What are your superpowers? Consider appreciating and developing the power of anticipation. #TwinzTalk
In my recent morning reading, the August 25th post titled Cultivate the Third Eye in Robert Greene’s book The Daily Laws resonated with me.
In our personal development agenda, Don and I address anticipation as a superpower we have developed throughout our careers. Greene suggests that “reading the future” is a trait we can learn and develop. He notes:
“Most people are locked in the moment. They are prone to overreacting and panicking, to seeing only a narrow part of the reality facing the group. They cannot entertain alternative ideas or prioritize. Those who maintain their presence of mind and elevate their perspective above the moment tap into the visionary powers of the human mind and cultivate that third eye for unseen forces and trends. They stand out from the group and fulfill the true function of leadership.”
Prioritize time to contemplate your superpowers. Many superpowers are not inherited – they can be developed. Anticipation is powerful and well worth deliberately working towards. The payoff compounds – working and living with a proactive mindset vs. reacting to what the world throws at us – are incredibly valuable!
Summary of Blog Post Highlights (assist to ChatGPT)
After I have written about a topic of interest, I often enjoy prompting ChatGPT to provide a TL;DR summary and/or a recap of highlights. I have found ChatGPT often recaps my words and articulates my thoughts better than I can! The highlights of the full blog post:
Stay Calm: Don’t succumb to the fear and hysteria often portrayed by mainstream media. Embrace change with a calm and open mind.
Adopt a Possibility Mindset: Be optimistic about AI’s potential benefits. Rather than fearing the unknown, explore new technology’s possibilities.
Limit Exposure to Alarmist Media: Alarmist narratives often overemphasize the risks of AI. Make an effort to seek balanced, well-researched information.
Be Curious, Not Judgmental: Approach AI with curiosity and an eagerness to learn. Don’t dismiss it outright due to misconceptions or biases.
Test Out Technology: Engage with AI in low-risk situations to gain firsthand experience. Ignoring AI might pose a higher risk in the long run.
Leverage, Don’t Overly Rely on AI: While AI can be highly beneficial, don’t become too dependent on it. Strive for a balanced use of technology.
Continuous Learning and Development: By remaining curious and open-minded, you can continually develop personally and professionally. AI offers an array of opportunities for learning and growth.
Make Informed Decisions: By engaging with AI, you can make educated decisions about its utility. This will allow you to benefit from the technology while mitigating the potential risks of choosing to ignore the tools.
Contribute Positively: A measured, intentional approach to AI can enable you to make significant contributions to society and improve your own life.
Full Blog Post
I recently read a blog post by Ted Lamade, published by Collaborative Fund, titledFear of Acorns.
Starting with a story about the fable of Chicken Little, Lamade turns the focus to the modern-day introduction of AI and the fact that there is no shortage of fear that “the sky is falling” and that AI is leading us down a dangerous path. Is the fear warranted?
The fear is probably not warranted. Ask the TwinzTalk duo, and Don and I will enthusiastically share the incredible potential for good that we believe AI will bring to people who are calm, curious, and asking the question, “How can these AI tools be used to help?”
While AI is the “latest” technology, it is easy to find plenty of mainstream media coverage broadcasting the danger to our future lives; creating fear is a common quick reaction that scares people and supports a desire to stay with the status quo in their life. On an individual level, we must start by analyzing our responses and considering, “Am I taking a deliberate, thoughtful approach to my decisions, or am I part of the problem by taking a negative stand without doing any research on my own?”
Below, I will share thoughts from the article and tips that Don and I recommend as a more rational and thoughtful approach to assessing new technologies, including our approach to using ChatGPT AI.
“…an irrational amount of fear is a problem because it makes us susceptible to the “Foxy Loxy’s” of the world. Those who aim to leverage fear for personal gain. Those who sell advice, products, and services that feed into the fear. Those who want it to magnify it at every turn. The media is the obvious culprit, but there are countless others.”
“This past weekend alone, there were more than two dozen articles in the various papers I read highlighting the risks surrounding AI, how it is going to dismantle the American workforce, cause the wealth gap to widen even further, destabilize the economy, and even lead to nuclear holocaust.”
“For something that is so confusing and complicated, the answer is likely relatively simple. For industries less dependent on human behavior, AI will likely be a highly beneficial development. However, for those more dependent on us and our whims, caution is likely warranted.
This said, the majority of industries will unsurprisingly fall somewhere in the middle, which means they will be better off if they find a way to leverage but not rely too heavily on these new technologies.”
The article is thought-provoking and should encourage anyone to “take a deeper look” and study the possibilities of AI before dismissing the technology outright. The riskiest decision may be “I don’t need this,” and to proceed with your life’s routine. The approach that Don and I have used throughout our careers and are currently using around adopting ChatGPT and other AI technologies rapidly showing up in the world is:
Stay calm.
Carry a mindset of possibility. Be optimistic.
Do not watch or limit exposure to mainstream media, which brings alarmist news or the latest catastrophe to our living rooms.
Be curious and not judgemental. Ask yourself, “What might I be missing?” Read widely and study how tools are being used.
Choose to test out technology with the lowest risk proposition. Remember, choosing to ignore or do nothing may be an expensive choice in the longer run. By choosing low-risk ways to touch technology, you are gaining firsthand experience and are able to make a more educated decision for yourself as to whether to use it or not. By choosing low-risk, a mistake does not eliminate you from playing the game.
A calmer, optimistic mindset and a more intentional approach toward technology will open up a surprising world of possibilities to develop yourself personally and professionally. Be curious and chip away every day. You will develop yourself and become a more substantial contributor to your world and those who surround you!
“We need to keep our sight on managing the balance sheet.”
I was stating a phrase often as I evolved in my career finance leadership roles. Along with that phrase was a follow-up noting, “The balance sheet is where the magic is.“
High emphasis is given to a company’s profit and loss performance within the business world. Yet, we must fully understand and monitor/manage the full range of financial statements – the income statement (P&L), the balance sheet, and the statement of cash flows. Mr. Pollin, the former owner of the NBA Washington Wizards, NHL Washington Capitals, and the arena in downtown Washington, DC (MCI Center built and opened on December 2, 1997), once emphasized to me, “Cash is king.” Cash provides freedom in business – space to allow for investing and growth decisions, a buffer to enable the peace of mind that the company can weather an economic downturn and possibly make decisions to come out even stronger on the other side of tough times.
Where does cash reside in the financial statements? The balance sheet. Cash and business equity (retained earnings) are the two figures that shine a spotlight on the possible health of a company.
“Wait, are you telling me the income statement is not important? How do we know how we are performing?” We are NOT suggesting the income statement is not essential – closely monitoring, understanding, and managing revenues and expenses is imperative for any business. A sustainable business does not happen or survive by performing at a net loss (expenses greater than revenues) year in and year out. Yet when a viable business generates a profit, a tandem step must be working diligently on managing the balance sheet.
What sources and uses of cash? Are we operating at a positive cash flow level? We must increase the balance sheet cash and retained earnings.
Most accounting professionals understand the descriptions and emphasis noted above. What Don and I encourage/implore individual professionals to understand – the concept of “manage the balance sheet” applies to all of us in our personal lives. The results can be catastrophic if we fail to recognize and dedicate ourselves to this critically important work.
A choice to do nothing and not own our personal development is still a choice. Once awareness is acknowledged, inaction is a choice. We need to highlight and understand the risks.
A component of our morning reading process includes The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman. The meditation of July 17th,The Start-Up of You, noted emphasis on personal development:
But what does Socrates say? “Just as one person delights in improving his farm and another his horse, so I delight in attending to my own improvement day by day.”
“But shouldn’t we be just as invested in building ourselves as we would be in any company?
Like a start-up, we begin as just an idea: we’re incubated, put out into the world where we develop slowly, and then, over time, we accumulate partners, employees, customers, investors, and wealth. Is it really so strange to treat your own life as seriously as you might treat an idea for a business? Which one really is the matter of life and death?”
When contemplating our personal lives, let’s understand the perspective of a macro view beyond the financial elements. Below are several factors that we would consider aspects of the individual balance sheet:
Financial matters are a significant pillar in our balance sheets. Be bold about embracing personal finance knowledge. We suggest Morgan Housel’s The Psychology of Money.
Cash, investments, and net worth are the core elements in the traditional sense of the balance sheet.
“Being able to do what you want, when you want, where you want, with who you want, and for as long as you want provides a lasting level of happiness that no amount of “fancy stuff” can ever offer.”
Commit to personal development. Invest your own time and money and actively seek learning opportunities in areas of your interest and professional growth.
Self-care is essential and is not a selfish priority. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Exercise and get your rest.
Mindset – embrace a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset.
Adopt a morning reading routine. Challenge your thinking and learn from others.
Bring kindness, positivity, and encouragement to the world. You will feel better, be noticed, and appreciated.
In small ways, help others consistently-every day, with no expectation. You will feel more fulfilled.
What presence do you bring to the world – we need to be a friend to ourselves, our world, and each other.
Stay CALM. Great strength and advantage accrue to individuals who can keep themselves aware and clear-headed in times of adversity. A helpful post from The Daily Stoic –How To Remain Calm When The World Is Freaking Out.
Relationships – who do you spend your time with?
What media do you consume? We are what we consume.
Slow down and prioritize time in your day to assess and work on your personal balance sheet. We hope this post provides thoughts that guide you toward an increasingly fulfilling life. To work on ourselves is a privilege and a joy – a better you helps to create a better world.
Invest in yourself. The world needs your talents and contributions!
My twin Don and I have been learning, “playing with,” and working to identify compelling personal use cases for using CGPT to enhance our performance and ability to bring increased value to ourselves and others.
The summaries provided here were a direct result of prompting CGPT based on the full text of the chapter. I have first-hand knowledge of the topic (creator of The Postcard Project), so I can verify the results of our family’s direct experiences. I have tweaked the results below for greater clarity and accuracy, yet the starting point provided by CGPT astounded me!
I started by copying and pasting the chapter’s entire text, about 1,500 words, into CGPT and prompting it for a 500-word summary recap. Then I prompted, “Why was the postcard project important for Ryan and our family?” The results encouraged me to share in this blog post. Reminder – I carefully read the answers generated by CGPT and modified the results to reflect sentiments that aligned exactly with my feelings. However, the “head start” provided by CGPT is the emphasis here – I am sure this result would not have been gathered without the assistance of CGPT.
Recap of the Chapter:
Chapter 19 of Terri Tomoff’s book, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, titled “The Postcard Project,” shares the story of a unique initiative undertaken by the family of Ryan. This young boy had gone silent after his second acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) cancer relapse.
The news of the relapse made Ryan sad and uninterested in talking with almost anyone. Hoping to lift his spirits and encourage him to communicate, his father, Bill, conceived a project where well-wishers would send sports-themed postcards with supportive messages to Ryan. He was a huge sports fan.
Termed “The Postcard Project,” the idea rapidly gained momentum, with people sending postcards worldwide. In addition, Ryan received other gifts, including sports jerseys and even a letter of good wishes from the President of the United States,George W. Bush! The family had set up a P.O. Box to manage the volume of mail, which exceeded 2,500 pieces between June and December 2004.
The postcard project not only provided a distraction for Ryan but also became a ray of hope for the entire family. People’s goodwill worked wonders, as the messages he received lifted Ryan’s spirits. Depending on his health and mood, He could open the mail on his terms, either in the hospital or at home.
One touching incident mentioned in the chapter was when a nurse, who had earlier sent Ryan a postcard from Hawaii, was assigned to him at Duke University Medical Center for his bone marrow transplant. The family viewed this coincidence as a minor miracle.
Despite the trauma and uncertainty surrounding Ryan’s treatment, the chapter emphasizes the resilience of Ryan and his family. Their motto of taking things “One. Day. At. A. Time.” was a steady mantra amidst the chaos of chemotherapy treatments, infection complications, recovery, and preparation for his bone marrow transplant.
The postcard project had miraculously achieved its aim – Ryan’s spirits were lifted by the cards received, and he began to talk and engage with others. The chapter also highlights Ryan’s resolve to attend an annual weeklong cancer camp, Special Love’s Camp Fantastic, reiterating his determination and will to live.
Overall, “The Postcard Project” exemplifies the healing power of collective goodwill and how a small act of kindness can have far-reaching impacts.
Why was The Postcard Project Important for Ryan and Our Family?
The response generated by CGPT brought me great gratitude for the idea happening. It reminded me that Ryan and our family were immensely blessed with the overwhelming response that supported him throughout the summer of 2004 and his trip to and treatment at Duke University Medical Center in October 2004 until we returned to Maryland in March 2005. A couple of boxes of unopened cards traveled with us. Ryan had a consistent available supply of notes that reminded him he was loved, and a vast tribe of supporters was holding him close in their thoughts and prayers.
The reasons suggested by CGPT for the significance of the project were:
Boosted Spirits
Sense of Connection
Restored Communication
Global Support
Distraction from Pain
Family Bonding
Miracle Moments
Each reason suggested was a great observation, and Terri and I would summarize in the same way – if we were able to articulate the thought as concisely as offered by CGPT (and then reworded to our preference).
The response from CGPT (clarified wording to reflect our experience) is below.
The Postcard Project was significant for Ryan and his family for several reasons:
Boosted Spirits: Amidst the painful and exhausting process of treatments and recovery, the postcards served as a source of joy and excitement for Ryan. The sports-themed postcards catered to his interests, and the encouraging messages improved his mood.
Sense of Connection: While Ryan had retreated into silence, the postcards allowed him to maintain a connection with the world outside his hospital room. They served as a non-intrusive way for well-wishers to communicate their support.
Restored Communication: The postcards sparked curiosity and interest in Ryan, encouraging him to start speaking and engaging with others a bit more. Opening up to others was a significant emotional and psychological recovery milestone.
Global Support: The wide-ranging response from people across the globe emphasized the collective goodwill towards Ryan. This universal display of human kindness profoundly impacted his family, giving them hope and strength in challenging times.
Distraction from Pain: The postcards provided Ryan with a much-needed distraction from his painful treatments and the longer-term extensive inpatient treatment process. They served as a pleasant diversion, giving him something to look forward to.
Family Bonding: Collectively experiencing the project brought the family together, providing a shared focus and a sense of solidarity in a stressful and worrying period. It also brought joy and a sense of achievement as Ryan’s spirits improved, and he opened up to communicating more regularly.
Miracle Moments: Unexpected instances, like the nurse at Duke University Medical Center who had earlier sent Ryan a postcard, ending up as his caregiver during his bone marrow transplant. The nurse event is one example of several emotional moments of wonder and joy experienced by the family.
I am pleased with ChatGPT’s assistance in summarizing Chapter 19, The Postcard Project. The result articulates the power of what the project brought to Ryan and our family. I hope others will be inspired to be creative and seek help and support. The response and success of the project made a difference for Ryan!
Postcard Puzzle – Happy 10th Birthday
2004 – Ryan Tomoff – Louisiana Tech Women’s Basketball Staff
This blog post is inspired by James Clear’s May 25, 2023, 3-2-1 newsletter, which emphasizes that lasting achievements are a result of a lifestyle rather than isolated efforts. I share a few of my personal experiences to highlight the power of consistent, dedicated actions over time. Examples include a history of distance running, adopting an early adopter mindset toward technology, a five-year planking challenge, daily reading of stoic meditations, and joining a writing platform. These habits have been integrated into my life, and I hope these demonstrate how showing up and working every day can lead to significant improvements and fulfillment over time.
I have previously written that a favorite part of my reading process is James Clear’s 3-2-1 newsletter he publishes weekly on Thursday. When reading his thoughts for May 25, 2023, I was stopped by a thought that was short yet undeniably true.
James was making the point that daily efforts are not going to result in noticeable improvements. However, consistent effort daily WILL bring improvement over the long haul of life. His thought shared:
“Just because improvements aren’t visible doesn’t mean they aren’t happening.
You’re not going to see the number change each time you step on the scale. You’re not going to finish a chapter each time you sit down to write.
Early wins come easy. Lasting wins require a lifestyle.”
Don and I have shared superpowers throughout life and have been disciplined in showing up, over and over, through the long run of YEARS. Small, dedicated, consistent efforts, repeated as a fabric of your lifestyle, will be rewarding. Period. Every athlete or person focused on personal development understands the compounding effects of the drip, drip, drip, showing up and doing some work every day. In our lives, examples of activities that are part of our lifestyle fabric include:
High school, college, and post-college years of competitive distance running. Our dedication to preparation and being our best to compete paid off for running, and the process changed our perspective on how we approach everything important in our lives. The rewards of our distance running careers were gratifying, yet the lifetime gift of understanding the value of relentless consistent preparation was unimaginable.
Adoption of an early adopter mindset throughout our careers. We were, and are, curious about technology tools (what an incredible time for a business career!) and how to leverage the tools in our work. Repeatedly, we would select the “road less traveled” and could be found playing around with tech tools while our peers were out having fun on a Saturday night (for example) or late into the evening after the traditional workday had ended. Investing in ourselves, with our time and personal resources, was a lifestyle that “walked after us.”
March 25, 2018 – we started a 30-day planking challenge, and the commitment stuck. Today, on May 26, 2023, we have completed over five consecutive years of planking (almost 1,900 days). Low-back muscle spasm problems have vastly improved thanks to the daily, do-not-miss habit that is now a lifestyle for us. “I have to do a plank” has evolved to “I GET to do a plank.”
On January 1, 2020, I began a journey of reading The Daily Stoic Meditations each morning. I am now in my fourth year of reading the book – one meditation a day for each day of the year. In addition, I have added additional books for meditation to my morning reading routine. I currently read seven different books of daily meditations, which have become a non-negotiable 30 to 45-minute start to each day. I am an improved person for investing this time in myself every morning.
June 8, 2020 – Terri and I joined an Akimbo Writing in Community platform – a six-month session – and have joined every subsequent session. We are now on a similar platform, Brainstorm Road, and have exceeded one thousand days of consecutive writing. The process, and the wonderful, generous, and talented people we have met, have enhanced our lives. The “lens through which we view life” has become more sharpened and appreciative.
The above list are examples and is not all-inclusive. We create habits in our lives around our highest priorities. These habits are a lifestyle.
What is a priority in your life that would benefit from your showing up and doing the work every day?
In my full post below, I emphasize the importance of a dedicated morning routine spent reading and reflecting on a variety of daily meditation books. Beginning the day with 30 to 45 minutes of reading without electronic distractions has become integral to my lifestyle.
My morning reading includes:
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations,
The Daily Laws,
The Book of Awakening,
The Daily Dad,
The Course in Miracles Experiment,
A Calendar of Wisdom, and
Thriving as an Empath.
I also include Seth Godin’s daily blog and James Clear’s weekly newsletter. These readings provide a rich source of perspective and encouragement, aiding self-awareness and regularly challenging my preconceived thoughts. Although some concepts are difficult for me to embrace, the overall value derived from each book is life-enhancing. I encourage you to consider developing your own morning reading routine. Invest in yourself!
Full Blog Post
My morning reading is a treasured aspect of my day. The process of intentionally reading a mediation each morning began with The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on January 1, 2020. The encouragement of the stoic philosophy has resonated with me and my journey with Stoicism has grown more extensive. I have written a full separate reflection on “Why Stoicism?“
Reading a short meditation each morning has expanded to several books and other readings I work through daily. My process is about the first 30 to 45 minutes each morning – quiet time with my coffee and no phone or other electronic devices.
I discovered Mark Nepo when I came upon and read his September 2022 book Surviving Storms: Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity.
The Book of Awakening is a New York Times bestseller – Mark Nepo has been called “one of the finest spiritual guides of our time” and “a consummate storyteller.”
Gift from Terri Tomoff in April 2021 – two months after her uterine cancer surgery. I hold this book of meditations with special gratitude.
The book is a rewrite of the A Course in Miracles Workbook – Pam Grout’s book back cover describes her book’s purpose: “Pam Grout to the rescue! Her book is for all those still struggling with the Course. Grout offers a modern-day rewrite of the 365-lesson workbook – the text at the heart of the Course. Unlike the original, it’s user-friendly, accessible, and easy for everyone to understand.”
Discovered while listening to the Audible of the book Walk Through This: Harness the Healing Power of Nature and Travel the Road to Forgiveness by Sara Schulting Kranz.
My list may seem ambitious to start each day, but the meditations are short and digestible. My morning routine helps me reach a frame of mind to go out and make a difference in my day.
I have grown to love the process of reading a short meditation by many different authors. My mission is to touch and absorb perspectives and encouragement that may help my thought process about how I perceive and approach my life. Awareness is key and touching topics that challenge my established thinking. My mission is to be aware and apply the topics to my life – many meditations have me cheering, while others trigger me to think, “I cannot get myself there.” Examples – the Stoicism concepts Amor Fati and Momento Mori are important to be aware of, yet living the concepts will be nonstop work for the rest of my life. The Daily Stoic Meditations are one example – the other books present similar challenges. However, on the whole perspective, the value I gain from each book is wonderful.
My intent with these meditation books to reread each year and keep them in my “rotation.” The time commitment each morning is negligible compared to the compelling value I receive. In Ryan Holidays’ introduction to The Daily Dad, he encourages reading meditations over each year:
“My book The Daily Stoic is now well into the second half of its first decade. With more than a million copies in print in forty languages, there are people who have read it every day for years [Bill T comment – into my 4th year of reading daily]. Even though the book is the same as it was when I submitted it to the publisher in the fall of 2015, it continues to connect with and be of service to people all over the world. There’s a Stoic observation about how we never step into the same river twice, for both we and the river are in a constant state of change.”
“On a minute-by-minute basis, your kids and life put you in situations you could never have imagined on your own (and that none of the books seem to anticipate). So while there is no sudden transformation in parenting, there is still a process, a working at it, that you must take up. That’s what this book—one page per day—is built around. Not a one-time thing but a morning or an evening ritual, a checking in, a continual process.
We will fall short. We will lose our tempers, get distracted, prioritize the wrong things, even hurt ourselves and the people we love in the process. What then? Just as with the pages of this book, we must pick back up where we left off. We must accept the fact that we are flawed humans while doing our best to learn from our errors and to not make the same mistakes twice . . . or any more times than we already have.
Dust yourself off. Recommit. Do better.
That journey—The Daily Dad as a book and as an idea—is, of course, not just for men. Our daily email, which has been free at dailydad.com, is received by thousands of women each morning. It’s called The Daily Dad because I happen to be a father—of two boys—and that’s about all you need to read into the name.”
One may ask the question, “When you travel, how do you keep up with so many books?” I have a hard copy of five of the seven books, but I have the Kindle e-book of all seven books. My meditations are read via the Kindle app on my iPhone when on the road. Very convenient, and I LOVE the freedom of having the content available anytime, anywhere!
What is your morning routine? Do you read and contemplate any books of meditations on a daily basis?
Working with my twin Don and I will be challenging. We will push you, and yes, it will be uncomfortable. We will ask you to demand more from yourself – because there IS MORE potential within all of us. The reward of personal growth – for ourselves and others – is compelling. We have experienced the benefits throughout our lives and careers, and thus why we are so committed to encouraging others.
We credit our mindset of continual learning, acceptance of being wrong, and failing over and over to our background as college and competitive marathon distance runners. Today’s Daily Stoic email asks, “When Is The Last Time You Challenged Yourself?”
The fact is, we all will face adversity in our lives. Unavoidably, extreme adversity may be thrust upon us, and we have no choice but to respond with every ounce of our being. In my family, my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis on October 17, 1996, changed our lives forever. His and our family’s story is told in Terri Tomoff’s memoir The Focused Fight.
Yet, outside of fate forcing adversity upon us, there is strength in placing ourselves in positions of chosen adversity. I encourage reading the short blog post linked above and contemplating where you might most immediately apply in your life. Highlights from the post:
“It’s very easy to get comfortable. To build up your life exactly how you want it to be. Minimize inconveniences and hand off the stuff you don’t like to do. To find what you enjoy, where you enjoy it, and never leave.
A velvet rut is what it’s called. It’s nice, but the comfort tricks you into thinking that you’re not stuck.”
“…as soon as we stop growing, we start dying. Or at least, we become more vulnerable to the swings of Fate and Fortune. Seneca talked over and over again about the importance of adversity, of not only embracing the struggle life throws at us but actively seeking out that difficulty, so you can be stronger and better and more prepared. A person who has never been challenged, he said, who always gets their way, is a tragic figure. They have no idea what they are capable of. They are not even close to fulfilling their potential.
“Prioritize a few minutes to contemplate, “What personal development challenge is most interesting or impactful for me, and how can I chip away every day, embracing the difficulty, so I can be stronger, better, and more prepared?”
Share your message. Stay the course. Your tribe WILL emerge. #TwinzTalk
My twin Don and I have lived our careers dedicated to developing and bringing our best potential to our careers and lives. Personal development and a willingness to invest in ourselves is a commitment we take seriously – we owe this to ourselves, those we work with, and the companies and clients we work for.
During a recent writing ✍️ retreat that Terri and I attended in the South of France (a post for another day – the experience was EPIC), I had the opportunity for an IRL meetup with Karena de Souza. I met Karena in 2020 through a writing community we participated in, and we have developed a virtual friendship over the past [almost] three years. In-person, we shared many conversations during the week. She is most definitely a kindred spirit in her encouragement and emphasis on the importance of investing in yourself and the need for continual personal development. We are delighted to have her as part of our tribe!
Don and I are inspired by Karena’s dedication to helping others grow and continually learn. Listen in as Karena, and I talk IRL about the critical importance of establishing individual priorities around learning – for ourselves, our children, and the emphasis within the family unit. She makes excellent points to reflect upon:
1:30 – Every family makes decisions about where to “park” personal development among their priorities.
2:15 – Most of us, professionally, live in an environment of short-term goals and urgency to accomplish/handle our responsibilities. Yet, how do we leave that mindset “in the office” and switch to a longer-term “30-year” mindset within our homes and families?
Karena, Don, and I live our lives to encourage people to invest in themselves and their families. Allocate resources and mental bandwidth to prioritize beyond the day-to-day “urgent” and “busyness” that can overwhelm us all if we are not thoughtful and judicious with our time and decisions. Develop in your world, and bring your talents to helping others.
May 5 – “You are the Project“ stresses that “The raw material for the work of a good and excellent person is their own guiding reason…- Professionals don’t have to justify spending time training or practicing their work. It’s what they do, and practice is how they get good at it… the one constant is the working of those materials, the gradual improvements and proficiency.”
May 6 – “Righteousness Is Beautiful“ urges that the presence of human excellence makes a beautiful human being. Working diligently at human excellence needs to be an utmost priority. Quoting Epictetus:
“Then what makes a beautiful human being? Isn’t it the presence of human excellence? Young friend, if you wish to be beautiful, then work diligently at human excellence. And what is that? Observe those whom you praise without prejudice. The just or the unjust? The just. The even-tempered or the undisciplined? The even-tempered. The self-controlled or the uncontrolled? The self-controlled. In making yourself that kind of person, you will become beautiful—but to the extent you ignore these qualities, you’ll be ugly, even if you use every trick in the book to appear beautiful.”
—Epictetus, Discourses, 3.1.6b-9
Starting with ourselves and in our homes, we can build a foundation and lifestyle that enhances our ability to positively impact our world!
A longtime interest in my life has been kindness – to ourselves and others – and a curiosity about why kindness often seems missing in our lives.
Thanks to a chance encounter with Daniel Burns in the Akimbo Writing in Community (WIC) initiative that Terri and I joined in June 2020 (it turns out WIC evolved to become a tremendous gift out of the COVID pandemic challenge), I connected with Daniel and learned of his mission to encourage and spread kindness around the world, with greater intentionality. His mission ignited a flame inside me, yet now my determination to be more aware of and practice kindness has become a fulfilling integral part of my life. A few specific themes have evolved, which guide me every day:
Excellence and Kindness. Live it. See it. Celebrate it.
Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.
These encouragements have sharpened my lens of what I see in my world. I am not encouraging endeavors that are individually time-consuming, and the acts are often free for us to practice. Extending kindness to another person or the energy and attitude we bring to the world are available at no monetary cost and with only small incremental efforts of the time involved. The personal change that results from this mindset shift is fulfilling and life-changing.
Daniel and his kind-hearted team have introduced a global initiative inviting us all to be alert for and recognize kindness. IntroducingKindLoook – “Look a little longer, with kindness.”
Here I will share two stories of kindness that happened yesterday – enhanced by my awareness of the moment/opportunity. Each of these were “This Made My Day” (#TMMD) [H/T to Rajesh Setty] moments that brightened my day, along with those involved in the exchange!
Saturday, April 8, 2023. My son Ryan and I went to Washington, DC, to attend the Washington Capitals vs. Florida Panthers hockey game. This game was the 10th of our 10-game flex-pack for the 2022-2023 season. Over the past two seasons, we have enjoyed the flex pack and have been blessed to attend every game. Each outing with Ryan is a time I treasure being with him, savoring our time together, and sharing our love of sports. Since this game was on a Saturday, we scheduled dinner at Farmers & Distillers, a restaurant where have enjoyed several pre-game meals. After dinner, we take a short walk to Capital One Arena and enjoy the game. The two moments of KindLoook that made my day:
Ryan and I shared a wonderful time together at Farmers & Distillers. Our meals and waiter service were excellent. When we were wrapping up the meal, a small mishap occurred that the waiter was very apologetic about. Mistakes happen, and I am diligent about not sweating the small stuff. The fact is, how mishaps are handled often speaks volumes about the character of the people involved.
The waiter (Darius) came by and asked to clear my dishes. Giving my OK, he picked up my plates and proceeded to stack two existing plates he was holding. When he added those plates to mine, a small container of ketchup flipped off my plate and landed face-down on the table. Darius quickly worked to pick up the container, but again a slight mishandling occurred, and the container landed face-down in my lap – on top of the napkin I still had in my lap. I was not disturbed and worked to get the container back to Darius to finish his effort of clearing the dishes.
As the situation was resolved, Darius was ready to move on with his task of removing three sets of dishes he held in his hands. Yet, he paused, leaned towards me, and expressed gratitude for my calm behavior (I am guessing a more common customer response would be disbelief or outrage?). He said, “Thank you for your kindness about that.” I was touched that Darius was moved enough to thank me for not causing a scene. Yes, wait staff have difficult jobs, but moments of kindness when we pause and appreciate the work of others might be the moment that gets them through their shift. Think about that the next time you feel moved to complain – could you turn to a moment of understanding, compassion, and kindness – and just maybe be a shining moment in their day?
The second KindLoook moment was in the arena. Ryan and I share the same seats for every game, so we notice some consistencies during each game. In particular, a concessions beer vendor would visit our section a few times every game. He had his routine down pat. This gentleman was hard working and serious about his work [I don’t believe I could last 30 minutes carrying the container of ice-cold beers and navigating the arena stairs, crowd activity, and the inevitable a bit too drunk unkind customer]. Clearly, he was working to maximize his compensation, but it was obvious he had the process wired and handled himself well in adverse situations.
I had never talked with this beer vendor, but thinking of KindLoook when I walked by him on the concourse before the game, I stopped to talk with him. Briefly (he was selling beer, and I did not want to disrupt his livelihood), I explained my son, and I noticed him at many Capitals games, and we were impressed with how hard he worked and how he handled himself professionally. I mentioned, “I don’t drink beer,” but I wanted to thank you for your efforts and the dedication you bring to the work you are doing. I then gave him a small cash tip and noted, “Please keep up the great work you do.“
His name is Caesar, and he said, “You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you for taking the time to give me a compliment.” WOW – I am so thankful to see Caesar in the arena concourse and have the opportunity to share a moment of gratitude with him!
My twin Don and I often express our work as “changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.” Let’s join Daniel Burns and fellow kindness advocates in the KindLoook initiative and change the world one interaction at a time!
October 17, 1996. The day our family heard the words “Ryan has Cancer.” Ryan is my son – born on August 16, 1994. At two years and two months old, his and our family’s lives were forever changed.
Less than one year later, our family was introduced to the Special Love organization (SL), whose mission is to support children and families fighting childhood cancer. My post here shares the blessing of support and magic that the wonderful people of SL have brought to Ryan and our family over the past 25+ years.
Through Ryan’s cancer fights, we have encountered kindness, compassion, and selfless giving that many may never see in a lifetime. Children, siblings, and parents in the childhood cancer fight are often isolated and lonely and have few people in their life to “turn to” to help cope with the tragic experience of the cancer diagnosis, extended treatment of years, and lives turned upside down, that will never return to the “normal,” before cancer, state. Mostly, friends and family members don’t know what to say or do, and they also must carry on with their lives.
“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.”
***
A short time after Ryan’s diagnosis, we met Kathy Russell at Georgetown Hospital, and she was the person to introduce the Special Love organization to our family. We did not know it, but Special Love was a part of the “Holland” that our family had now traveled to in our life’s journey. In September 1997, only 11 months after diagnosis, our family attended a weekend event called “Under 7” for cancer kids under the age of seven and their families. This was the start of a community that became life-enhancing for Ryan and our family.
Tom and Sheila Baker founded Special Love in 1983 after losing their daughter Julia in 1976 to lymphoma. Turning tragedy into good… “Something clicked,” Tom later recalled. “It was as close as I’ve ever felt to a divine calling.”
Our introduction to the Special Love organization and events throughout the year gave our family a “home” where we could learn from and be supported by others who had traveled or were traveling the road that Ryan and our family were now on. Once Ryan was 7 years old, he attended the signature camp of Special Love, “Camp Fantastic,” Olivia went on to attend “BRASS Camp” for brothers and sisters of siblings fighting cancer. Terri and I met many families who became part of our support network and are now lifelong friends. The children and parents were in an environment where others “understood” the challenges and bonds developed that have endured over the past 25 years and counting.
Ryan attended Camp Fantastic for a record 11 straight years until he aged out at 18 years old. He has gone on to become a camp counselor for what he notes is “the best week of the year.” Olivia attended the BRASS Camp for many years, met her lifelong best friend, Liz, and also served as a counselor. In 2018, I was honored to join the board of directors of Special Love and am now in my sixth year of spreading the good word about the life-changing work this organization does for those fighting childhood cancer.
In April 2019, Ryan presented to a crowd of about 300 supporters at the annual Special Love Gala. I had offered to help Ryan prepare for his speech, but he insisted he did not need my help. The night of the gala, I introduced Ryan and did not know the contents of his speech. Here we were, “winging it [or so I thought – a secret – Ryan had diligently prepared],” and I felt nervous about him to be stepping up to the stage and speaking from the heart. I will never forget my immense pride as Ryan took over the podium after my introduction. He spoke for the next eight minutes or so, sharing the power of what Special Love had done for him and our family. I was emotional and choked up for him – my son had just turned into a young man right before my eyes!
“In a tough situation, few people wake up every morning and say, ‘I’m going to be resilient today.’ Most people under extreme stress wake up with heavy hearts but with a small quiet voice that tells them never to give up. Resilience is listening to that small inner voice and finding people and organizations to help you slowly turn up the volume.”
Our friends at Special Love help connect cancer families, and indeed, over time, the families are able to “turn up the volume” to receive support and to return the support to others in need. When our family arrived in “Holland,” Special Love was there waiting for us.
