On January 23, 2024, on Facebook, I shared gratitude for Dr. Aziza Shad for her unparalleled care to our family and all patients and families under her care. I was inspired by a Susan Cain post titled Seven things my father taught me, by example. Her father was a doctor and the list of seven things he taught her was heartwarming and points we should all take to heart. Point number five immediately reminded me of Dr. Shad:
“If you happen to be a doctor, take care of your patients – really take care of them. Study medical journals after dinner, train the next generation of physicians (my father kept teaching until age 81), spend the extra hour to visit the bedside of your patients in the hospital. (Here’s a letter from one of those patients, which we found after my father passed away. He never showed us these things while he was alive.)”
Susan Cain Image – Patient Letter to her Doctor Father
The gratitude I shared in my Facebook share was:
“When I read Susan Cain’s post on Substack, this point, and the letter sent to Susan’s father, it inspired me to intentionally pause and be grateful for Doctor Aziza Shad.
Since 1996, Dr. Shad has been at our family’s side guiding and caring for Ryan Tomoff through his #ChildhoodCancer wars and beyond to monitoring the late effects of his treatments through the years.
The image above IS the essence of expertise, care, and compassion that Dr. Shad has brought to our family and every patient and family blessed to be a recipient of her care.
Please read Susan’s full Substack post and my wish is you can share your #gratitude with someone who made a forever impact in your life 🙏❤️.
Dr. Shad, thank you… the words shared by a patient, in Susan’s post, are beautiful. The Tomoff family carries these sentiments for you:
“How do I start, where do I begin to express my feeling of gratitude. appreciation to a [doctor] that has compassion, knowledge, and the kindest doctor… I had the pleasure to have in our lives.
Your caring, right from the heart, your kindness to always lead us in the right direction. We never thought to get a second opinion. Whatever you advised was good enough for us. BECAUSE YOU CARED, TRULY CARED….” “
Please prioritize 35 minutes to hear Dr. Shad’s perspective on treating her patients and their families. She cares deeply about all whom she is entrusted to care for. In the pediatric world, the child patient and the family must be considered to achieve the optimal outcome of curing a child. Aransas does a beautiful job guiding the conversation, and the entire podcast was an inspiring listen.
In the interview, Dr. Shad discusses why she chose pediatric cancer as a specialty, the founding of The Aslan Project dedicated to pediatric cancer in Ethiopia, and her mission to be accessible 24 hours per day, seven days a week! She is a godsend to our family. Listen in and be inspired – may we all approach our lives and careers to make the most meaningful difference we can.
Terri Tomoff’s passion for quilting took flight in 1989 after taking a class in Ohio. Over the past 35 years, I’ve witnessed her quilting expertise evolve from hand stitching to using a long-arm machine. Terri’s primary love is creating one-of-a-kind “treasured keepsakes” t-shirt quilts.
Her dedication to quilting and sharing joy with others soared when she joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild in 1998. Terri’s colorful creations took center stage as the guild’s featured quilter in 2012. Quilting provided solace during our son Ryan’s battle with leukemia, a time she refers to as “Manufacturing Sunshine.”
Inspired by a quilt Ryan received during his 2004 bone marrow transplant, Terri spearheaded an initiative for the guild to donate lap quilts to childhood cancer patients. The beneficiaries now span from Georgetown University Medical Center to hospitals in Baltimore, Ethiopia, Puerto Rico, and even families affected by the 2023 Maui fires. Terri has also created quilts to raise funds for charities supporting children with cancer.
Beyond her charitable work, Terri generously gifts quilts to family and friends. Olivia, Ryan, and I treasure the t-shirt quilts she’s made, commemorating special moments in our lives. Terri’s commitment to continuous learning and finding better ways to create her quilted works of art is awe-inspiring.
I marvel at the extensive “body of work” Terri has built through quilting, just one facet of her multi-talented life. Her tireless dedication to family, friends, and passions is superhuman. Terri, thank you for manufacturing sunshine and generously sharing your gifts with the world.
Full Original Writing
Terri Tomoff loves quilting and everything that goes along with it…the hunt for beautiful fabric, learning continuously, the creative art of quilting, and the camaraderie of sharing her love of the craft with like-minded people. In 1989, she took a quilting class in North Olmsted, Ohio, and the fuse was lit. Over the past 35 years, I have had the gift of having a front-row seat to witness the development and refinement of her quilting work.
Today, her primary quilting love is creating one-of-a-kind “treasured keepsakes” t-shirt quilts for family, friends, and customers. Her quilting expertise has evolved from hand quilting in the 1990s to using a full long-arm quilting machine to accelerate her work once the creative design is completed. Yet, her quilting passion goes far beyond the business side of her efforts. Her love of quilting and sharing the joy with others took off in 1998 when she joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild in Bowie, Maryland.
“Quilting consumes me.” Quote from Terri when the local newspaper featured her after she was selected as the Featured Quilter for the 2012 Southern Comforters Quilt Show. The text of the article:
March 8, 2012
Crofton-West County Gazette
Quilting Woman’s Passion
“Inspired by Betsy Ross and the bicentennial, Terri Tomoff took on her first fabric project in junior high, when she crocheted an outline of the original 13 colonies for a school project.
She was instantly intrigued by the material arts and has since created more than 200 quilts.
As the featured quilter for the Southern Comforters Annual Quilt Show, Terri’s colorful creations will take center stage at the show, which will be held March 24 and 25 at C. Elizabeth Rieg School in Bowie.
Terri started quilting as a young adult after taking a sampler quilt class in her home state of Ohio but put her hobby aside to focus on her marriage, children and career. Soon after moving to Crofton in 1996, Terri’s 2-year-old son Ryan was diagnosed with cancer and that altered her course even further. When Ryan was able to start pre-school, Terri met a fellow mom who was a member of the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild and invited her to join.
“That was in 1998 and I haven’t missed too many meetings since then,” said Terri. “Quilts consume me.” The quilting guild gets together twice a month to hone their skills, share ideas and serve the community.
Terri said that during her son’s nine-year battle with leukemia, she started making and donating quilts to sup-port cancer research and the medical centers that treated Ryan. “Instead of donating money, I made quilts that were then raffled off,” she said.
Terri also made more than 200 quilt bags gifting them to everyone from the doctors and hospital staff to the parking attendants.
At the upcoming quilt show, 30 to 40 of Terri’s quilts will be on display.
One of her favorites, which will be featured at the show, combines varying shades of solid pink and yellow fabrics and a complementary floral fabric.
“I love that quilts have a dual purpose since they are designed for both beauty and comfort,” said Terri. “I also love to see the joy in people’s faces when they receive a hand-made quilt and I think it is an honor to receive one. They are a labor of love – you just can’t knock one out.”
Terri said that she was humbled to be selected as the featured quilter for this year’s annual show and that she looks forward to continuing to color the world with her quilts.”
March 8, 2012 – Terri Tomoff Featured Quilter – Article in Crofton-West County Gazette
Terri embraced the quilting community and her love of quilting with fervor. Everyone should have the gift in their life of a hobby or passion that brings out their creativity and desire to improve and add value to the world. Terri found this with quilting. Her dedication and growth in the world of quilting is inspiring to all who know her. She wants to contribute to bringing joy and comfort to others with each lovingly created quilt.
Ideas are Born
Manufacturing Sunshine
Terri often tells how the quilting process helped soothe her and brighten her days at Georgetown Hospital when Ryan was an inpatient for his leukemia treatment protocols. Many long days and weeks were spent in the hospital from late 1996 through 2004. A makeshift station would be set up in Ryan’s hospital room, and when she could, Terri let her mind work with the creative side of piecing together fabrics that involved bright colors. Years later in 2017, she would reflect back and refer to those times that she was “Manufacturing Sunshine.” This is now the title of her website blog page and a theme we hold close to our hearts in our family.
March 2017 – Ryan and Terri Tomoff with her Manufacturing Sunshine Quilt
Community Quilts Bringing Comfort to Childhood Cancer Children
In late October 2004, when Ryan was admitted to the PBMT floor 5200 at Duke University to begin his bone marrow transplant process, he received a quilt incorporating blank green and blue blocks for nurses, family, and others to write notes to Ryan. I remember discussing with Terri, “This quilt is a tremendous gift for the patient and the family. They are being seen and know that people care.” The act of this gift of a lap quilt brought comfort during a time of extreme concern and stress.
March 21, 2024 – 29-year-old Ryan Tomoff with Quilt provided at Transplant in November 2004
When we returned to Maryland in 2005, Terri inquired about the possibility of the Southern Comforters Community Quilts charitable initiative, including lap quilts to Georgetown Hospital (where Ryan was treated when we were home in Maryland) to be given to newly diagnosed childhood cancer children. The idea was warmly embraced, and Terri was leading the effort of providing quilts to the Georgetown Pediatric Oncology Clinic! A beautiful idea noted at Duke University inspired a movement in the Washington DC region. In 2015, Terri discovered and shared with me the concept of Post-Traumatic Growth. Terri shared this in her blog from 2019. We were excited to have a defined term for our emotions and desire to make a difference for others chosen to travel the path Ryan, and our family were on.
The Soothing Power of a Quilt Expands
In addition to donating quilts to Georgetown Hospital, Terri led the Southern Comforters to share the comfort internationally. She knew firsthand the comfort of a thoughtful gift that a lap quilt could bring to a child fighting cancer and their families. She was a force of nature determined to leverage her love of quilting to help others.
The beneficiaries of Terri’s and The Southern Comforters Quilt Guild efforts, over almost 20 years, now include:
A touching moment happened with a quilt recipient from a family who lost their home in the Lahaina fire, as noted in point 5 above. A donated quilt had the quilter’s name on the back of the quilt, and the recipient sent the following lovely message via Facebook Messenger. Terri shared in her blog:
“After our guild meeting this past week, Joan approached me with a big smile and told me she had something special to share. Her quilt pictured below was given to a family that found her through Facebook and recently wrote her this lovely message:
“Wanted to say Hi and Aloha! I lost my home in the Lahaina fire on Maui. I was fortunate to pick out your quilt (UFO Challenge), and I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you!””
In addition to the quilt donation efforts above, Terri has also created quilts for auction or has raffled quilts to benefit charities focused on efforts in the fight against childhood cancer. Charities benefited include:
Coordinating her t-shirt quilt business and the incredible charity initiatives shared above, can she make other efforts to spread her talents and love of quilts into the world? The answer is a resounding YES! Oliva, Ryan, and I have been the recipients of t-shirt quilts that we treasure, countless “baby quilts” have been gifted, and then she completes special projects for gifts (i.e., Tote Bags) and even tackles unique customer projects that showcase her broad spectrum of talent and creativity in the quilting world!
Terri is a continual learner and embraces “finding a better way” to be more effective with her quilting efforts. Her mission is to build space for the creative aspect of quilting, which she loves. Whether contemplating a collection of t-shirts, a charitable effort, or other unique projects, she experiences joy in creating a work of art that can be a lifetime gift to someone. The recipients of her art are often stunned at the beautiful work she delivers!
Within our family, Olivia, Ryan, and I all have t-shirt quilts that Terri lovingly made for us from activities that have defined a memorable aspect of our lives. My two quilts embrace my love of sports and competitive distance running memories. Olivia has a collection of memories from her competitive soccer years, and Ryan has a Special Love Camp Fantastic theme and sports memories.
June 2020 – Ohio University, Distance Running, and Other Sports Memories
I am thrilled that Terri found the art of quilting and savor the joy, purpose, and fulfillment it has brought to her life and the lives of others. Her talents are a gift to the world and she shares generously!
While writing this #CelebratingOthers, I marvel at the “body of work” that Terri has built with her quilting. Then, reflecting more broadly, I remind myself her quilting is only one aspect of her full, robust life. Terri is a sister, spouse, Mom, a dear friend to many, and is talented and dedicated to her life passions. The same commitment she brings to her quilting goes into everything she does. The tireless dedication to her family, supporting my efforts, and caring for Olivia and Ryan are superhuman! She is also the author ofThe Focused Fight, a memoir of Ryan’s wars with 3x childhood cancer and 2x adult cancers over the past 27+ years.
Terri, thank you for all you do for me, our family, and everyone you come in contact with through your quilting, writing, and sharing your passions with the world. Indeed, you are “Manufacturing Sunshine” for yourself and others!
In this introspective blog post, I reflect on the concept of one’s “body of work” – the unique collection of experiences, talents, and contributions that make up an individual’s life story. Inspired by the writings of Steven Pressfield and Seth Godin, who emphasize that we are all artists in our own lives, I encourage readers to recognize and embrace their personal growth, leadership, and positive impact on others as their own form of art.
I share my own journey of self-discovery, which began in June 2020 when I joined a writing community with my wife, Terri. Through daily writing, I gained clarity of thought and a deeper appreciation for the power of the written word. This led to the creation of four unpublished memoirs, each focusing on a different aspect of my life: my personal story, my daughter’s soccer career, my older brother’s profound impact, and my shared experiences with my twin brother.
My work encompasses various meaningful areas that have shaped my identity and the value I strive to bring to the world. These include my experiences as a competitive distance runner, my academic and professional achievements, my role as a family man and caregiver to my son (a five-time cancer survivor), my love of sports, my involvement in soccer and refereeing, my advocacy for childhood cancer, personal development, and kindness, as well as my engagement in social media and communities of practice.
I conclude the blog post with an invitation to readers to contemplate their own life experiences and recognize the unique talents and nuances that make up their individual stories. I encourage everyone to embrace their personal body of work and continue refining it throughout their lives, joining me on this shared adventure of self-discovery and growth.
Full Original Writing – Introduction to My Body of Work
What is your story? Everyone has a story… and we all develop a body of work that builds as we find our path through life. Our body of work grows and our life perspective and wisdom is the gift of our work. We all are artists creating our own unique art that cannot be replicated by another human.
“One of the major responsibilities of a person is to make that intellectual spark which you have received from heaven illuminate the world around you.”
—Chinese Wisdom
The opportunity I am embracing here is to share my interpretation of my body of work through my personal lens. This writing is inspired by reading The Daily Pressfield by Steven Pressfield and The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin. Steven and Seth emphasize that we all can be/are artists in our lives. I love this – we just need to recognize how we grow, lead, contribute, and help others, is our art, if we care enough to put our heart and soul into the work of being our best every day.
As you read the rest of this introduction, I encourage you to contemplate, “What is my body of work that is the art creating my life story?”
My life has evolved from being a fiercely independent, accomplishment-driven young man to a family man led by my life experiences to building and developing my talents so I can maximize helping others and leaving the world a better place for having been alive.
My adventure into deeper self-introspection started in June 2020 when I joined my wife, Terri, in a writing community. Over the past [almost] four years, we have grown to love the daily process of writing, the clarity the writing brings to our thoughts, and an appreciation of the gift of writing and the community of kind and caring people participating with us.
My efforts have resulted in four unpublished memoirs that I have completed. I have gained tremendous enjoyment from writing these memoirs and fulfillment knowing the thoughts, appreciation, and memories I ultimately leave for my family. The four memoirs have now made it possible to think about and more clearly articulate my body of work through the blessing of my 65-plus years of life,
The four unpublished memoirs completed, and one in process, include:
December 2020 – Living Life…Off The Track. My personal memoir.
December 2021 – Forever Changed: One Family’s Adventure with The Beautiful Game of Soccer. My memoir of our daughter Olivia’s 15-year soccer career.
January 2023 – “Million Dollar Al” and Beyond. My memoir of my older brother Alex and his profound impact on my life.
December 2023 – Double Vision: Seeing Life Through Twin Eyes. My memoir of my twin brother Don and our shared adventure in life.
TBD (in-process) 2024 – I Did My Best. I Cared: Reflections on Experiences, Lessons Learned, and Heartfelt Tips to Live a Fulfilling Life.
As I write at this point in time, the meaningful areas of my body of work are many. I hold each of these close to my heart. They have shaped who I am and the value I strive to bring to the world every day. The areas include:
Competitive distance runner
College academics
Career
Family
Caregiver, with Terri, for our five-time cancer survivor son Ryan.
Post-Traumatic Growth
Love of sports shared with family
Soccer and soccer referee
Advocate for childhood cancer
Advocate for personal development
Advocate for kindness
Social Media 2010 and forward
#TwinzTalk cofounder 2018
Philosophy of Stoicism since 2019
Communities of practice
What is your story? Contemplating your life experiences, you may realize, as I have, that there are many nuances to every person’s life. We are all unique and have talents within us that no one else owns. Embrace yours and continue refining your body of work for the rest of your life! Join me on this adventure.
Follow my writing as I expand in greater depth to highlight each area of my body of work. Thank you for reading!
A theme that has been a central aspect and one I have held close throughout my life is my goal to always answer this question with “Yes, I did my best.” In my teen years, my efforts focused on distance running. However, I became much more intentional with my self-encouragement and introspection in 1977 when I started attending Ohio University and took on the challenge of obtaining a business degree in accounting.
On October 17, 1996, my and my family’s life was forever changed by the challenge of my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis. Every day, my wife Terri, me, then four-year-old daughter Olivia, and two-year-old Ryan started surviving by bringing “our best” to the day and the often unimaginable stresses that were now a part of our everyday lives. An acute sense of gratitude for life and the joys of ordinary moments quickly took hold in our perspectives. I wish our gift of perspective were one that everyone could genuinely appreciate. Yet, I wish for others to reach this perspective without traveling the road Ryan and our family have traveled for the past 27+ years.
Post-Traumatic Growth
In chapter 33 of Terri’s memoir The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, she discusses her discovery of Post-Traumatic Growth while we were traveling in 2015. Thanks to Oprah Magazine and journalist Ginny Graves, Terri’s discovery of this topic crystallized many emotions we felt through Ryan’s challenges. Without realizing the impact (our focus was saving Ryan’s life and providing as much normalcy as possible for Olivia), our lives profoundly changed by embracing our mission to help others affected by childhood cancer and to pay forward the care and kindness that has been showered upon us since that life-changing day in 1996. In introducing the section in her book, Terri shared this quote that has rung true for us:
“Something very beautiful happens to people when their world has fallen apart: a humility, a nobility, a higher intelligence emerges at just the point when our knees hit the floor.”
—Marianne Williamson
Collaborating with ChatGPT, I summarized the chapter with a 500-word recap and then generated an insightful bullet-point highlight list of ways post-traumatic growth has enhanced our lives. I shared these two results below. A BONUS – the full text of chapter 33 from Terri’s memoir is provided here.
Chapter 33 Summary | Collaboration with ChatGPT
Chapter 33 of Terri Tomoff’s book “The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles” is titled “Post-Traumatic Growth.” The chapter opens with a note from Tomoff’s son, Ryan, reflecting on his experiences with PTSD following his battle with cancer. This note provides insight into the challenges he faced, such as constant fear of cancer recurrence, the constant medical environment, and coping mechanisms like video games.
Tomoff connects Ryan’s struggles with the concept of post-traumatic growth (PTG), an idea suggesting that individuals can experience positive transformation following trauma. This concept is hard for some to comprehend, and not everyone can rally around it, but it represents an alternative to the narrative of unending suffering.
Tomoff then recounts her family’s various contributions to their community following Ryan’s diagnosis, including running marathons to raise money, starting a Postcard Project, and taking meals to the hospital floor where Ryan was treated. She shares that these activities, aimed at helping others, could be considered PTG as they transformed their family’s trauma into a positive force that benefited their community.
The term PTG was coined by Richard Tedeschi, a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, who asserted that trauma survivors could undergo profound changes that extend beyond mere resilience. Jack Tsai from Yale School of Medicine adds that the healthcare system emphasizes identifying dysfunctions rather than superior functioning. This trend is now shifting towards promoting overall well-being.
Tomoff elaborates on her family’s extensive volunteer work, including lobbying for childhood cancer funding, founding advisory boards, and volunteering at various organizations and events. These activities provided a sense of purpose, helped others facing similar challenges, and, in return, aided their healing process.
Tomoff explains that despite the pain associated with a childhood cancer diagnosis, the shared experience has created a strong sense of community and camaraderie. This has led to emotional sharing sessions that have deeply moved the families involved and the staff at the facilities they work with.
Finally, the chapter highlights the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild of Bowie, Maryland, which Tomoff is a part of. The group has made over 2000 quilts for newly diagnosed children at Georgetown University Hospital and has extended its mission internationally. Tomoff and her family’s endeavors reflect the essence of PTG, transforming a traumatic experience into meaningful contributions to society, leading to their emotional growth.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Our Enhanced Family Approach to Life | Collaboration with ChatGPT
From Chapter 33 of Terri Tomoff’s memoir, it’s clear that the family’s experience with their son Ryan’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent trauma transformed their approach to life, fostering a deep commitment to aiding others and giving back to society. This transformation reflects their experience with post-traumatic growth (PTG). Here are some key ways in which PTG enhanced their life:
Embracing Purpose Through Helping Others: They found purpose and solace in assisting others undergoing similar trials. This included running marathons to raise funds, launching “The Postcard Project”, delivering meals to the hospital, and volunteering at multiple organizations. They found a form of healing by turning their trauma into meaningful activities.
Creating Advocacy Initiatives: Their personal experience led them to advocate for more funding for childhood cancer research. Tomoff mentions lobbying on Capitol Hill with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society as a part of this initiative.
Building Community: They co-founded the Parent Advisory Board and involved themselves in other groups supporting families dealing with cancer. This fostered a strong sense of community, which provided emotional support and a platform for shared experiences.
Promoting Well-Being and Positive Transformation: Their work with others emphasized the promotion of well-being, aligning with the concept of PTG. They believed that surviving adversity could be used as a catalyst for profound personal change and betterment.
Empathy and Understanding: Their own experience with trauma allowed them to deeply empathize with other families going through similar experiences, making them effective in their efforts to help others.
Legacy and Long-Term Commitment: The family has pledged a lifelong commitment to giving back to society, acknowledging that they “will never live long enough to give back to the universe.” This dedication is evident in their ongoing efforts, such as Terri Tomoff’s work with the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild, which has created over 2,000 quilts for children newly diagnosed with cancer.
Family Involvement: The family turned their struggle into a collective mission, involving every family member in various ways. This not only helped in dealing with their trauma but also fostered a sense of unity and shared purpose within the family.
In summary, the concept of post-traumatic growth profoundly affected the Tomoff family, driving their extensive efforts to help others, advocate for change, and create a legacy of kindness and resilience in the face of adversity. This has fundamentally transformed their approach to life, making them deeply committed to serving their community.
Thanks to the interpretation and insights offered by ChatGPT, the results beautifully articulate the essence of Terri’s heartfelt writing about post-traumatic growth and the impact our family has felt throughout the years of Ryan’s treatments. We can all show up and do our best one day at a time. Doing your best is what YOU must hold yourself accountable for – this is a personal matter and not subject to the judgment of others. Do your best, keep moving, and hold your head high.
November 4, 2004 – PBMT Donor Meetup – Olivia, Bill, Terri, and Ryan Tomoff
October 1996 – Ryan and Bill Tomoff at Georgetown Hospital
October 1996 – Ryan and Bill Tomoff at Georgetown Hospital – Dad heading home
In this blog post, I share my reflections and insights shaped by a journey marked with resilience and gratitude, deeply influenced by my son Ryan’s courageous battles against cancer. Drawing wisdom from Terri Tomoff’s “The Focused Fight,” I explore how these profound experiences have enriched my perspective, fostering a commitment to spread kindness and positivity.
As I approach my 65th birthday, my heart is brimming with gratitude. I’m dedicated to living a life filled with impact, kindness, and helpfulness, embracing the concept of post-traumatic growth. I’m inspired by Adam Grant’s “five-minute favors” from his book “Give and Take,” believing in the cumulative power of small, intentional acts of kindness.
My life philosophy is encapsulated in three core themes. Firstly, through “The Focused Fight,” I aim to encourage others with a message of gentleness and understanding. Secondly, our Tomoff family mission focuses on helping one person, one family, at a time. Finally, along with my twin Don and our #TwinzTalk initiative, we endeavor to change the world one interaction at a time. These principles guide my daily interactions, where I strive to be an encouraging and enthusiastic presence.
Supporting this message, I reference a post from Instagram’s imagine_values and a “Five-Minute Favors” video on YouTube. Additionally, musician Nick Cave’s words resonate deeply with me, highlighting the significance of everyday gestures in creating ripples of change. Cave eloquently speaks to the profound impact of our smallest actions and their meaningful consequences.
In conclusion, I extend a heartfelt invitation to join me in embracing micro-moments of kindness and a gentler approach towards ourselves and others. Every action, no matter how small, matters significantly. Through these seemingly insignificant acts, we can all contribute to lifting the spirits of others, thus shaping a kinder, more compassionate world.
Full Reflection
My perspective and efforts in life strive to lead with a grateful heart as I go through my days. When I am gentle and kind to myself, I am inspired to bring that same presence to the world and those I interact with. I could credit many life events for their role in shaping me into who I am today. Yet, the dramatic life-threatening and life-altering event of my son Ryan’s five-time battles with cancer and the lens through which I experience life have profoundly changed me. Terri Tomoff’s memoir,The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, shares Ryan and our family’s journey since his original diagnosis in 1996.
As I approach my 65th birthday (!), my heart is filled with gratitude for the growth I have experienced in my life, and I am dedicated with my heart and soul to being an impactful, kind, caring, and helpful person for the rest of my life. The concept ofpost-traumatic growth is one that Terri and I embrace fully, and we strive to be intentional in our efforts to pay it forward for the unimaginable care and kindness that has been shared with our family over the years.
Recognizing that TIME is my most precious asset, I have dedicated efforts focused on micro-moments of kindness and five-minute favors (encouraged by Adam Grant in his book Give and Take). Opportunities abound to make a difference in our world, and my approach to seemingly small, insignificant, yet genuine acts of kindness WILL make a compounding difference in my world. How do I “know?” I believe, and I KNOW – I do not need affirmation. I promise – live your life to bring good to the world – and you will notice the impact on you and your world!
A few themes I believe and strive for as part of my values are:
My theme – encouragement with signed copies of The Focused Fight:
“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”
Our Tomoff family mission of The Focused Fight book:
“Helping others, one person, one family, at a time.”
Bill and Don Tomoff’s mission of #TwinzTalk and our professional work:
“Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”
My preferred contributions for making an impact in my corner of the world are to focus on micro-moments of kindness and five-minute favors. How I conduct myself daily is critically important, and I strive to be an encouraging and enthusiastic presence as I go through my activities and interactions. Our actions matter – a lot. An inspiration fromimagine_values on Instagram is a fantastic reminder for my approach to bringing value to my life and world: “Think big and act small.“
“The everyday human gesture is always a heartbeat away from the miraculous.
Remember that ultimately, we make things happen through our actions, way beyond our understanding or intention; that our seemingly small ordinary human acts have untold consequences; that what we do in this world means something; that we are not nothing; and that our most quotidian human actions by their nature burst the seams of our intent and spill meaningfully and radically through time and space, changing everything.
Our deeds, no matter how insignificant they may feel, are replete with meaning and of vast consequence, and they constantly impact upon the unfolding story of the world, whether we know it or not.”
Portions of the unedited post at the link provided above resonated with me:
“Perhaps the song attempts to present the idea that the everyday human gesture is always a heartbeat away from the miraculous – that ultimately we make things happen through our actions, way beyond our understanding or intention; that our seemingly small ordinary human acts have untold consequences; that what we do in this world means something; that we are not nothing; and that our most quotidian human actions by their nature burst the seams of our intent and spill meaningfully and radically through time and space, changing everything. Night Raid tells us that our deeds, no matter how insignificant they may feel, are replete with meaning, and of vast consequence, and that they constantly impact upon the unfolding story of the world, whether we know it or not.”
“… All action provokes change. Nothing is ineffectual. Nothing.
Francis, rather than feel impotent and useless, you must come to terms with the fact that as a human being you are infinitely powerful, and take responsibility for this tremendous power. Even our smallest actions have potential for great change, positively or negatively, and the way in which we all conduct ourselves within the world means something. You are anything but impotent, you are, in fact, exquisitely and frighteningly dynamic, as are we all, and with all respect you have an obligation to stand up and take responsibility for that potential. It is your most ordinary and urgent duty.”
My hope is anyone who reads my post here will embrace the magic of micro-moments of kindness and five-minute favors. As Nick Cave encourages, EVERY action matters. We all can prioritize time to contribute and lift the spirits of others through seemingly insignificant actions.
May we all adopt a kinder and gentler approach to ourselves and our interactions with others? Join me in this movement.
PS – if you need to move in front of me in a long traffic line, I’ve got you covered!
I pause to reflect back on November 3, 2004, a day ingrained in our hearts as we nervously sat in Duke University Medical Center, awaiting the marrow donation that held the hope of a fresh lease of life for Ryan, battling Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.
The week of outpatient radiation Ryan endured, wiping out his immune system, only intensified the need for a successful transfusion, each passing moment fueling our prayers for the meticulous execution of the transplant.
Our beacon of hope was Scott Harris, whose altruistic act of marrow donation from miles away in New York was the cornerstone of Ryan’s fight for survival. His selfless act is a testament to the adage that humanity thrives in unity.
Rajesh Setty’s words, “Life-changing gifts deserve a lifetime of gratitude,” resonates deeply with our experiences, encapsulating the essence of thankfulness we foster each day for Scott and many others whose benevolence has been a guiding light in our journey.
The narrative within Terri’s memoir, “The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles,” not only chronicles our voyage through turbulent times but also advocates for the priceless act of marrow donation, urging the reader to explore and share the life-saving potential encapsulated in “Be The Match.”
Our narrative is a homage to the boundless generosity we’ve received and a call to action for others to partake in life-altering acts of kindness, fostering a continuum of hope and lifesaving camaraderie.
Full Reflection (Written November 3, 2023)
“Life-changing gifts deserve a lifetime of gratitude.” – Rajesh Setty
November 3, 2004. Nineteen years ago today, my family and I were in Durham, NC, at Duke University Medical Center. Terri Tomoff and my son, sister Olivia’s brother, were with Ryan as we anxiously awaited the marrow donation to be delivered to Duke and prepared for transfusion to Ryan. We all were praying for the successful execution of steps that needed to be taken to provide Ryan with his opportunity for a life-saving transplant. He was waiting in his hospital room after having completed a week of outpatient radiation that eliminated his immune system – his body’s ability to fight an infection was non-existent.
When we experienced Ryan’s 3x wars with childhood cancer (ALL – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia), we immediately understood that people need people. Success in the process was not in our control. The realization creates desperation. On this day in November 2004, we all waited anxiously for the necessary steps that had to unfold before delivering the marrow transfusion to Ryan.
We would only learn the specifics a full year later. Still, our donor, Scott Harris, from the New York area, started the morning of November 3rd by going to a local hospital to have his marrow harvested for delivery to Duke, where a ten-year-old boy and his family waited. At approximately 7:45 PM, the transplant was started!
Every day, we carry an attitude of gratitude for Scott Harris and the gift of life that his selfless act provided to Ryan and our family. Yet, on the anniversary, we take an intentional pause and reflect on his kindness, along with the care and compassion of many people and medical professionals who dedicated their efforts to Ryan’s survival. Rajesh Setty’s quote above, which I discovered in his YouTube video, “Growing and Changing the World One Thank You at a Time,” could not more perfectly articulate the emotion in our family.
I encourage everyone to watch the video for thought-provoking inspiration and encouragement from Rajesh, particularly from 3:00 to 5:05 minutes, where he references Dr. Howard Hogshead and life-changing gifts.
The list of people I feel heartfelt gratitude for is very long, and we dedicate our lives to helping others, honoring those who have impacted our journey and who ultimately gave the gift of life to Ryan.
In her memoir book, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, Terri discusses Ryan and our family’s in-depth journey through transplant (Chapter 23 – The Transplant) and the emotional meeting with Scott Harris on November 4, 2005 (Chapter 27 – Can YOU Be The Match?).
As Terri asks with her title of chapter 27 – can you be the match? Please check out and share the critically vital link to Be The Match.
November 3, 2004 – Ryan Tomoff transplant is started at 7:45 PMNovember 4, 2005 – Ryan Tomoff meets his Bone Marrow Transplant donor Scott Harris.July 2021 – Olivia, Bill, Terri, and Ryan Tomoff celebrate Terri’s The Focused Fight book, published March 11, 2021December 2019 – Olivia and Ryan Tomoff – Maui, Hawaii
My twin Don and I have been learning, “playing with,” and working to identify compelling personal use cases for using CGPT to enhance our performance and ability to bring increased value to ourselves and others.
The summaries provided here were a direct result of prompting CGPT based on the full text of the chapter. I have first-hand knowledge of the topic (creator of The Postcard Project), so I can verify the results of our family’s direct experiences. I have tweaked the results below for greater clarity and accuracy, yet the starting point provided by CGPT astounded me!
I started by copying and pasting the chapter’s entire text, about 1,500 words, into CGPT and prompting it for a 500-word summary recap. Then I prompted, “Why was the postcard project important for Ryan and our family?” The results encouraged me to share in this blog post. Reminder – I carefully read the answers generated by CGPT and modified the results to reflect sentiments that aligned exactly with my feelings. However, the “head start” provided by CGPT is the emphasis here – I am sure this result would not have been gathered without the assistance of CGPT.
Recap of the Chapter:
Chapter 19 of Terri Tomoff’s book, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, titled “The Postcard Project,” shares the story of a unique initiative undertaken by the family of Ryan. This young boy had gone silent after his second acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) cancer relapse.
The news of the relapse made Ryan sad and uninterested in talking with almost anyone. Hoping to lift his spirits and encourage him to communicate, his father, Bill, conceived a project where well-wishers would send sports-themed postcards with supportive messages to Ryan. He was a huge sports fan.
Termed “The Postcard Project,” the idea rapidly gained momentum, with people sending postcards worldwide. In addition, Ryan received other gifts, including sports jerseys and even a letter of good wishes from the President of the United States,George W. Bush! The family had set up a P.O. Box to manage the volume of mail, which exceeded 2,500 pieces between June and December 2004.
The postcard project not only provided a distraction for Ryan but also became a ray of hope for the entire family. People’s goodwill worked wonders, as the messages he received lifted Ryan’s spirits. Depending on his health and mood, He could open the mail on his terms, either in the hospital or at home.
One touching incident mentioned in the chapter was when a nurse, who had earlier sent Ryan a postcard from Hawaii, was assigned to him at Duke University Medical Center for his bone marrow transplant. The family viewed this coincidence as a minor miracle.
Despite the trauma and uncertainty surrounding Ryan’s treatment, the chapter emphasizes the resilience of Ryan and his family. Their motto of taking things “One. Day. At. A. Time.” was a steady mantra amidst the chaos of chemotherapy treatments, infection complications, recovery, and preparation for his bone marrow transplant.
The postcard project had miraculously achieved its aim – Ryan’s spirits were lifted by the cards received, and he began to talk and engage with others. The chapter also highlights Ryan’s resolve to attend an annual weeklong cancer camp, Special Love’s Camp Fantastic, reiterating his determination and will to live.
Overall, “The Postcard Project” exemplifies the healing power of collective goodwill and how a small act of kindness can have far-reaching impacts.
Why was The Postcard Project Important for Ryan and Our Family?
The response generated by CGPT brought me great gratitude for the idea happening. It reminded me that Ryan and our family were immensely blessed with the overwhelming response that supported him throughout the summer of 2004 and his trip to and treatment at Duke University Medical Center in October 2004 until we returned to Maryland in March 2005. A couple of boxes of unopened cards traveled with us. Ryan had a consistent available supply of notes that reminded him he was loved, and a vast tribe of supporters was holding him close in their thoughts and prayers.
The reasons suggested by CGPT for the significance of the project were:
Boosted Spirits
Sense of Connection
Restored Communication
Global Support
Distraction from Pain
Family Bonding
Miracle Moments
Each reason suggested was a great observation, and Terri and I would summarize in the same way – if we were able to articulate the thought as concisely as offered by CGPT (and then reworded to our preference).
The response from CGPT (clarified wording to reflect our experience) is below.
The Postcard Project was significant for Ryan and his family for several reasons:
Boosted Spirits: Amidst the painful and exhausting process of treatments and recovery, the postcards served as a source of joy and excitement for Ryan. The sports-themed postcards catered to his interests, and the encouraging messages improved his mood.
Sense of Connection: While Ryan had retreated into silence, the postcards allowed him to maintain a connection with the world outside his hospital room. They served as a non-intrusive way for well-wishers to communicate their support.
Restored Communication: The postcards sparked curiosity and interest in Ryan, encouraging him to start speaking and engaging with others a bit more. Opening up to others was a significant emotional and psychological recovery milestone.
Global Support: The wide-ranging response from people across the globe emphasized the collective goodwill towards Ryan. This universal display of human kindness profoundly impacted his family, giving them hope and strength in challenging times.
Distraction from Pain: The postcards provided Ryan with a much-needed distraction from his painful treatments and the longer-term extensive inpatient treatment process. They served as a pleasant diversion, giving him something to look forward to.
Family Bonding: Collectively experiencing the project brought the family together, providing a shared focus and a sense of solidarity in a stressful and worrying period. It also brought joy and a sense of achievement as Ryan’s spirits improved, and he opened up to communicating more regularly.
Miracle Moments: Unexpected instances, like the nurse at Duke University Medical Center who had earlier sent Ryan a postcard, ending up as his caregiver during his bone marrow transplant. The nurse event is one example of several emotional moments of wonder and joy experienced by the family.
I am pleased with ChatGPT’s assistance in summarizing Chapter 19, The Postcard Project. The result articulates the power of what the project brought to Ryan and our family. I hope others will be inspired to be creative and seek help and support. The response and success of the project made a difference for Ryan!
Postcard Puzzle – Happy 10th Birthday
2004 – Ryan Tomoff – Louisiana Tech Women’s Basketball Staff
Working with my twin Don and I will be challenging. We will push you, and yes, it will be uncomfortable. We will ask you to demand more from yourself – because there IS MORE potential within all of us. The reward of personal growth – for ourselves and others – is compelling. We have experienced the benefits throughout our lives and careers, and thus why we are so committed to encouraging others.
We credit our mindset of continual learning, acceptance of being wrong, and failing over and over to our background as college and competitive marathon distance runners. Today’s Daily Stoic email asks, “When Is The Last Time You Challenged Yourself?”
The fact is, we all will face adversity in our lives. Unavoidably, extreme adversity may be thrust upon us, and we have no choice but to respond with every ounce of our being. In my family, my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis on October 17, 1996, changed our lives forever. His and our family’s story is told in Terri Tomoff’s memoir The Focused Fight.
Yet, outside of fate forcing adversity upon us, there is strength in placing ourselves in positions of chosen adversity. I encourage reading the short blog post linked above and contemplating where you might most immediately apply in your life. Highlights from the post:
“It’s very easy to get comfortable. To build up your life exactly how you want it to be. Minimize inconveniences and hand off the stuff you don’t like to do. To find what you enjoy, where you enjoy it, and never leave.
A velvet rut is what it’s called. It’s nice, but the comfort tricks you into thinking that you’re not stuck.”
“…as soon as we stop growing, we start dying. Or at least, we become more vulnerable to the swings of Fate and Fortune. Seneca talked over and over again about the importance of adversity, of not only embracing the struggle life throws at us but actively seeking out that difficulty, so you can be stronger and better and more prepared. A person who has never been challenged, he said, who always gets their way, is a tragic figure. They have no idea what they are capable of. They are not even close to fulfilling their potential.
“Prioritize a few minutes to contemplate, “What personal development challenge is most interesting or impactful for me, and how can I chip away every day, embracing the difficulty, so I can be stronger, better, and more prepared?”
October 17, 1996. The day our family heard the words “Ryan has Cancer.” Ryan is my son – born on August 16, 1994. At two years and two months old, his and our family’s lives were forever changed.
Less than one year later, our family was introduced to the Special Love organization (SL), whose mission is to support children and families fighting childhood cancer. My post here shares the blessing of support and magic that the wonderful people of SL have brought to Ryan and our family over the past 25+ years.
Through Ryan’s cancer fights, we have encountered kindness, compassion, and selfless giving that many may never see in a lifetime. Children, siblings, and parents in the childhood cancer fight are often isolated and lonely and have few people in their life to “turn to” to help cope with the tragic experience of the cancer diagnosis, extended treatment of years, and lives turned upside down, that will never return to the “normal,” before cancer, state. Mostly, friends and family members don’t know what to say or do, and they also must carry on with their lives.
“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.”
***
A short time after Ryan’s diagnosis, we met Kathy Russell at Georgetown Hospital, and she was the person to introduce the Special Love organization to our family. We did not know it, but Special Love was a part of the “Holland” that our family had now traveled to in our life’s journey. In September 1997, only 11 months after diagnosis, our family attended a weekend event called “Under 7” for cancer kids under the age of seven and their families. This was the start of a community that became life-enhancing for Ryan and our family.
Tom and Sheila Baker founded Special Love in 1983 after losing their daughter Julia in 1976 to lymphoma. Turning tragedy into good… “Something clicked,” Tom later recalled. “It was as close as I’ve ever felt to a divine calling.”
Our introduction to the Special Love organization and events throughout the year gave our family a “home” where we could learn from and be supported by others who had traveled or were traveling the road that Ryan and our family were now on. Once Ryan was 7 years old, he attended the signature camp of Special Love, “Camp Fantastic,” Olivia went on to attend “BRASS Camp” for brothers and sisters of siblings fighting cancer. Terri and I met many families who became part of our support network and are now lifelong friends. The children and parents were in an environment where others “understood” the challenges and bonds developed that have endured over the past 25 years and counting.
Ryan attended Camp Fantastic for a record 11 straight years until he aged out at 18 years old. He has gone on to become a camp counselor for what he notes is “the best week of the year.” Olivia attended the BRASS Camp for many years, met her lifelong best friend, Liz, and also served as a counselor. In 2018, I was honored to join the board of directors of Special Love and am now in my sixth year of spreading the good word about the life-changing work this organization does for those fighting childhood cancer.
In April 2019, Ryan presented to a crowd of about 300 supporters at the annual Special Love Gala. I had offered to help Ryan prepare for his speech, but he insisted he did not need my help. The night of the gala, I introduced Ryan and did not know the contents of his speech. Here we were, “winging it [or so I thought – a secret – Ryan had diligently prepared],” and I felt nervous about him to be stepping up to the stage and speaking from the heart. I will never forget my immense pride as Ryan took over the podium after my introduction. He spoke for the next eight minutes or so, sharing the power of what Special Love had done for him and our family. I was emotional and choked up for him – my son had just turned into a young man right before my eyes!
“In a tough situation, few people wake up every morning and say, ‘I’m going to be resilient today.’ Most people under extreme stress wake up with heavy hearts but with a small quiet voice that tells them never to give up. Resilience is listening to that small inner voice and finding people and organizations to help you slowly turn up the volume.”
Our friends at Special Love help connect cancer families, and indeed, over time, the families are able to “turn up the volume” to receive support and to return the support to others in need. When our family arrived in “Holland,” Special Love was there waiting for us.
Inspired by Seth Godin’s blog posted on January 2, 2023, my twin Don and I are starting the “Virtually No One” community. This community is for people who personally and professionally take “the road less traveled” and, in the long run, are making a compelling difference for themselves and their world.
Virtually no one is enough. Our lives and this community are committed to believing that a small act, thinking differently, and using our talents to solve problems, one individual does make a difference. We trust this to the core as we have seen proof throughout our lives and careers that our early adopter mindset, combined with a vision of potential, has exponentially rewarded, over and over. We know our beliefs and actions are “changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”
Seth’s blog notes:
“Compared to the overall population, virtually no one built Wikipedia, virtually no one voted for that senator and virtually no one starts a business. Virtually no one cares enough to help a stranger in need, and virtually no one leads the way.
And that’s okay.
Because virtually no one is enough.
“When we “see” the potential of thinking and working differently, the space is lonely and only persistence, and long-term dedication provides hope for progress (for example – consider the Slack collaboration tool introduced in 2016 – highly resisted in its early days, but now ubiquitous along with Microsoft Teams, in today’s world). The payoffs when the idea succeeds are very gratifying. To be clear, failures frequently occur, causing many to say, “I knew that wouldn’t work.” Because of the fact that failures do occur, and many folks will not move ahead (late adopters) without convincing definitive proof of success, virtually no one is willing to walk the path.
A few quotes of inspiration:
“Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.” –Howard Aiken
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… The ones who see things differently – they’re not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the one thing you can’t do is ignore them, because they change things… Because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Think different.”
In all our actions, we think of helping others and helping the communities in which we live and work. Commit to personal development/self-improvement and lean on your talents to help others. Do what is right in your heart, and do not strive to “fit in” with the masses. To fit in is doing our genuine selves a disservice. We all are meant to and have so much potential to significantly contribute to the world with our unique talents.
A few examples of virtually no one community members:
Don made a trip to Costco Wholesale recently and noted many stray carts in the parking lot. Case in point, virtually no one (other than an employee of Costco) will take the time to collect and return several carts to the appropriate stations and out of the vehicle’s harm’s way.
How about picking up trash in our communities? Again, welcome to the virtually no one community!
My wife Terri published a memoir of our son Ryan’s 5x cancer battles (The Focused Fight). Well, virtually no one writes a book.
Let’s get active and dedicate our talents and energy to making a positive contribution – in ways and areas where virtually no one, unfortunately, is paying attention. Join us, shine the light, and share your stories!
December 31, 2022 – Don Tomoff at Costco Warehouse – shopping carts assistanceJuly 24, 2021 – Ryan and Terri Tomoff at The Focused Fight Book Launch
