Excellence and kindness. These are themes in my life that became more intentional after our family discovered the concept of post-traumatic growth in 2015. Inherently, my personality has always bent toward a gentler and softer approach toward others. Yet, my commitment has since sharpened and become a steadfast part of how I approach my daily life. Thanks to the work of Gary Vaynerchuk, Tom Peters (his book The Excellence Dividend was my book of the year in 2018), and Daniel Burns KindLoook initiative discovered through my participation in the community of practice “Writing in Community,” I now unabashedly consider myself a kindness advocate and [desperately] want others to join the movement!
On July 2, 2022, on a beautiful sunny day in Berthoud, Colorado, my wife Terri and I were on vacation visiting our dear friends Linda and Mark Misencik when I was contemplating my daily writing to be completed. My exact words from my writing entry for the day included:
“Another book idea is percolating while contemplating experiences on vacation.
Working title (“paint at the wall”) to evolve and work with:
“Excellence and Kindness: Live It. See It. Celebrate It.”
My “lens” towards life gained even greater clarity that day. I would strive to intentionally live with excellence and kindness; I would make an effort to see it happening around me, and when I witnessed it, I would celebrate it by acknowledging the kindness or, if unable to acknowledge it, I would move forward inspired to pay kindness forward in honor of the moment I witnessed. Excellence and kindness can and do ripple beyond the act. I choose to believe this and live accordingly.
This thought, shared in the book Thriving as an Empath by Judith Orloff, MD, resonated with me:
“In Buddhism, karma is the destiny you earn through actions and behaviors. What you give is what you get.”
Through my journey of kindness advocacy, my life has been enriched by discovering others who share the mutual desire to make the world a kinder place. I am eternally grateful for everyone who has touched my life with kindness – because they cared. I leave you with this quote:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
It feels good to make others feel good. When you light another candle, your candle loses nothing. In fact, your candle will burn brighter!
In this blog post, Don and I champion eliminating email from one’s personal and professional life to reclaim precious time and improve productivity. My twin (#TwinzTalk) Don and I were inspired by Luis Suarez, who successfully gave up corporate email in 2008 while working at IBM. Luis argues that email is a broken model of communication and collaboration that consumes too much time and buries important information.
We suggest that individuals can enjoy several benefits by consciously reducing email usage and adopting alternative collaboration tools like Slack or Microsoft Teams, enabling increased transparency, reduced spam and phishing risks, and more time for learning, personal growth, and family. We recommend starting with a hybrid approach. For example, consider limiting email to two 15-minute sessions per day to gradually transition away from email dependency.
Our post references Suarez’s journey and insights shared in an openSAP podcast. Suarez emphasizes the importance of individual action in breaking the email chain, openly sharing knowledge, and admitting that email overuse is a problem. He also highlights the challenges of transitioning from closed to open communication and the potential for AI to eliminate mundane tasks.
Our blog post serves as a rallying cry for individuals to join the “virtually no-one community,” reclaim control of their time, and enhance productivity by reducing email usage. We believe that by embracing this mindset shift and finding better ways to collaborate, people can build more fulfilling lives and become more effective contributors in all aspects of their lives.
Full Original Writing – Reclaim Your Time by Going E-Mail-less
Don and I are on a continual quest to find smarter and better working methods. When we can “find a better way,” we are excited to try [primarily] technology tools that might help us move in ways that enhance our ability to contribute to our worlds and improve our ability to reclaim more of our most precious asset – the time in our lives. Since December 2022, much of our efforts have been dedicated to studying and working with the potential of GenAI and ChatGPT. Yet this topic, which we feel is one of the most compelling in our now 40+ year careers, is only one of a long string of adoptions that have provided us a disproportionate advantage in our careers and lives.
“There’s a way to do it better – find it.” -Thomas Edison
In 2016, we were introduced to the collaboration platform Slack. Don and I immediately recognized the potential to reduce EMAIL use and create transparency around documentation and conversations among colleagues. We were off and running, working with the platform and encouraging others to embrace the potential that we felt was compelling. In hindsight, our vision was correct. Slack and, later, Microsoft Teams have become ubiquitous in the working world. However, almost seven years later, EMAIL seems to be raging as the go-to communication tool for many people and businesses.
Don and I felt as though we were on an island with our tenacity to vastly eliminate the use of EMAIL in our lives. Being on “the road less traveled” was a common feeling we experienced while pursuing smarter and more effective ways of working and living. We grew to enjoy living in the long tail of technology adoption.
If almost anyone is asked, “Do you struggle with email and the time required to manage it?” most people would respond emphatically, “YES!” Yet, because we all are familiar with this standard in our businesses and lives, we accept the burden and time-suck imposed upon us. Accepting a known inconvenience that everyone else is managing lets us off the hook of needing to confront the challenge of changing how we work. Instead, often, we complain and keep marching forward with the status quo. Don and I run toward finding a better way. We like to acknowledge and embrace that we are members of the “Virtually No One Community.”
A community of practice that I participate in is Harold Jarche’s Perpetual Beta Coffee Club (PBCC). A member of that community, Luis Suarez, posted on LinkedIn on February 15, 2024, that he was celebrating his 16-year anniversary of “surviving corporate life without using email!” What a radical (inspiring to the Twinz) thought and initiative to embark upon in 2008. We proudly count Luis as a member of our “virtually no-one community!”
Why is the elimination of email such a big deal? The number one encouragement we implore is, “You reclaim time in your life to dedicate yourself to matters of greater importance – higher quality work time for learning and growing, and most importantly, time in your personal life for your family and other priorities.” Being a more effective, efficient, and contributing person across all aspects of life is compelling. Who does not want to be a more optimal performer?
In this podcast episode, openSAP Podcasts – Education NewsCast – Episode 277, “Insights on NoEmail and distributed, remote work with Luis Suarez,” Luis talks with Thomas Jenewein about his decision to choose to eliminate the use of email in his corporate life. If you think, “My company is too big, and this would not be possible in my case, Luiz made his decision when he was working with IBM!“
Indeed, there is a better way, and Luiz shares his insights on making #NoEmail a reality in your world. At 23:00 minutes, Luiz shares his thoughts about starting with a hybrid solution to reducing email. This is the solution that Don and I embraced starting in 2016. Currently, I prioritize two 15-minute daily periods to review and clear email. My goal is to be intentional with my email review and not exceed 30 minutes per day. In addition to reclaiming precious time in our days (mentioned above), a few additional compelling benefits for us include:
Using a collaboration tool (i.e., Slack or MS Teams), sharing and transparency “for all to see” enhances access, and information is not buried in email.
EMAIL spam and phishing risks are eliminated.
Time saved from email management is available for prioritizing more important personal or professional matters, such as learning, development, and personal growth.
On February 15 and 18, 2008, Luiz shared blog posts about his decision to eliminate email. It was a courageous move that the mainstream world thought ludicrous. One reaction to his announcement was, “You will be fired within two weeks.”
I highly encourage listening to the full podcast discussion. Luiz stood up and said, “Enough” to the challenge that email brings to so many of us. May this post and his emphasis throughout the podcast inspire you to take action and reclaim your precious time! As Don and I did, starting in earnest in 2016, we adopted a conscious mindset to reduce and control the use of email. A hybrid approach has worked for us and changed our lives – personally and professionally!
Below are several timestamps in the podcast that were notable in my listening, but please listen to the full podcast!
3:00 – Why no email?
4:15 – Email is a broken model of communication and collaboration.
5:45 – Two different kinds of reactions. First, “You will be fired within two weeks.” Note – Luis was employed with IBM when he implemented his decision. He was NOT fired within two weeks.
8:10 – Now, in 2024, receive EIGHT emails per week. EIGHT!
9:10 – Myth of Inbox Zero.
9:40 – If you really want to reduce email, YOU, you, the individual, need to stop using email first. Break the chain.
10:20 – Why am I doing it?
13:30 – Study how you use email (to begin the process of elimination – small steps).
16:00 – Openness and transparency using different tools.
17:00 – My knowledge is not my knowledge. It’s everyone’s knowledge.
18:00 – Hoarding knowledge in email. Why?
19:50 – YOU are much more powerful if you share your knowledge with others.
23:00 – Hybrid solution – less email and use other tools allowing transparency. This is a great starting point.
26:20 – In your email inbox, you cannot scale…
31:45 – Change is hard…
37:10 – The transition from closed to open is a very challenging shift to make. Everyone wants to be an expert.
39:15 – Hiding in your inbox is not going to take you anywhere.
41:30 – Start with admitting, “I do have a problem.”
42:00 – GenAI helps get rid of mundane tasks. Why not eliminate mundane tasks? Hard stop. There is no need for AI in this case!
45:20 – We need to take back control of how we do work.
Join the movement and build a more productive and fulfilling life for yourself. Thank you, Luiz, for taking your position in 2008 and living true to your mission. You have inspired the twinz and shown the world what is possible. There is a better way – and you have found it!
Bonus – please read the following media coverage of Luis’s initiative to eliminate EMAIL:
On December 3, 2023, I gifted my twin brother Don my unpublished memoir Double Vision: Seeing Life Through Twin Eyes. The book led with advice and life lessons we have learned through our careers in business and working closely with each other – as only a twin could do. Directly from the book, I share the following:
Book Back Cover Blurb
In collaboration with ChatGPT, the back cover blurb for the book sets the context of the gift I have received by the good fortune to share my life with a twin brother:
In his reflections, author Bill Tomoff delves into the profound bond he shares with his twin brother Don. Beginning their journey together in 1958, Bill and Don have navigated the complexities of life, intertwining their personal and professional paths in an extraordinary dance of support, competition, and growth.
This book is a heartfelt tribute to a relationship that exemplifies resilience and mutual inspiration. Through anecdotes from their childhood to their careers in accounting and technology, Bill paints a vivid portrait of a life enriched by Don’s presence. Their story is one of shared trials and triumphs, a testament to the unique connection between twins and the strength of having a constant ally.
Bill’s reflections are a chronicle of twinhood and a celebration of gratitude. He credits Don’s influence for much of his personal and professional development, underscoring the importance of support systems in achieving success. This book is a compelling narrative of two lives beautifully interwoven, a journey of learning, adaptation, and relentless pursuit of excellence, made possible by the unwavering bond between twin brothers.
Advice and Life Lessons Learned from the Twinz
Throughout our lives and careers, Don and I are grateful to have learned many lessons that have helped guide our approach to our worlds. We hope some of the points noted below will resonate with you and help you “level up” and achieve greater fulfillment and success.
A great joy in our lives is when we can share and help others through our own life experiences. If any of these tips resonate with you, please share them in your world!
Do your best: Your best is all anyone can ask.
Play the infinite game: Be aware of the game you are playing.
“Don’t let work get in the way of progress.” – Don Tomoff
“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.” – Bill Tomoff
Help others: In every interaction, think “help this person.” – inspiration fromBruce Kasanoff
Invest in yourself: Your time and resources. Prioritize personal development.
Read. Read: “Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.” – Harry S. Truman.
You will fail: You will make mistakes. Learn from these moments.
Be humble and carry a beginner’s (always learning) mindset.
Live a life of kindness and gratitude and express appreciation to others.
Send handwritten thank you notes: Expressing appreciation for family, friends, colleagues, customers, and others who help your journey through life is a superpower.
Generously share your knowledge and skills.
Live with an abundance mindset – not a scarcity (win-lose) mindset. There is room for everyone to win.
Embrace a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset.
Do not gossip, judge others, or share unwanted opinions.
Lead by example.
Change yourself to change others.
People need people: Remember the African proverb – “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.“
In this introspective blog post, I reflect on the concept of one’s “body of work” – the unique collection of experiences, talents, and contributions that make up an individual’s life story. Inspired by the writings of Steven Pressfield and Seth Godin, who emphasize that we are all artists in our own lives, I encourage readers to recognize and embrace their personal growth, leadership, and positive impact on others as their own form of art.
I share my own journey of self-discovery, which began in June 2020 when I joined a writing community with my wife, Terri. Through daily writing, I gained clarity of thought and a deeper appreciation for the power of the written word. This led to the creation of four unpublished memoirs, each focusing on a different aspect of my life: my personal story, my daughter’s soccer career, my older brother’s profound impact, and my shared experiences with my twin brother.
My work encompasses various meaningful areas that have shaped my identity and the value I strive to bring to the world. These include my experiences as a competitive distance runner, my academic and professional achievements, my role as a family man and caregiver to my son (a five-time cancer survivor), my love of sports, my involvement in soccer and refereeing, my advocacy for childhood cancer, personal development, and kindness, as well as my engagement in social media and communities of practice.
I conclude the blog post with an invitation to readers to contemplate their own life experiences and recognize the unique talents and nuances that make up their individual stories. I encourage everyone to embrace their personal body of work and continue refining it throughout their lives, joining me on this shared adventure of self-discovery and growth.
Full Original Writing – Introduction to My Body of Work
What is your story? Everyone has a story… and we all develop a body of work that builds as we find our path through life. Our body of work grows and our life perspective and wisdom is the gift of our work. We all are artists creating our own unique art that cannot be replicated by another human.
“One of the major responsibilities of a person is to make that intellectual spark which you have received from heaven illuminate the world around you.”
—Chinese Wisdom
The opportunity I am embracing here is to share my interpretation of my body of work through my personal lens. This writing is inspired by reading The Daily Pressfield by Steven Pressfield and The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin. Steven and Seth emphasize that we all can be/are artists in our lives. I love this – we just need to recognize how we grow, lead, contribute, and help others, is our art, if we care enough to put our heart and soul into the work of being our best every day.
As you read the rest of this introduction, I encourage you to contemplate, “What is my body of work that is the art creating my life story?”
My life has evolved from being a fiercely independent, accomplishment-driven young man to a family man led by my life experiences to building and developing my talents so I can maximize helping others and leaving the world a better place for having been alive.
My adventure into deeper self-introspection started in June 2020 when I joined my wife, Terri, in a writing community. Over the past [almost] four years, we have grown to love the daily process of writing, the clarity the writing brings to our thoughts, and an appreciation of the gift of writing and the community of kind and caring people participating with us.
My efforts have resulted in four unpublished memoirs that I have completed. I have gained tremendous enjoyment from writing these memoirs and fulfillment knowing the thoughts, appreciation, and memories I ultimately leave for my family. The four memoirs have now made it possible to think about and more clearly articulate my body of work through the blessing of my 65-plus years of life,
The four unpublished memoirs completed, and one in process, include:
December 2020 – Living Life…Off The Track. My personal memoir.
December 2021 – Forever Changed: One Family’s Adventure with The Beautiful Game of Soccer. My memoir of our daughter Olivia’s 15-year soccer career.
January 2023 – “Million Dollar Al” and Beyond. My memoir of my older brother Alex and his profound impact on my life.
December 2023 – Double Vision: Seeing Life Through Twin Eyes. My memoir of my twin brother Don and our shared adventure in life.
TBD (in-process) 2024 – I Did My Best. I Cared: Reflections on Experiences, Lessons Learned, and Heartfelt Tips to Live a Fulfilling Life.
As I write at this point in time, the meaningful areas of my body of work are many. I hold each of these close to my heart. They have shaped who I am and the value I strive to bring to the world every day. The areas include:
Competitive distance runner
College academics
Career
Family
Caregiver, with Terri, for our five-time cancer survivor son Ryan.
Post-Traumatic Growth
Love of sports shared with family
Soccer and soccer referee
Advocate for childhood cancer
Advocate for personal development
Advocate for kindness
Social Media 2010 and forward
#TwinzTalk cofounder 2018
Philosophy of Stoicism since 2019
Communities of practice
What is your story? Contemplating your life experiences, you may realize, as I have, that there are many nuances to every person’s life. We are all unique and have talents within us that no one else owns. Embrace yours and continue refining your body of work for the rest of your life! Join me on this adventure.
Follow my writing as I expand in greater depth to highlight each area of my body of work. Thank you for reading!
Are you on the sideline thinking about using AI tools such as ChatGPT Plus and Claude.AI? Hard stop – listen to the incredible wisdom of Seth Godin on Branding & Marketing In The Age of AI with Stephen Houraghan.
When ChatGPT was introduced on November 30, 2023, Don Tomoff and I quickly thought, “We need to understand what is happening here.” Since then, we have been stunned by the potential of this technology to assist us personally and professionally. We encourage anyone to adopt the ChatGPT Plus Pro plan for $20 per month and dedicate daily time to experimenting and getting a sense of the technology. We focus on narrowing the path to help others enter the AI-enabled world. For a quick start, see blog post dated February 14, 2024, ChatGPT Lite – How to Get Started: Introduction Part 1 of 6.
In the podcast episode linked below, Stephen asks Seth about his thoughts on the impact of AI. The image below speaks volumes. When Seth heard the question – he smiled as if to say “I was hoping you would ask this question!” For almost four minutes, Seth made compelling points that everyone should pay heed to:
“I think AI is the biggest change in our world since the invention of electricity. A bigger change than the internet.”
“If you are not using it for half an hour a day, you don’t understand.”
“Every word I put out there with my name on it [Seth Godin blog, etc.] was written by me. But if I was starting today, that would not be true.”
“What AI does today is it replaces competence… The only space left is to not be simply competent… You have to figure out how to do something that AI couldn’t do because that is the only thing worth charging for.”
“When you are doing work that could be done by AI, you should have AI do it so you can get back to the work that we need to pay you for.”
“You have helped create change. And now, change is coming after you.”
“The opportunities for agile, smart people to take advantage of AI over the next three years are enormous.”
The last point bears repeating for emphasis: “The opportunities for agile, smart people to take advantage of AI over the next three years are enormous.“
The YouTube video posted here will start at 32:18 when Stephen asks the AI question. The conversation goes to 36:00 minutes. Embrace these four minutes of learning Seth’s thoughtful and dramatic observations about the future of AI and what every professional needs to do now.
As Seth would encourage, “Go. Make a ruckus.” Please. The world needs your contribution. AI will help you create value for yourself and your ability to contribute and help others!
Since the introduction of ChatGPT in December 2023, #TwinzTalk Don Tomoff and I have prioritized learning and working with OpenAI’s ChatGPT and other LLMs, such as Anthropic’s Claude AI.
In the work that Don and I do, we continually challenge ourselves to “narrow the path” and present actionable information that encourages others to invest in their learning and identify ways to leverage technology to benefit their lives personally and professionally. In this regard, Generative AI and specifically the ChatGPT Plus LLM have become the most urgent focus for everyone. The advancements in these technologies are going to continue and accelerate. This document is focused on an introduction to getting started with ChatGPT adoption. We are referring to this as “ChatGPT Lite.”
Topics to be covered include:
Description of Generative AI (GenAI) and how ChatGPT fits into the framework of GenAI.
Steps to getting started with ChatGPT.
High-level concepts to understand.
Resources for learning – influencers and online learning courses.
Sample of use cases to inspire your creativity for personal use.
Before diving into the topics, in our interest of narrowing the path, we consider the following steps essential:
Enroll in ChatGPT Plus. This cost is currently $20 per month, and we emphasize that this must be considered a non-negotiable personal investment for every individual.
Commit to being curious and learning daily. Drip, drip, drip, the learning compounds by dedicating and investing personal time.
Understand that adoption of ChatGPT Plus is an individual decision and NOT subject to the approval of an employer. The opportunities to expose yourself and learn with this technology can be done personally without crossing the boundaries of professional roles possibly involving an employer’s intellectual property.
With this overview introduction completed, please follow along as we delve into the specific topics detailed above!
Parts 2 through 6 of this ChatGPT Lite series of blog posts can be accessed through the links below:
A theme that has been a central aspect and one I have held close throughout my life is my goal to always answer this question with “Yes, I did my best.” In my teen years, my efforts focused on distance running. However, I became much more intentional with my self-encouragement and introspection in 1977 when I started attending Ohio University and took on the challenge of obtaining a business degree in accounting.
On October 17, 1996, my and my family’s life was forever changed by the challenge of my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis. Every day, my wife Terri, me, then four-year-old daughter Olivia, and two-year-old Ryan started surviving by bringing “our best” to the day and the often unimaginable stresses that were now a part of our everyday lives. An acute sense of gratitude for life and the joys of ordinary moments quickly took hold in our perspectives. I wish our gift of perspective were one that everyone could genuinely appreciate. Yet, I wish for others to reach this perspective without traveling the road Ryan and our family have traveled for the past 27+ years.
Post-Traumatic Growth
In chapter 33 of Terri’s memoir The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, she discusses her discovery of Post-Traumatic Growth while we were traveling in 2015. Thanks to Oprah Magazine and journalist Ginny Graves, Terri’s discovery of this topic crystallized many emotions we felt through Ryan’s challenges. Without realizing the impact (our focus was saving Ryan’s life and providing as much normalcy as possible for Olivia), our lives profoundly changed by embracing our mission to help others affected by childhood cancer and to pay forward the care and kindness that has been showered upon us since that life-changing day in 1996. In introducing the section in her book, Terri shared this quote that has rung true for us:
“Something very beautiful happens to people when their world has fallen apart: a humility, a nobility, a higher intelligence emerges at just the point when our knees hit the floor.”
—Marianne Williamson
Collaborating with ChatGPT, I summarized the chapter with a 500-word recap and then generated an insightful bullet-point highlight list of ways post-traumatic growth has enhanced our lives. I shared these two results below. A BONUS – the full text of chapter 33 from Terri’s memoir is provided here.
Chapter 33 Summary | Collaboration with ChatGPT
Chapter 33 of Terri Tomoff’s book “The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles” is titled “Post-Traumatic Growth.” The chapter opens with a note from Tomoff’s son, Ryan, reflecting on his experiences with PTSD following his battle with cancer. This note provides insight into the challenges he faced, such as constant fear of cancer recurrence, the constant medical environment, and coping mechanisms like video games.
Tomoff connects Ryan’s struggles with the concept of post-traumatic growth (PTG), an idea suggesting that individuals can experience positive transformation following trauma. This concept is hard for some to comprehend, and not everyone can rally around it, but it represents an alternative to the narrative of unending suffering.
Tomoff then recounts her family’s various contributions to their community following Ryan’s diagnosis, including running marathons to raise money, starting a Postcard Project, and taking meals to the hospital floor where Ryan was treated. She shares that these activities, aimed at helping others, could be considered PTG as they transformed their family’s trauma into a positive force that benefited their community.
The term PTG was coined by Richard Tedeschi, a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, who asserted that trauma survivors could undergo profound changes that extend beyond mere resilience. Jack Tsai from Yale School of Medicine adds that the healthcare system emphasizes identifying dysfunctions rather than superior functioning. This trend is now shifting towards promoting overall well-being.
Tomoff elaborates on her family’s extensive volunteer work, including lobbying for childhood cancer funding, founding advisory boards, and volunteering at various organizations and events. These activities provided a sense of purpose, helped others facing similar challenges, and, in return, aided their healing process.
Tomoff explains that despite the pain associated with a childhood cancer diagnosis, the shared experience has created a strong sense of community and camaraderie. This has led to emotional sharing sessions that have deeply moved the families involved and the staff at the facilities they work with.
Finally, the chapter highlights the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild of Bowie, Maryland, which Tomoff is a part of. The group has made over 2000 quilts for newly diagnosed children at Georgetown University Hospital and has extended its mission internationally. Tomoff and her family’s endeavors reflect the essence of PTG, transforming a traumatic experience into meaningful contributions to society, leading to their emotional growth.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Our Enhanced Family Approach to Life | Collaboration with ChatGPT
From Chapter 33 of Terri Tomoff’s memoir, it’s clear that the family’s experience with their son Ryan’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent trauma transformed their approach to life, fostering a deep commitment to aiding others and giving back to society. This transformation reflects their experience with post-traumatic growth (PTG). Here are some key ways in which PTG enhanced their life:
Embracing Purpose Through Helping Others: They found purpose and solace in assisting others undergoing similar trials. This included running marathons to raise funds, launching “The Postcard Project”, delivering meals to the hospital, and volunteering at multiple organizations. They found a form of healing by turning their trauma into meaningful activities.
Creating Advocacy Initiatives: Their personal experience led them to advocate for more funding for childhood cancer research. Tomoff mentions lobbying on Capitol Hill with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society as a part of this initiative.
Building Community: They co-founded the Parent Advisory Board and involved themselves in other groups supporting families dealing with cancer. This fostered a strong sense of community, which provided emotional support and a platform for shared experiences.
Promoting Well-Being and Positive Transformation: Their work with others emphasized the promotion of well-being, aligning with the concept of PTG. They believed that surviving adversity could be used as a catalyst for profound personal change and betterment.
Empathy and Understanding: Their own experience with trauma allowed them to deeply empathize with other families going through similar experiences, making them effective in their efforts to help others.
Legacy and Long-Term Commitment: The family has pledged a lifelong commitment to giving back to society, acknowledging that they “will never live long enough to give back to the universe.” This dedication is evident in their ongoing efforts, such as Terri Tomoff’s work with the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild, which has created over 2,000 quilts for children newly diagnosed with cancer.
Family Involvement: The family turned their struggle into a collective mission, involving every family member in various ways. This not only helped in dealing with their trauma but also fostered a sense of unity and shared purpose within the family.
In summary, the concept of post-traumatic growth profoundly affected the Tomoff family, driving their extensive efforts to help others, advocate for change, and create a legacy of kindness and resilience in the face of adversity. This has fundamentally transformed their approach to life, making them deeply committed to serving their community.
Thanks to the interpretation and insights offered by ChatGPT, the results beautifully articulate the essence of Terri’s heartfelt writing about post-traumatic growth and the impact our family has felt throughout the years of Ryan’s treatments. We can all show up and do our best one day at a time. Doing your best is what YOU must hold yourself accountable for – this is a personal matter and not subject to the judgment of others. Do your best, keep moving, and hold your head high.
November 4, 2004 – PBMT Donor Meetup – Olivia, Bill, Terri, and Ryan Tomoff
October 1996 – Ryan and Bill Tomoff at Georgetown Hospital
October 1996 – Ryan and Bill Tomoff at Georgetown Hospital – Dad heading home
On October 10, 2023, inspired by Sahil Bloom’s post, I began a five-minute daily reflection ritual, focusing on five aspects: Win, Gratitude, Stress or Tension, Helping Others/Shining the Light, and Activity/Personal Development. After 100 days, the practice remains a source of intentionality and personal alignment, offering clarity and a momentary escape from the digital frenzy.
Daily, I handwrite my reflections on an index card, cherishing the tactile process as a form of self-care. This habit, reminiscent of my morning meditations and inspired by the Stoicism encouragement to “put each day up for review,” encourages introspection and gratitude. Seneca’s wisdom on self-evaluation resonates deeply, prompting me to scrutinize my actions and thoughts, contributing to my ongoing quest for self-improvement.
Through this simple yet profound practice, I’ve realized the transformative power of pausing and pondering daily life. It’s a reminder of what truly matters, enabling me to confront life’s challenges with a grounded and grateful heart. I advocate this practice for anyone seeking fulfillment, urging them to start small and witness the profound impact of daily reflection.
Original Reflection
October 10, 2023. After reading a post by Sahil Bloom on social media, I began a daily reflection process of prioritizing five minutes to reflect on five aspects of my day. Sahil’s post highlighted three items, and I subsequently added two additional prompts to reflect upon.
Sahil’s original three were:
Win
Gratitude
Stress or Tension
My additions:
Help Others/Shine the Light
Activity/Personal Development
My goal with this exercise is to intentionally reflect and appreciate/inspire my daily approach to life. On January 17, 2024, I completed 100 consecutive days of reflection. I am unsure how long I will continue this process, but I feel the daily reflection brings me value by helping me be intentional about my perspective and how I want to bring myself to the world daily.
The daily reflections are handwritten on an index card. I deliberately chose to do this exercise manually vs. electronically. Sitting with my thoughts and handwriting my observations are my way of slowing down and creating a pause in my life – away from the distractions of the non-stop digital worlds we live in. The gift of the process is the daily reminder of the areas I want to prioritize and be certain to “sit with” for a few minutes to look at my day and ask, “How did I do today, and what highlights do I want to remember?” Writing my observations by hand creates a few moments of joy/contentment for me. The act itself is a gift I am giving to myself and is a small part of my self-care.
An aspect of my personal development that I wrote about in my blog post dated May 20, 2023, Dawn of Awareness: A Journey of Self-Discovery through Morning Meditations, is my love of morning quiet time, where I read several daily meditations that help me reflect and prepare for the upcoming day. The Daily Stoic Meditations is one of the books included in my process.
The Daily Stoic Meditation for January 22nd, The Day In Review, resonated with me. The encouragement is to prioritize time to evaluate our day and assess how we feel about our day’s performance. My approach with the index card is a mini-version of the daily stoic recommendation. While I reflect and write, my mind assesses the areas I have identified as a priority in my life. As noted in the Meditation:
“I will keep constant watch over myself and—most usefully—will put each day up for review. For this is what makes us evil—that none of us looks back upon our own lives. We reflect upon only that which we are about to do. And yet our plans for the future descend from the past.”
—Seneca, Moral Letters, 83.2
“Take time to consciously recall the events of the previous day. Be unflinching in your assessments. Notice what contributed to your happiness and what detracted from it. Write down what you’d like to work on or quotes that you like. By making the effort to record such thoughts, you’re less likely to forget them. An added bonus: you’ll have a running tally to track your progress too.”
Can a short process of assessing and journaling each day enhance your life? I encourage you to start small and try it! May you find contentment and fulfillment as you “put each day up for review.“
Since 2009, my twin, Don, and I have been captivated by the potential of social media, using it to foster our personal and professional growth and share insights through initiatives like #TwinzTalk and #TwinsTechTip. Our journey on these platforms laid the groundwork for a deeper exploration into specialized communities of practice (COPs), a transition inspired by Seth Godin’s 2020 blog on “A Community of Practice.”
My wife, Terri, and I embarked on a COP new venture, starting with a writing community group in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic. These focused communities have been a wellspring of learning and growth and building new connections and knowledge beyond the broader platforms available through social media. Influential figures like Tanmay Vora, Rajesh Setty, and Harold Jarche have been instrumental in this journey, inspired by Tanmay’s work on leadership and learning, which deeply resonated with me.
This shift to more intimate COPs has been transformative, aligning with the principle “to whom much is given, much will be required” (Luke 12:48). It echoes the support and kindness my family experienced during my son Ryan’s cancer battles, a blessing I am committed to paying forward. The journey through COPs and virtual communities has been profound, reminding us of our responsibility to contribute and grow within these nurturing spaces and our broader network when possible. I embrace the requirement that my talents and gifts must be shared with my broader network – a network that is exponentially larger through the availability of social media and COPs.
“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”
–Steve Prefontaine
Original Reflection
I have separately written about my appreciation of participating in Communities of Practice (COP). I am developing a blog post that takes a deeper dive into how my wife, Terri, and I have been encouraged and inspired through our involvement in various communities that started in June 2020.
My contemplation about my involvement in COPs lifts me up. I am grateful to many wonderfully talented, generous, and kind participants who have helped me learn and grow. The community’s participants care about developing their craft and helping others on their path. The environment is enriching.
Before joining a specific COP (Writing in Community was my initial participation), I felt a “looser,” yet similar, connection through many social media relationships that have developed over the years. I revisited a blog post from Tanmay Vora titledLeading and Learning: How to Feed a Community. Now, after my experience with specific COPs over the past 3+ years, Tanmay’s post resonates more clearly with me.
Tanmay Vora Sketchnote –Lisa Haneberg “How to feed the community.”
“The idea of “to whom much is given, much will be required” is that we are held responsible for what we have. If we are blessed with talents, wealth, knowledge, time, and the like, it is expected that we use these well to glorify God and benefit others.” [BOLD emphasis is mine]
I credit my first awareness of the above thought to Mr. Abe Pollin, the owner of Washington Sports & Entertainment, the organization I worked with from 1996 to 2011. Beyond wealth, we must help others with the other blessings we may receive – such as talents and knowledge. An additional blessing that I am committed to paying forward for the rest of my life is the gift of kindness and support that family, friends, community, and strangers have brought to my family’s lives through my son Ryan’s 27+ five-time battles with cancer. I am forever indebted and grateful for all the gifts in my life, and I will use those gifts to help others.
My twin Don and I love social media – we appreciated the professional potential early on, starting in 2009. Sharing a strong interest in technology and personal development, our careers have emphasized building awareness, skills, and learning across many areas that we then shared in our professional circles and on social media. We strive to enlighten others with the gifts our vision and early adopter tendencies have brought to our lives. In 2018 and 2020, we initiated #TwinzTalk and #TwinsTechTip, respectively, for sharing tips on LinkedIn.
Tanmay’s blog post inspired me to highlight his and his work’s impact on my life. Since our 2016 connection via Twitter, his talent, generosity, and kindness for helping others around leadership and conveying his learning into beautiful digestible sketchnotes have helped sharpen/refine my interest in personal development and my potential for helping others through my experiences and life learnings. Helping others learn and grow their talents is my gift and the purpose of my work. In Tanmay’s blog post, he notes:
“Lisa Haneberg, one of my favorite bloggers, wrote about how to feed a community where she said,
If we want to belong to a vibrant community we have to feed it.”
“It became quite clear to me that learning is a social act and we learn the most when we learn together.
In the communities that we choose to belong to (online and offline), we have to do our part in feeding it. It is only when we are generous about sharing our gifts that we build credibility to receive anything meaningful in return…”
Tanmay also mentions Rajesh Setty and his course offering “The Right Hustle,” along with Harold Jarche and his work aboutPersonal Knowledge Mastery. I am connected to Rajesh and Harold and have learned much from them. My interest and action to follow are all thanks to Tanmay’s belief in their work. I am forever grateful and indebted. My responsibility is to pay forward their contributions by helping others in my network.
In May 2020, Seth Godin shared a blog, “A Community of Practice,” that led Terri and I to join a Community of Practice (a separate, more in-depth discussion of this to follow). In addition to the learning community that Don and I have developed via social media, Seth introduced the possibility of joining specific intimate communities that created the potential for greater connection among like-minded, kind, and generous people. Little did we know the magic that would unfold for us, beginning with our initial enrollment in a writing-in-community platform in June 2020! The pandemic and virtual communities of practice collided in 2020, and as Doctor Seuss would say:
“Oh, The Places You’ll Go! You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights!”
–Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Who feeds your learning, and are you living up to your responsibility to do your part in feeding the community?
Terri and Bill Tomoff with book efforts in Writing In Community community of practice 2020-2021
Be Kind – some themes need to be front and center every day of every year.
Happy New Year to all. Wishing everyone a 2024 year filled with kindness and compassion for yourself, others, and our world! Together we can go far…
Andrea Sanchez, thank you for the inspiration and opportunity to share the message with “Be Kind” signs from the “Wisconsin Kindness Angel”.
The above comments were originally shared on LinkedIn with TwinzTalk tip 1179.
In connection with my “Word of the year” for 2024 – Value – I am contemplating the many ways we can bring value to ourselves and others.
I am finding contentment in the all-encompassing nature of the word. The principles I aspire to live by – such as kindness, appreciation, and helping others – contribute to forming my thoughts, decisions, and actions as I go through my day.
While I was out running errands today, it occurred to me that our presence around others (whether we are calm, smiling, or showing enthusiasm, if possible) is a subtle yet compelling way to bring value to our world.
The thought that struck me was, “Your presence matters. Our energy can inspire a ripple into the world.”
Unfortunately, human nature tends to bend towards negative sentiments and “what is wrong” with any situation. When we have a positive experience, it often goes unnoticed, or we move through the moment with no appreciation because the outcome is what we expected. Oh my, such a sad state to carry through our lives!
How about we recognize the problem by recognizing that highlighting negative experiences and complaining about life’s everyday challenges brings an awful vibe to our world?
Let’s intentionally “flip the script” and celebrate the everyday caring and kindness around us. This action will create an energy that has the potential to ripple beyond our imagination. And, by the way, it feels good to be this type of person.
In my daily writing, I recently collaborated with ChatGPT to expand on my belief the “kindness and generosity begets more kindness and generosity.” Along this theme, these quotes resonated:
“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”
– Princess Diana
“Remember there’s no such things as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”
– Scott Adams
Collaboration with ChatGPT
I asked ChatGPT a few questions about my belief that “kindness and generosity begets more kindness and generosity.” The response noted, “Reciprocal Altruism is a fancy way of saying, “If I help you today, maybe you’ll help me tomorrow.” But the most important part is that you help without expecting anything immediately, just because it’s kind and friendly.”
I added the following prompt:
“I understand your explanation of reciprocal altruism, but I struggle with your presentation – I believe in kindness and generosity with no expectation of a direct reciprocal action. Rather, I believe the “universe” will reward me over the long run. Thus, I believe the style will reward those who consistently practice goodness and kindness, but we cannot be directly looking for reward and affirmation.
Am I making any sense?”
ChatGPT responded with an answer that more aligned with my thinking:
“Yes, you are making perfect sense. Your perspective aligns with a more altruistic or selfless approach to kindness and generosity. In this view, acts of kindness are done without expecting direct reciprocation from the individuals you help. Instead, there’s a broader belief that these good deeds contribute to a positive shift in the universe or the overall fabric of society. This shift may bring about positive outcomes in the long run, potentially in indirect or unforeseen ways.
This approach is more philosophical and spiritual than the concept of reciprocal altruism as defined in social psychology. In comparison, reciprocal altruism focuses on a somewhat transactional understanding of kindness (I help you, expecting that you or someone else will help me in return); your belief system is centered around contributing to the greater good without immediate or direct expectation of return.
In many ways, this can be seen as a more pure form of altruism. It’s about contributing positively to the world and trusting that these actions create a kinder, more generous environment overall. This belief in the long-term, indirect rewards of goodness and kindness resonates with various philosophical and spiritual teachings across cultures. It’s a view that underscores the intrinsic value of good deeds and the belief in a kind of moral balance in the universe.”
Thank you, ChatGPT! The explanation provided beautifully articulates the sentiments I carry in my heart and hold onto to inspire me to strive to set an example of kindness and generosity.
