Working with my twin Don and I will be challenging. We will push you, and yes, it will be uncomfortable. We will ask you to demand more from yourself – because there IS MORE potential within all of us. The reward of personal growth – for ourselves and others – is compelling. We have experienced the benefits throughout our lives and careers, and thus why we are so committed to encouraging others.
We credit our mindset of continual learning, acceptance of being wrong, and failing over and over to our background as college and competitive marathon distance runners. Today’s Daily Stoic email asks, “When Is The Last Time You Challenged Yourself?”
The fact is, we all will face adversity in our lives. Unavoidably, extreme adversity may be thrust upon us, and we have no choice but to respond with every ounce of our being. In my family, my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis on October 17, 1996, changed our lives forever. His and our family’s story is told in Terri Tomoff’s memoir The Focused Fight.
Yet, outside of fate forcing adversity upon us, there is strength in placing ourselves in positions of chosen adversity. I encourage reading the short blog post linked above and contemplating where you might most immediately apply in your life. Highlights from the post:
“It’s very easy to get comfortable. To build up your life exactly how you want it to be. Minimize inconveniences and hand off the stuff you don’t like to do. To find what you enjoy, where you enjoy it, and never leave.
A velvet rut is what it’s called. It’s nice, but the comfort tricks you into thinking that you’re not stuck.”
“…as soon as we stop growing, we start dying. Or at least, we become more vulnerable to the swings of Fate and Fortune. Seneca talked over and over again about the importance of adversity, of not only embracing the struggle life throws at us but actively seeking out that difficulty, so you can be stronger and better and more prepared. A person who has never been challenged, he said, who always gets their way, is a tragic figure. They have no idea what they are capable of. They are not even close to fulfilling their potential.
“Prioritize a few minutes to contemplate, “What personal development challenge is most interesting or impactful for me, and how can I chip away every day, embracing the difficulty, so I can be stronger, better, and more prepared?”
Share your message. Stay the course. Your tribe WILL emerge. #TwinzTalk
My twin Don and I have lived our careers dedicated to developing and bringing our best potential to our careers and lives. Personal development and a willingness to invest in ourselves is a commitment we take seriously – we owe this to ourselves, those we work with, and the companies and clients we work for.
During a recent writing ✍️ retreat that Terri and I attended in the South of France (a post for another day – the experience was EPIC), I had the opportunity for an IRL meetup with Karena de Souza. I met Karena in 2020 through a writing community we participated in, and we have developed a virtual friendship over the past [almost] three years. In-person, we shared many conversations during the week. She is most definitely a kindred spirit in her encouragement and emphasis on the importance of investing in yourself and the need for continual personal development. We are delighted to have her as part of our tribe!
Don and I are inspired by Karena’s dedication to helping others grow and continually learn. Listen in as Karena, and I talk IRL about the critical importance of establishing individual priorities around learning – for ourselves, our children, and the emphasis within the family unit. She makes excellent points to reflect upon:
1:30 – Every family makes decisions about where to “park” personal development among their priorities.
2:15 – Most of us, professionally, live in an environment of short-term goals and urgency to accomplish/handle our responsibilities. Yet, how do we leave that mindset “in the office” and switch to a longer-term “30-year” mindset within our homes and families?
Karena, Don, and I live our lives to encourage people to invest in themselves and their families. Allocate resources and mental bandwidth to prioritize beyond the day-to-day “urgent” and “busyness” that can overwhelm us all if we are not thoughtful and judicious with our time and decisions. Develop in your world, and bring your talents to helping others.
May 5 – “You are the Project“ stresses that “The raw material for the work of a good and excellent person is their own guiding reason…- Professionals don’t have to justify spending time training or practicing their work. It’s what they do, and practice is how they get good at it… the one constant is the working of those materials, the gradual improvements and proficiency.”
May 6 – “Righteousness Is Beautiful“ urges that the presence of human excellence makes a beautiful human being. Working diligently at human excellence needs to be an utmost priority. Quoting Epictetus:
“Then what makes a beautiful human being? Isn’t it the presence of human excellence? Young friend, if you wish to be beautiful, then work diligently at human excellence. And what is that? Observe those whom you praise without prejudice. The just or the unjust? The just. The even-tempered or the undisciplined? The even-tempered. The self-controlled or the uncontrolled? The self-controlled. In making yourself that kind of person, you will become beautiful—but to the extent you ignore these qualities, you’ll be ugly, even if you use every trick in the book to appear beautiful.”
—Epictetus, Discourses, 3.1.6b-9
Starting with ourselves and in our homes, we can build a foundation and lifestyle that enhances our ability to positively impact our world!
A longtime interest in my life has been kindness – to ourselves and others – and a curiosity about why kindness often seems missing in our lives.
Thanks to a chance encounter with Daniel Burns in the Akimbo Writing in Community (WIC) initiative that Terri and I joined in June 2020 (it turns out WIC evolved to become a tremendous gift out of the COVID pandemic challenge), I connected with Daniel and learned of his mission to encourage and spread kindness around the world, with greater intentionality. His mission ignited a flame inside me, yet now my determination to be more aware of and practice kindness has become a fulfilling integral part of my life. A few specific themes have evolved, which guide me every day:
Excellence and Kindness. Live it. See it. Celebrate it.
Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.
These encouragements have sharpened my lens of what I see in my world. I am not encouraging endeavors that are individually time-consuming, and the acts are often free for us to practice. Extending kindness to another person or the energy and attitude we bring to the world are available at no monetary cost and with only small incremental efforts of the time involved. The personal change that results from this mindset shift is fulfilling and life-changing.
Daniel and his kind-hearted team have introduced a global initiative inviting us all to be alert for and recognize kindness. IntroducingKindLoook – “Look a little longer, with kindness.”
Here I will share two stories of kindness that happened yesterday – enhanced by my awareness of the moment/opportunity. Each of these were “This Made My Day” (#TMMD) [H/T to Rajesh Setty] moments that brightened my day, along with those involved in the exchange!
Saturday, April 8, 2023. My son Ryan and I went to Washington, DC, to attend the Washington Capitals vs. Florida Panthers hockey game. This game was the 10th of our 10-game flex-pack for the 2022-2023 season. Over the past two seasons, we have enjoyed the flex pack and have been blessed to attend every game. Each outing with Ryan is a time I treasure being with him, savoring our time together, and sharing our love of sports. Since this game was on a Saturday, we scheduled dinner at Farmers & Distillers, a restaurant where have enjoyed several pre-game meals. After dinner, we take a short walk to Capital One Arena and enjoy the game. The two moments of KindLoook that made my day:
Ryan and I shared a wonderful time together at Farmers & Distillers. Our meals and waiter service were excellent. When we were wrapping up the meal, a small mishap occurred that the waiter was very apologetic about. Mistakes happen, and I am diligent about not sweating the small stuff. The fact is, how mishaps are handled often speaks volumes about the character of the people involved.
The waiter (Darius) came by and asked to clear my dishes. Giving my OK, he picked up my plates and proceeded to stack two existing plates he was holding. When he added those plates to mine, a small container of ketchup flipped off my plate and landed face-down on the table. Darius quickly worked to pick up the container, but again a slight mishandling occurred, and the container landed face-down in my lap – on top of the napkin I still had in my lap. I was not disturbed and worked to get the container back to Darius to finish his effort of clearing the dishes.
As the situation was resolved, Darius was ready to move on with his task of removing three sets of dishes he held in his hands. Yet, he paused, leaned towards me, and expressed gratitude for my calm behavior (I am guessing a more common customer response would be disbelief or outrage?). He said, “Thank you for your kindness about that.” I was touched that Darius was moved enough to thank me for not causing a scene. Yes, wait staff have difficult jobs, but moments of kindness when we pause and appreciate the work of others might be the moment that gets them through their shift. Think about that the next time you feel moved to complain – could you turn to a moment of understanding, compassion, and kindness – and just maybe be a shining moment in their day?
The second KindLoook moment was in the arena. Ryan and I share the same seats for every game, so we notice some consistencies during each game. In particular, a concessions beer vendor would visit our section a few times every game. He had his routine down pat. This gentleman was hard working and serious about his work [I don’t believe I could last 30 minutes carrying the container of ice-cold beers and navigating the arena stairs, crowd activity, and the inevitable a bit too drunk unkind customer]. Clearly, he was working to maximize his compensation, but it was obvious he had the process wired and handled himself well in adverse situations.
I had never talked with this beer vendor, but thinking of KindLoook when I walked by him on the concourse before the game, I stopped to talk with him. Briefly (he was selling beer, and I did not want to disrupt his livelihood), I explained my son, and I noticed him at many Capitals games, and we were impressed with how hard he worked and how he handled himself professionally. I mentioned, “I don’t drink beer,” but I wanted to thank you for your efforts and the dedication you bring to the work you are doing. I then gave him a small cash tip and noted, “Please keep up the great work you do.“
His name is Caesar, and he said, “You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you for taking the time to give me a compliment.” WOW – I am so thankful to see Caesar in the arena concourse and have the opportunity to share a moment of gratitude with him!
My twin Don and I often express our work as “changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.” Let’s join Daniel Burns and fellow kindness advocates in the KindLoook initiative and change the world one interaction at a time!
October 17, 1996. The day our family heard the words “Ryan has Cancer.” Ryan is my son – born on August 16, 1994. At two years and two months old, his and our family’s lives were forever changed.
Less than one year later, our family was introduced to the Special Love organization (SL), whose mission is to support children and families fighting childhood cancer. My post here shares the blessing of support and magic that the wonderful people of SL have brought to Ryan and our family over the past 25+ years.
Through Ryan’s cancer fights, we have encountered kindness, compassion, and selfless giving that many may never see in a lifetime. Children, siblings, and parents in the childhood cancer fight are often isolated and lonely and have few people in their life to “turn to” to help cope with the tragic experience of the cancer diagnosis, extended treatment of years, and lives turned upside down, that will never return to the “normal,” before cancer, state. Mostly, friends and family members don’t know what to say or do, and they also must carry on with their lives.
“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.”
***
A short time after Ryan’s diagnosis, we met Kathy Russell at Georgetown Hospital, and she was the person to introduce the Special Love organization to our family. We did not know it, but Special Love was a part of the “Holland” that our family had now traveled to in our life’s journey. In September 1997, only 11 months after diagnosis, our family attended a weekend event called “Under 7” for cancer kids under the age of seven and their families. This was the start of a community that became life-enhancing for Ryan and our family.
Tom and Sheila Baker founded Special Love in 1983 after losing their daughter Julia in 1976 to lymphoma. Turning tragedy into good… “Something clicked,” Tom later recalled. “It was as close as I’ve ever felt to a divine calling.”
Our introduction to the Special Love organization and events throughout the year gave our family a “home” where we could learn from and be supported by others who had traveled or were traveling the road that Ryan and our family were now on. Once Ryan was 7 years old, he attended the signature camp of Special Love, “Camp Fantastic,” Olivia went on to attend “BRASS Camp” for brothers and sisters of siblings fighting cancer. Terri and I met many families who became part of our support network and are now lifelong friends. The children and parents were in an environment where others “understood” the challenges and bonds developed that have endured over the past 25 years and counting.
Ryan attended Camp Fantastic for a record 11 straight years until he aged out at 18 years old. He has gone on to become a camp counselor for what he notes is “the best week of the year.” Olivia attended the BRASS Camp for many years, met her lifelong best friend, Liz, and also served as a counselor. In 2018, I was honored to join the board of directors of Special Love and am now in my sixth year of spreading the good word about the life-changing work this organization does for those fighting childhood cancer.
In April 2019, Ryan presented to a crowd of about 300 supporters at the annual Special Love Gala. I had offered to help Ryan prepare for his speech, but he insisted he did not need my help. The night of the gala, I introduced Ryan and did not know the contents of his speech. Here we were, “winging it [or so I thought – a secret – Ryan had diligently prepared],” and I felt nervous about him to be stepping up to the stage and speaking from the heart. I will never forget my immense pride as Ryan took over the podium after my introduction. He spoke for the next eight minutes or so, sharing the power of what Special Love had done for him and our family. I was emotional and choked up for him – my son had just turned into a young man right before my eyes!
“In a tough situation, few people wake up every morning and say, ‘I’m going to be resilient today.’ Most people under extreme stress wake up with heavy hearts but with a small quiet voice that tells them never to give up. Resilience is listening to that small inner voice and finding people and organizations to help you slowly turn up the volume.”
Our friends at Special Love help connect cancer families, and indeed, over time, the families are able to “turn up the volume” to receive support and to return the support to others in need. When our family arrived in “Holland,” Special Love was there waiting for us.
I am celebrating my planking adventure, which has reached 1,826 days, and exactly five consecutive years! In 2018, Don and I took on a 30-day planking challenge, hoping to accomplish the challenge and maybe help strengthen our core muscles to assist in reducing lower back muscle spasms that we had a history of in our lives. While my streak is fully intact, Don has only missed two days of 1,826. My twin brother, as an accountability partner – chalk up another advantage we have related to being twins.
The results?
Life lesson about mindset shift – “I get to do my plank vs. I have to do my plank.” Each day I plank is a blessing.
Consistency matters more than intensity. Show up in a small way daily, and intensity and success WILL follow.
The lower back health benefits have been extraordinary! My lower back feels better than twenty years ago, and my incidence of spasm occurrences is dramatically reduced.
As my planking success has accumulated, my confidence to take on other small positive daily habits has soared. I now have several small habits that are part of my daily lifestyle.
Proudly embracing my uniqueness is FUN. Each day is filled with contentment as I live what is important to me.
Contributing to improved self-esteem. I have always been disciplined and confident in my abilities – yet the satisfaction of showing up daily to do my plank has strengthened my resolve in other areas of my life.
What small daily positive habit can you adopt? Join Don and me today!
Bill Tomoff shares his four-year journey (2020 and continuing in 2023) practicing Stoicism, crediting the philosophy for enhancing his self-improvement and contributing to a more grounded emotional state. The philosophy’s emphasis on internal work, resilience, and focus on aspects within one’s control are key components of his daily practice. Using the book ‘The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living’ by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman, Tomoff has integrated reading a daily meditation into his routine.
Over the years, Tomoff’s engagement with Stoicism has grown, extending from the discovery of Darius Foroux’s blog post ‘Practicing Stoicism’ in 2018 to becoming a member of Daily Stoic Life (DSL) in 2021. His DSL membership offers expanded access to Stoic resources, courses, and a community support group.
Stoicism’s tenets, such as not necessarily needing an opinion, being strict with oneself and forgiving towards others, and controlling one’s responses to external events, have significantly influenced Tomoff’s perspective and daily conduct. He recognizes Stoicism as a lifelong journey, not a destination, and an important contributing aspect to personal growth and inner peace. His commitment to the philosophy extends to incorporating additional books of daily meditations into his routine, highlighting his quest for continual self-improvement through reflective practice.
Full Blog Post
I have written about my interest in Stoicism and how my “work” with the Stoic philosophy has helped me grow into a better human capable of contributing to my world. I focus on awareness of topics while realizing one never becomes a “stoic.” Striving to embrace stoic thoughts and encouragement is a life’s work with no finish line – except when our time on earth has ended.
Stoicism may seem difficult because it asks [demands] of us that we do the work of improving ourselves. The work starts with a willingness to examine what is circling in the core being. Are we interested in being the best version of ourselves and letting external matters “be”? We must clear our minds of needing opinions and judgment about people and matters beyond our control. We only control our reasoned choice.
Starting on January 1, 2020, I began reading the daily meditation as part of my morning reading routine. For the year 2020, I completed the Daily Stoic Journal: 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on The Art of Living. The book provided a prompt with space for a morning and evening reflection daily. I took this journey with my older brother, Alex. I found the process rewarding, and I believe it has brought me greater clarity about my thinking and helped me keep my emotions more “grounded.“
My December 31, 2020, reflection journaling read:
Prompt:
How will I turn these words into works?
Morning Reflection:
“In addition to The Daily Stoic readings and reflections, I believe I am also “doing the work” of being a good person. My number one priority to work on – is kindness, helping others, and continually working to improve my strengths while being forgiving of my weaknesses.”
Evening Reflection:
“Thankful and grateful. My “word of the year” for 2020 is Mahalo – from our family trip to Hawaii in December 2019. This year, “kindness” is my word for 2021. I will continue to put stoic words into works by setting an example and putting good into the world through kindness, encouragement, and celebrating others. 2021 – let’s do this. Treasure each day…”
Bill Tomoff with The Daily Stoic Meditations
The full year of reading and journaling twice daily profoundly impacted my perspective and how I bring my mind and actions to the world daily. Reading, absorbing, and reflecting on Stoicism is an important part of my daily practice. The work is difficult at times, yet also deeply inspiring. I am learning to sit with the discomfort – I will never fully “get there” (check out the concepts of Amor Fati and Momento Mori). Stoicism is a lifelong journey, not a destination to be reached. Awareness and a willingness to contemplate the work are huge steps to self-improvement and inner peace.
My interest and time commitment gradually grew after becoming curious about Stoicism through a December 2018 blog post by Darius Foroux –Practicing Stoicism.
Before my morning reading of The Daily Stoic Meditations on January 1, 2020, I had done more research about Stoicism and discovered the work of Ryan Holiday. From Darius’s post in 2018, my love of Stoicism has evolved as follows:
Early 2019 – read Darius Foroux’s blog post Practicing Stoicism.
August 2019 – read The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.
2019 – signed up for the free (Monday through Friday) Daily Stoic daily email from Ryan Holiday.
Full Year 2020 – read The Daily Stoic one meditation for each day and completed the companion journal reflections twice per day.
January 1, 2021 – purchased annual Daily Stoic Life (DSL) membership. The first-year membership was $249, and renewals are $99 yearly. The membership includes access to a members-only Facebook group, daily emails extended to Saturday and Sunday each week, and unrestricted access to all Daily Stoic challenges and courses.
Full Year 2021 – read The Daily Stoic one meditation for each day. My 2nd year of reading the entire book with one meditation per day.
January 1, 2022 – renewed annual membership in DSL.
Full Year 2022 – read The Daily Stoic one meditation for each day. My 3rd year of reading the entire book with one meditation per day.
January 1, 2023 – renewed annual membership in DSL.
Full Year 2023 (in the process) – read The Daily Stoic one meditation daily. My 4th year of reading the entire book with one meditation per day.
The Stoicism philosophy profoundly influences my perspective and “how” I handle myself and my emotions daily. Striving every day to develop my mind and embrace the only aspect of life we all control – our reasoned choice. Thoughts such as “it is not necessary to have an opinion, we should be strict with ourselves and forgiving of others (no judgment), and we control our response to any external event – we are harmed only if we believe we are harmed,” are thoughts I hold close to my heart and work to live in practice. Through my morning practice of reading The Daily Stoic, I have grown to love the short dose of daily meditation, to the point that I have adopted other books of daily meditations into my morning reading practice!
Moments in your life often influence and shape you beyond anything you can imagine. My blog post here is the first glimpse of the “behind the scenes” experiences that have brought my twin Don and I to where we are in life today.
Don and I brought a unique strength to “the real world” after college: a relentless desire to learn and develop ourselves to maximize our ability to contribute to our careers and life. Very few people approach each day with the consistency, tenacity, and persistence we do. When we started our careers, we did not understand how unique/different we were. However, we were often rewarded when preparation met opportunity. Approximately ten years into our careers, we realized, “hey, our penchant for preparation and perspective about continual learning are unique qualities that we own.” As we were rewarded with results, our passion grew. But then, the snowball was rolling downhill (and has never stopped)!
The Eye of the Tiger
Don and I were competitive distance runners through high school, college, and for three years beyond college. We are sure that our experiences in the arena of distance running competitions shaped and prepared us to bring a unique focus to our lives once we were working professionally. We did not understand our uniqueness but have grown to be thankful and appreciative of the gifts that distance running brought to our lives.
We did not know this, but toward the end of our competitive distance running years, we ran the marathon of our lives. The 1983 song from the Band Survivor, The Eye of the Tiger, was our rallying cry as we prepared for the May 15, 1983, Revco-Cleveland Marathon. We hope you enjoy learning about the most significant distance running day of our life. You might enjoy our four-minutes audio discussion here.
In May 1982, I ran a 2:30:55 in the Revco-Cleveland Marathon. Revco was a hometown marathon that Don and I targeted each year from 1981 through 1983. On that day in 1982, my mission to “run a sub 2:30 marathon” was born. This goal was all-consuming on a personal level, and we had the advantage of having a twin brother to train and banter with daily. At the time, of course, neither of us understood this gift that we enjoyed–being a twin living together and both dedicated to the consistent training we knew was required to be at our best.
In early 1983, a song we leaned on often was “The Eye of the Tiger.” This song pumped us up when we were less inspired and on race days. On the morning of May 15, 1983, we were up at 5:00 AM to get ready for the 8:00 AM start of the marathon in downtown Cleveland. Our day had arrived; we were both healthy and ready to race! Now, we were to focus and prepare mentally for the challenge. Upon awakening at 5:00 AM, our preparation started with a loud playing of “The Eye of the Tiger.” Finding the balance of a mindset ready to “run through a wall” with the reality that we needed to stay within ourselves and execute a flawlessly paced effort was a challenge we knew how to handle. Now was the time to make it happen!
How did the day go? Don and I ran career-best personal records in a day that ultimately were our lifetime best! I ran 2:29:48 and achieved my dream of breaking the 2 1/2-hour barrier, an improvement of 1 minute 7 seconds from my 1982 result of 2:30:55. Don finished in 2:30:34, only 46 seconds behind me. We ran together for the first 23 miles in a race we will never forget. This 2:30:34 was a tremendous improvement for Don, bettering his previous personal best of about 2:37:00. With his effort through 23 miles, I was in position and on pace to achieve my goal.
While Don and I were pacing through the miles, we recognized that “we have no margin” to slip and achieve a sub 2:30. Truthfully, our pace was perfect, and our strength in distance running was our disciplined effort. We could not have scripted a better execution. On that day, we had “the eye of the tiger!”
December 11, 2022 | Bill, Seth Godin, and Terri Tomoff meetup
“If you’re not prepared to sing alone, it’s difficult to get to the point where people sing along with you.”
Seth Godin’s blog – February 8, 2023
Seth Godin closed this morning’s blog with the above quote. His encouragement for us all to be willing to “sing” alone is a reminder we all need – if we are going to make a contribution and difference in our world.
Over the years, my most grateful takeaway from Seth’s work is his emphasis that the ability to “choose yourself” has never been easier thanks to technology. When you choose yourself, you are willing to go forward alone and believe in, or trust, your own vision. Metaphorically, when you choose yourself, you are stepping out and willing to “sing alone.”
Personally and professionally, my life’s joy, contentment, and success have resulted from advantages accrued through a willingness to go alone and stay the course for the long term when my heart believed in what I was doing. The willingness to go forward day after day without seeking affirmation is a compelling strength that I have enjoyed. As the benefits of “singing alone” started to compound, the desire to go down the less traveled path became a fabric of my lifestyle.
When you travel alone in your interests, you eventually discover others who share the same mindset, and your tribe slowly grows. To celebrate the small, caring community of a small tribe, my twin Don and I created the “Virtually No One Community” (thanks to Seth’s blog of January 2, 2023) to celebrate those of us who, in the macro view, stand alone in our work and the value we bring to the world. We all possess unique interests and talents that virtually no one has – unfortunately, too often, we suppress our true selves in the interest of fitting in and being like others. How tragic to live a life seeking to fit in and not allow our individual uniqueness to shine and help others!
A few examples of “singing alone” in my life include:
Dedication to my love of distance running and being a competitive runner for over ten years. Competitive distance running is often a lonely road that requires sacrifices few would be willing to make.
Events of fate will require that we “sing” alone. The fact is that we are required to adapt to external events of which we have no choice. Two notable moments of fate in my life include being born as a twin (brother Don – which has been a blessing that is impossible to convey) and the 1996 diagnosis of my two-year-old son, Ryan, with childhood cancer (ALL – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) that thrust our family’s life into inexplicable chaos from that day forward. See the memoir by my wife, Terri, titled The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles.
Professionally, twin Don and I developed and challenged our thinking non-stop throughout our careers in accounting and business. Through our early adopter mindset around technology, we have repeatedly gained a disproportionate advantage allowing us to make exceptional contributions and help others in our careers.
My perspective of an abundance mindset, dedication to personal development, kindness, and gratitude, has enabled me to continually grow and lift my spirits and the spirits of others.
In March 2018, I co-founded #TwinzTalk with Don to share tips for encouragement and personal development via social media. “Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”
In June 2020, Terri and I joined the Akimbo Writing In Community (WIC) initiative. I now consider myself a writer, and my daily process of showing up to write is a gift I treasure.
It is exciting to hear of the introduction of the Brainstorm Road initiative that is coming in March 2023, led by Kristin Hatcher (Founder of Writing in Community) and Margo Aaron, with the support of Seth Godin.
Brainstorm Road is a new “community of practice” available after the current WIC session ends. Akimbo is not going forward with the WIC initiative, and Brainstorm Road appears to be an exciting new initiative! Terri and I were excited to see the recent update and the introduction to the concept on the website.
The idea of Brainstorm Road is to bring together a community of people interested in “leveling up” (as Seth would encourage) to ship their work to the world. Beyond the current mission of writing in community, BR is adopting a more expanded approach to help those who have a creative dream and would like support to hit a “finish line” with a plan they might be holding inside them. The introduction website notes:
“It’s not online learning. It’s online practice.”
“Finish your novel, launch your podcast, publish your website”
“Brainstorm Road is a community of practice organized around a weekly shipping commitment.”
I will join the community excited to hear about the dreams that participants plan to accomplish. WIC profoundly changed Terri and me – our writing adventure has taken many paths over the last 2 and 1/2 years – and we look forward to continuing to be inspired by others, helping others, and creating work that we might not even realize yet! This six-month program is the start of an exciting new adventure!
Take the time to watch the 11-minute video discussion What is Brainstorm Road, between Seth, Kristin, and Margo, to learn more. Then sign up to be on the waitlist for the March 2023 launch. You and the world need your work!
Inspired by Seth Godin’s blog posted on January 2, 2023, my twin Don and I are starting the “Virtually No One” community. This community is for people who personally and professionally take “the road less traveled” and, in the long run, are making a compelling difference for themselves and their world.
Virtually no one is enough. Our lives and this community are committed to believing that a small act, thinking differently, and using our talents to solve problems, one individual does make a difference. We trust this to the core as we have seen proof throughout our lives and careers that our early adopter mindset, combined with a vision of potential, has exponentially rewarded, over and over. We know our beliefs and actions are “changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”
Seth’s blog notes:
“Compared to the overall population, virtually no one built Wikipedia, virtually no one voted for that senator and virtually no one starts a business. Virtually no one cares enough to help a stranger in need, and virtually no one leads the way.
And that’s okay.
Because virtually no one is enough.
“When we “see” the potential of thinking and working differently, the space is lonely and only persistence, and long-term dedication provides hope for progress (for example – consider the Slack collaboration tool introduced in 2016 – highly resisted in its early days, but now ubiquitous along with Microsoft Teams, in today’s world). The payoffs when the idea succeeds are very gratifying. To be clear, failures frequently occur, causing many to say, “I knew that wouldn’t work.” Because of the fact that failures do occur, and many folks will not move ahead (late adopters) without convincing definitive proof of success, virtually no one is willing to walk the path.
A few quotes of inspiration:
“Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.” –Howard Aiken
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… The ones who see things differently – they’re not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the one thing you can’t do is ignore them, because they change things… Because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Think different.”
In all our actions, we think of helping others and helping the communities in which we live and work. Commit to personal development/self-improvement and lean on your talents to help others. Do what is right in your heart, and do not strive to “fit in” with the masses. To fit in is doing our genuine selves a disservice. We all are meant to and have so much potential to significantly contribute to the world with our unique talents.
A few examples of virtually no one community members:
Don made a trip to Costco Wholesale recently and noted many stray carts in the parking lot. Case in point, virtually no one (other than an employee of Costco) will take the time to collect and return several carts to the appropriate stations and out of the vehicle’s harm’s way.
How about picking up trash in our communities? Again, welcome to the virtually no one community!
My wife Terri published a memoir of our son Ryan’s 5x cancer battles (The Focused Fight). Well, virtually no one writes a book.
Let’s get active and dedicate our talents and energy to making a positive contribution – in ways and areas where virtually no one, unfortunately, is paying attention. Join us, shine the light, and share your stories!
December 31, 2022 – Don Tomoff at Costco Warehouse – shopping carts assistanceJuly 24, 2021 – Ryan and Terri Tomoff at The Focused Fight Book Launch
