In my blog post on micro-kindness, I referenced the belief that the “presence” we bring to others is a subtle yet potentially powerful form of kindness.
“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”
When I autograph copies of Terri Tomoff’s book The Focused Fight, the quote above is one I share and always hold close. Carrying this thought with me changes how I interact with the world. Starting in October 1996, our family’s experience with our son Ryan’s cancer challenges has profoundly shaped us over the last 28 years.
Witnessing a child fighting a battle for their life will tear anyone wide open. Our family has learned the adage, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is a point to be serious about. My twin Don and I have encouraged throughout our lives and careers that “We take what we do seriously, but we do not take ourselves seriously.“
This leads me to the presence in our lives: Living a gentler lifestyle, not taking ourselves too seriously, and bringing positive energy to interactions while shining the light on others can create an atmosphere that lifts others. What is not to like about these types of people?
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Enter the game of Pickleball.
In the summer of 2023, Ryan encouraged Terri to join him in a community pickleball social at the Crofton Swim and Tennis Club. Thanks to Ryan, the pickleball bug quickly caught on with Terri and me. In March 2024, Ryan joined the indoor club The PutAway, and Terri and I officially became members in November 2024. We are excited to play and share the love of the game with Ryan and our opportunities to play together and share conversations about techniques, strategies, and skills development.
An unanticipated benefit of playing at The PutAway has been the community of players who share our love of the game. We look forward to the conversations, fun times, and exercise!
The pickleball community and regular sessions have allowed me to embrace the experience in my style, which I love – cheering and celebrating others along the way while enjoying healthy competition. A few of my beliefs:
- An “ordinary day” is a blessing and a tremendous gift. When playing pickleball, I appreciate the health and skills that allow me to participate.
- I like to win, but even more so, I like to play against players who are more skilled than me. This means I often lose (a lot)! However, win or lose, I am constantly learning and striving to understand the game’s nuances to become more competitive over the long haul.
- I like to employ self-deprecation to put others at ease and have fun. When we can laugh at ourselves and admit our weaknesses, others are more receptive to having fun and not being too serious.
- I strive to present a light-hearted and positive mindset that celebrates the good play of others. A favorite quote: “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.“
Over the past two days, I have had interactions that made my day and affirmed that my style is a rewarding form of kindness—even if I may not be aware of it. I trust that our impact on others is often far beyond what we know; thus, my emphasis on our presence in the world is important! Two interactions that brightened my days:
- While walking to a court to join a group for a game, a woman commented, “You always have a smile on your face.” I was delighted that she took a moment to share this with me. Life will be challenging sometimes, and a positive attitude is not always realistic. But playing pickleball and having fun sharing my love of the sport with my family and others is a reason to smile!
- I played three games against a couple who were strong players – losing 11-3, 11-4, and winning one 11-7. I played with Terri in the winning game; it was the best game we have ever played together! I was shocked that we pulled out a victory. In all three games, we all had fun, and I was learning. One player commented when we left the court after the final match, “I like your attitude and energy. This (playing with you) has been fun.”
The game of pickleball has given me more than just exercise and entertainment—it has joined us with a community to continue our theme of a gentle presence and micro-kindness potential to ripple into the world. Celebrating an opponent’s play or encouraging others reminds me that our presence can ripple outward in ways we may never know. Through life’s challenges and the joys of everyday connections, I’ve learned that bringing light to others ultimately brightens our path. Life isn’t always about winning—it’s about showing up with an open heart, celebrating others, and finding joy in the journey. And what I hope to practice and enjoy in the game of pickleball!
