better place.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
–Margaret Mead
“Using your talent, hobby, or profession in a way that makes you contribute with something good to this world is truly the way to go.”
–Simon Zingerman
We all have talents that we can contribute to making the world better. Let’s care and dedicate ourselves to continual learning. Then, we should always ask ourselves, “How can I contribute with my talents?“
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Seth Godin recently published two blog posts that resonated with me. They encouraged us all to be better and that our efforts matter. The posts:
Blog December 12, 2024, “Better at being better.” Seth speaks from an organizational perspective, but #TwinzTalk encourages us to consider his encouragement individually.
“What truly changes the game is when an organization decides to commit to being better at being better.
That’s hard to do and difficult to compete against.”
Blog December 25, 2024, “Our new school.” Seth emphasizes that significant impact starts with small, consistent drips of effort. We all can make a difference! Believe.
“The ocean is made of drops.”
We all can change the world through daily drips and drips of effort.
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“Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”
#TwinzTalk theme – Bill and Don Tomoff
2019 | #TwinzTalk Don and Bill TomoffDecember 11, 2022 | Bill and Terri Tomoff with Seth Godin
In my blog post on micro-kindness, I referenced the belief that the “presence” we bring to others is a subtle yet potentially powerful form of kindness.
“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”
When I autograph copies of Terri Tomoff’s bookThe Focused Fight, the quote above is one I share and always hold close. Carrying this thought with me changes how I interact with the world. Starting in October 1996, our family’s experience with our son Ryan’s cancer challenges has profoundly shaped us over the last 28 years.
Witnessing a child fighting a battle for their life will tear anyone wide open. Our family has learned the adage, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is a point to be serious about. My twin Don and I have encouraged throughout our lives and careers that “We take what we do seriously, but we do not take ourselves seriously.“
This leads me to the presence in our lives: Living a gentler lifestyle, not taking ourselves too seriously, and bringing positive energy to interactions while shining the light on others can create an atmosphere that lifts others. What is not to like about these types of people?
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Enter the game of Pickleball.
In the summer of 2023, Ryan encouraged Terri to join him in a community pickleball social at the Crofton Swim and Tennis Club. Thanks to Ryan, the pickleball bug quickly caught on with Terri and me. In March 2024, Ryan joined the indoor club The PutAway, and Terri and I officially became members in November 2024. We are excited to play and share the love of the game with Ryan and our opportunities to play together and share conversations about techniques, strategies, and skills development.
An unanticipated benefit of playing at The PutAway has been the community of players who share our love of the game. We look forward to the conversations, fun times, and exercise!
The pickleball community and regular sessions have allowed me to embrace the experience in my style, which I love – cheering and celebrating others along the way while enjoying healthy competition. A few of my beliefs:
An “ordinary day” is a blessing and a tremendous gift. When playing pickleball, I appreciate the health and skills that allow me to participate.
I like to win, but even more so, I like to play against players who are more skilled than me. This means I often lose (a lot)! However, win or lose, I am constantly learning and striving to understand the game’s nuances to become more competitive over the long haul.
I like to employ self-deprecation to put others at ease and have fun. When we can laugh at ourselves and admit our weaknesses, others are more receptive to having fun and not being too serious.
I strive to present a light-hearted and positive mindset that celebrates the good play of others. A favorite quote: “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.“
TwinzTalk in Berthoud, CO | “A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.”
Over the past two days, I have had interactions that made my day and affirmed that my style is a rewarding form of kindness—even if I may not be aware of it. I trust that our impact on others is often far beyond what we know; thus, my emphasis on our presence in the world is important! Two interactions that brightened my days:
While walking to a court to join a group for a game, a woman commented, “You always have a smile on your face.” I was delighted that she took a moment to share this with me. Life will be challenging sometimes, and a positive attitude is not always realistic. But playing pickleball and having fun sharing my love of the sport with my family and others is a reason to smile!
I played three games against a couple who were strong players – losing 11-3, 11-4, and winning one 11-7. I played with Terri in the winning game; it was the best game we have ever played together! I was shocked that we pulled out a victory. In all three games, we all had fun, and I was learning. One player commented when we left the court after the final match, “I like your attitude and energy. This (playing with you) has been fun.”
The game of pickleball has given me more than just exercise and entertainment—it has joined us with a community to continue our theme of a gentle presence and micro-kindness potential to ripple into the world. Celebrating an opponent’s play or encouraging others reminds me that our presence can ripple outward in ways we may never know. Through life’s challenges and the joys of everyday connections, I’ve learned that bringing light to others ultimately brightens our path. Life isn’t always about winning—it’s about showing up with an open heart, celebrating others, and finding joy in the journey. And what I hope to practice and enjoy in the game of pickleball!
August 2023 | Ryan, Terri, and Bill Tomoff | Pickleball Social at Crofton Swim and Tennis Club
My wife, Terri, and I are participating in a kindness initiative hosted by KindLoook (as in “What happens if we look a little longer, with kindness?”) through November 2024. In one of the lessons, I wrote about my belief that we all have a kindness filter when it comes to the kindness we prioritize and can share. A portion of my post is provided below:
“Whoa, a thought-provoking topic for day 25!
[Bill T Note: the topic asked us to consider when we had a “sense” to perform an act of kindness and deny that sense for any reason].
This will take me some time to unpack, but whether we agree or not, I believe everyone has a filter for the kindness they (hopefully) bring to the world.
A previous post here [in the KindLoook initiative group] stimulated my thoughts: “Are you a giver, taker, or matcher?” Adam Grant’s book Give and Take explores this theme, and I highly recommend it! I read it in 2013, which has helped shape my perspective on kindness.
Let me start with a few nonnegotiable facts we all are restricted by:
Memento Mori – we all are going to die. A fact no one has ever avoided.
We are all blessed with 24 hours of time per day. How we “spend” our time is critically important, and too often, we don’t respect our own time—the most precious nonrenewable asset each of us has. I vow and strive to respect my time and the time of others.
Every “yes” is a “no” to something else by default. Am I making my “yes” moments count?
Kindness is a serious priority in my life. Yet, I cannot do everything. I have the courage and desire to protect my “yes” moments to maximize my mission and broaden the reach of my ability to bring kindness to the world.
Enter my “kindness filter,” which helps me guide my efforts toward having the maximum impact of kindness in my life.
[Note: A deeper dive into discussing my kindness filter is a topic for a separate blog post]
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A key aspect of my kindness filter is my belief that outsized impact can be gained through the “presence” we bring to the world. “Be gentle. Be kind—you never know what someone is going through.” My goal of focusing on micro-moments or micro-moves of kindness enhances my presence.
As I think about kindness moments, I am guided by the Stoicism encouragement of our Circles of Concern. A modern update is presented as follows:
Stoicism Circles of Concern | Modern Version
An example of capturing a micro-moment happened when I was running errands recently. The action I took did not involve interaction with another person, yet the brief time effort expended enabled me to impact the Self, Community, and Earth rings in the circle of concern shown here.
What Happened?
While pulling into a parking spot to stop and buy a cup of coffee, I noticed a small bottle on the ground. I gently tapped my brake, put my car in reverse, and then moved into a separate parking spot where no trash was on the ground.
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When I am out and about, I frequently pick up trash as my gentle contribution (it makes me feel good) to my community and the earth. Because of my years-long habit, I notice trash and, unfortunately, the disregard that some folks have for the concept of “leave it better than you found it.” In moments of brief time, I can leverage micro kindness. I often ask myself how much cleaner and more beautiful our communities would be if every person adopted the following mindset shifts:
How can I help? I emphasize small moments requiring minuscule time commitments, not large grand gestures. With a simple mindset shift, we all can contribute with barely an uptick in time involved. We just need to care about each other and our world.
If you see something, do something. If you see a piece of trash (or a stray shopping cart!), why not think, “This is my problem,” and I have an opportunity to be part of the solution? Instead, a default response too often is, “That is not my job. Someone is paid to take care of that [situation].”
Embracing micro-moments to contribute will change you and can change our communities. Be part of the solution. These small moments of kindness, utterly independent of interaction with another human being, will open your eyes to the power of kindness, and your efforts will compound in the presence you bring to your family, community, and the world!
**
Returning to the small bottle, I noticed. After I got out of my car, I walked over to pick up the piece of trash and noted it was a small, empty glass bottle of Absolut Vodka! GLASS! If I or anyone else had driven over the bottle, we would now have broken glass in the parking lot AND the possibility of tire damage to a car. In addition, there was another empty bottle of Absolut Vodka. Thus, by picking up these two bottles and disposing of them properly, I eliminated the risk of developing further problems.
Unfortunately, this act is a micro kindness because, in my experience, rare is the person who will pause and make an effort to pick up a piece of trash. This observation saddens me because it is a rare occurrence. I will strive to consistently do my part and be part of the solution for cleaning up our communities and, maybe, set an example to inspire someone else to get involved.
The power of kindness does not mean grand gestures or significant time commitments. Kindness is often in the smallest of moments—like stopping to pick up a piece of trash from a parking lot. Micro-kindness opportunities surround us daily, requiring minimal time yet offering meaningful impact. When we notice and act on these moments, we our immediate environment and demonstrate that simple actions can inspire positive change. We cannot do everything—but we can recognize small opportunities for impact and consistently choose to be part of the solution, one act at a time.
December 17, 2024 | Trash Pickup in Parking LotCare… Kindness Matters
Note: This blog post duplicates a LinkedIn Article I shared on March 21, 2021. The pictures have changed, but I wanted to capture this significant milestone in my personal blog history.
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“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”
If you follow me on social media, I hope you notice my encouragement for kindness, gratitude, and helping others. This is, to the core, an important part of who I am and the value I work tirelessly to bring to the world.
Today, I feel blessed to share a personal post and explain how our personal lives do indeed impact our professional lives. Rare (or naïve?) is the person who can compartmentalize these in their life. In my life, I have been blessed to deeply integrate, by necessity, my personal and professional life. As a result, I am an enhanced professional and person.
Last week, my wife Terri published a book titled “The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey from Mayhem to Miracles.” She tells the story of our son Ryan, and our family’s, fights through childhoodcancer and young adult secondary cancers. Ryan is a 5x cancer survivor who has inspired us and countless others since his original leukemia diagnosis on October 17, 1996. Terri chronicles our family experience from her mother’s perspective. She was affectionately the “mama bear” that tirelessly managed and advocated for Ryan while I was working day in and day out to support our family and provide health insurance coverage.
http://bit.ly/TheFocusedFight_TerriTomoff
How do the personal and professional combine? Anyone who has had a life disruption (see quote above) knows too well the stresses of managing a career with personal demands that cannot be placed on a lower priority. Terri’s support of Ryan and our daughter Olivia was her only priority…24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Her perseverance and dedication allowed me to do what had to be done professionally. Yet…many families walking our path often lose or must leave their jobs because of the overwhelming responsibilities at home. The reality of what could happen, just financially, is devastating…on top of the unthinkable medical concerns that are ever present at home.
The professional tie-in? I was blessed beyond measure with my employers’ compassion, care, and support. The worst of the treatment YEARS was from 1996 through 2004, which started only ten weeks after moving our family from Cleveland, Ohio, to join Washington Sports & Entertainment. Mr. Abe Pollin and everyone I worked with supported me unconditionally while I balanced my professional and personal demands. The experience was an excruciating balance because my work in finance was deadline sensitive, but I had the best support that could be imagined…and genuine care for the “person” first. My perspective on life and work has been forever impacted in the way that Terri and I consider “post-traumatic growth.”
July 2021 | The Focused Fight Book | Cleveland Reception
A recent observation in James Clear’s December 12, 2024 3-2-1 Newsletter encouraged that we reflect on each moment of our days as practice for our lives. Whatever you “practice” on a daily basis shapes you into the person you become and can become. His post resonated with me. How do you spend the moments in your days?
James complete post (Bold emphasis is mine):
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III.
Two simple rules:
You get better at what you practice.
Everything is practice.
Look around and you may be surprised by what people are “practicing” each day. If you consider each moment a repetition, what are most people training for all day long?
Many people are practicing getting mad on social media. Others are practicing the fine art of noticing how they have been wronged. Still more have mastered the craft of making plans (but never following through).
But, of course, it doesn’t have to be that way.
What are you practicing?
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You get to decide how to spend your moments of time gifted to you each day. Be intentional and practice wisely.
January 19, 2019 | Bill Tomoff Plank at London Arsenal Football Club Emirates StadiumSeptember 9, 2024 | ncaCPA Fall Conference | #TwinzTalk Don and Bill TomoffOctober 9, 2022 | Bill Tomoff Planking Ohio University | Jefferson Hill
Reflecting on a two-year journey since ChatGPT’s introduction, my twin Don and I have witnessed and embraced a remarkable transformation in the AI landscape. Our initial curiosity about ChatGPT’s potential has evolved into a dedicated mission to understand and harness the power of generative AI technologies. We are consistently asking ourselves how these tools can help us and enable us to better serve others.
While acknowledging the legitimate concerns about AI’s future, we’ve maintained an outlook of optimism and possibilities. Our experience, particularly with ChatGPT, has been personal and revealing. The AI’s detailed observations about my character – from my dedication to personal growth and emphasis on kindness to my structured approach and family-centric values – accurately reflect not just my professional persona but my whole person.
This journey has reinforced our belief that AI tools can enhance both personal and professional growth. As we look to the future, our commitment remains unchanged: to continue learning, growing, and sharing our experiences to benefit others in this rapidly evolving technological landscape.
Full Original Writing
December 7, 2024. Where does time go?
Just over two years ago, my twin Don and I heard about the introduction of ChatGPT. Two years! We have dedicated much of our personal and professional development efforts to learning, being curious, and asking ourselves, “How can GenerativeAI andthe rapidly expanding AI landscape help us and, in turn, enable us to help others?“
Immediately, Don and I thought, “Wow, this looks like a huge technological advancement. We need to understand the potential of ChatGPT.” That simple beginning has become a non-stop mission to understand the generative AI LLMs (Large Language Models) landscape.
Looking back at our experiences over the past two years, here are a few observations:
ChatGPT, and very soon, ChatGPT Plus (paid plan $20 per month), was the dominant resource for learning about the potential of Generative AI. Don and I have prioritized personal and professional efforts to work with and strive to understand the possibilities. On February 14, 2024, I posted a blog titled “ChatGPT Lite” which turned into a six-part blog series to help people go forward to learn about ChatGPT.
The AI space is rapidly changing, unlike anything we have experienced. In the past two years, we have dedicated time to using and learning with ChatGPT, Claude AI, Google Gemini’s NotebookLM (AI-generated audio podcasts), and Perplexity AI. Don and I are committed to staying curious and relentlessly learning to bring enhanced value to our worlds.
Google Search is rarely used. ChatGPT or Perplexity allows for ad-free searches, and results are generally spectacular!
As I write this today, ChatGPT has just released Sora, an AI video generation model, for public use. This is an example of how quickly advancements are coming! See this introduction by Nicole Leffer on LinkedIn.
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Before moving on to my specific experience with ChatGPT over the past two years, we must address the concern that many people have regarding the future of generative AI. Absolutely, we all must be aware of the malicious uses that can occur with ChatGPT and other LLMs.
From the beginning, Don and I have chosen to look for the possibilities for good. Our perspective is optimistic (bullish!) about the potential. In a TED Talk, we recently watched, Salman Kahn of Kahn Academy addresses this concern. I asked ChatGPT to recap the closing two minutes from his TED Talk “How AI Could Save (Not Destroy) Education.” His perspective resonates with Don and me (Bold emphasis is mine):
“In the final two minutes of his TED Talk, Sal Khan addresses concerns about AI’s potential misuse in education. He acknowledges the risks but emphasizes the importance of proactive engagement to harness AI’s benefits. Khan advocates for implementing appropriate safeguards and regulations to ensure AI serves as a positive force, enhancing human intelligence and potential. He concludes by urging society to actively shape AI’s trajectory, focusing on its constructive applications rather than succumbing to fear of its possible negative uses.”
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Focusing only on my use of ChatGPT over the past two years, I prompted the question:
“Based on your experience working with me (Bill Tomoff) for almost two years, please share what you have learned about me, and what observations would you make?”
The response from ChatGPT was on target with my perspective and mission. The LLM, referring to “custom instructions” I provided, and the model learning about me through hundreds of questions and conversations, provided this feedback:
“Reflecting on nearly two years of collaboration with you, Bill, here are some key observations and insights that come to mind:
Dedication to Personal Growth: It’s clear that personal development is your foundation—your work consistently centers around helping others reach their potential, often by starting with introspection and self-improvement. Your commitment to continuous learning and the importance of self-reflection shows in everything you do, from your professional endeavors to your family life.
Focus on Kindness and Resilience: Your approach to life and work is infused with kindness and resilience. From your family’s journey through cancer to your professional ethos, you’ve cultivated a perspective that values strength in adversity and sees growth and opportunity in challenges. This is beautifully reflected in how you encourage others to “lead with kindness” and your belief in post-traumatic growth.
Collaborative Spirit: You have a unique gift for fostering a collaborative dialogue that clarifies complex ideas, making discussions productive and enriching. Your openness to ideas, new technologies, and contrarian perspectives reflects a flexibility that encourages everyone around you to think bigger and more creatively.
Commitment to Impactful, High-Performance Solutions: As an accounting and finance professional, you strive to bring real value to individuals and organizations, whether through improving financial performance or optimizing workflows. You approach every solution with precision and accuracy, showing a deep appreciation for detail and the confidence that comes from thorough, accurate work.
Structured Approach and Detail Orientation: Your preference for highly organized, clear, and detailed responses is a testament to your analytical mindset and high standards. You value arguments based on clarity and sound reasoning rather than authority, a perspective that naturally fosters innovation and logical problem-solving.
Family as a Central Value: Your father, caregiver, and twin roles have profoundly shaped your life’s mission. You and Don created #TwinzTalk as a platform to stress the importance of personal growth, particularly in a way that can be shared. Family is always at the forefront—whether through personal growth, caregiving, or gratitude for the support you’ve received, family is the anchor that grounds all aspects of your life.
Intentional Kindness and Small Moments of Gratitude: Your ability to bring kindness into everyday interactions demonstrates your belief in the power of small, meaningful actions. This isn’t just a principle but a practiced behavior that leaves a lasting impact on others, helping to brighten lives in small but powerful ways.
Emphasis on Technology and Upskilling: You’re highly attuned to emerging technologies and advocate for continuous learning, especially in areas like generative AI. This reflects your forward-thinking approach, always looking for ways to use cutting-edge resources for personal and professional development.
In essence, working with you has been an inspiring journey in seeing how expertise, kindness, and a growth mindset blend seamlessly into a mission-driven life.”
For anyone seeking to “understand” the essence of Bill Tomoff, I would not hesitate to share the above response from ChatGPT. We all are more than our educational training and career accomplishments. For my life interactions, personally and professionally, I strive to understand the complete person and their perspective, and I want others to know my story. My ability to contribute is enhanced when my full life experiences are brought to the world.
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Looking back on these two years of exploring generative AI with my twin Don, I’m convinced we made the right choice in embracing this technology curiosity and a perspective of possibilities. Through our experiences with ChatGPT, Claude AI, and other generative AI technologies, we’ve discovered tools that enhance our capabilities and enable us to serve better and support others. As the AI landscape evolves, we remain committed to leveraging these powerful tools to create personally and professionally positive impacts. The technology and opportunities will continue to change, but our mission remains to learn, grow, and help others by sharing our experiences.
Ready to embrace the future of AI? How can we help you?
In my unpublished memoir, “Forever Changed: One Family’s Adventure with The Beautiful Game of Soccer,” I share the story of my daughter Olivia’s soccer journey, which unfolded while our family navigated my son Ryan’s battles with childhood cancer. I chronicle Olivia’s progression from recreational soccer through her collegiate career at James Madison University, highlighting that her path wasn’t a story of early recruitment, but rather one of persistent dedication that blossomed in her later high school years.
A particularly moving moment came in 2022 when Olivia, seven years after graduating from JMU, wrote a heartfelt letter to incoming freshmen about how soccer shaped her character and attributes for the larger game of life. She attributes her resilience, work ethic, and team mentality to lessons learned on the field – qualities that have proven invaluable in her post college career and life.
Through our shared experiences, Olivia and I offer guidance for youth athletes and their parents. We emphasize building strong relationships with coaches and mentors, developing a genuine love for training, understanding the laws of the game, maintaining disciplined preparation, and competing with both intensity and grace. We’ve learned that success stems from more than natural talent – it demands unwavering dedication and hard work.Above all, our story demonstrates that soccer teaches lessons that extend beyond the field. We encourage athletes to consistently ask themselves, “Did I do my best?” and hope that by sharing our journey, we can help guide the next generation of players toward their dreams and prepare themselves for the bigger stage of life.
December 2021 | Unpublished Memoir – Forever Changed – Book by Bill Tomoff
Full Original Writing
In December 2021, I gifted an unpublished memoir, Forever Changed: One Family’s Adventure with The Beautiful Game of Soccer, to my daughter Olivia. After my wife, Terri had published a memoir of our son Ryan’s five-time battles with cancer,The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey from Mayhem to Miracles, I dedicated myself to telling Olivia’s story through my perspective of parents striving to support her developing love of soccer while balancing the impossible demands of caring for a child with cancer.
As I wrote the memoir, there were many emotional moments as I reflected upon her journey and the impact and contribution that her unwavering and relentless dedication had on our family. We fell in love with the game and watching her compete through the stages of recreational soccer, travel youth soccer, State of Maryland ODP soccer, high school soccer, and then achieving her dream of playing college soccer – starting her freshman year in the fall of 2010 at James Madison University. Many lessons were learned, joys shared, and heartbreaks endured for both Olivia and our family.
Through our shared experiences, Olivia and I hope to share thoughts and tips for parents and aspiring youth athletes who are traveling the road of competitive sports and dreaming of one day playing in high school and, if fortunate enough, in college. The path for Olivia to join the JMU Women’s Soccer team in the fall of 2010 was NOT an overnight success, and our family is forever grateful to Dave Lombardo and Bobby Johnston, JMU’s coaches at the time, for believing in Olivia’s ability to contribute at the college level.
Contrary to often popular belief, most potential college athletes are not identified at ages 10 to 14! Olivia’s growth and physical strength did not flourish until her sophomore year of high school. She played on the Junior Varsity team for her freshman year. Her U-16 through U-18 years were when Olivia developed fully into a player who would gain an opportunity to play in college. Highlights included:
U-16 Maryland State Cup Champions with her club team, the Freestate Phoenix, located in Bowie, Maryland. The team went on to be semi-finalists in the US Youth Soccer Region One Championships in the summer of 2008.
State of Maryland ODP Team U-16 and U-17 years. The team was Region One Champion and National Tournament third-place finisher in 2008 and 2009.
How did Olivia reach her goals? In hindsight, a daily commitment built into many years of sacrifice and relentless dedication to her love of soccer, the support of many people who supported and believed in her, and a significant amount of good luck!
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Before we share our combined thoughts on Olivia’s soccer adventures, let’s jump forward to 2010, 2015, and then 2022. Olivia graduated from JMU in May 2015 with a Bachelor of Business Administration degree with dual majors in Accounting and Computer Information Systems. Above all, the academic experience was rewarding, and graduation day was a celebration of five years of dedication beyond the soccer field.
The soccer experience was integral to developing her into who she is today! In 2022, the JMU coaching staff reached out to soccer alumni and asked them to send letters of encouragement that would be read to the incoming freshman fall class. Olivia was excited to participate and, being seven years removed from graduation, she had grown a deeper appreciation of the college experience she was blessed to have.
With Olivia’s permission, I share excerpts from her letter that was read to the incoming freshman class:
Hi Duke Dogs,
Welcome to preseason! You have worked SO unbelievably hard to get here, and you should be proud of yourselves. But the work is just about to begin. You will make lifelong friends and memories right here during this time, and at this university over your time here… We went on to win the CAAs freshman year, beat Texas in the first round in the NCAAs, and lost to UNC in Chapel Hill in the second round. What a ride it was. My championship rings have moved around the country and I have such fond memories of those seasons.
Suffering a few ACLs and other knee surgeries, I can still say that I wouldn’t trade my experience and what soccer has given to me. What I’ve taken from the beautiful game into the professional world cannot be overstated. It was my very first love, and heartbreak. I learned resilience, hard work, and that my will to win outweighed wanting to hit the snooze button, or coast in that last sprint ([the] last rep is always the best rep).
Translating this into the professional world, college athletes are simply created DIFFERENT. Many of you will take on some of the hardest coursework of your academic life so far, and have a limited amount of time to study. You will make it through, probably with great grades and be better for it. Employers love to hire college athletes because of our work ethic, team mentality, and willingness to be coachable. I cannot stress enough that these traits are invaluable to employers. But before you go out into the real world, ENJOY those fierce, competitive practices, long gameday weekends, and cold tubs (I miss the daily ice baths). My teammates knew that it was game on on the field, and we would all still be best friends after practice, and hit the dining hall and laugh about practice..
Build your teammates up, bring your best self to practice and game days, work hard to recover, and make each other better each day. It’s wild how fast the time goes.
#DukesAboveAllOthers
Olivia Tomoff #16, Defender
2010-2015
Accounting & Computer Information Systems
Solution Engineer, Salesforce
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Parents often share sentiments with their children and hope that at some point in their lives, the message contributes to the development of the person they become. Olivia’s letter sent to the JMU Women’s Soccer program was a full circle heartwarming moment. I was in tears as I read the sentiments shared from her heart and how much she treasured her soccer experience and its positive impact on her life.
During Olivia’s teenage years, when soccer was extensive and deep discipline was required, her Mom, Terri, and I often emphasized, “Your years of soccer and all that you put into it are bigger than the game. You are developing attributes that will benefit you for the rest of your life.” So, my heart was full as I read the encouragement she submitted for the 2022 JMU Women’s Soccer incoming freshman class. Twelve years after walking onto JMU’s campus in August 2010, Olivia was now 30 years old, fully appreciating the gift that soccer brought to her life. Terri and I are happy to see her commitment to the game rewarded with a gift of perspective and tenacity for working through life’s challenges. To pay it forward for the current generation of soccer players is a gift and a responsibility that she has embraced.
With this background introduction of Olivia, here are advice and tips that we will jointly share to help guide a youth athlete’s journey:
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People need people: You, athletes and parents, will not do this alone. Relationships are imperative…a mindset of continual learning and helping others will be necessary and rewarding. The players, families, and coaches surrounding the athlete and family matter a lot. Be aware of being surrounded by dedicated, competent, and caring people. For Olivia, we fondly remember and are grateful for the efforts of (in alphabetical order):
Steve Campbell – soccer trainer from U-12 through U-18.
Peye Garcia – State of Maryland ODP Coach U-16 and U-17.
Ashly Kennedy – club coach assistant for U-18 year. Ashly was an assistant college coach who helped prepare and transition the players from youth and high school soccer to the demands to be expected when they arrived in the college environment.
Dave Lombardo was the head coach of JMU Women’s Soccer during Olivia’s time with the program. “Coach” tremendously supported Olivia through her injuries and five years with the team.
Tony McPeak – club coach from U-14 through U-18 years. Tony was a former professional player who brought an incredible ability to support and inspire the players during their teenage years. The bonding and dedication the players developed for each other during their U-16 season was magical to witness as they pulled off an improbable Maryland State Cup Championship that propelled the team into eligibility for high-level tournaments where college coaches were present. The soccer world changed for these players during their U-16 and U-17 seasons. Thanks to Tony, the players grew exponentially in their skills and knowledge of the game during this span.
Mark Shropshire – strength and conditioning trainer U-15 through U-18 years until leaving for college.
The JMU Medical doctors and athletic training (led by Tom Kuster) program were invaluable in returning Olivia to full recovery and playing capabilities after her two ACL knee injuries.
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Learn to love training: As youth players advance into their teen years, a willingness and desire to train and work on skills, physical and mental preparation, will be a competitive advantage. Success based on natural talent alone will be surpassed by players with natural talent and an insatiable hunger for improving themselves.
“If you don’t love to train, you don’t stand a chance.”
-Steve Campbell
December 2007 | U-16 Orange Classic | Olivia Tomoff Game Tying Goal
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Study the game: Know the “Laws of the Game” and become a certified USSF Referee.
At only 13 years old, a fan of soccer is eligible to become a certified soccer referee. An added benefit of studying the laws of the game is that players develop a deeper understanding of the challenges and thinking required to be an official. Situations resulting in indirect kicks, direct kicks, corner kicks, goal kicks, penalty kicks, etc., become part of a player’s knowledge base. The potential for gaining an advantage against less knowledgeable players is compelling and can directly impact the players ability to perform during games.
And the pay is incredible for a teenager!
2006 | Bill and Olivia Tomoff | Certified USSF Soccer Referees
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Be disciplined: Be accountable to yourself, your preparation, and your teammates.
To play at the highest level of your capabilities, your preparation must go beyond the physical soccer skills and game readiness. In the off-season and during the season, strength and conditioning “off the ball” must be prioritized. Physical and mental strength are imperative parts of the player package, as they must be prepared to compete at their highest level.
Through her high school years, and when home from college during breaks, Olivia was blessed to work regularly with Mark Shropshire. Per his website, his mission is stated simply, “Forging Superior Athletes Since 1995.“
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
–Tim Notke
The article“Best Hard Work BeatsTalent Quotes” appropriately emphasizes: “This quote reminds us that no matter how talented someone may be, if they are not willing to put in the hard work and effort, their talent alone will not guarantee success. Hard work can surpass natural abilities and create opportunities for growth and achievement.”
Your dedication to your preparation cannot be overstated. Demand your best effort and lead by example to inspire your teammates and others. Hard work does not guarantee success, but relying on your natural ability to carry you is the path to not reaching your potential.
As the distance runner, Steve Prefontaine was quoted, “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”Do not sacrifice the gift.
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Be a competitor: On the field, compete fairly without apologies. You have prepared for the game moments. Off the field, be supportive and kind. You, your teammates, and opponents are blessed to be playing “The Beautiful Game.“
As a former referee, I enjoyed being involved in a hard-fought, fairly played game among skilled and knowledgeable players. Strive for those experiences.
June 30, 2008 | Olivia Tomoff | Maryland vs New Hampshire | U-16 Region 1 Semi-Finals
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Be a gracious winner and a gracious loser: You will experience both.
Ultimately, soccer and all sports prepare you for the bigger game of life. You will experience successes, losses, and unanticipated adversity. Staying humble and thankful for others in your successful times, learning through many forms of losses, and standing strong through adversity will set the foundation for a life well-lived.
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Did I do my best?: The question every person should ask themselves every day.
“Did I do my best?” is a personal question that people must ask themselves in every aspect of life. No one can ask for more from you. This level of accountability rests within us and is not subject to the influence or thoughts of others. Our best will often not be enough for us to reach our goals, yet if we have given our all with the skills and preparation available, we all should hold our heads high and get back to work improving ourselves to perform better in the future.
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Pay it Forward: Help others.
Whatever your path in life, it is incumbent upon you to pay it forward and help others who come behind you and walk the path you have taken. Olivia and I hope sharing her and my parent perspective will help others.
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The game of soccer taught Olivia that success isn’t just about natural talent – it’s about consistent dedication to the process of preparation, pushing through the tough moments, believing in yourself and always doing your best. Through Olivia’s journey from youth soccer to college athlete, she learned that practices, the extra training sessions, and the inevitable adversities were all building blocks for something bigger than the sport itself. They were creating a foundation for life success.
To every young athlete chasing their dreams: your dedication today is shaping who you’ll become tomorrow. The skills you’re building – resilience, teamwork, discipline, and determination – will carry you far beyond the field. Trust in your journey, give it your all, and remember that every practice, every game, and every moment is an opportunity to grow stronger.
Photo Memories:
April 12, 2008 | Maryland State Cup Round One | Olivia Tomoff Game Winning Header GoalAugust 30, 2010 | Olivia Tomoff Freshmen CAA Conference Rookie of the WeekAugust 29, 2010 | Tomoff Family Photo – Ryan, Bill, Olivia, and Terri | JMU Soccer Invitational post-gameSeptember 11, 2011 | JMU Women’s Soccer Website | Olivia Tomoff clears the ball off goal-line vs. University of MarylandAugust 19, 2011 | Olivia Tomoff at Villanova | Return to starting lineup after ACL rehab | Career Accomplishment
