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Life’s Depth Chart: Developing Your Team for Peak Performance

Summary – Collaboration with Claude AI

The post begins by reflecting on a February 2025 “A Learning a Day” blog entry about footballer alchemy, which emphasizes how individual success often depends more on team fit and environment than raw talent alone. Building on this sports analogy, the post explores how we can apply this principle to optimize our lives by treating personal development like a general manager creating a successful team.

The piece outlines three critical components for personal success: dedication to self-development, careful curation of our “life team,” and strategic use of enabling tools. Just as athletes commit to constant improvement, we must prioritize self-care and personal growth to perform at our best. The post emphasizes the importance of surrounding ourselves with supportive relationships, including family, friends, coworkers, and various communities that enhance our potential.

Regarding tools, the author highlights how embracing technology—from fundamental tools like spreadsheets to more advanced platforms like generative AI—can significantly boost our capabilities and efficiency. The post explicitly mentions tools like Microsoft Excel, Adobe PDF, X1 Search, Evernote, and various AI platforms as examples of technology that has enhanced the author’s professional and personal life.

The piece concludes by reinforcing that building our optimal “life team” is an ongoing process requiring continuous attention to self-development, relationship cultivation, and tool adoption—essentially a three-legged stool supporting our success and fulfillment.

Full Original Writing

A Learning a Day blog is one of my daily readings. I am often inspired, and the blog triggers me to think more deeply about a topic and apply the idea to my life.

The blog from February 4, 2025, Footballer Alchemy, resonated with me.

**

Footballer alchemy

One of the lessons I’ve learnt from following careers of footballers (/soccer players) over the years is that we frequently overemphasize the role of individual talent.

In reality, there’s a certain alchemy when we bring together the right player in the right team under the right manager.

Talent – especially of the precocious nature – helps a footballer get noticed and give them options. But if that mixture goes wrong, even the best of talents can flounder.

The opposite is also true. Players with mediocre relative talent can push close to world class in the right environment.

Applicable well outside football of course.

**

Relating this to our individual lives, I contemplate why we often do not dedicate more intentional effort to improving ourselves and prioritizing our efforts to ensure that our team in life helps us be our best selves, contributes to optimizing our potential, and enables us to fit into the collective team in our lives.

Following the sports theme above, what if we approach our lives like a general manager working to build a successful sports team? In our scenario, however, we each are a player who desires to be a key contributor within our team, and the GM is responsible for building the proper chemistry to maximize our ability to contribute optimally to the team’s success.

What work is more important to us individually? As any successful athlete does, the daily dedication to their craft is relentless and of high importance. Beyond sports, we also expect people to work to be their best and bring their best every day. Consider your coworkers, medical professionals, and first responders and the countless situations we encounter where we rely upon another person’s efforts and expertise.

Considering ourselves and our life “team,” reflect upon these questions:

  1. Are you dedicated to personal development and self-care so you can be the best you can be?
  2. Who are the key players on your team that you rely upon? How is your chemistry within your team?
  3. What equipment is essential to you performing at your best? In my career and life, embracing technology tools to enhance and accelerate performance has been a non-negotiable priority.

While not all-inclusive, I will expand below on these questions with examples from my life, many of which apply to everyone.

Personal Development

September 9, 2024 | ncaCPA Fall Conference | TwinzTalk with coordinators Amy and Linda

Like any athlete who dedicates themselves to improvement and learning, we all must view our role similarly. We must always strive to take care of ourselves and be the best teammate we can be. We owe this to ourselves and others.

People on Your Team

Interwoven with our personal development quest is the importance of surrounding ourselves with the best teammates possible. A collective team that cares, encourages, and supports each other. This aspect is a lifetime of work and involves being judicious about who we bring onto our team. In life, the team is much larger and more critical than a single sports team, yet the analogy is spot-on. The chemistry of our teams is crucial to long-term fulfillment and success!

Never underestimate the fact that people need people. Appreciate and be grateful for those on your team who encourage and inspire you to reach your full potential. Examples include:

  1. Family.
  2. Friends, coworkers, and community.
  3. Those who serve us. Medical professionals, car mechanics, restaurant and grocery store workers, first responders, etc… these workers are our “customers,” and we are their customers.
  4. Communities of practice.
  5. Social media relationships.
Terri Tomoff and Dr Aziza Shad – The Focused Fight
November 11, 2023 | Worthy Rally in NYC | Andrea Sanchez, Bill Tomoff, and Kate Nasser

Audit your team. Do your relationships lift you and bring out the best in you? Do you do the same for others?

Tools You Use

As athletes are optimally equipped, are you “hiring” the right tools to help you navigate your life journey more smoothly. Prominent ubiquitous tools in these times include cars, computers, the internet, spreadsheets, and our ever-present mobile phones. Less obvious tools, yet invaluable in my life, include many technology tools that have enabled a digital lifestyle personally and professionally, including:

  1. Keeping current with Microsoft Excel’s three decades of expanded development and potential makes my professional life exponentially more productive and fulfilling.
  2. Adobe PDF digital documents.
  3. Computer document search platform X1 Search.
  4. Evernote note-taking platform.
  5. Social media.
  6. Evolution away from EMAIL and greater leveraging of communication transparency via Slack and MS Teams platforms.
  7. And most recently, Generative AI and LLMs such as ChatGPT, Claude AI, Gemini, and Perplexity AI.
Datarails AI Mention – Bill and Don Tomoff

(Conclusion in collaboration with Claude AI)

Just as championship teams aren’t built overnight, optimizing our life team is a continuous journey of growth and refinement. By intentionally investing in three core elements—personal development and self-care, meaningful relationships with those who elevate us, and the strategic adoption of enabling tools—we can create an environment where we truly flourish. Like the footballer who fits the perfect combination of team, manager, and system, our success depends on these elements working in harmony. The work of building and maintaining this winning combination never ends, but the rewards of peak performance and personal fulfillment make it worth the dedicated effort.

December 11, 2022 | Bill and Terri Tomoff IRL Meetup with Seth Godin
September 28, 2024 | Bill, Ryan, and Terri Tomoff, Olivia and Bo Hudson

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The Power of Play: When Pickleball Becomes a Practice in Everyday Kindness

In my blog post on micro-kindness, I referenced the belief that the “presence” we bring to others is a subtle yet potentially powerful form of kindness.

“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”

When I autograph copies of Terri Tomoff’s book The Focused Fight, the quote above is one I share and always hold close. Carrying this thought with me changes how I interact with the world. Starting in October 1996, our family’s experience with our son Ryan’s cancer challenges has profoundly shaped us over the last 28 years.

Witnessing a child fighting a battle for their life will tear anyone wide open. Our family has learned the adage, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is a point to be serious about. My twin Don and I have encouraged throughout our lives and careers that “We take what we do seriously, but we do not take ourselves seriously.“

This leads me to the presence in our lives: Living a gentler lifestyle, not taking ourselves too seriously, and bringing positive energy to interactions while shining the light on others can create an atmosphere that lifts others. What is not to like about these types of people?

**

Enter the game of Pickleball.

In the summer of 2023, Ryan encouraged Terri to join him in a community pickleball social at the Crofton Swim and Tennis Club. Thanks to Ryan, the pickleball bug quickly caught on with Terri and me. In March 2024, Ryan joined the indoor club The PutAway, and Terri and I officially became members in November 2024. We are excited to play and share the love of the game with Ryan and our opportunities to play together and share conversations about techniques, strategies, and skills development.

An unanticipated benefit of playing at The PutAway has been the community of players who share our love of the game. We look forward to the conversations, fun times, and exercise!

The pickleball community and regular sessions have allowed me to embrace the experience in my style, which I love – cheering and celebrating others along the way while enjoying healthy competition. A few of my beliefs:

  1. An “ordinary day” is a blessing and a tremendous gift. When playing pickleball, I appreciate the health and skills that allow me to participate.
  2. I like to win, but even more so, I like to play against players who are more skilled than me. This means I often lose (a lot)! However, win or lose, I am constantly learning and striving to understand the game’s nuances to become more competitive over the long haul.
  3. I like to employ self-deprecation to put others at ease and have fun. When we can laugh at ourselves and admit our weaknesses, others are more receptive to having fun and not being too serious.
  4. I strive to present a light-hearted and positive mindset that celebrates the good play of others. A favorite quote: “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.“
Twin brothers with sign stating "A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle"
TwinzTalk in Berthoud, CO | “A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.”

Over the past two days, I have had interactions that made my day and affirmed that my style is a rewarding form of kindness—even if I may not be aware of it. I trust that our impact on others is often far beyond what we know; thus, my emphasis on our presence in the world is important! Two interactions that brightened my days:

  • While walking to a court to join a group for a game, a woman commented, “You always have a smile on your face.” I was delighted that she took a moment to share this with me. Life will be challenging sometimes, and a positive attitude is not always realistic. But playing pickleball and having fun sharing my love of the sport with my family and others is a reason to smile!
  • I played three games against a couple who were strong players – losing 11-3, 11-4, and winning one 11-7. I played with Terri in the winning game; it was the best game we have ever played together! I was shocked that we pulled out a victory. In all three games, we all had fun, and I was learning. One player commented when we left the court after the final match, “I like your attitude and energy. This (playing with you) has been fun.”

The game of pickleball has given me more than just exercise and entertainment—it has joined us with a community to continue our theme of a gentle presence and micro-kindness potential to ripple into the world. Celebrating an opponent’s play or encouraging others reminds me that our presence can ripple outward in ways we may never know. Through life’s challenges and the joys of everyday connections, I’ve learned that bringing light to others ultimately brightens our path. Life isn’t always about winning—it’s about showing up with an open heart, celebrating others, and finding joy in the journey. And what I hope to practice and enjoy in the game of pickleball!

August 2023 | Ryan, Terri, and Bill Tomoff | Pickleball Social at Crofton Swim and Tennis Club

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Introducing “The Focused Fight” Book by Terri Tomoff (from March 2021)

Note: This blog post duplicates a LinkedIn Article I shared on March 21, 2021. The pictures have changed, but I wanted to capture this significant milestone in my personal blog history.

***

“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”

If you follow me on social media, I hope you notice my encouragement for kindness, gratitude, and helping others. This is, to the core, an important part of who I am and the value I work tirelessly to bring to the world.

Today, I feel blessed to share a personal post and explain how our personal lives do indeed impact our professional lives. Rare (or naïve?) is the person who can compartmentalize these in their life. In my life, I have been blessed to deeply integrate, by necessity, my personal and professional life. As a result, I am an enhanced professional and person.

Last week, my wife Terri published a book titled “The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey from Mayhem to Miracles.” She tells the story of our son Ryan, and our family’s, fights through childhoodcancer and young adult secondary cancers. Ryan is a 5x cancer survivor who has inspired us and countless others since his original leukemia diagnosis on October 17, 1996. Terri chronicles our family experience from her mother’s perspective. She was affectionately the “mama bear” that tirelessly managed and advocated for Ryan while I was working day in and day out to support our family and provide health insurance coverage.

http://bit.ly/TheFocusedFight_TerriTomoff

"The Focused Fight" paperback books image
Tomoff Family 1995

How do the personal and professional combine? Anyone who has had a life disruption (see quote above) knows too well the stresses of managing a career with personal demands that cannot be placed on a lower priority. Terri’s support of Ryan and our daughter Olivia was her only priority…24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Her perseverance and dedication allowed me to do what had to be done professionally. Yet…many families walking our path often lose or must leave their jobs because of the overwhelming responsibilities at home. The reality of what could happen, just financially, is devastating…on top of the unthinkable medical concerns that are ever present at home.

The professional tie-in? I was blessed beyond measure with my employers’ compassion, care, and support. The worst of the treatment YEARS was from 1996 through 2004, which started only ten weeks after moving our family from Cleveland, Ohio, to join Washington Sports & Entertainment. Mr. Abe Pollin and everyone I worked with supported me unconditionally while I balanced my professional and personal demands. The experience was an excruciating balance because my work in finance was deadline sensitive, but I had the best support that could be imagined…and genuine care for the “person” first. My perspective on life and work has been forever impacted in the way that Terri and I consider “post-traumatic growth.”

July 2021 | The Focused Fight Book | Cleveland Reception

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More Than a Match: Two Decades of Life, Love, and Gratitude After Bone Marrow Transplant

November 3, 2004 – a day our family will never forget. Duke University Medical Center at 7:45 PM – Ryan Tomoff begin receiving his bone marrow transplant, thanks to the selfless contribution of a donor in the Be The Match Registry (now known as NMDP – National Marrow Donor Program).

November 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day | Terri, Olivia, Ryan, and Bill

Today, November 3, 2024, our family has the gift of celebrating Ryan’s 20th anniversary since receiving his transplant. Scott Harris, the donor later identified, and we all met on November 4, 2005!

November 4, 2005 | Ryan Tomoff meets donor Scott Harris

Reflecting back, the emotions are overwhelming for the care, compassion, and kindness, received by Ryan and our family. Scott Harris and everyone involved with Ryan’s journey is proof that everyone matters. Everyone makes a difference. On that 2004 morning in New Jersey, Scott went to a hospital to have his bone marrow harvested and sent to Duke. He and we knew none of the details – as 10-year old Ryan and our family waited anxiously in the hospital praying that all the logistics would go as planned.

20 years later, the emotions feel as if this was yesterday. Scott, thank you for your gift of life to Ryan. Our family is grateful for you, the decision you made to contribute, your wife Sarah, and all who supported you in your journey. We are blessed for the gift of life, and we live to pay forward the example of your selfless choice to donate your bone marrow to a stranger. May your action forever inspire others.

Calls to action:

  1. PLEASE join the NMDP registry. YOU may be a lifesaving match for someone!
  2. Who can you thank today for being a gift in your life? Thank and help someone today!

In March 2021, Terri Tomoff wrote her memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, of Ryan and our family’s journey through Ryan’s cancer experiences. The memoir kindle and paperback can be found on Amazon and audio on Spotify or Apple podcasts.

November 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day | Family with Dr. Vinod Prasad
November 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day | Family with Nurse Donna Currie
November 26, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Post Transplant | Ryan and Dr. Aziza Shad
November 4, 2005 | Tomoff Family at Party for Life Donor Meeting | New York City
November 3, 2004 | Ryan Tomoff Transplant Day Certificate
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Tiny Drips Creating Huge Impact: Unlocking Your Potential Through Daily Habits

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude AI

This post explores the transformative power of adopting small, positive habits and committing to them daily. Drawing from experiences as competitive distance runners, my twin Don and I share how our discipline developed through running, benefiting all aspects of our lives.

The importance of consistency and perseverance is emphasized, with personal examples of my habits intentionally cultivated since 2012. Examples include daily reading, planking, writing, and flossing. When practiced consistently, small habits can lead to remarkable results over time.

References to James Clear’s “Atomic Habits” and Seth Godin’s blog posts underscore the impact of showing up every day. A personal story about my son Ryan’s cancer diagnosis illustrates how life events can suddenly bring clarity to our priorities, highlighting the importance of focusing on what truly matters.

Readers are encouraged to reflect on their lives, make intentional choices about where they dedicate their energy, and consider adopting small, positive habits. The post argues that consistent practice not only leads to personal growth but can also inspire us to help others and approach life with gratitude and kindness.

Ultimately, the message is clear: small, daily actions compound over time, leading to significant personal development and positive life changes.

Full Original Writing

Adopt one small positive habit, and commit to showing up for daily execution.

For twin Don and I, our careers as competitive distance runners refined attributes within us that have benefitted our careers and lives. In high school and college, we developed the habit of incorporating our training regimen into every single day. Yes, off days were planned, but we learned the journey to being our best selves meant unwavering dedication and perseverance day in and day out, a lesson that has inspired us in all aspects of our lives.

Over many years, we achieved continual improvement and understood hard work and consistency win in the long run. Throughout college, in our careers, and our lifetime of personal development, consistency is woven into the fabric of “who we are.”

Of course, our distance running careers involved a commitment of a couple of hours per day, but we now prioritize [very] small habits daily. The practice of showing up and executing daily compounds in unimagined ways. Once the results are experienced with one habit, the desire and commitment build to adopt another habit, then another, and before long, a steady daily routine is built that can change your life!

You may think, “I don’t have time to fit one more thing on my list of priorities.” In a blog by Seth Godin, shared further below, he notes:

“Keep showing up. If it matters, keep showing up.” We often have the good fortune of deciding what matters to us and how to spend our most precious, nonrenewable asset: time. However, inevitably, we will also have priorities thrust upon us – the life-altering moment in my and my family’s lives was the 1996 diagnosis of my son, Ryan, with childhood cancer (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia). October 17, 1996, was a day that provided instant clarity about my swirling list of “important” matters. The only things that mattered were dedicating my time and energy to saving Ryan’s life and supporting my family. Terri Tomoff published a memoir, The Focused Fight, in March 2021, sharing our family and Ryan’s story of successfully battling cancer five times.

2004 – Bill and Ryan Tomoff – Bald heads before Duke PBMT trip

I do not want anyone to have clarity forced upon them. Yet, I want to encourage everyone to prioritize time for reflection and do the internal work of intentionally assessing their choices about where they dedicate their energies. Please.

James Clear’s book Atomic Habits is inspiring and I highly suggest reading and keeping a copy close by for future reference. A YouTube video, Tiny Habits that Create Remarkable Results, by After Skool provides a beautiful nine-minute animated summary. A key point (many discussed in the video!) is that we must realize that “Your outcomes in life are a lagging measure of your habits.” Thus, establishing positive habits that are small and easy (so small that you can tackle the habit(s) every day) is the key to making long-term progress. Consistent positive habits will inspire you and can snowball into other positive habits, which change your life dramatically!

Since 2012, I have intentionally focused on my personal development by making small changes one at a time. My progress and dedication have grown into several daily habits that, over the longer term (say 1,000 days, as Seth Godin discusses in the blog shared below), have rewarded me immensely. I also enjoy the discipline these habits have built into my daily life. The daily habits that I have built into my daily routine include:

  1. Tenacious reader and personal development advocate since September 2012.
  2. Planking daily since March 25, 2018.
  3. Morning reading since January 1, 2020.
  4. I have been writing daily or contemplating ideas for writing for 5 or 10 (often longer) minutes since June 8, 2020.
  5. Involved in writing communities of practice since June 8, 2020. Life-enhancing initiative shared with my wife Terri. These communities are the essence of “We rise by lifting others. (Robert Ingersoll).”
  6. Flossing teeth daily since June 1, 2021. Thank you, Susan Myhr Fritz, for the inspiration!
  7. Being kind and helping others through micro-moves. Approaching each day with a mindset of abundance. We all have gifts to share, and we must be generous with our talents.
  8. Pick up trash regularly. Inspired by the Litterati app initiative shared in this TED Talk.
  9. Pause and be grateful. I am grateful for the gifts in my life and happy for others’ achievements.
  10. Choose to lead. I strive to lead by the example of my actions.
January 19, 2019 – Bill Tomoff Plank at Arsenal Emirates Stadium (London)

Regarding helping others, please read this encouragement from the Daily Stoic, “If you want to feel better, do this.”

“So if you want to feel better today, if you want to find a bright spot in this dark landscape of uncertainty and fear, the solution is simple: Do good. Help others. Be of service. Think less of your problems and try to help others with theirs. You’ll be amazed at the happiness this brings… to you and to them.”

As I referenced above, Seth Godin often stresses the importance of the long-term persistence of showing up every day. Please read the following quick blogs of encouragement:

One thousand little steps

“And every one of those improvements was met with resistance. Every change was fought, tooth (!) and nail. Every one had critics and skeptics and hold outs.

That’s how the world changes. By drips. Persistent, generous, tiny drips.“

The drip

“Change, real change, is the result of focused persistence.”

“The challenging part, and the reason that change doesn’t happen as often as it should is that we get distracted. Today’s urgent is more urgent than yesterday’s important.”

“There are very few overnight successes. Very few… got there with thunder and lighting. It happens with a drip.”

“Keep showing up. If it matters, keep showing up.”

Think about a small, positive habit you can start today and commit to for the long haul. Consistency is key to unlocking your potential for success. While this concept is simple to grasp, the execution requires dedication. Be the person who perseveres.

When to start? Not “one day,” instead make today “day one.”

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The Diagnosis That Taught Our Family Everything: Childhood Cancer’s Lessons for Life and Love

“Your child has cancer.” My wife, Terri, and I heard these words on October 17, 1996. Our son, Ryan, at two years and two months old, was diagnosed with childhood cancer (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia). In an instant, our lives, and the lives of Ryan and our four-year-old daughter Olivia, were changed forever.

As I write this in June 2024, 27+ years later, Ryan is [closely monitored and] doing well today. He is a five-time cancer survivor – 3x childhood leukemia and 2x adult tongue cancer (secondary malignancies resulting from the extensive treatments he received through his wars with leukemia). In March 2021, Terri published her memoir The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey from Mayhem to Miracles, detailing Ryan and our family’s journey through what often felt like impossible times.

Our heart breaks every time we hear of a family receiving the news that their child has cancer. A child and family stricken with cancer through no fault of their own. I pray no one reading this is facing a childhood cancer situation, yet we know bad things happen, and our lifelong mission is to be a gentle shoulder of support for others impacted as we have been. Maybe this helps one person, one family, piece together the swirling insanity that is happening in the center of their lives.

With this introduction, I will offer my list of “Life lessons learned from dealing with a childhood cancer diagnosis:“

October 1996 – Ryan and Bill Tomoff – Georgetown Hospital

Life is not fair.

  • If we are blessed to live long enough, realizing the randomness and unfairness of life events will strike us. There is tragedy and heartbreak happening all around us.

“Life breaks all of us, but some of us get stronger in the broken places.”—Ernest Hemingway.

Work is important. Family is EVERYTHING. Carpe Diem.

  • Treasure each day. Life contentment is in the small, everyday, ordinary moments. Recognize and embrace the “ordinary.”
  • Small things are not small things.

Keep your eye on the ball. Thank you, Abe Pollin.

  • Be determined and unapologetic in identifying and setting boundaries around your priorities. Learning to kindly yet firmly say “no” is imperative.

People need people.

  • You are not alone.
  • Thinking “I/we can handle this” is dangerous and not helpful. Seek, be open to, and be willing to ask for help. People want to help – accept their generosity and commit to “paying it forward” into the world one day.
  • The Postcard Project was a wonderful initiative that gave Ryan hope and inspiration as he endured treatments to get him to his life-saving bone marrow transplant on November 4, 2004.
  • Embrace communities of support. Special Love is our community of support that brings joy through their summer camps dedicated to children fighting cancer and their siblings.

Erica Neubert Campbell shared a quote included in The Focused Fight:

“In a tough situation, few people wake up every morning and say, “I’m going to be resilient today.” Most people under extreme stress wake up with heavy hearts but with a quiet voice that tells them never to give up. Resilience is listening to that small inner voice and finding people and organizations to help you slowly turn up the volume.”

September 1997 – Tomoff Family – Special Love Under 7 Weekend

Your environment matters.

  • Surround yourself with the best. Lift others up, and they will lift you up.

Self-care is imperative.

  • Self-care is not selfish. We cannot pour from an empty cup.

Kindness matters. Prioritize kindness to yourself and others.

  • Sometimes we cannot see a path forward, and are hanging on doing our best. Everyone, in some way, has these moments. “The next step,” a moment of kindness given or received, may propel you or someone else forward for the day.
  • Express appreciation and gratitude. Never default to “this person is just doing their job.” Everyone deserves to be seen.

“Don’t underestimate the power of a chocolate chip cookie.”—Terri Tomoff.

April 2022 – Terri Tomoff and Chocolate Chip Cookies

Don’t ask. Do.

  • Choose to take the initiative.
  • There are many moments in life where we can help meaningfully. In small ways and without permission, a difference can be made.

Everyone has unique gifts. Identify and nurture those gifts.

  • Ryan’s relentless fight and inspiration to the world.
  • Olivia and the gift of soccer to our family.

Trust and know that everyone has a story.

  • “Be gentle. Be kind – you have no idea what someone is going through.”—Bill Tomoff.

Post Traumatic Growth is possible.

We all endure suffering in our lives. David Brooks, in his book The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life, provides a compelling perspective on the meaning of suffering:

“Whether the valley is a personal one or a societal one or both, there’s a lot of suffering. You’re enduring a season of pain, a season of feeling lost. This can be a period of soul-crushing anguish, but it can also be one of the most precious seasons of your life.

John Keats said that we live in a mansion of many apartments. When we’re on the first mountain, we’re living in what Keats called the “thoughtless chamber.” This is the default chamber; we just unthinkingly absorb the values and ways of life that happen to be around us.

We want to stay in this chamber. It’s comfortable, and everybody nods at you with approval. In The Age of Anxiety, W. H. Auden wrote,

We would rather be ruined than changed

We would rather die in our dread

Than climb the cross of the moment

And let our illusions die.

Seasons of suffering kick us in the ass. They are the foghorns that blast us out of our complacency and warn us we are heading for the wrong life.

There’s nothing intrinsically noble about suffering. Sometimes grief is just grief, to be gotten through. Many bad things happen in life, and it’s a mistake to try to sentimentalize these moments away by saying that they must be happening to serve some higher good. But sometimes, when suffering can be connected to a larger narrative of change and redemption, we can suffer our way to wisdom. This is the kind of wisdom you can’t learn from books; you have to experience it yourself. Sometimes you experience your first taste of nobility in the way you respond to suffering.

The theologian Paul Tillich wrote that suffering upsets the normal patterns of life and reminds you that you are not who you thought you were. It smashes through the floor of what you thought was the basement of your soul and reveals a cavity below, and then it smashes through that floor and reveals a cavity below that.

Suffering teaches us gratitude. Normally we take love and friendship for granted. But in seasons of suffering we throw ourselves on others and appreciate the gifts that our loved ones offer. Suffering puts you in solidarity with others who suffer. It makes you more sympathetic to those who share this or some other sort of pain. In this way it tenderizes the heart.

Suffering calls for a response. None of us can avoid suffering, but we can all choose how we respond to it. And, interestingly, few people respond to suffering by seeking pleasure. Nobody says, I lost my child, therefore I should go out and party. They say, I lost my child, and therefore I am equipped to help others who have lost their child. People realize that shallow food won’t satisfy the deep hunger and fill the deep emptiness that suffering reveals. Only spiritual food will do that. Many people respond to pain by practicing generosity.

Finally, suffering shatters the illusion of self-sufficiency, which is an illusion that has to be shattered if any interdependent life is going to begin. Seasons of pain expose the falseness and vanity of most of our ambitions and illuminate the larger reality of living and dying, caring and being cared for. Pain helps us see the true size of our egotistical desires. Before they seemed gigantic and dominated the whole screen. After seasons of suffering, we see that the desires of the ego are very small desires, and certainly not the ones we should organize our lives around. Climbing out of the valley is not like recovering from a disease. Many people don’t come out healed; they come out different. The poet Ted Hughes observed that the things that are the worst to undergo are often the best to remember, because at those low moments the protective shells are taken off, humility is achieved, a problem is clearly presented, and a call to service is clearly received.”

I hope that my perspective provides you an inspiration to move through whatever challenge you are dealing with or enduring. Take this journey of life one day at a time. Do your best. Be kind to yourself and others. Embrace and treasure the ordinary. Believe in better days. We got this.

2004 – Bill and Ryan Tomoff – Bald heads before Duke PBMT trip
June 2024 – Kelleys Island 5K – Ryan walks with Aunt Stephanie

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Embrace Boring: Consistency and Unnoticed Discipline are the Keys to Compounding Growth

Summary – Collaboration with Claude AI

What is truly important to me is putting in the daily effort to refine my talents and develop my skills. The key to superior performance is quiet, steady dedication practiced for the long term when no one is watching.

I’ve learned many valuable life lessons through competitive sports participation. I credit competitive distance running with developing my willingness and ability to take the long view. My twin brother Don and I are obsessed with personal development and continual learning. We’ve pushed each other to invest time and money into our growth.

When my son Ryan was diagnosed with childhood cancer in 1996, my ability to tenaciously focus on core priorities was tested beyond imagination. My wife Terri’s memoir tells our family’s story of this challenging journey.

Over the years, I’ve pursued initiatives that exemplify my commitment to consistent effort and self-improvement. These include a daily planking streak with Don that has lasted 2,277 days so far, cofounding our #TwinzTalk initiative to share personal development tips, and dedicating myself to writing during the pandemic, completing four unpublished memoirs since June 2020.

I believe that to make a difference in the world, you must be different from the world. Dedicate yourself to improving and helping others through small, consistent efforts practiced long-term. Find a tribe to encourage and inspire you on the journey. With commitment and belief, the compounding impact of your focused dedication will amaze you. 

What matters most to you? Whatever it is, pursue it relentlessly, for that is the path to growth and fulfillment.

Full Original Writing

What is important to you? Is it important enough that you are willing to work on refining your talents and developing your skills every day? Every day, in incremental effort, where progress is not felt or noticed? Yet, the key to superior performance is the daily dedication performed quietly for the long term, done in the quiet of your life when no one is watching.

The best hack is to realize that there are no shortcuts to success and commit yourself to the steady drip, drip, drip effort to enable you to reach your best level of preparation. The process is a life-long adventure.

I believe that competitive sports participation teaches many lessons that carry forward into the game of life. I wrote about this in my April 2024 blog post titled “From Setback to Comeback: My High School Running Adversity to Overcoming and Growing for Life.”

The following Daily Stoic and Seth Godin blog posts resonated with me, and I hope you find them inspiring as well.

The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman meditation for June 8, “Brick by Boring Brick.”

“You must build up your life action by action and be content if each one achieves its goal as far as possible—and no one can keep you from this.”

–Marcus Aurelius

“If you follow The Process in your life—assembling the right actions in the right order, one right after another—you too will do well. Not only that, you will be better equipped to make quick work of the obstacles along that path.”

Seth Godin’s June 16, 2018, blog post, “The danger of not good enough,” reminds us that it is a trap to dismiss others or ourselves as “not good enough.” The more accurate sentiment should be “not good enough yet.” Seth’s closing sentence is a thought we should hold onto:

“It’s true that you’re not good enough yet. None of us are. But if you commit to trying hard enough and long enough, you’ll get better.”

If you commit to trying hard enough and long enough, you’ll get better. If you are committed to the deliberate and steady process of investing in yourself, you will progress.

“Today, I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow, I can do what others can’t.”

–Jerry Rice

“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”

–Tim Notke

With a willingness to work hard (and smarter), you WILL exceed many more talented peers. You control your willingness to prepare. In matters of importance to you, be relentless in your dedication and daily focus.

The greatest attribute I have been blessed with and embraced throughout my adult life is a willingness to put forth consistent effort that is matched by few. My twin Don and I share this attribute and have pushed each other throughout our lives. Above, I mentioned competitive distance running as a prime contributor to developing my willingness and ability to take the long view throughout my life. Examples of deliberate focus and effort, as a lifestyle of investing in myself, include:

  • After graduating from college in 1981, I inherently knew that continual learning and development were imperative to my career and life success. Don and I have shared an obsession with personal development. We believe in investing personal time and money into learning. When portable computers were first available, I remember spending weekend nights in the office (Coopers & Lybrand public accounting in the early 1980s) tinkering around with VisiCalc spreadsheet software. This moment started a love of technology that Don and I have shared and leveraged throughout our lives. In our early to mid-twenties, we were alone in the office on a Saturday night while many of our peers indulged in more ordinary entertainment choices. With our dedication to competitive distance running (a serious endeavor until age 25) and professional personal development, we were comfortable on the less traveled road!
  • My dedication and preparation to find a better way to work became a career and life survival imperative when my son Ryan was diagnosed with childhood cancer on October 17, 1996, at the age of two years and two months. My ability to tenaciously focus on my core priorities was tested beyond anything I could have imagined. Terri Tomoff’s memoir The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, published in March 2021, tells Ryan and our family’s story.
July 2021 – The Focused Fight – Cleveland Reception
  • On March 25, 2018, Don and I started a 30-day planking challenge. What started as a unique challenge to help our physical conditioning has become a part of our lifestyle. As of June 18, 2024, we have done a daily plank for 2,277 days. On March 26, 2023, I wrote a blog post celebrating five years of continuous planking!
April 2018 – NYC Central Park Planking
  • On April 16, 2018, Don and I cofounded our #TwinzTalk initiative, where we share personal development encouragement and tips to help others in our network. Tip One was dedicated to highlighting our amazing friend, Rich Flanagan. Since then, we have shared almost 1,300 tips on LinkedIn, and we receive great joy and fulfillment from sharing our knowledge and expertise to help others.
  • On June 8, 2020, a few months after the COVID-19 Pandemic started spreading across the United States, Terri and I joined an online writing initiative called Writing in Community. While Terri dedicated her time to completing her memoir, The Focused Fight, I pursued writing my unpublished personal memoir, “Living Life…Off The Track.” I have now written four unpublished memoirs. Four years later, we consider ourselves writers and have met many inspiring, kind, and generous people who share the love of writing and being in a community of practice. On the other side of the pandemic, we believe our lives have been profoundly enhanced through our writing efforts and community relationships!
2024-03-13 – Bill Tomoff with Four Memoirs Written

“If you desire to make a difference in the world, you must be different from the world.”

–Elaine S. Dalton

What is important to you? Dedicate daily effort to improving yourself and then helping others. You will be amazed at the compounding impact of small efforts consistently performed over the long term. Find your tribe that will inspire and encourage you. You got this. Believe. 

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Ordinary Beauty, Extraordinary Wisdom: How Slowing Down and Paying Attention Can Enrich Your Life

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

In this blog post, I share how the writings of Wendy Coad, Seth Godin, and Rajesh Setty have inspired me to reflect on the importance of dedicating ourselves to what matters most, being intentional about how we spend our time, and slowing down the pace of life to make room for contemplation and creativity.

I discuss how my son Ryan’s cancer diagnosis in 1996 forced me to ruthlessly prioritize my time and energy. My top priorities became self-care, family, career, and managing healthcare coverage. By staying laser-focused, I and my family persevered through the immense challenges we faced. Over the past 27 years, we have emerged stronger, dedicated to personal growth and helping others.

The wisdom shared by Coad, Godin, and Setty resonated deeply with the lessons I learned through that difficult chapter. Coad’s example of honestly assessing her priorities and eliminating overcommitments, Godin’s warning about smartphones making us hurried and distracted, and Setty’s beautiful reframing of how Parkinson’s disease forced him to slow down and notice the richness of life – all of these perspectives reinforce my conviction about living more deliberately and savoring the wonder around me.

I encourage my readers to join me on this journey. Prioritize time for self-reflection, set boundaries to protect what matters most, and consciously choose to slow down. In doing so, we open ourselves to the “ordinary” beauty of life and opportunities for growth that are always available when we create the space to see them.

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This post is inspired by Wendy Coad, Seth Godin, and Rajesh Setty. Thanks to their writing, I am inspired to write about the important work we should all dedicate ourselves to, prioritizing where we allocate our time, and the value of intentional effort to slow down the pace of our lives to allow time for contemplation and creativity. Slack/buffer built into our daily lives enhances the “ordinary” beauty in our lives and allows for a calmer internal state. Our days are not packed with back-to-back urgencies that allow no room for delays or unexpected occurrences.

Life will throw adversity into our path. Adversity is part of the human condition.

On October 17, 1996, my and my family’s life was turned upside down and changed forever when my son Ryan was diagnosed with childhood cancer at two years and two months old. I realized quickly that my priorities had to be narrowed, and the final list of my few critical priorities needed to be ruthlessly adhered to. My energies had to be laser-focused, and my willingness to say “NO” would become essential. I would not apologize for protecting my priorities and did not need to explain myself to anyone. I would do my best every day… with genuine intent and based on the knowledge I possessed. My, and my family’s, survival was at stake.

Writing this in May 2024, over 27 years later, I am eternally grateful that Ryan is a survivor and my family is intact and doing well. Fate has challenged us immensely, and we are standing tall today, forever changed in unimaginable ways. My wife Terri has beautified the world with her love of quilting and designing treasured t-shirt quilt keepsakes. She has written a memoir of Ryan’s experience (The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, published in March 2021). Our daughter Olivia persevered and changed our lives through her love and commitment to soccer. She is now married to her husband Bo, and they are new parents to a beautiful baby boy, Bodie, born March 25, 2024! We believe in post-traumatic growth and are dedicated to helping others and making the world kinder and gentler.

At the time of Ryan’s diagnosis in 1996, I was scared and mentally wondered, “How do families survive this?” We were all in the biggest war of our lives. There was no instruction manual, and Ryan’s life was at stake. Terri and I dedicated ourselves to doing everything humanly possible for Ryan and Olivia, and we would attack this one day at a time. I had no thought of how I would be profoundly changed over the years. I am beyond grateful and feel I am a greater contributor to the world due to my experience. I am consumed with how to grow personally and leverage my growth to be more valuable for helping others.

My highest priorities identified in 1996 were sharpened by the urgency of moving forward through Ryan’s medical treatments and the stress our family endured as a result. The nonnegotiable priorities that I determined required my complete attention were:

  • Self-care: Focus on health and personal development. I needed to do my best to be my best for my family and my career and to be of value to others.
  • Family: My role as spouse, father, and caregiver. My family is the world to me.
  • Career: Bringing the best I could to my professional responsibilities. Continual development and finding ways to work more effectively were imperative. My twin brother Don was my “right hand” in helping me think differently and holding me accountable to make progress. I endured high stress about my ability to support the family financially and provide healthcare coverage to cover the financial exposure of Ryan’s medical care requirements.
  • Monitoring Healthcare Coverage: This aspect felt like a full-time job besides my other priorities. Likely, my love of personal finance was cemented through the stress of continual concern about healthcare coverage and the risk of bankruptcy.

Living my life with the clarity of my priorities allowed me to be relentless in setting boundaries of where I would permit my time to be allocated. As Mr. Pollin once encouraged me, “Bill, you need to keep your eye on the ball, and that ball will change…” My emphasis on the differing priorities has fluxed; thankfully, the core structure has provided a framework that enhanced my quality of life. I determined what was important in my life, and while bending (dancing) within the framework, I have stayed true to my core matters of importance.

During the years since Ryan’s diagnosis, I have embraced the times when greater freedom existed in my schedule. My priorities have often maxed out my capacity, and when an opportunity for a break would occur, I was diligent about taking time to relax. I refused to move on frantically to another activity. Protecting my time and sanity was a component of self-care that was extremely important to me.

Slowing down became a mission for me. I strive for my daily pace to be more deliberate and relaxed with reduced commitments to build a buffer in my day. When I can live this way, my ability to be my best self and help others is optimized.

Recent readings that inspired me were:

Wendy Coad, in a post from my community of practice (Purple.Space), shared about her evolving priorities and the activities she has chosen to eliminate from her schedule. It was refreshing to see Wendy’s honesty with herself, recognizing she cannot do everything. Too often, we think, “I can handle this,” and add a new obligation to our list of priorities. We make the mistake of over-committing and become overwhelmed with our to-dos. The willingness to pick the highest priorities and eliminate everything else is a massive strength for anyone to possess. The impact of Ryan’s diagnosis forced me to be brutally honest with myself, and I pared down my priorities practically overnight. The core list has been my guide since that day. Giving my best for my family was my guiding north star.

Seth Godin‘s blog On One Foot, discusses how “Smart phones can hobble us.” We hurry through our lives handling things on a small phone screen in short bursts. He says, “There could be a direct correlation between smartphone usage and underinformed mass behavior.” Seth even suggests that “opening up a laptop might count as slowing down a bit.” Slow down.

Rajesh Setty‘s LinkedIn post, encourages “Slowing down to witness wonder.” Rajesh is an inspiring, caring, and generous person I have met through social media. I look forward to the wisdom he consistently shares and encourage everyone to follow him on social media! In his post, he shares that his diagnosis of Parkinson’s forced him to slow down and ultimately develop his reframe: “Slowing down allowed me to observe more than most people who are too busy to notice.” I am sharing Rajesh’s full post below and encourage pausing and asking yourself, “How can I be more intentional about slowing down?”

“Slowing down to witness wonder

We live in a fast-paced world where everyone seems too busy to notice the richness around them. By “world around us/them,” I mean nature, people, and conversations happening right in front of us, not just online.

When you pay close attention, you’ll witness wonder. The world around you speaks and whispers in vivid colors, both through nature and people.

I noticed this because of a health situation, Parkinson’s, which forced me to slow down.

Over time, instead of complaining about slowing down, I began to appreciate the world’s richness. Everything seemed to be in slow motion, not by choice but by design. Slowing down allowed me to observe more than most people who are too busy to notice.

This higher fidelity observation was a gift that came with Parkinson’s. It sparked more ideas for me than ever before. That’s why I reframed Parkinson’s to (S)Parkinson’s.

Although I discovered this because of (S)Parkinson’s, you can choose to slow down and witness the wonder in the world around you without going through something like that. In fact, I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone. But by choosing to slow down, you can truly appreciate the beauty around you.

PS: If you are curious to know more about my ongoing adventure with (S)Parkinson’s, here is more in my book UNSHAKEN (published by INKtalks).”

Rajesh notes that we all can choose to slow down and witness wonder in our world without going through a life-threatening experience. Please take his encouragement to heart, prioritize time to be with yourself, and contemplate actionable steps to move you towards a slower lifestyle. Join me on this life-enhancing journey!

December 2019 – Tomoff Family Vacation in Maui, Hawaii
July 2021 – The Focused Fight – Cleveland Reception
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The Gentle Way Forward: Nurturing Ease and Inner Peace in a Chaotic World

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

In my life, I strive to treat everyone with gentleness and kindness, as I believe we never truly know the struggles others face. This mindset has been deeply shaped by my family’s experience with my son Ryan’s childhood cancer journey, during which we were uplifted by the compassion and kindness of those around us. I am committed to honoring their love and support by bringing my best self forward daily to make a positive difference in the world.

Recently, I discovered Elisabet Lahti’s book “Gentle Power,” which resonates deeply with my belief in the underappreciated strength of gentleness. The book highlights the Finnish concept of “sisu,” which combines determination and inner fortitude with wisdom and heart. Lahti challenges the notion that gentleness is a weakness, presenting it as a powerful tool for leadership, empowerment, and personal growth.

As I read the book, I was struck by the transformative potential of embracing gentleness in all aspects of life. By responding with kindness and understanding, we can inspire others to do the same, creating a ripple effect of positivity. While gentleness may not always be the easiest path, I am convinced that it is the most rewarding one in the long run. I am excited to continue exploring the concept of gentle power and to incorporate its teachings into my daily life as I work to create a more compassionate and nurturing world around me.

Full Original Writing

“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”

Bill Tomoff, signing The Focused Fight

The quote above is one I use when autographing Terri Tomoff’s memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, which is my guiding inspiration as I go through my daily life. A casual observer in my life has no idea what I and my family have endured through the years since my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis in 1996. I firmly believe everyone we encounter has a “story” and challenges we know nothing about. Embracing this mindset, I strive to extend gentleness and kindness in my countless daily interactions and pray that maybe I make a small difference that may lift the spirits of a fellow human being.

Thanks to a recent book discussion on Zoom with Emma Seppala about her book Sovereign, moderated by Emilia Elisabet Lahti, PhD, I discovered another inspiring book written by Elisabet, titled Gentle Power: A Revolution in How We Think, Lead, and Succeed Using the Finnish Art of Sisu.

“Sisu is a Finnish word for determination and inner fortitude in the face of extreme adversity. Gentle power is to apply sisu with wisdom and heart.”

–Elisabet Lahti, PhD, website

After I had completed Emma Seppala’s book, I was excited to follow her recommendation and start Elisabet’s book! As I write this, I am about one-third of the way through, yet I have noted that the content resonates deeply with my intention to live my days through gentleness and kindness. My dedication has been shaped by our family’s experience with family, friends, and strangers, who have selflessly brought compassion, gentleness, and kindness to our family during the difficult (seemingly impossible) days of Ryan’s cancer treatments. I am living my days in honor of those who have been at our side with unconditional love and concern – developing and bringing my best self forward to make a difference through how I present myself to the world.

Deep within my soul, I believe that gentleness and kindness are strengths vastly underappreciated. I am inspired to see the supporting research that Elisabet shares in her book! I will gladly take “the road less traveled.” Through my actions, I will encourage others and create a ripple of positivity in my world.

Below, I share a few excerpts from the book that resonate with me. I feel like the best is yet to come.

“What would you have? Your gentleness shall force more than your force move us to gentleness.”

-Shakespeare
Shakespeare quote gentleness vs force

Collaborating with ChatGPT, here is a further explanation of the quote’s meaning [Bold emphasis is mine]:

“This quote from William Shakespeare speaks to the power of gentleness over force in influencing others’ behavior. The suggestion is that gentleness and a soft approach can compel others to respond with the same kindness and softness, perhaps even more effectively than using force or aggression.

The underlying idea is that our emotions and behaviors can often inspire similar responses in those around us. One might inspire others to adopt a similar demeanor by choosing gentleness, creating a more harmonious interaction. This reflects a psychological concept known as “emotional contagion,” where people tend to “catch” the emotions of others around them. Thus, gentleness begets gentleness, proving itself a more potent tool for shaping the attitudes and actions of others than harshness or coercion.“

I am not naively suggesting that gentleness and kindness will always “win the moment.” Yet, coming from a genuine place of gentleness and kindness improves the possibility of preventing a contentious or challenging moment from escalating. It can improve the likelihood of a favorable resolution. In the long run, a lifestyle that strives to live with gentleness and kindness WILL be rewarding personally and for all involved. Using force may win the moment but most certainly degrades long-term relationships and effectiveness. If “winning” requires force, this is not how I want to live my life.

Further, regarding gentleness, Elisabet shares in her book about “Mistaking Gentleness for Weakness:”

“Most of us have been told a terrible lie our whole lives that anything soft, gentle, and supple (and feminine) is somehow inherently weak, unreliable, or of lesser value. This lie has caused untold suffering and has led to innumerable harmful decisions in politics and private organizations. For far too long, our culture has been overly infatuated with winning, competing, and making a profit, while gentleness and cooperation has been labeled inferior or fragile.

French philosopher André Comte-Sponville says that gentleness is “courage without violence, strength without harshness, love without anger” and also that “gentleness is gentleness only as long it owes nothing to fear.” 3 Our inability to assert boundaries, our struggles to lead people, and our reluctance to express opinions because we fear rejection is not gentleness but meekness. Gentleness is not about being passive or always accommodating others. Gentleness is a way of moving forward with a kind of dynamic grace. It’s about knowing when to push and when to pull back. It’s about succeeding not through force, but through empowerment.

Far too many of us have been dealing with an out-of-whack nervous system for years. We’ve been hardwired to overreact, overextend, and overwork. Adopting the gentle power style of encountering the world and moving through it isn’t so much about learning something new, but about unlearning these unhealthy ways of living. Gentle power is about finding accomplishment through nurturing a spirit of ease toward ourselves and others instead of achievement (no matter how glorious in the moment) and striving at the long-term cost of inner peace.

Comte-Sponville further describes gentleness as “a kind of peace, either real or desired . . . it can be pierced by anguish and suffering or brightened by joy and gratitude, but it is always devoid of hatred, harshness, and insensitivity.” Imagine if our experiences in leadership, social activism, politics, and families were devoid of harshness, force, and insensitivity. Imagine a relationship with yourself that’s completely free from judgment and blame. Socially, we’re told that this sort of treatment toward ourselves and others is soft and weak when it’s actually empowering, constructive, and energizing.”

Let’s ask ourselves daily, how can I present myself more gently and kindly to the world? I am excited to read more about Elisabet’s work on Gentle Power, inspired by hope and inspiration after reading the first one-third of the book!

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What You Do Matters: Embracing the Power of Individual Impact

When reading About The Author at the end of Emma Seppala’s book Sovereign, I noted:

“A psychologist and research scientist by training, Seppälä’s expertise is the science of happiness, emotional intelligence, and social connection. Her research has been published in top academic journals and featured in news outlets including The New York Times, NPR, and CBS News and featured in documentaries like Free the Mind, The Altruism Revolution, What You Do Matters [Bill T emphasis], and Bullied. www.emmaseppala.com and www.iamsov.com”

The documentary title, What You Do Matters, caught my attention. What we think and what we do are important. Think and do good. Be kind. Our actions and the presence we bring to the world matter.

In my approach to my career and my family, I have long embraced the core belief that what I do matters. Every action matters. Two quotes that guide me:

When Terri wrote her memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, her inspiration and goal for our family was stated:

“Helping one person, one family, at a time.”

The personal development and professional work I do with my twin Don (follow hashtag #TwinzTalk on LinkedIn!) is stated:

“Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”

I am not looking to impact the masses. Still, I am dedicated to making the most of individual IRL, virtual, and social media interactions, and bringing a presence to the world that may influence and reach folks I likely will never know about. The truth is we often don’t know the reach and impact that kindness and generosity toward helping others will have. I genuinely intend to help my world through micro-moments of living my life through caring and doing the “right thing.“

A favorite Daily Stoic blog post I share often is “You Do Not Need This.” Note:

“You want it, don’t you?

That “I told you so.” That “Thank You.” That recognition for being first, or being better, or being different. You want credit. You want gratitude. You want the acknowledgment for the good you’ve done, for the weight that you carry.

What you want is what Marcus Aurelius has called “the third thing,” because you’re not content enough with the doing. “When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it,” he writes, “why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top—credit for the good deed or a favor in return?””

“You don’t need a favor back. You don’t need to be repaid. You don’t need to be acknowledged. You don’t need the third thing. That’s not why you do what you do. You’re good because it’s good to be good, and that’s all you need.”

Too often, it is natural to wonder, “Am I making a difference?” I have let go of the need to have affirmation of my actions. I choose instead to KNOW that What I Do Matters. Thus, the video referenced in the book resonated with me. I have provided the link below and encourage everyone to prioritize the hour of time to watch the documentary. Inspiration guaranteed! I hope you will feel compelled to embrace approaching the world and others with a kinder and gentler presence. You will influence others, and over time, you will be profoundly changed for the better!

Emma Seppala emphasizes throughout her book the importance of awareness of our thoughts and the impact that can have in keeping us from reaching sovereignty. The good news is that we can take control of our minds, prioritize our self-care, and bring our best selves to others and the world daily. Our thoughts build our actions and what we do. Consider, and hold close, this quote from Lao Tzu:

“Watch your thoughts; they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do Matters
Credit: The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do Matters