Looking to enhance your life and find greater fulfillment in 2025? Celebrate and appreciate others, and volunteer and support a charity doing meaningful work that matters to you!
Today, January 2, 2025, I take a moment to celebrate and thank Jan Bresch and Judy Martin Russell for their recent retirement (1) from Special Love.Special Love is a charity that “provides a strong, nurturing environment for children with cancer and their families.”
Jan has been the Executive Director for the past 6 and 1/2 years (from July 2018), leading the organization through the uncertain times of the COVID-19 pandemic. She built an incredible team dedicated to the needs of the children and families they serve and successfully contributed to fundraising and strengthening the financial foundation. She helped position the organization for the future.
Judy has served as the financial administrator for almost 19 years! Behind the scenes (as a career accounting and business professional, I know this aspect too well), she “did the work” of keeping the financial records accurate and timely. Judy was often a smiling and cheerful volunteer at the events. Our family and I could always count on her upbeat and positive outlook on life.
My family has been blessed to have Special Love in our lives since the fall of 1997, after our (Terri Tomoff and me) son, Ryan, was diagnosed with childhood cancer on October 17, 1996. Camp Fantastic is the cornerstone program for patients that Ryan attended for eleven consecutive years, from ages 7 to 17, and has subsequently been a long-time volunteer counselor. Our daughter, Olivia, attended the weeklong camp for siblings (BRASS Camp) and served as a counselor. Since 2018, I have had the privilege and honor of serving on the board of directors.
The organization, its caring and dedicated staff, and volunteers have been a lifeline of support for countless families. For our family story, please read my blog post, “The Magic of Special Love.”
Jan and Judy, THANK YOU for all your efforts and the care you provided daily. You were dedicated to your work and showed genuine care to the families you interacted with. Speaking from a parent’s perspective who knows firsthand the impact on the children and families Special Love serves, to being a board member understanding the challenges of executing the mission, I am humbled and grateful for your work and compassion for the cause. The world needs more of your examples!
December 8, 2024 | Ryan and Bill Tomoff with Special Love’s Judy Martin Russell
I wish you both the very best as you graduate (thank you, Roger Federer) and move into the next chapter of your lives!
(1) I discourage the use of the word “retirement.” As tennis legend Roger Federer noted in a 2024 Commencement Address at Dartmouth College, he considers that he graduated to the next chapter of his life when he left professional tennis in 2022. Check out this specific bookmarked clip (starts at 4 minutes 40 seconds).
November 21, 2024 | Jan Bresch and Judy Martin Russell with Bill Tomoff
As the year 2024 is coming to a close, I am excited to be working on my 100th blog post since establishing my website and blog in 2017. I have chosen a fitting topic for my 100th post: Gratitude.
I am dedicated to adopting an attitude of gratitude and expressing appreciation for the good in my life. At this stage of my life (66 years old), I often reflect on and savor the life I have been blessed with. While persistent dedication, continual learning, hard work, a mindset of abundance and possibility, and luck are all imperative components of any success, the overall theme that stands out is the importance of quality, caring people in our lives.
If we pause and reflect, everything that happens to us is the result of someone:
Teaching and mentoring.
Giving an opportunity.
Supporting and caring for your well-being.
Being kind and generous.
When our (Terri Tomoff and me) daughter, Olivia, graduated from James Madison University, she prioritized time in the final months of her senior year to handwrite notes to people who had a memorable role in her growth and development from early childhood through college. On graduation day in May 2015, she mailed 50+ thank-you notes that included family, teachers, soccer coaches, and community support that touched her over many years. Her effort inspired me, and she taught me and her a lesson about expressing sincere appreciation for others who help us in our path of life.
Through our family’s challenges with our son, Ryan, cancer battles since 1996, we learned acutely the fact that people need people. The people who came into our lives and have selflessly supported us in countless ways resonated, over the years, with us to the core. We have been profoundly changed and now experience ever-present gratitude for the people in our lives.
In October 2024, I completed a book by A.J. Jacobs, Thanks A Thousand: A Journey of Gratitude, about his efforts to thank everyone involved in making his morning cup of coffee a reality. As explained on the book back cover:
“In hopes of restoring my sanity in these troubling times, I recently undertook a quest:
I pledged to thank every single person who had a role (however small) in making my morning cup of coffee possible.
I wanted to show how life-changing gratitude can be. So I thanked the barista, the lid designer, the South American farmer, the trucker who hauled the coffee, the folks who paved the road for the trucker, the people who painted the stripes on the highways so the truck didn’t veer into traffic. It turned out to be a surprisingly huge number of people. My gratitude quest has taken me across time zones and up and down the social ladder. It made me feel delight, wonder, guilt, and a whole bunch of caffeine jitters. It taught me the secrets to practicing gratitude, and how it can transform anyone’s perspective.”
I highly recommend this book and hope you find it as inspiring as I do!
Bill Tomoff | Thanks A Thousand: Who Can You Thank?
As we turn the page on another year and head into 2025, I am taking inspiration from Olivia and A.J. Jacobs. I will be undertaking a more intentional lifelong effort to thank the countless people who have helped shape me and my life’s journey. I am going beyond coffee and asking myself, “Who has played a role in the many aspects of my life span from childhood through school, personal and professional years?” Then, who can I thank in person and/or via a handwritten note? This project is undoubtedly an audacious goal, yet I will chip away one person at a time.
A.J. Jacobs | My journey to thank all the people responsible for my morning coffee
I am energized to begin this gratitude journey. My mission to thank those who’ve shaped my life feels daunting yet deeply meaningful. I cannot predict how long this endeavor will take, but each thank you will strengthen the connections that make life rich, and the journey will enhance my life fulfillment. Who can you thank today? The ripple effect of expressed gratitude might change someone’s life—including yours.
December 15, 2024 | Bill Tomoff Book Recommendation “Thanks A Thousand”
In this post, I reflect on my year-long journey of daily intentional reviews, a practice I started on October 10, 2023. I’ve noticed a significant enhancement in my life appreciation by documenting five key areas daily. One area highlights helping others and shining a light on goodness. I feel more attuned to positive experiences that might have previously gone unnoticed.
I share two recent heartwarming encounters from a family trip to Kentucky and Ohio. The first occurred at KOI Express in Frankfort, Kentucky, where exceptional customer service prompted me to send a thank-you note. The second was at Home2 Suites By Hilton in Grove City, Ohio, where I acknowledged Bonnie, a breakfast attendant, for her outstanding efforts.
These experiences reinforce my belief in the power of recognizing and celebrating everyday kindness. By changing how we view life, we change our life itself. I encourage readers to prioritize daily acts of kindness and appreciation, emphasizing that even small gestures can create a ripple effect of positivity in the world. Who will you thank or lift up today?
Full Original Writing
Excellence and kindness. Help others and shine the light on the good in our world!
“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”
-Desmond Tutu
In a January 28, 2024, blog post, “Cultivating Contentment: The Potential of Intentional Daily Reviews,” I wrote about my initiative of prioritizing time each day to complete a handwritten index card where I intentionally reflected on five areas where I wanted to ensure I contemplated during my daily activities. Reflecting briefly and documenting with a pen and index card helped me internalize my day, appreciate it, and leave a brief trail of highlights. On October 10, 2024, I will celebrate one year of this daily process!
Because of my deliberate effort to highlight thoughts daily, I have noticed that my life is enhanced because I am actively working on appreciating each day and taking in experiences that in the past might have “slipped by me” in the rush of the day. My five areas, as shared in the blog post above, are:
Win
Gratitude
Stress or Tension
Help Others/Shine the Light
Activity/Personal Development
In this post, I will share two recent heartwarming experiences that fall under the category “Help Others/Shine the Light.” Inspired by Daniel Burns (KindLoook), Bruce Kasanoff (Help this person…), and Leanne Gordon (Thank you for…), I gain joy and fulfillment in approaching each day dedicated to looking for the good in humankind. I strive to participate in, recognize, and celebrate the kindness that essentially goes unappreciated as many of us rush through our days and only stop to acknowledge when experiences are unfavorable. One moment, one interaction, one note at a time, I will prioritize the time to appreciate and acknowledge others. While I cannot change the world, I might change someone’s day for the better. And for sure, I am changing my day and life! If we changethe lens of how we view life, we change our life.
Recently, we took a family trip to Frankfort, Louisville, and Grove City, Ohio. We visited bourbon distilleries in Kentucky and then attended a family wedding in Ohio! It was an active and fun-filled six days. While I did no formal writing each day, I always looked for people bringing good to the world. The process of being aware of moments of kindness brings me joy.
September 25, 2024 | Mark and Linda Misencik with Terri, Bill and Ryan Tomoff | Buffalo Trace DistillerySeptember 26, 2024 | Ryan Tomoff at Glenns Creek Distilling
How we conduct ourselves in daily interactions can have a positive ripple effect on others. Whether they acknowledge it or not, people treasure being seen and appreciated. We all have the power to make this happen for others. The trip resulted in many feel-good moments, and two notable experiences prompted me to send notes of appreciation:
**
Tuesday, September 24, 2024 | Dinner at KOI Express in Frankfort, Kentucky
Shortly after we checked into our hotel, my wife Terri, son Ryan, and I went to a nearby restaurant for hibachi and sushi. After a long day of travel (550 miles), we ended with a delightful time shared at KOI Express. While we thoroughly enjoyed the meal, the customer service experience was heartwarming and made our day! Moments like these deserve recognition. We sent the following note after we returned home:
“To staff at KOI Express,
On Monday, September 24th (about 7:00 PM), our family of three stopped in for a sit-down dinner.
Our service, from start to finish, was excellent. We wanted to express our sincere appreciation!
From the smile and patience in taking our order, taking the initiative to correct a mistake on the bill (we did not notice), bringing us our meals – delicious – and assisting with our clean-up, your service was inspiring!
Thank you, The Tomoff Family
PS – and your Dept. of Health assessment posted – 100%! #WellDone”
[If you are ever in Frankfort, check out the KOI Express location at 101 Jett Boulevard, Suite 500]
September 24, 2024 | KOI Express in Frankfort, Kentucky
**
Friday, September 27th to Sunday, September 29, 2024 | Morning Breakfast at Home2 Suites By Hilton in Grove City, Ohio
We had a wonderful time celebrating Taylor and Nate Kocan’s wedding in Grove City. Our accommodations at the Home2 Suites by Hilton were perfect! The morning breakfast routine was an excellent highlight (I love my morning quiet time). During the three mornings, I noted an employee taking great care in making sure the breakfast options were monitored and kept plentiful. She frequently cleared dishes and cleaned tables. With no fanfare, she set an incredible example of caring about her job and providing the best breakfast experience for the hotel guests.
On the second morning, I approached the employee and expressed my appreciation for her efforts. She was a bit surprised yet grateful for my comments. She felt good, and I felt good. All I had to do was get over a bit of discomfort in approaching her. We talked again on the third morning, and I learned her name was Bonnie. She was gracious and kind.
I sent the following note after returning home:
“Dear Bonnie,
Thank you for your incredible service (along with your team) in providing the morning breakfast during our recent stay (9/26 – 9/29/2024) at the Home2 Suites By Hilton!
Your attention to detail, maintenance of the breakfast area, and kind, helpful personality were a delight to observe. You all are appreciated—keep up the great work!
Much gratitude, The Tomoff Family”
September 27, 2024 | Home2 Suites By Hilton | Grove City, Ohio
“Always look for the helpers. There will always be helpers.”
—Advice from Mr. Rogers’s Mother
“If you look for the helpers, you’ll know that there’s hope.”
–Mr. Rogers
Over my life, I have found my dearest friendships and connections, and the people I admire most are those who genuinely care and lean into their life experiences and skills to help others. This is the tribe that Terri and I adore being surrounded by. The same theme applies to the work that Don and I do with Invenio Advisors and our #TwinzTalk initiative.
Last night, August 21, 2024, Terri and I had the privilege of attending the virtual book launch celebration for Erica Neubert Campbell‘s “The Mastectomy I Always Wanted.” The book was released on August 20th and is available on Amazon!
We ALL have talents and life experiences that make it possible for us to contribute to others. We can choose to care and be a helper.
Erica has the experience of losing her mother to breast cancer and is a breast cancer survivor. She is on a lifelong mission to help others who are faced with traveling the road of breast cancer. As Erica noted, [paraphrasing] “Cancer is a club no one wants to belong to, yet if needed, the club includes caring and compassionate people dedicated to helping each other.” She has dedicated her life’s work to helping others fighting cancer (a long-time Special Love board member and camp volunteer, and now Executive Director for the Pinky Swear Foundation, helping families fighting the financial strains of childhood cancer) and now courageously shares her firsthand battle with breast cancer, determined to help others become more empowered in their journey and find hope for moving forward.
Terri and I have known Erica for over 20 years. She is kind, determined, and relentlessly focused on helping others. Read her book and consider a friend taking your hand during difficult times, listening, helping, and letting you know you are not alone. You are not alone. On her website, Erica notes:
“As a woman dedicated to my work and family, I’m normally quite private. Yet, my vision is to help women and caregivers facing a mastectomy to be confident in their choices, free from fear, and see a better future.“
This resonates deeply with me. When our son, Ryan, was diagnosed with childhood cancer (leukemia) in 1996, Ryan, Terri, daughter Olivia, and I were thrown into the cancer community. I also lean toward being more private, but I joined Terri in our now lifelong commitment to helping others who are enduring the path of childhood cancer. Our determination is fierce, and we applaud and thank Erica for the help and hope she is bringing to others by sharing her story!
In March 2021, Terri publishedThe Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, with the unstoppable mission of “Helping one person, one family, at a time.” Erica, in her unique way of articulating meaningful thoughts, shared this beautiful, heartfelt quote that is included in the book:
“In a tough situation, few people wake up every morning and say, ‘I’m going to be resilient today.’ Most people under extreme stress wake up with heavy hearts but with a small quiet voice that tells them never to give up. Resilience is listening to that small inner voice and finding people and organizations to help you slowly turn up the volume.”
Upon completing Erica’s book, I paused and reflected with gratitude on her willingness to document and share her story to help others. On the resources page of her website, she shares many quotes that have inspired her. I leave you with two to consider:
“What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?
-George Eliot
“Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through. You won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm is all about.”
-Haruki Murakami
Call to action… many of us have been, or will be, touched by cancer. “The Mastectomy I Always Wanted” takes you through one person’s journey, sharing the physical and innermost mental challenges experienced. Erica shares her reality and provides actionable thoughts and tips, such as how she shared her news (“I Hate Telling You This in an Email“), “Erica Health FAQs,” and “Top Ten Tips to Prepare for a Mastectomy.” While she writes from the perspective of her experience with breast cancer, the book’s reach will benefit anyone touched by cancer. Please do yourself a favor: buy this book, read, share, and discuss it with those in your life who may benefit. Please.
Erica, congratulations on publishing your book! Thank you for the help and hope you are bringing and are going to bring to so many breast cancer patients, caregivers, medical personnel, family, and friends. Your book is a critically important resource, spoken with vulnerability and courage from your heart. Thank you!
August 13, 2019 – TwinzTalk Bill and Don Tomoff at Special Love Camp Fantastic with Erica CampbellSweatpants and Coffee Image – Sharing Your Story Helps OthersAugust 23, 2024 – Terri and Bill Tomoff with book The Mastectomy I Always Wanted
While reflecting and working on this post, I decided to collaborate with ChatGPT and ask for input on my assessment of the extreme potential that gratitude can bring to our lives. My prompt and [edited] response received were as follows:
Prompt:
I am writing a blog post about gratitude. The opening sentence is, “A lens of gratitude changes everything.”
I believe having a gratitude mindset is the foundational base for living a life of contentment and happiness. If we are grateful, we live life with a “gentler” outlook on life, and thus, we lean toward kindness to ourselves and interactions with others. This creates a rippling cycle of positivity that can change our life experience.
You are an expert psychologist. Would you agree with my assessment?
Response:
Bill T note: ChatGPT agreed with my assessment, and I asked for further insight and suggestions. The edited result is below.
A lens of gratitude changes everything.
I believe having a gratitude mindset is the foundational base for living a life of contentment and happiness. If we are grateful, we live life with a “gentler” outlook on life, and thus, we lean toward kindness to ourselves and interactions with others. This creates a rippling cycle of positivity that can change our life experience.
The Science of Gratitude
Research in positive psychology has consistently shown that practicing gratitude can significantly enhance well-being and satisfaction with life. Grateful individuals often experience positive emotions, relish good experiences, and enjoy better health and relationships. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what we have, fostering a sense of abundance and reducing stress and anxiety.
A Gentler Outlook
Gratitude encourages a gentler outlook by promoting self-compassion and acceptance. When we acknowledge and appreciate the good in our lives, we become more forgiving and understanding of our own imperfections and those of others. This gentleness nurtures our mental health and creates a foundation for lasting happiness.
Kindness and Positivity
Gratitude also inspires kindness. When we feel grateful, we are more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors, such as helping others and expressing appreciation. These acts of kindness benefit those around us and enhance our sense of joy and fulfillment. This creates a positive feedback loop: gratitude leads to kindness and reinforces gratitude, amplifying the benefits for everyone involved.
The Ripple Effect
The impact of gratitude extends beyond individual experiences. Positive emotions and behaviors can spread through our social networks, influencing friends, family, and strangers. This ripple effect creates an environment of collective well-being where gratitude can inspire widespread positivity and connection.
Practical Ways to Cultivate Gratitude
Daily Reflection: Take a few moments each day to reflect on what you are grateful for. This can be done through journaling or simply pausing to appreciate the good things in your life.
Express Appreciation: Make it a habit to express gratitude to others. A simple thank you, or a heartfelt note can go a long way in strengthening relationships and spreading positivity.
Mindfulness Practice: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Mindfulness helps us stay present and aware, making it easier to notice and appreciate the small joys in life.
Gratitude Rituals: Establish rituals that remind you to practice gratitude. This could be a gratitude jar where you write down things you’re thankful for or a gratitude walk where you focus on the beauty around you.
Encouragement
Embracing gratitude is a powerful choice that can transform your life. By fostering a mindset of appreciation, you cultivate a deeper sense of contentment and happiness. Remember, the journey of gratitude is ongoing, and every small step you take contributes to a more positive and fulfilling life. Start today, and watch as gratitude changes everything.
Full Original Writing
A lens of gratitude changes everything.
An aspect of my daily journaling includes prioritizing five minutes to reflect on my day and handwrite on an index card [at least] one comment in each of these areas:
Win
Gratitude
Stress/Tension
Help Others/Shine the Light
Activity/Development
The process has helped me be more intentional and aware of how I conduct myself throughout the day. Here, I will reference five articles that have inspired me to encourage more gratitude.
In each article, thoughts resonated that remind me to strive to be gentler with myself and others and grateful for the gifts in my life. Throughout our days, we have many opportunities to “flip the perspective” and be grateful vs. frustrated or inconvenienced. Here are a few examples that we all can relate to:
Moving along slowly in traffic other drivers take shortcuts and merge into the line you are waiting in. Remind yourself, “I am safely moving toward my destination and am helping others by allowing cars to merge into the line. I am grateful for a dependable car and the opportunity to help others, and I am confident others would give me the same kindness.“
Waiting in a long line at the grocery store. Reflect, “I am grateful that my family has the resources to purchase the food we need and the systems in place that make it possible for us to have the incredible convenience of a grocery store where we have access to an abundance of food choices when many people in the world do not have this blessing.“
Embrace the opportunity to contribute through simple micro-move actions such as picking up trash or safely returning a stray shopping cart to a corral. Consider, “I can help ease a path for others.
When we think outside our individual needs and turn our focus toward others, gratitude for our ability to help is enhanced. When we help, the lens through which we view life evolves us into a gentler and kinder presence. We are simply more pleasant to be around.
I encourage you to read the full articles linked here and watch the YouTube video by Rajesh Setty. Below are a few excerpts that will inspire you to read further.
Bruce Kasanoff, in “Help This Person,” encourages us every time we encounter another person to think: help this person. Bruce notes:
“Nothing else can so quickly supercharge your career and improve the quality of your life. And, yes, being genuinely helpful is the most substantive “self-promotion” possible.”
“By first thinking help this person, you will change the ways that others perceive you. There is no faster or more effective way to change your interactions and relationships. You will be viewed as a positive, constructive, helpful, and dependable person. People will think you are more perceptive, attentive, and understanding.”
Be considerate and appreciative of everyone you encounter. When we lift the spirits of others, a potential ripple effect can occur, and we feel good as well!
The following post by Dave Kerpen inspired this reflection about gratitude. Linda Misencik, a longtime friend (married to “the best dentist in the country” until he retired in 2018), read this post and sent it to me. Speaking of gratitude, I am thrilled Linda thought to send the article to me!
“When we are entitled, we think the world needs to go our way ‘just because’. When we are grateful, on the other hand, we appreciate the world around us no matter what, ‘just because’. I am grateful for so many things every day.”
This observation is incredible. When we believe events must go the way we want, that is an attitude of entitlement. Rather, understand that we don’t control external events. We control the reasoned choice of our mind (a critical aspect of Stoicism) and our response. When we embrace this understanding and are grateful for what we have, we move away from the perspective of entitlement.
The third and fourth posts to share are from Ryan Holiday‘s The Daily Stoic. I am a fan of Stoicism and look forward to the daily email (Monday through Friday) distribution. The two recent posts I encourage you to read:
“How we treat the little guy says a lot about us. How we treat the gate agent at the airline. How we treat the customer service representative. How we treat the waiter and the barista. This says a lot about us. Even when, perhaps especially when, they aren’t treating us well. Can we control our emotions? Can we contain our frustration? Can we remember that they are almost certainly having a hard time too? That no amount of yelling at someone making an hourly wage will make a plane appear or fix a stupid corporate policy?
We all have bad days…which means other people have bad days, too. We should strive to be patient. We should strive to understand.”
“There is also a debt that we have to pay back. Our ancestors are not all Union men. We live on stolen land. Our museums are filled with looted goods. Our progress came at great expense to the environment and to other species. Who made that device you’re holding? Who made that T-shirt you’re wearing?”
“Our ancestors were wonderful and they were terrible. We, their descendants all over the world, are indebted to them for both. We have to pay forward the good they did. We have to make right the wrongs they did. We don’t control what they did—to borrow from the dichotomy of control at the center of Stoicism—but we control what we do now, here in our own times. Doing better is up to us. This is what the virtue of justice demands. It’s what decency and duty demands of us.”
Two additional posts to share are a blog from Seth Godin and a YouTube video from Rajesh Setty:
“What Does The World Owe Us?” Seth notes this question comes from a perspective of entitlement. He encourages us to turn this question around and ask ourselves, “What do I owe the world?“
“On the other hand, “what do I owe the world?” opens the door for endless opportunity. When lots of people ask this question, the contributions add up, the connections are solidified and better is possible.
The best part is that waiting for the world to get things just right is exhausting and frustrating, while taking responsibility for what we might be able to contribute or lead can be energizing and fun.”
A regular practice of gratitude will change your perspective on life. We can all participate in making our world a better place. Micro-moves of intentionally contributing to others and our world at large can make a difference in ways unimagined. Just believe. One person, one action at a time, matters.
On January 23, 2024, on Facebook, I shared gratitude for Dr. Aziza Shad for her unparalleled care to our family and all patients and families under her care. I was inspired by a Susan Cain post titled Seven things my father taught me, by example. Her father was a doctor and the list of seven things he taught her was heartwarming and points we should all take to heart. Point number five immediately reminded me of Dr. Shad:
“If you happen to be a doctor, take care of your patients – really take care of them. Study medical journals after dinner, train the next generation of physicians (my father kept teaching until age 81), spend the extra hour to visit the bedside of your patients in the hospital. (Here’s a letter from one of those patients, which we found after my father passed away. He never showed us these things while he was alive.)”
Susan Cain Image – Patient Letter to her Doctor Father
The gratitude I shared in my Facebook share was:
“When I read Susan Cain’s post on Substack, this point, and the letter sent to Susan’s father, it inspired me to intentionally pause and be grateful for Doctor Aziza Shad.
Since 1996, Dr. Shad has been at our family’s side guiding and caring for Ryan Tomoff through his #ChildhoodCancer wars and beyond to monitoring the late effects of his treatments through the years.
The image above IS the essence of expertise, care, and compassion that Dr. Shad has brought to our family and every patient and family blessed to be a recipient of her care.
Please read Susan’s full Substack post and my wish is you can share your #gratitude with someone who made a forever impact in your life 🙏❤️.
Dr. Shad, thank you… the words shared by a patient, in Susan’s post, are beautiful. The Tomoff family carries these sentiments for you:
“How do I start, where do I begin to express my feeling of gratitude. appreciation to a [doctor] that has compassion, knowledge, and the kindest doctor… I had the pleasure to have in our lives.
Your caring, right from the heart, your kindness to always lead us in the right direction. We never thought to get a second opinion. Whatever you advised was good enough for us. BECAUSE YOU CARED, TRULY CARED….” “
Please prioritize 35 minutes to hear Dr. Shad’s perspective on treating her patients and their families. She cares deeply about all whom she is entrusted to care for. In the pediatric world, the child patient and the family must be considered to achieve the optimal outcome of curing a child. Aransas does a beautiful job guiding the conversation, and the entire podcast was an inspiring listen.
In the interview, Dr. Shad discusses why she chose pediatric cancer as a specialty, the founding of The Aslan Project dedicated to pediatric cancer in Ethiopia, and her mission to be accessible 24 hours per day, seven days a week! She is a godsend to our family. Listen in and be inspired – may we all approach our lives and careers to make the most meaningful difference we can.
In this introspective blog post, I reflect on the concept of one’s “body of work” – the unique collection of experiences, talents, and contributions that make up an individual’s life story. Inspired by the writings of Steven Pressfield and Seth Godin, who emphasize that we are all artists in our own lives, I encourage readers to recognize and embrace their personal growth, leadership, and positive impact on others as their own form of art.
I share my own journey of self-discovery, which began in June 2020 when I joined a writing community with my wife, Terri. Through daily writing, I gained clarity of thought and a deeper appreciation for the power of the written word. This led to the creation of four unpublished memoirs, each focusing on a different aspect of my life: my personal story, my daughter’s soccer career, my older brother’s profound impact, and my shared experiences with my twin brother.
My work encompasses various meaningful areas that have shaped my identity and the value I strive to bring to the world. These include my experiences as a competitive distance runner, my academic and professional achievements, my role as a family man and caregiver to my son (a five-time cancer survivor), my love of sports, my involvement in soccer and refereeing, my advocacy for childhood cancer, personal development, and kindness, as well as my engagement in social media and communities of practice.
I conclude the blog post with an invitation to readers to contemplate their own life experiences and recognize the unique talents and nuances that make up their individual stories. I encourage everyone to embrace their personal body of work and continue refining it throughout their lives, joining me on this shared adventure of self-discovery and growth.
Full Original Writing – Introduction to My Body of Work
What is your story? Everyone has a story… and we all develop a body of work that builds as we find our path through life. Our body of work grows and our life perspective and wisdom is the gift of our work. We all are artists creating our own unique art that cannot be replicated by another human.
“One of the major responsibilities of a person is to make that intellectual spark which you have received from heaven illuminate the world around you.”
—Chinese Wisdom
The opportunity I am embracing here is to share my interpretation of my body of work through my personal lens. This writing is inspired by reading The Daily Pressfield by Steven Pressfield and The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin. Steven and Seth emphasize that we all can be/are artists in our lives. I love this – we just need to recognize how we grow, lead, contribute, and help others, is our art, if we care enough to put our heart and soul into the work of being our best every day.
As you read the rest of this introduction, I encourage you to contemplate, “What is my body of work that is the art creating my life story?”
My life has evolved from being a fiercely independent, accomplishment-driven young man to a family man led by my life experiences to building and developing my talents so I can maximize helping others and leaving the world a better place for having been alive.
My adventure into deeper self-introspection started in June 2020 when I joined my wife, Terri, in a writing community. Over the past [almost] four years, we have grown to love the daily process of writing, the clarity the writing brings to our thoughts, and an appreciation of the gift of writing and the community of kind and caring people participating with us.
My efforts have resulted in four unpublished memoirs that I have completed. I have gained tremendous enjoyment from writing these memoirs and fulfillment knowing the thoughts, appreciation, and memories I ultimately leave for my family. The four memoirs have now made it possible to think about and more clearly articulate my body of work through the blessing of my 65-plus years of life,
The four unpublished memoirs completed, and one in process, include:
December 2020 – Living Life…Off The Track. My personal memoir.
December 2021 – Forever Changed: One Family’s Adventure with The Beautiful Game of Soccer. My memoir of our daughter Olivia’s 15-year soccer career.
January 2023 – “Million Dollar Al” and Beyond. My memoir of my older brother Alex and his profound impact on my life.
December 2023 – Double Vision: Seeing Life Through Twin Eyes. My memoir of my twin brother Don and our shared adventure in life.
TBD (in-process) 2024 – I Did My Best. I Cared: Reflections on Experiences, Lessons Learned, and Heartfelt Tips to Live a Fulfilling Life.
As I write at this point in time, the meaningful areas of my body of work are many. I hold each of these close to my heart. They have shaped who I am and the value I strive to bring to the world every day. The areas include:
Competitive distance runner
College academics
Career
Family
Caregiver, with Terri, for our five-time cancer survivor son Ryan.
Post-Traumatic Growth
Love of sports shared with family
Soccer and soccer referee
Advocate for childhood cancer
Advocate for personal development
Advocate for kindness
Social Media 2010 and forward
#TwinzTalk cofounder 2018
Philosophy of Stoicism since 2019
Communities of practice
What is your story? Contemplating your life experiences, you may realize, as I have, that there are many nuances to every person’s life. We are all unique and have talents within us that no one else owns. Embrace yours and continue refining your body of work for the rest of your life! Join me on this adventure.
Follow my writing as I expand in greater depth to highlight each area of my body of work. Thank you for reading!
I pause to reflect back on November 3, 2004, a day ingrained in our hearts as we nervously sat in Duke University Medical Center, awaiting the marrow donation that held the hope of a fresh lease of life for Ryan, battling Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.
The week of outpatient radiation Ryan endured, wiping out his immune system, only intensified the need for a successful transfusion, each passing moment fueling our prayers for the meticulous execution of the transplant.
Our beacon of hope was Scott Harris, whose altruistic act of marrow donation from miles away in New York was the cornerstone of Ryan’s fight for survival. His selfless act is a testament to the adage that humanity thrives in unity.
Rajesh Setty’s words, “Life-changing gifts deserve a lifetime of gratitude,” resonates deeply with our experiences, encapsulating the essence of thankfulness we foster each day for Scott and many others whose benevolence has been a guiding light in our journey.
The narrative within Terri’s memoir, “The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles,” not only chronicles our voyage through turbulent times but also advocates for the priceless act of marrow donation, urging the reader to explore and share the life-saving potential encapsulated in “Be The Match.”
Our narrative is a homage to the boundless generosity we’ve received and a call to action for others to partake in life-altering acts of kindness, fostering a continuum of hope and lifesaving camaraderie.
Full Reflection (Written November 3, 2023)
“Life-changing gifts deserve a lifetime of gratitude.” – Rajesh Setty
November 3, 2004. Nineteen years ago today, my family and I were in Durham, NC, at Duke University Medical Center. Terri Tomoff and my son, sister Olivia’s brother, were with Ryan as we anxiously awaited the marrow donation to be delivered to Duke and prepared for transfusion to Ryan. We all were praying for the successful execution of steps that needed to be taken to provide Ryan with his opportunity for a life-saving transplant. He was waiting in his hospital room after having completed a week of outpatient radiation that eliminated his immune system – his body’s ability to fight an infection was non-existent.
When we experienced Ryan’s 3x wars with childhood cancer (ALL – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia), we immediately understood that people need people. Success in the process was not in our control. The realization creates desperation. On this day in November 2004, we all waited anxiously for the necessary steps that had to unfold before delivering the marrow transfusion to Ryan.
We would only learn the specifics a full year later. Still, our donor, Scott Harris, from the New York area, started the morning of November 3rd by going to a local hospital to have his marrow harvested for delivery to Duke, where a ten-year-old boy and his family waited. At approximately 7:45 PM, the transplant was started!
Every day, we carry an attitude of gratitude for Scott Harris and the gift of life that his selfless act provided to Ryan and our family. Yet, on the anniversary, we take an intentional pause and reflect on his kindness, along with the care and compassion of many people and medical professionals who dedicated their efforts to Ryan’s survival. Rajesh Setty’s quote above, which I discovered in his YouTube video, “Growing and Changing the World One Thank You at a Time,” could not more perfectly articulate the emotion in our family.
I encourage everyone to watch the video for thought-provoking inspiration and encouragement from Rajesh, particularly from 3:00 to 5:05 minutes, where he references Dr. Howard Hogshead and life-changing gifts.
The list of people I feel heartfelt gratitude for is very long, and we dedicate our lives to helping others, honoring those who have impacted our journey and who ultimately gave the gift of life to Ryan.
In her memoir book, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, Terri discusses Ryan and our family’s in-depth journey through transplant (Chapter 23 – The Transplant) and the emotional meeting with Scott Harris on November 4, 2005 (Chapter 27 – Can YOU Be The Match?).
As Terri asks with her title of chapter 27 – can you be the match? Please check out and share the critically vital link to Be The Match.
November 3, 2004 – Ryan Tomoff transplant is started at 7:45 PMNovember 4, 2005 – Ryan Tomoff meets his Bone Marrow Transplant donor Scott Harris.July 2021 – Olivia, Bill, Terri, and Ryan Tomoff celebrate Terri’s The Focused Fight book, published March 11, 2021December 2019 – Olivia and Ryan Tomoff – Maui, Hawaii
October 17, 1996. The day our family heard the words “Ryan has Cancer.” Ryan is my son – born on August 16, 1994. At two years and two months old, his and our family’s lives were forever changed.
Less than one year later, our family was introduced to the Special Love organization (SL), whose mission is to support children and families fighting childhood cancer. My post here shares the blessing of support and magic that the wonderful people of SL have brought to Ryan and our family over the past 25+ years.
Through Ryan’s cancer fights, we have encountered kindness, compassion, and selfless giving that many may never see in a lifetime. Children, siblings, and parents in the childhood cancer fight are often isolated and lonely and have few people in their life to “turn to” to help cope with the tragic experience of the cancer diagnosis, extended treatment of years, and lives turned upside down, that will never return to the “normal,” before cancer, state. Mostly, friends and family members don’t know what to say or do, and they also must carry on with their lives.
“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.”
***
A short time after Ryan’s diagnosis, we met Kathy Russell at Georgetown Hospital, and she was the person to introduce the Special Love organization to our family. We did not know it, but Special Love was a part of the “Holland” that our family had now traveled to in our life’s journey. In September 1997, only 11 months after diagnosis, our family attended a weekend event called “Under 7” for cancer kids under the age of seven and their families. This was the start of a community that became life-enhancing for Ryan and our family.
Tom and Sheila Baker founded Special Love in 1983 after losing their daughter Julia in 1976 to lymphoma. Turning tragedy into good… “Something clicked,” Tom later recalled. “It was as close as I’ve ever felt to a divine calling.”
Our introduction to the Special Love organization and events throughout the year gave our family a “home” where we could learn from and be supported by others who had traveled or were traveling the road that Ryan and our family were now on. Once Ryan was 7 years old, he attended the signature camp of Special Love, “Camp Fantastic,” Olivia went on to attend “BRASS Camp” for brothers and sisters of siblings fighting cancer. Terri and I met many families who became part of our support network and are now lifelong friends. The children and parents were in an environment where others “understood” the challenges and bonds developed that have endured over the past 25 years and counting.
Ryan attended Camp Fantastic for a record 11 straight years until he aged out at 18 years old. He has gone on to become a camp counselor for what he notes is “the best week of the year.” Olivia attended the BRASS Camp for many years, met her lifelong best friend, Liz, and also served as a counselor. In 2018, I was honored to join the board of directors of Special Love and am now in my sixth year of spreading the good word about the life-changing work this organization does for those fighting childhood cancer.
In April 2019, Ryan presented to a crowd of about 300 supporters at the annual Special Love Gala. I had offered to help Ryan prepare for his speech, but he insisted he did not need my help. The night of the gala, I introduced Ryan and did not know the contents of his speech. Here we were, “winging it [or so I thought – a secret – Ryan had diligently prepared],” and I felt nervous about him to be stepping up to the stage and speaking from the heart. I will never forget my immense pride as Ryan took over the podium after my introduction. He spoke for the next eight minutes or so, sharing the power of what Special Love had done for him and our family. I was emotional and choked up for him – my son had just turned into a young man right before my eyes!
“In a tough situation, few people wake up every morning and say, ‘I’m going to be resilient today.’ Most people under extreme stress wake up with heavy hearts but with a small quiet voice that tells them never to give up. Resilience is listening to that small inner voice and finding people and organizations to help you slowly turn up the volume.”
Our friends at Special Love help connect cancer families, and indeed, over time, the families are able to “turn up the volume” to receive support and to return the support to others in need. When our family arrived in “Holland,” Special Love was there waiting for us.
I am celebrating my planking adventure, which has reached 1,826 days, and exactly five consecutive years! In 2018, Don and I took on a 30-day planking challenge, hoping to accomplish the challenge and maybe help strengthen our core muscles to assist in reducing lower back muscle spasms that we had a history of in our lives. While my streak is fully intact, Don has only missed two days of 1,826. My twin brother, as an accountability partner – chalk up another advantage we have related to being twins.
The results?
Life lesson about mindset shift – “I get to do my plank vs. I have to do my plank.” Each day I plank is a blessing.
Consistency matters more than intensity. Show up in a small way daily, and intensity and success WILL follow.
The lower back health benefits have been extraordinary! My lower back feels better than twenty years ago, and my incidence of spasm occurrences is dramatically reduced.
As my planking success has accumulated, my confidence to take on other small positive daily habits has soared. I now have several small habits that are part of my daily lifestyle.
Proudly embracing my uniqueness is FUN. Each day is filled with contentment as I live what is important to me.
Contributing to improved self-esteem. I have always been disciplined and confident in my abilities – yet the satisfaction of showing up daily to do my plank has strengthened my resolve in other areas of my life.
What small daily positive habit can you adopt? Join Don and me today!
