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Tilt The Future | Personal Development with Karena de Souza

Share your message. Stay the course. Your tribe WILL emerge. #TwinzTalk

My twin Don and I have lived our careers dedicated to developing and bringing our best potential to our careers and lives. Personal development and a willingness to invest in ourselves is a commitment we take seriously – we owe this to ourselves, those we work with, and the companies and clients we work for.

During a recent writing ✍️ retreat that Terri and I attended in the South of France (a post for another day – the experience was EPIC), I had the opportunity for an IRL meetup with Karena de Souza. I met Karena in 2020 through a writing community we participated in, and we have developed a virtual friendship over the past [almost] three years. In-person, we shared many conversations during the week. She is most definitely a kindred spirit in her encouragement and emphasis on the importance of investing in yourself and the need for continual personal development. We are delighted to have her as part of our tribe!

Don and I are inspired by Karena’s dedication to helping others grow and continually learn. Listen in as Karena, and I talk IRL about the critical importance of establishing individual priorities around learning – for ourselves, our children, and the emphasis within the family unit. She makes excellent points to reflect upon:

1:30 – Every family makes decisions about where to “park” personal development among their priorities.

2:15 – Most of us, professionally, live in an environment of short-term goals and urgency to accomplish/handle our responsibilities. Yet, how do we leave that mindset “in the office” and switch to a longer-term “30-year” mindset within our homes and families?

Karena, Don, and I live our lives to encourage people to invest in themselves and their families. Allocate resources and mental bandwidth to prioritize beyond the day-to-day “urgent” and “busyness” that can overwhelm us all if we are not thoughtful and judicious with our time and decisions. Develop in your world, and bring your talents to helping others.

Recent readings from The Daily Stoic Meditations by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman spoke compellingly to the need for us all to “start with ourselves.”

May 5 – “You are the Project“ stresses that “The raw material for the work of a good and excellent person is their own guiding reason…- Professionals don’t have to justify spending time training or practicing their work. It’s what they do, and practice is how they get good at it… the one constant is the working of those materials, the gradual improvements and proficiency.”

May 6 – “Righteousness Is Beautiful“ urges that the presence of human excellence makes a beautiful human being. Working diligently at human excellence needs to be an utmost priority. Quoting Epictetus:

“Then what makes a beautiful human being? Isn’t it the presence of human excellence? Young friend, if you wish to be beautiful, then work diligently at human excellence. And what is that? Observe those whom you praise without prejudice. The just or the unjust? The just. The even-tempered or the undisciplined? The even-tempered. The self-controlled or the uncontrolled? The self-controlled. In making yourself that kind of person, you will become beautiful—but to the extent you ignore these qualities, you’ll be ugly, even if you use every trick in the book to appear beautiful.”

—Epictetus, Discourses, 3.1.6b-9

Starting with ourselves and in our homes, we can build a foundation and lifestyle that enhances our ability to positively impact our world!

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Join the Kindness movement… KindLoook – “Look a little longer, with kindness…”

A longtime interest in my life has been kindness – to ourselves and others – and a curiosity about why kindness often seems missing in our lives.

Thanks to a chance encounter with Daniel Burns in the Akimbo Writing in Community (WIC) initiative that Terri and I joined in June 2020 (it turns out WIC evolved to become a tremendous gift out of the COVID pandemic challenge), I connected with Daniel and learned of his mission to encourage and spread kindness around the world, with greater intentionality. His mission ignited a flame inside me, yet now my determination to be more aware of and practice kindness has become a fulfilling integral part of my life. A few specific themes have evolved, which guide me every day:

  1. Excellence and Kindness. Live it. See it. Celebrate it.
  2. Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.

These encouragements have sharpened my lens of what I see in my world. I am not encouraging endeavors that are individually time-consuming, and the acts are often free for us to practice. Extending kindness to another person or the energy and attitude we bring to the world are available at no monetary cost and with only small incremental efforts of the time involved. The personal change that results from this mindset shift is fulfilling and life-changing.

Daniel and his kind-hearted team have introduced a global initiative inviting us all to be alert for and recognize kindness. Introducing KindLoook – “Look a little longer, with kindness.”

Here I will share two stories of kindness that happened yesterday – enhanced by my awareness of the moment/opportunity. Each of these were “This Made My Day” (#TMMD) [H/T to Rajesh Setty] moments that brightened my day, along with those involved in the exchange!

Saturday, April 8, 2023. My son Ryan and I went to Washington, DC, to attend the Washington Capitals vs. Florida Panthers hockey game. This game was the 10th of our 10-game flex-pack for the 2022-2023 season. Over the past two seasons, we have enjoyed the flex pack and have been blessed to attend every game. Each outing with Ryan is a time I treasure being with him, savoring our time together, and sharing our love of sports. Since this game was on a Saturday, we scheduled dinner at Farmers & Distillers, a restaurant where have enjoyed several pre-game meals. After dinner, we take a short walk to Capital One Arena and enjoy the game. The two moments of KindLoook that made my day:

Ryan and I shared a wonderful time together at Farmers & Distillers. Our meals and waiter service were excellent. When we were wrapping up the meal, a small mishap occurred that the waiter was very apologetic about. Mistakes happen, and I am diligent about not sweating the small stuff. The fact is, how mishaps are handled often speaks volumes about the character of the people involved.

The waiter (Darius) came by and asked to clear my dishes. Giving my OK, he picked up my plates and proceeded to stack two existing plates he was holding. When he added those plates to mine, a small container of ketchup flipped off my plate and landed face-down on the table. Darius quickly worked to pick up the container, but again a slight mishandling occurred, and the container landed face-down in my lap – on top of the napkin I still had in my lap. I was not disturbed and worked to get the container back to Darius to finish his effort of clearing the dishes.

As the situation was resolved, Darius was ready to move on with his task of removing three sets of dishes he held in his hands. Yet, he paused, leaned towards me, and expressed gratitude for my calm behavior (I am guessing a more common customer response would be disbelief or outrage?). He said, “Thank you for your kindness about that.” I was touched that Darius was moved enough to thank me for not causing a scene. Yes, wait staff have difficult jobs, but moments of kindness when we pause and appreciate the work of others might be the moment that gets them through their shift. Think about that the next time you feel moved to complain – could you turn to a moment of understanding, compassion, and kindness – and just maybe be a shining moment in their day?

The second KindLoook moment was in the arena. Ryan and I share the same seats for every game, so we notice some consistencies during each game. In particular, a concessions beer vendor would visit our section a few times every game. He had his routine down pat. This gentleman was hard working and serious about his work [I don’t believe I could last 30 minutes carrying the container of ice-cold beers and navigating the arena stairs, crowd activity, and the inevitable a bit too drunk unkind customer]. Clearly, he was working to maximize his compensation, but it was obvious he had the process wired and handled himself well in adverse situations.

I had never talked with this beer vendor, but thinking of KindLoook when I walked by him on the concourse before the game, I stopped to talk with him. Briefly (he was selling beer, and I did not want to disrupt his livelihood), I explained my son, and I noticed him at many Capitals games, and we were impressed with how hard he worked and how he handled himself professionally. I mentioned, “I don’t drink beer,” but I wanted to thank you for your efforts and the dedication you bring to the work you are doing. I then gave him a small cash tip and noted, “Please keep up the great work you do.“

His name is Caesar, and he said, “You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you for taking the time to give me a compliment.” WOW – I am so thankful to see Caesar in the arena concourse and have the opportunity to share a moment of gratitude with him!

My twin Don and I often express our work as “changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.” Let’s join Daniel Burns and fellow kindness advocates in the KindLoook initiative and change the world one interaction at a time!

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#TwinzTalk Marathon Personal Bests – Eye of the Tiger

Moments in your life often influence and shape you beyond anything you can imagine. My blog post here is the first glimpse of the “behind the scenes” experiences that have brought my twin Don and I to where we are in life today.

Don and I brought a unique strength to “the real world” after college: a relentless desire to learn and develop ourselves to maximize our ability to contribute to our careers and life. Very few people approach each day with the consistency, tenacity, and persistence we do. When we started our careers, we did not understand how unique/different we were. However, we were often rewarded when preparation met opportunity. Approximately ten years into our careers, we realized, “hey, our penchant for preparation and perspective about continual learning are unique qualities that we own.” As we were rewarded with results, our passion grew. But then, the snowball was rolling downhill (and has never stopped)!

The Eye of the Tiger

Don and I were competitive distance runners through high school, college, and for three years beyond college. We are sure that our experiences in the arena of distance running competitions shaped and prepared us to bring a unique focus to our lives once we were working professionally. We did not understand our uniqueness but have grown to be thankful and appreciative of the gifts that distance running brought to our lives.

We did not know this, but toward the end of our competitive distance running years, we ran the marathon of our lives. The 1983 song from the Band Survivor, The Eye of the Tiger, was our rallying cry as we prepared for the May 15, 1983, Revco-Cleveland Marathon. We hope you enjoy learning about the most significant distance running day of our life. You might enjoy our four-minutes audio discussion here.

In May 1982, I ran a 2:30:55 in the Revco-Cleveland Marathon. Revco was a hometown marathon that Don and I targeted each year from 1981 through 1983. On that day in 1982, my mission to “run a sub 2:30 marathon” was born. This goal was all-consuming on a personal level, and we had the advantage of having a twin brother to train and banter with daily. At the time, of course, neither of us understood this gift that we enjoyed–being a twin living together and both dedicated to the consistent training we knew was required to be at our best.

In early 1983, a song we leaned on often was “The Eye of the Tiger.” This song pumped us up when we were less inspired and on race days. On the morning of May 15, 1983, we were up at 5:00 AM to get ready for the 8:00 AM start of the marathon in downtown Cleveland. Our day had arrived; we were both healthy and ready to race! Now, we were to focus and prepare mentally for the challenge. Upon awakening at 5:00 AM, our preparation started with a loud playing of “The Eye of the Tiger.” Finding the balance of a mindset ready to “run through a wall” with the reality that we needed to stay within ourselves and execute a flawlessly paced effort was a challenge we knew how to handle. Now was the time to make it happen!

How did the day go? Don and I ran career-best personal records in a day that ultimately were our lifetime best! I ran 2:29:48 and achieved my dream of breaking the 2 1/2-hour barrier, an improvement of 1 minute 7 seconds from my 1982 result of 2:30:55. Don finished in 2:30:34, only 46 seconds behind me. We ran together for the first 23 miles in a race we will never forget. This 2:30:34 was a tremendous improvement for Don, bettering his previous personal best of about 2:37:00. With his effort through 23 miles, I was in position and on pace to achieve my goal.

While Don and I were pacing through the miles, we recognized that “we have no margin” to slip and achieve a sub 2:30. Truthfully, our pace was perfect, and our strength in distance running was our disciplined effort. We could not have scripted a better execution. On that day, we had “the eye of the tiger!” 

Band Survivor – Eye of the Tiger (Official Video)

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The “Virtually No One” Community – Join the Initiative!

Inspired by Seth Godin’s blog posted on January 2, 2023, my twin Don and I are starting the “Virtually No One” community. This community is for people who personally and professionally take “the road less traveled” and, in the long run, are making a compelling difference for themselves and their world.

Virtually no one is enough. Our lives and this community are committed to believing that a small act, thinking differently, and using our talents to solve problems, one individual does make a difference. We trust this to the core as we have seen proof throughout our lives and careers that our early adopter mindset, combined with a vision of potential, has exponentially rewarded, over and over. We know our beliefs and actions are “changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”

Seth’s blog notes:

“Compared to the overall population, virtually no one built Wikipedia, virtually no one voted for that senator and virtually no one starts a business. Virtually no one cares enough to help a stranger in need, and virtually no one leads the way.

And that’s okay.

Because virtually no one is enough.

“When we “see” the potential of thinking and working differently, the space is lonely and only persistence, and long-term dedication provides hope for progress (for example – consider the Slack collaboration tool introduced in 2016 – highly resisted in its early days, but now ubiquitous along with Microsoft Teams, in today’s world). The payoffs when the idea succeeds are very gratifying. To be clear, failures frequently occur, causing many to say, “I knew that wouldn’t work.” Because of the fact that failures do occur, and many folks will not move ahead (late adopters) without convincing definitive proof of success, virtually no one is willing to walk the path.

A few quotes of inspiration:

“Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.” –Howard Aiken

Steve Jobs “Crazy Ones” Quote:

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… The ones who see things differently – they’re not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the one thing you can’t do is ignore them, because they change things… Because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Think different.”

In all our actions, we think of helping others and helping the communities in which we live and work. Commit to personal development/self-improvement and lean on your talents to help others. Do what is right in your heart, and do not strive to “fit in” with the masses. To fit in is doing our genuine selves a disservice. We all are meant to and have so much potential to significantly contribute to the world with our unique talents.

A few examples of virtually no one community members:

  1. Don made a trip to Costco Wholesale recently and noted many stray carts in the parking lot. Case in point, virtually no one (other than an employee of Costco) will take the time to collect and return several carts to the appropriate stations and out of the vehicle’s harm’s way.
  2. How about picking up trash in our communities? Again, welcome to the virtually no one community!
  3. My wife Terri published a memoir of our son Ryan’s 5x cancer battles (The Focused Fight). Well, virtually no one writes a book.

Let’s get active and dedicate our talents and energy to making a positive contribution – in ways and areas where virtually no one, unfortunately, is paying attention. Join us, shine the light, and share your stories!

December 31, 2022 – Don Tomoff at Costco Warehouse – shopping carts assistance
July 24, 2021 – Ryan and Terri Tomoff at The Focused Fight Book Launch
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What if we approach with “this is my problem?”

In recent reading, messages from Seth Godin and Gary Vaynerchuk resonated with me and I was inspired to ask the question “how could I help by approaching challenges with the statement “this is my problem?”” What if we all cared more?

Too often in our daily lives, we encounter folks that avoid responsibility and accountability by simply stating “that is not my job” or “people are paid to do that.” How often do you hear this in your world? Worse, are you guilty of deferring or ignoring challenges / opportunities to contribute, by using these phrases?

Gary Vaynerchuk – Positivity Wins

Continue reading “What if we approach with “this is my problem?””