November 3, 2004 – a day our family will never forget. Duke University Medical Center at 7:45 PM – Ryan Tomoff begin receiving his bone marrow transplant, thanks to the selfless contribution of a donor in the Be The Match Registry (now known as NMDP – National Marrow Donor Program).
November 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day | Terri, Olivia, Ryan, and Bill
Today, November 3, 2024, our family has the gift of celebrating Ryan’s 20th anniversary since receiving his transplant. Scott Harris, the donor later identified, and we all met on November 4, 2005!
November 4, 2005 | Ryan Tomoff meets donor Scott Harris
Reflecting back, the emotions are overwhelming for the care, compassion, and kindness, received by Ryan and our family. Scott Harris and everyone involved with Ryan’s journey is proof that everyone matters. Everyone makes a difference. On that 2004 morning in New Jersey, Scott went to a hospital to have his bone marrow harvested and sent to Duke. He and we knew none of the details – as 10-year old Ryan and our family waited anxiously in the hospital praying that all the logistics would go as planned.
20 years later, the emotions feel as if this was yesterday. Scott, thank you for your gift of life to Ryan. Our family is grateful for you, the decision you made to contribute, your wife Sarah, and all who supported you in your journey. We are blessed for the gift of life, and we live to pay forward the example of your selfless choice to donate your bone marrow to a stranger. May your action forever inspire others.
Calls to action:
PLEASE join the NMDP registry. YOU may be a lifesaving match for someone!
Who can you thank today for being a gift in your life? Thank and help someone today!
November 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day | Family with Dr. Vinod PrasadNovember 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day | Family with Nurse Donna CurrieNovember 26, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Post Transplant | Ryan and Dr. Aziza ShadNovember 4, 2005 | Tomoff Family at Party for Life Donor Meeting | New York CityNovember 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day Certificate
“Always look for the helpers. There will always be helpers.”
—Advice from Mr. Rogers’s Mother
“If you look for the helpers, you’ll know that there’s hope.”
–Mr. Rogers
Over my life, I have found my dearest friendships and connections, and the people I admire most are those who genuinely care and lean into their life experiences and skills to help others. This is the tribe that Terri and I adore being surrounded by. The same theme applies to the work that Don and I do with Invenio Advisors and our #TwinzTalk initiative.
Last night, August 21, 2024, Terri and I had the privilege of attending the virtual book launch celebration for Erica Neubert Campbell‘s “The Mastectomy I Always Wanted.” The book was released on August 20th and is available on Amazon!
We ALL have talents and life experiences that make it possible for us to contribute to others. We can choose to care and be a helper.
Erica has the experience of losing her mother to breast cancer and is a breast cancer survivor. She is on a lifelong mission to help others who are faced with traveling the road of breast cancer. As Erica noted, [paraphrasing] “Cancer is a club no one wants to belong to, yet if needed, the club includes caring and compassionate people dedicated to helping each other.” She has dedicated her life’s work to helping others fighting cancer (a long-time Special Love board member and camp volunteer, and now Executive Director for the Pinky Swear Foundation, helping families fighting the financial strains of childhood cancer) and now courageously shares her firsthand battle with breast cancer, determined to help others become more empowered in their journey and find hope for moving forward.
Terri and I have known Erica for over 20 years. She is kind, determined, and relentlessly focused on helping others. Read her book and consider a friend taking your hand during difficult times, listening, helping, and letting you know you are not alone. You are not alone. On her website, Erica notes:
“As a woman dedicated to my work and family, I’m normally quite private. Yet, my vision is to help women and caregivers facing a mastectomy to be confident in their choices, free from fear, and see a better future.“
This resonates deeply with me. When our son, Ryan, was diagnosed with childhood cancer (leukemia) in 1996, Ryan, Terri, daughter Olivia, and I were thrown into the cancer community. I also lean toward being more private, but I joined Terri in our now lifelong commitment to helping others who are enduring the path of childhood cancer. Our determination is fierce, and we applaud and thank Erica for the help and hope she is bringing to others by sharing her story!
In March 2021, Terri publishedThe Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, with the unstoppable mission of “Helping one person, one family, at a time.” Erica, in her unique way of articulating meaningful thoughts, shared this beautiful, heartfelt quote that is included in the book:
“In a tough situation, few people wake up every morning and say, ‘I’m going to be resilient today.’ Most people under extreme stress wake up with heavy hearts but with a small quiet voice that tells them never to give up. Resilience is listening to that small inner voice and finding people and organizations to help you slowly turn up the volume.”
Upon completing Erica’s book, I paused and reflected with gratitude on her willingness to document and share her story to help others. On the resources page of her website, she shares many quotes that have inspired her. I leave you with two to consider:
“What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?
-George Eliot
“Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through. You won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm is all about.”
-Haruki Murakami
Call to action… many of us have been, or will be, touched by cancer. “The Mastectomy I Always Wanted” takes you through one person’s journey, sharing the physical and innermost mental challenges experienced. Erica shares her reality and provides actionable thoughts and tips, such as how she shared her news (“I Hate Telling You This in an Email“), “Erica Health FAQs,” and “Top Ten Tips to Prepare for a Mastectomy.” While she writes from the perspective of her experience with breast cancer, the book’s reach will benefit anyone touched by cancer. Please do yourself a favor: buy this book, read, share, and discuss it with those in your life who may benefit. Please.
Erica, congratulations on publishing your book! Thank you for the help and hope you are bringing and are going to bring to so many breast cancer patients, caregivers, medical personnel, family, and friends. Your book is a critically important resource, spoken with vulnerability and courage from your heart. Thank you!
August 13, 2019 – TwinzTalk Bill and Don Tomoff at Special Love Camp Fantastic with Erica CampbellSweatpants and Coffee Image – Sharing Your Story Helps OthersAugust 23, 2024 – Terri and Bill Tomoff with book The Mastectomy I Always Wanted
Be curious and open to learning. This mindset I [more] intentionally adopted over a decade ago. I have always been an avid learner and fan of personal development, yet this centered around building technology skills that would enable me to contribute meaningfully to my professional world. Through studying the work of Seth Godin and Tom Peters, I became more interested in the “soft skills” (“real skills” per Seth) that allow us to improve our ability to interact and help others.
Enter Stoicism in 2019. Stoicism is a philosophy dedicated to taking care of the mind. We often take great care in looking after our physical health, finances, home, cars, etc… but neglect how we use or develop our minds. We judge, gossip, give unsolicited opinions, get anxious, and worry about things we don’t control. Over the past five years, I have prioritized striving to use and develop my mind in healthy and productive ways. Awareness was the first step. Then, I begin working intentionally on feeding my mind with healthy behaviors.
Since 2020, I have dedicated time for:
Daily reading meditation of Stoicism
Being involved in a community of practice surrounded by a generous, caring, and supportive tribe.
I have written daily for over three years and now contemplate, if not write daily, about personal development and memoir topics.
Reading, reading, and reading various nonfiction books that spark me to deeper reflection.
Throughout my career, I have grown to appreciate and understand the power of listening. Admittedly, I have much work to do! Kym’s book was thought-provoking and filled with real-life stories that resonated with me. The breakdown of her listening types into head, heart, and hands was insightful as I contemplated my listening type(s). My career has been in the business world of accounting and finance – I quickly identified my style as a “head” listener. Yet, I need to truly listen, and this book has inspired me to dig deeper into considering my listening styles and the styles of those I am interacting with.
I highly recommend Kym’s book to anyone looking to improve their relationships and communication ability. Self-awareness is a vital attribute we must continually work on for ourselves, and this book will inspire you to recognize the rewarding potential of being aware of your listening styles. While her book is directed at helping coaches, the truth is this book is an invaluable resource for anyone interested in being a better person, friend, partner, coworker, and community contributor.
The author reads the audible version of this book, and I especially enjoyed listening to her read the book! My journey of personal growth has evolved from developing technical skills to embracing the “soft skills” and focusing on developing the power of my mind. Through my intentional and consistent daily reading, community engagement, and continuous learning, I have learned that effective listening is critically important, and I can do work to improve my listening skills. Kym’s book, “Head, Heart, and Hands Listening in Coach Practice,” was inspiring, offering me valuable insights into different listening styles. By nurturing these skills, we can enhance our relationships, improve communication, and contribute more meaningfully to our communities and workplaces.
August 2024 – Bill Tomoff with Book Head, Heart, and Hands ListeningApril 29, 2023 – Bill Tomoff and Kymberly Dakin-Neal
When I want further insight into a topic, I have developed the practice of collaborating with ChatGPT or Claude AI (LLMs) and having a back-and-forth conversation regarding my area of interest.
Please note I am looking for “directionally accurate” insight while understanding that LLMs can hallucinate or give me inaccurate responses that agree with my suggestion. Knowing this propensity, I will ask the LLM to take a contrary position and provide help regarding where my thoughts are off base or need further clarification.
My post presented here is a dialogue I had with ChatGPT about tacitknowledge. Below are nine prompts for which I asked ChatGPT for input. I thought the overall content was informative and helpful in understanding more specifics about tacit knowledge.
I hope you find this dialogue helpful!
Before sharing the specific ChatGPT prompts and responses, I asked Claude AI to provide a summary overview of the dialogue. I was pleased with the result and here is the edited version to inspire you to read further and consider the power of embracing tacit knowledge in your life.
Introduction to Tacit Knowledge – Collaboration with Claude AI
As explored through the below conversation with ChatGPT, tacit knowledge is a powerful force that shapes our personal and professional lives in subtle yet profound ways. It’s the unspoken wisdom we accumulate through experience, the intuitive understanding that guides our decisions, and the unique perspective that allows us to connect dots in innovative ways.
Embracing tacit knowledge means:
Valuing your experiences and reflecting on them deeply
Recognizing that your unique insights are invaluable assets
Actively seeking diverse experiences to broaden your tacit knowledge base
Understanding that collaboration and long-term relationships build shared tacit knowledge
Leveraging your implicit understanding to enhance creativity and problem-solving
By consciously developing and harnessing your tacit knowledge, you unlock a wealth of potential for personal growth, professional success, and innovative thinking. It’s the key to developing a “disproportionate advantage” in your field and life.
Remember, while explicit knowledge can be easily shared and documented, it’s your tacit knowledge that can truly set you apart. Embrace continuous learning, remain curious, and never underestimate the power of your lived experiences. Your journey in developing tacit knowledge is ongoing and boundless – it can your guide to a richer, more insightful life and career.
Listing of Nine ChatGPT Prompts
When coworkers work together for a long time (several years), a good working relationship enhances their collective performance. I always referred to this as “they know my work preferences and how I think.” To me, this seems like a form of tacit knowledge that benefits an organization. Am I stretching too far with the concept?
Everything that ChatGPT or other LLMs generate, would be explicit knowledge?
However, how a person uses explicit knowledge and the creativity it may inspire can be triggered by an individual personal or career experience is then an example of tacit knowledge potential? Am I on track here?
Thank you for clarifying! Thus the more varied our learning and experiences, the greater our potential to “connect the dots” in ways others cannot do. Thus tacit knowledge improves the value we can provide using explicit knowledge?
Please provide brief encouragement for people to understand the importance of personal development. The process enhances the building of tacit knowledge, which then helps broaden the reach of working with explicit knowledge and connecting dots in ways that many may not, enabling greater creativity and innovative solutions.
How does personal development contribute to building tacit knowledge? I want to be sure I understand your reasoning for your response.
Please challenge my thought that a wide variety of explicit knowledge helps in connecting information that helps me develop tacit knowledge. Are you comfortable this is true, or am I following an inaccurate consideration?
In a blog post I am drafting, I referenced the advantages that my twin Don and I have enjoyed throughout our personal and professional lives. We simply thought, “We have built a disproportionate advantage thanks to our experiences, curiosity, and willingness to be technology early adopters.” Now that I am aware and understand tacit knowledge, I believe this is exactly what Don and I share. Would you please interpret my thoughts and add further clarification?
You are an expert in personal development and the benefits of developing tacit knowledge. Please review my questions and our conversation above. Are there any additional thoughts or emphasis you would add to the discussion? Our goal is to encourage and inspire our clients to actively embrace their own personal development.
Full Dialogue with ChatGPT: Prompts and Responses
Prompt1 – Working relationship building tacit knowledge:
When coworkers work together for a long time (several years), a good working relationship enhances their collective performance. I always referred to this as “they know my work preferences and how I think.”
This seems like a form of tacit knowledge that benefits an organization. Am I stretching the concept too far?
Response1 – Working relationship building tacit knowledge:
No, you’re not stretching the concept at all. When coworkers develop a deep understanding of each other’s work preferences and thought processes, they are indeed leveraging tacit knowledge. This shared, implicit understanding enhances communication, collaboration, and efficiency, leading to improved collective performance. This form of tacit knowledge is valuable to organizations as it fosters smoother workflows and better team dynamics.
Prompt2 – LLMs only explicit knowledge:
Everything that ChatGPT or other LLMs generate would be explicit knowledge?
Response2 – LLMs only explicit knowledge:
Yes, everything that ChatGPT or other language models generate would be considered explicit knowledge. This is because the information provided can be clearly articulated, documented, and shared with others in written or verbal form. Language models like ChatGPT process and output knowledge that is structured and easily communicable, fitting the definition of explicit knowledge.
Prompt3 – Explicit knowledge expanding creativity and then tacit knowledge:
However, how a person uses explicit knowledge and the creativity it may inspire can be triggered by an individual personal or career experience is then an example of tacit knowledge potential? Am I on track here?
Response3 – Explicit knowledge expanding creativity and then tacit knowledge:
Yes, you are absolutely on track. While explicit knowledge provided by ChatGPT or other sources can be clearly articulated and shared, how a person uses this knowledge, along with the creativity it inspires, can indeed be influenced by their personal or career experiences. This application and the intuitive, experiential insights that emerge from it are examples of tacit knowledge. It reflects how individuals integrate explicit knowledge into their unique contexts and practices, leveraging their own tacit understanding to innovate and solve problems.
Prompt4 – Connecting the dots of varied explicit knowledge:
Thank you for clarifying! Thus, the more varied our learning and experiences, the greater our potential to “connect the dots” in ways others cannot. Thus, does tacit knowledge improve the value we can provide using explicit knowledge?
Response4 – Connecting the dots of varied explicit knowledge:
Exactly! The more diverse our learning and experiences, the greater our ability to “connect the dots” in unique and insightful ways. This enriched tacit knowledge enhances our capacity to apply explicit knowledge creatively and effectively, thereby increasing the value we can offer. Varied experiences and continuous learning help us develop a deeper, more nuanced understanding that allows us to leverage explicit knowledge in ways others might not, leading to innovative solutions and improved performance.
Prompt5 – Personal development to broaden tacit knowledge:
Please provide brief encouragement for people to understand the importance of personal development. The process enhances the building of tacit knowledge, which then helps broaden the reach of working with explicit knowledge and connecting dots in ways many may not, enabling greater creativity and innovative solutions.
Response5 – Personal development to broaden tacit knowledge:
Investing in personal development is crucial because it builds your tacit knowledge, enriching your ability to use explicit knowledge creatively. Expanding your experiences and learning enhances your capacity to connect the dots uniquely. This leads to greater creativity and innovative solutions, setting you apart personally and professionally. Embrace personal growth to unlock your full potential and make a lasting impact.
Prompt6 – Personal development contributing to building tacit knowledge:
How does personal development contribute to building tacit knowledge? I want to understand your reasoning for your response.
Response6 – Personal development contributing to building tacit knowledge:
Personal development contributes to building tacit knowledge through the following ways:
Experience-Based Learning: Engaging in new activities and challenges allows you to gain hands-on experience, crucial for developing practical skills and insights that can’t be fully captured in written form.
Reflection and Practice: Regularly reflecting on your experiences and practicing new skills helps internalize what you’ve learned, turning it into intuitive knowledge.
Social Interactions: Collaborating with others, seeking mentorship, and networking expose you to diverse perspectives and approaches, enriching your understanding and problem-solving abilities.
Continuous Improvement: Personal development encourages a mindset of lifelong learning and adaptability, which helps you continuously refine and expand your tacit knowledge.
Real-World Application: Applying explicit knowledge in real-world situations helps bridge the gap between theory and practice, deepening your tacit understanding.
Focusing on personal development enhances one’s ability to integrate and apply knowledge uniquely and innovatively, ultimately increasing one’s effectiveness and creativity.
Prompt7 – Challenge thought that explicit knowledge helps develop tacit knowledge:
Please challenge my thought that a wide variety of explicit knowledge helps connect information that helps me develop tacit knowledge. Are you comfortable this is true, or am I following an inaccurate consideration?
Response7 – Challenge thought that explicit knowledge helps develop tacit knowledge:
Your thought that a wide variety of explicit knowledge helps connect information to develop tacit knowledge is well-founded and generally accurate. However, let’s explore a potential challenge to this idea:
Challenge:
Depth vs. Breadth: While a wide variety of explicit knowledge can provide a broad foundation, it may not always lead to deep, nuanced tacit knowledge. Tacit knowledge often requires deep immersion and repeated practice in specific areas. Therefore, spreading oneself too thin across many areas might limit the depth of tacit knowledge one can develop in any single domain.
Counterpoints to the Challenge:
Interdisciplinary Insights: Even with a broad base, the ability to draw connections across disciplines can lead to unique insights and problem-solving approaches, enhancing tacit knowledge.
Adaptive Expertise: A variety of explicit knowledge can foster adaptive expertise, allowing individuals to apply their knowledge flexibly across different contexts, which is a valuable aspect of tacit knowledge.
Complementary Skills: Different areas of explicit knowledge can complement each other, creating a richer, more integrated understanding that enhances overall tacit knowledge.
Conclusion:
While depth in specific areas is crucial for developing profound tacit knowledge, a broad base of explicit knowledge can still significantly contribute to the ability to connect the dots and innovate. Striking a balance between depth and breadth is key to maximizing explicit and tacit knowledge development.
Prompt8 – TwinzTalk Disproportionate Advantage is Actually Tacit Knowledge:
In a blog post I am drafting, I referenced the advantages my twin Don and I have enjoyed throughout our personal and professional lives. We simply thought, “We have built a disproportionate advantage thanks to our experiences, curiosity, and willingness to be technology early adopters.“
Now that I am aware and understand tacit knowledge, this is exactly what Don and I share. Would you please interpret my thoughts and add further clarification?
Response8 – TwinzTalk Disproportionate Advantage is Actually Tacit Knowledge:
Certainly! Here’s an interpretation of your thoughts, integrating the concept of tacit knowledge and providing further clarification:
My twin Don and I have enjoyed unique advantages throughout our personal and professional lives. We often reflected, “We have built a disproportionate advantage thanks to our experiences, curiosity, and willingness to be technology early adopters.” This advantage is deeply rooted in the tacit knowledge we’ve developed together.
Tacit knowledge refers to the intuitive, experience-based insights and skills that are difficult to articulate but are incredibly valuable. Our shared experiences, from tackling challenges to exploring new technologies, have fostered a deep, implicit understanding between us. This tacit knowledge enhances our ability to:
Innovate: Our curiosity and early adoption of technology have allowed us to stay ahead of trends, adapt quickly, and find creative solutions that others might not see.
Collaborate: Our strong, intuitive bond as twins allows us to anticipate each other’s thoughts and actions, leading to seamless collaboration and effective teamwork.
Problem-Solve: Years of shared experiences have equipped us with a unique perspective on tackling problems, enabling us to draw from a rich pool of personal insights and practical know-how.
We’ve expanded our tacit knowledge by continuously nurturing our curiosity and embracing new technologies, creating a significant competitive edge. This shared tacit knowledge isn’t just a product of our skills but a synergistic outcome of our twin bonds, experiences, and mutual growth.
This clarification emphasizes how your shared experiences and behaviors have contributed to developing valuable tacit knowledge and enhancing your personal and professional capabilities.
Prompt9 – Inquire to ChatGPT – any additional thoughts or emphasis:
You are an expert in personal development and the benefits of developing tacit knowledge.
Please review my questions and our conversation above. Are there any additional thoughts or emphasis you would add to the discussion? Our goal is to encourage and inspire our clients to actively embrace their own personal development.
Response9 – Inquire to ChatGPT – any additional thoughts or emphasis:
Your discussion on the interplay between tacit and explicit knowledge in personal development is thorough and insightful. However, there are a few additional thoughts and areas of emphasis that could further enrich the conversation and inspire your clients:
1. The Power of Reflection
Emphasis: Encourage clients to regularly reflect on their experiences, as reflection is a critical practice for converting experiences into tacit knowledge. By analyzing successes and failures, clients can deepen their understanding and internalize lessons that enhance their intuitive decision-making and problem-solving abilities.
Actionable Tip: Suggest keeping a reflective journal where they note key experiences, what they learned, and how they felt. This practice not only builds tacit knowledge but also fosters self-awareness.
2. Learning Through Social Interaction
Emphasis: Highlight the importance of learning from others. Tacit knowledge is often transferred through mentorship, collaboration, and informal discussions. Encourage clients to seek out mentors, participate in professional networks, and engage in meaningful conversations with peers.
Actionable Tip: Recommend joining or forming mastermind groups or professional communities where members regularly share experiences and insights. This can accelerate the development of tacit knowledge through shared learning.
3. The Role of Curiosity in Tacit Knowledge Development
Emphasis: Curiosity is a driving force behind personal development and the accumulation of tacit knowledge. Clients who actively seek out new experiences, ask questions, and explore unfamiliar territories are more likely to develop a rich reservoir of tacit knowledge that fuels innovation and creativity.
Actionable Tip: Encourage clients to set aside regular time for exploring new topics, skills, or industries outside their immediate field. This can lead to unexpected connections and insights that enhance both their tacit and explicit knowledge.
4. Balancing Depth and Breadth
Emphasis: While broad knowledge is important, emphasize the need for clients to develop deep expertise in specific areas. A balanced approach allows them to apply explicit knowledge effectively while drawing on deep, tacit insights in their areas of expertise.
Actionable Tip: Help clients identify key areas where they can deepen their knowledge and skills while encouraging them to explore diverse fields. This balance can be a cornerstone of their personal development strategy.
5. The Continuous Nature of Personal Development
Emphasis: Stress that personal development and the growth of tacit knowledge is an ongoing journey, not a destination. Encourage clients to view every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow and to embrace change as a catalyst for development.
Actionable Tip: Suggest that clients set long-term personal development goals and revisit them regularly, adjusting as they grow and their understanding of themselves deepens.
6. Tapping Into Tacit Knowledge for Innovation
Emphasis: Reinforce the idea that tacit knowledge is a key driver of innovation. The more clients develop their tacit knowledge, the better they will be at developing creative solutions and connecting disparate ideas in ways others might not.
Actionable Tip: Encourage clients to engage in creative problem-solving exercises, like brainstorming sessions or design thinking workshops, where they can practice applying their tacit knowledge in innovative ways.
Conclusion:
By embracing personal development and understanding the role of tacit knowledge, your clients can unlock deeper levels of creativity, insight, and professional effectiveness. Encourage them to actively cultivate experiences, relationships, and practices that foster the growth of tacit knowledge alongside their explicit knowledge to truly maximize their potential.
Through my conversation with ChatGPT, I hope you are inspired to develop your tacit knowledge throughout your life. Stay aware and curious, and keep learning!
July 2024 – Tanmay Vora’s Sketchnote – Explicit and Tacit KnowledgeDall-E #TwinzTalk Brainstorming
Over the past five years, my daily reading of the Stoicism philosophy has often reflected the importance of managing our minds. How we think, interpret, and respond to external events.
Am I prioritizing my efforts to use the gift of my mind and the opportunity for rational thought? I contemplate this question daily as I strive to bring my best talents and abilities to the world.
In this post, I focus on shifting our mindset to one of possibility. Here are a few resources to inspire you to approach your life through a lens of possibility:
In this three-minute video, Ben shares examples of the power of possibility.
“You can choose one of two ways of being every single moment of your life. You can either be in what we call “the down spiral” or radiating possibility.”
“Radiating possibility is a discipline. It’s a rigorous discipline. That is why you have to practice, and practice, and practice, and practice. [Have people in your life who are open to possibility]”
Everything in life is based on your reference frame. Look at things in a new way and suddenly your problems fade away.
Instead of focusing on how you measure up, focus on how you contribute to the world around you. Contribution is not measured based on other people. It’s only measured based on what you put into the world around you. That’s it. If you add something, you contributed.
The conductor can lead the most powerful orchestra in the world, but does not make a sound. His or her only power is in getting the players to produce the beautiful sound they are capable of.
Rule #6: Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. [Bill and Don #TwinzTalk LOVE this rule!]
The more attention you shine on a subject, the more evidence of it you find. This is how downward spiral talk escalates into a reality.
As we navigate life’s challenges and opportunities, adopting a mindset of possibility can profoundly impact our experiences and outcomes. By embracing and practicing possibility, we open ourselves to a world of potential. Possibility is a practice, a discipline that requires consistent effort and mindfulness. By cultivating this mindset, we can enrich our lives and contribute to a more optimistic world. The choice is yours every second of every day: will you spiral downward or radiate possibility? Choose possibility!
Throughout my career and then in life challenges (son Ryan battles with childhood cancer and beyond), I learned to deeply understand my time and how I prioritized everything in my life as the most important variables within my control. Time is a nonrenewable asset, and I quickly understood that I had to own my decisions of where I choose to prioritize my energy.
Thanks to years-long encouragement from my wife, Terri, I made a [wise] decision to read more actively to help my learning and growth. Since 2012, reading for personal development has become a non-negotiable priority. The mission is to allocate my efforts to make a more meaningful contribution to the world daily. This starts with owning my decisions of where I focus my mental bandwidth.
Where I focus, these three words are front and center for me. Since I started reading the philosophy of Stoicism in 2019, and have read daily since January 1, 2020. As I noted in a March 2023 blog post, “In Pursuit of Inner Peace: My Stoic Transformation:”
“The Stoicism philosophy profoundly influences my perspective and “how” I handle myself and my emotions daily. Striving every day to develop my mind and embrace the only aspect of life we all control – our reasoned choice. Thoughts such as “it is not necessary to have an opinion, we should be strict with ourselves and forgiving of others (no judgment), and we control our response to any external event – we are harmed only if we believe we are harmed,” are thoughts I hold close to my heart and work to live in practice.”
Embracing my reasoned choice. My remaining life’s work will be to strive to use my mind for good – developing myself and helping others by utilizing my skills and talents. I can and must do better. The work must not stop.
A blog post by Morgan Housel, “Lazy Work, Good Work,” inspired my post here. When we can keep our mind disciplined to focus on learning and good, we can prioritize time for reflection and creativity. Here is a sample of topics on my “do not do” list – activities I strive to eliminate or actively reduce by being aware of my behavior:
Gossip.
Expressing an unsolicited opinion.
Judgment.
Watching or engaging in conversation about mainstream news.
Involving myself in other people’s business.
The work regarding my do-not-do list is a never-ending process. I credit my reading of the Stoicism philosophy for helping me.
By reducing the above activities, I will replace my time (and mind) with:
Quality time with my family, friends, and communities of practice who inspire and lift me up.
Kindness to others and my world.
Encouraging others.
Helping others through micro-moves taking almost no effort. Social media engagement is an easy micro-move example.
Investing in improving myself (as the Optimist Creed states: “To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.”).
Be more patient and calm. We all are doing our best to get through each day.
A key component of “investing in improving myself” is prioritizing building buffer/slack into my days and intentionally moving more slowly and thoughtfully through each day. Make space for time for reading and contemplation. Morgan Housel notes in his article [Bold emphasis is mine]:
“Here’s a problem we don’t think about enough: Even as more professions look like Rockefeller’s – thought jobs that require quiet time to think a problem through – we’re stuck in the old world where a good employee is expected to labor, visibly and without interruption.
The point is that productive work today does not look like productive work did for most of history. If your job was to pull a lever, you were only productive if you were pulling the lever. But if your job is to create a marketing campaign, you might be productive sitting quietly with your eyes closed, thinking about design. The problem is that too many workplaces expect their knowledge workers to pull the proverbial lever – today in Microsoft Office form – 40+ hours a week when they’d be better off doing things that look lazy but are actually productive. The result is that most people have thought jobs without being given much time to think, which is the equivalent of making a ditch-digger work without a shovel. Maybe this is why productivity growth is half of what it used to be.
If you anchor to the old world where good work meant physical action, it’s hard to wrap your head around the idea that the most productive use of a knowledge-worker’s time could be sitting on a couch thinking. But it’s so clear that it is. Good ideas rarely come in meetings, or even at your desk. They come to you in the shower. On a walk. On your commute, or hanging out on the weekend. I’m always amazed at the number of famous ideas that came to people in the bathtub. But tell your boss you require a mid-day soak, and the response is entirely predictable.”
Starting with yourself, embrace a gentler and kinder presence with the world. Slowing down and being more mindful as you move through your day will be rewarding and gratifying. While you may appear “lazy” and unproductive, the reality will be enhanced productivity through leveraging greater creativity and adaptability.
2019 – Bill T and Bill G encouraging “Good!”France! Learning in Community with Karena de Souza
In my life, I strive to treat everyone with gentleness and kindness, as I believe we never truly know the struggles others face. This mindset has been deeply shaped by my family’s experience with my son Ryan’s childhood cancer journey, during which we were uplifted by the compassion and kindness of those around us. I am committed to honoring their love and support by bringing my best self forward daily to make a positive difference in the world.
Recently, I discovered Elisabet Lahti’s book “Gentle Power,” which resonates deeply with my belief in the underappreciated strength of gentleness. The book highlights the Finnish concept of “sisu,” which combines determination and inner fortitude with wisdom and heart. Lahti challenges the notion that gentleness is a weakness, presenting it as a powerful tool for leadership, empowerment, and personal growth.
As I read the book, I was struck by the transformative potential of embracing gentleness in all aspects of life. By responding with kindness and understanding, we can inspire others to do the same, creating a ripple effect of positivity. While gentleness may not always be the easiest path, I am convinced that it is the most rewarding one in the long run. I am excited to continue exploring the concept of gentle power and to incorporate its teachings into my daily life as I work to create a more compassionate and nurturing world around me.
Full Original Writing
“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”
Bill Tomoff, signing The Focused Fight
The quote above is one I use when autographing Terri Tomoff’s memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, which is my guiding inspiration as I go through my daily life. A casual observer in my life has no idea what I and my family have endured through the years since my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis in 1996. I firmly believe everyone we encounter has a “story” and challenges we know nothing about. Embracing this mindset, I strive to extend gentleness and kindness in my countless daily interactions and pray that maybe I make a small difference that may lift the spirits of a fellow human being.
“Sisu is a Finnish word for determination and inner fortitude in the face of extreme adversity. Gentle power is to apply sisu with wisdom and heart.”
–Elisabet Lahti, PhD, website
After I had completed Emma Seppala’s book, I was excited to follow her recommendation and start Elisabet’s book! As I write this, I am about one-third of the way through, yet I have noted that the content resonates deeply with my intention to live my days through gentleness and kindness. My dedication has been shaped by our family’s experience with family, friends, and strangers, who have selflessly brought compassion, gentleness, and kindness to our family during the difficult (seemingly impossible) days of Ryan’s cancer treatments. I am living my days in honor of those who have been at our side with unconditional love and concern – developing and bringing my best self forward to make a difference through how I present myself to the world.
Deep within my soul, I believe that gentleness and kindness are strengths vastly underappreciated. I am inspired to see the supporting research that Elisabet shares in her book! I will gladly take “the road less traveled.” Through my actions, I will encourage others and create a ripple of positivity in my world.
Below, I share a few excerpts from the book that resonate with me. I feel like the best is yet to come.
“What would you have? Your gentleness shall force more than your force move us to gentleness.”
-Shakespeare
Shakespeare quote gentleness vs force
Collaborating with ChatGPT, here is a further explanation of the quote’s meaning [Bold emphasis is mine]:
“This quote from William Shakespeare speaks to the power of gentleness over force in influencing others’ behavior. The suggestion is that gentleness and a soft approach can compel others to respond with the same kindness and softness, perhaps even more effectively than using force or aggression.
The underlying idea is that our emotions and behaviors can often inspire similar responses in those around us. One might inspire others to adopt a similar demeanor by choosing gentleness, creating a more harmonious interaction. This reflects a psychological concept known as “emotional contagion,” where people tend to “catch” the emotions of others around them. Thus, gentleness begets gentleness, proving itself a more potent tool for shaping the attitudes and actions of others than harshness or coercion.“
I am not naively suggesting that gentleness and kindness will always “win the moment.” Yet, coming from a genuine place of gentleness and kindness improves the possibility of preventing a contentious or challenging moment from escalating. It can improve the likelihood of a favorable resolution. In the long run, a lifestyle that strives to live with gentleness and kindness WILL be rewarding personally and for all involved. Using force may win the moment but most certainly degrades long-term relationships and effectiveness. If “winning” requires force, this is not how I want to live my life.
Further, regarding gentleness, Elisabet shares in her book about “Mistaking Gentleness for Weakness:”
“Most of us have been told a terrible lie our whole lives that anything soft, gentle, and supple (and feminine) is somehow inherently weak, unreliable, or of lesser value. This lie has caused untold suffering and has led to innumerable harmful decisions in politics and private organizations. For far too long, our culture has been overly infatuated with winning, competing, and making a profit, while gentleness and cooperation has been labeled inferior or fragile.
French philosopher André Comte-Sponville says that gentleness is “courage without violence, strength without harshness, love without anger” and also that “gentleness is gentleness only as long it owes nothing to fear.” 3 Our inability to assert boundaries, our struggles to lead people, and our reluctance to express opinions because we fear rejection is not gentleness but meekness. Gentleness is not about being passive or always accommodating others. Gentleness is a way of moving forward with a kind of dynamic grace. It’s about knowing when to push and when to pull back. It’s about succeeding not through force, but through empowerment.
Far too many of us have been dealing with an out-of-whack nervous system for years. We’ve been hardwired to overreact, overextend, and overwork. Adopting the gentle power style of encountering the world and moving through it isn’t so much about learning something new, but about unlearning these unhealthy ways of living. Gentle power is about finding accomplishment through nurturing a spirit of ease toward ourselves and others instead of achievement (no matter how glorious in the moment) and striving at the long-term cost of inner peace.
Comte-Sponville further describes gentleness as “a kind of peace, either real or desired . . . it can be pierced by anguish and suffering or brightened by joy and gratitude, but it is always devoid of hatred, harshness, and insensitivity.” Imagine if our experiences in leadership, social activism, politics, and families were devoid of harshness, force, and insensitivity. Imagine a relationship with yourself that’s completely free from judgment and blame. Socially, we’re told that this sort of treatment toward ourselves and others is soft and weak when it’s actually empowering, constructive, and energizing.”
Let’s ask ourselves daily, how can I present myself more gently and kindly to the world? I am excited to read more about Elisabet’s work on Gentle Power, inspired by hope and inspiration after reading the first one-third of the book!
When reading About The Author at the end of Emma Seppala’s book Sovereign, I noted:
“A psychologist and research scientist by training, Seppälä’s expertise is the science of happiness, emotional intelligence, and social connection. Her research has been published in top academic journals and featured in news outlets including The New York Times, NPR, and CBS News and featured in documentaries like Free the Mind, The Altruism Revolution, What You Do Matters [Bill T emphasis], and Bullied. www.emmaseppala.com and www.iamsov.com”
The documentary title, What You Do Matters, caught my attention. What we think and what we do are important. Think and do good. Be kind. Our actions and the presence we bring to the world matter.
In my approach to my career and my family, I have long embraced the core belief that what I do matters. Every action matters. Two quotes that guide me:
The personal development and professional work I do with my twin Don (follow hashtag #TwinzTalk on LinkedIn!) is stated:
“Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”
I am not looking to impact the masses. Still, I am dedicated to making the most of individual IRL, virtual, and social media interactions, and bringing a presence to the world that may influence and reach folks I likely will never know about. The truth is we often don’t know the reach and impact that kindness and generosity toward helping others will have. I genuinely intend to help my world through micro-moments of living my life through caring and doing the “right thing.“
That “I told you so.” That “Thank You.” That recognition for being first, or being better, or being different. You want credit. You want gratitude. You want the acknowledgment for the good you’ve done, for the weight that you carry.
What you want is what Marcus Aurelius has called “the third thing,” because you’re not content enough with the doing. “When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it,” he writes, “why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top—credit for the good deed or a favor in return?””
“You don’t need a favor back. You don’t need to be repaid. You don’t need to be acknowledged. You don’t need the third thing. That’s not why you do what you do. You’re good because it’s good to be good, and that’s all you need.”
Too often, it is natural to wonder, “Am I making a difference?” I have let go of the need to have affirmation of my actions. I choose instead to KNOW that What I Do Matters. Thus, the video referenced in the book resonated with me. I have provided the link below and encourage everyone to prioritize the hour of time to watch the documentary. Inspiration guaranteed! I hope you will feel compelled to embrace approaching the world and others with a kinder and gentler presence. You will influence others, and over time, you will be profoundly changed for the better!
Emma Seppala emphasizes throughout her book the importance of awareness of our thoughts and the impact that can have in keeping us from reaching sovereignty. The good news is that we can take control of our minds, prioritize our self-care, and bring our best selves to others and the world daily. Our thoughts build our actions and what we do. Consider, and hold close, this quote from Lao Tzu:
“Watch your thoughts; they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do MattersCredit: The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do Matters
Ben Franklin’s 13 virtues are timeless and worth reflecting upon often. Walter Isaacson discussed the virtues (pages 89 to 92) in his biography,Benjamin Franklin: An American Life, which I have read twice in the past ten years. I highly recommend the book! A 23-minute summary is available on YouTube.
The 13 virtues discussed in the blog are worth keeping and referring to for an expanded discussion of each virtue. Nils and Jonas describe the virtues as key to Franklin’s success: “The key to his success was his continuous pursuit of self-improvement.” The 13 virtues are:
Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
About Franklin’s efforts at living the thirteen virtues, Isaacson notes in his book:
“Mastering all of these thirteen virtues at once was “a task of more difficulty than I had imagined,” Franklin recalled. The problem was that “while my care was employed in guarding against one fault, I was often surprised by another.” So he decided to tackle them like a person who, “having a garden to weed, does not attempt to eradicate all the bad herbs at once, which would exceed his reach and his strength, but works on one of the beds at a time.””
Hopefully, the three books discussed in this three-part blog post will inspire you to pursue your quest for personal development. Show up every day and dedicate time to yourself and your own growth. The Twinz are cheering you on!
The Salzgeber brothers’ focus on personal development resonates with Don and me. Taking the initiative for personal growth and committing to continual learning is our north star, and we strive to help others and bring them along on the adventure. Bringing our best selves to the world is critically important work that we must embrace and not leave to the judgment of others.
Since reading (and sharing often)The Little Book of Stoicism, I now receive theiremail newsletter and periodically review theblog posts (as I write this in April 2024, I note the last blog post was in November 2022) on their website. I discovered two blog posts that resonated with me, and they reminded me of two recommended books in the #TwinzTalk personal development agenda – Benjamin Franklin’s Biography by Walter Isaacson and Coach Wooden’s Leadership Game Plan for Success by John Wooden and Steve Jamison. Below, I am sharing excerpts from Nils and Jonas’s blog posts and references to the books that Don and I recommend. We hope these topics inspire you to prioritize time for your personal development!
John Wooden
As Nils and Jonas note:
“John Wooden was a legendary basketball coach at the University of California, Los Angeles. During his last 12 years as a coach there, he won 10 championships, including seven in a row, and including an 88-game winning streak.
Some people say he was the greatest basketball coach ever. Some say he was the greatest coach in the 20th century. Others say he was the greatest coach of all time. Period.
John Wooden himself would not have bothered about such titles – that’ll get clear to you after reading some of his quotes below. He was much more concerned about the process, about putting in the work, about doing everything he could to become the best he could be. He was a truly inspiring man and a role model for me personally. Here are 35 timeless life lessons we can learn from him.”
The35 life lessons shared in the blog post are all nuggets worth reading and holding onto. We can learn much from the wisdom of John Wooden. A few of our favorites include:
Number 5: Politeness and Courtesy – “…being a good person isn’t necessarily something we do for other people, it’s something we do for ourselves. We don’t need to expect anything in return. We’re getting paid well enough.“
Number 13: Stop Looking for Shortcuts – “If you spend too much time learning the tricks of the trade, you may not learn the trade. There are no shortcuts. If you’re working on finding a short cut, the easy way, you’re not working hard enough on the fundamentals. You may get away with it for a spell, but there is no substitute for the basics. And the first basic is good, old-fashioned hard work.”
Number 24: Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People – “It’s simple. Don’t compare yourself to somebody else, especially materially. If I’m worrying about the other guy and what he’s doing, about what he’s making, about all the attention he’s getting, I’m not going to be able to do what I’m capable of doing. It’s a guaranteed way to make yourself miserable.”
Number 28: Adversity = Opportunity – “Most people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder. But did you know that the opposite also exists? It’s called post-traumatic growth – the phenomenon of people becoming stronger after a tragedy or trauma. They don’t just bounce back, but they bounce higher than they were before.”
Number 29: Want Peace of Mind? – “I believe one of the big lessons of sports for dedicated individuals and teams is that it shows us how hard work, and I mean hard work, does pay dividends. The dividend is not necessarily in outscoring an opponent. The guaranteed dividend is the complete peace of mind gained in knowing you did everything within your power, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to bring forth your full potential.”
Number 31: Strive to Maintain Self-Control – “Complaining, whining, making excuses just keeps you out of the present. That’s where self-control comes in. Self-control keeps you in the present. Strive to maintain self-control.”
Number 34: Improve the Team by Improving Yourself – “If you want to change the world, start by changing yourself. For the best way to improve the world is to improve yourself. Joseph Campbell said it best, “We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world. The influence of a vital person vitalizes.””
