Posted on

The Gentle Way Forward: Nurturing Ease and Inner Peace in a Chaotic World

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

In my life, I strive to treat everyone with gentleness and kindness, as I believe we never truly know the struggles others face. This mindset has been deeply shaped by my family’s experience with my son Ryan’s childhood cancer journey, during which we were uplifted by the compassion and kindness of those around us. I am committed to honoring their love and support by bringing my best self forward daily to make a positive difference in the world.

Recently, I discovered Elisabet Lahti’s book “Gentle Power,” which resonates deeply with my belief in the underappreciated strength of gentleness. The book highlights the Finnish concept of “sisu,” which combines determination and inner fortitude with wisdom and heart. Lahti challenges the notion that gentleness is a weakness, presenting it as a powerful tool for leadership, empowerment, and personal growth.

As I read the book, I was struck by the transformative potential of embracing gentleness in all aspects of life. By responding with kindness and understanding, we can inspire others to do the same, creating a ripple effect of positivity. While gentleness may not always be the easiest path, I am convinced that it is the most rewarding one in the long run. I am excited to continue exploring the concept of gentle power and to incorporate its teachings into my daily life as I work to create a more compassionate and nurturing world around me.

Full Original Writing

“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”

Bill Tomoff, signing The Focused Fight

The quote above is one I use when autographing Terri Tomoff’s memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, which is my guiding inspiration as I go through my daily life. A casual observer in my life has no idea what I and my family have endured through the years since my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis in 1996. I firmly believe everyone we encounter has a “story” and challenges we know nothing about. Embracing this mindset, I strive to extend gentleness and kindness in my countless daily interactions and pray that maybe I make a small difference that may lift the spirits of a fellow human being.

Thanks to a recent book discussion on Zoom with Emma Seppala about her book Sovereign, moderated by Emilia Elisabet Lahti, PhD, I discovered another inspiring book written by Elisabet, titled Gentle Power: A Revolution in How We Think, Lead, and Succeed Using the Finnish Art of Sisu.

“Sisu is a Finnish word for determination and inner fortitude in the face of extreme adversity. Gentle power is to apply sisu with wisdom and heart.”

–Elisabet Lahti, PhD, website

After I had completed Emma Seppala’s book, I was excited to follow her recommendation and start Elisabet’s book! As I write this, I am about one-third of the way through, yet I have noted that the content resonates deeply with my intention to live my days through gentleness and kindness. My dedication has been shaped by our family’s experience with family, friends, and strangers, who have selflessly brought compassion, gentleness, and kindness to our family during the difficult (seemingly impossible) days of Ryan’s cancer treatments. I am living my days in honor of those who have been at our side with unconditional love and concern – developing and bringing my best self forward to make a difference through how I present myself to the world.

Deep within my soul, I believe that gentleness and kindness are strengths vastly underappreciated. I am inspired to see the supporting research that Elisabet shares in her book! I will gladly take “the road less traveled.” Through my actions, I will encourage others and create a ripple of positivity in my world.

Below, I share a few excerpts from the book that resonate with me. I feel like the best is yet to come.

“What would you have? Your gentleness shall force more than your force move us to gentleness.”

-Shakespeare
Shakespeare quote gentleness vs force

Collaborating with ChatGPT, here is a further explanation of the quote’s meaning [Bold emphasis is mine]:

“This quote from William Shakespeare speaks to the power of gentleness over force in influencing others’ behavior. The suggestion is that gentleness and a soft approach can compel others to respond with the same kindness and softness, perhaps even more effectively than using force or aggression.

The underlying idea is that our emotions and behaviors can often inspire similar responses in those around us. One might inspire others to adopt a similar demeanor by choosing gentleness, creating a more harmonious interaction. This reflects a psychological concept known as “emotional contagion,” where people tend to “catch” the emotions of others around them. Thus, gentleness begets gentleness, proving itself a more potent tool for shaping the attitudes and actions of others than harshness or coercion.“

I am not naively suggesting that gentleness and kindness will always “win the moment.” Yet, coming from a genuine place of gentleness and kindness improves the possibility of preventing a contentious or challenging moment from escalating. It can improve the likelihood of a favorable resolution. In the long run, a lifestyle that strives to live with gentleness and kindness WILL be rewarding personally and for all involved. Using force may win the moment but most certainly degrades long-term relationships and effectiveness. If “winning” requires force, this is not how I want to live my life.

Further, regarding gentleness, Elisabet shares in her book about “Mistaking Gentleness for Weakness:”

“Most of us have been told a terrible lie our whole lives that anything soft, gentle, and supple (and feminine) is somehow inherently weak, unreliable, or of lesser value. This lie has caused untold suffering and has led to innumerable harmful decisions in politics and private organizations. For far too long, our culture has been overly infatuated with winning, competing, and making a profit, while gentleness and cooperation has been labeled inferior or fragile.

French philosopher André Comte-Sponville says that gentleness is “courage without violence, strength without harshness, love without anger” and also that “gentleness is gentleness only as long it owes nothing to fear.” 3 Our inability to assert boundaries, our struggles to lead people, and our reluctance to express opinions because we fear rejection is not gentleness but meekness. Gentleness is not about being passive or always accommodating others. Gentleness is a way of moving forward with a kind of dynamic grace. It’s about knowing when to push and when to pull back. It’s about succeeding not through force, but through empowerment.

Far too many of us have been dealing with an out-of-whack nervous system for years. We’ve been hardwired to overreact, overextend, and overwork. Adopting the gentle power style of encountering the world and moving through it isn’t so much about learning something new, but about unlearning these unhealthy ways of living. Gentle power is about finding accomplishment through nurturing a spirit of ease toward ourselves and others instead of achievement (no matter how glorious in the moment) and striving at the long-term cost of inner peace.

Comte-Sponville further describes gentleness as “a kind of peace, either real or desired . . . it can be pierced by anguish and suffering or brightened by joy and gratitude, but it is always devoid of hatred, harshness, and insensitivity.” Imagine if our experiences in leadership, social activism, politics, and families were devoid of harshness, force, and insensitivity. Imagine a relationship with yourself that’s completely free from judgment and blame. Socially, we’re told that this sort of treatment toward ourselves and others is soft and weak when it’s actually empowering, constructive, and energizing.”

Let’s ask ourselves daily, how can I present myself more gently and kindly to the world? I am excited to read more about Elisabet’s work on Gentle Power, inspired by hope and inspiration after reading the first one-third of the book!

Posted on

What You Do Matters: Embracing the Power of Individual Impact

When reading About The Author at the end of Emma Seppala’s book Sovereign, I noted:

“A psychologist and research scientist by training, Seppälä’s expertise is the science of happiness, emotional intelligence, and social connection. Her research has been published in top academic journals and featured in news outlets including The New York Times, NPR, and CBS News and featured in documentaries like Free the Mind, The Altruism Revolution, What You Do Matters [Bill T emphasis], and Bullied. www.emmaseppala.com and www.iamsov.com”

The documentary title, What You Do Matters, caught my attention. What we think and what we do are important. Think and do good. Be kind. Our actions and the presence we bring to the world matter.

In my approach to my career and my family, I have long embraced the core belief that what I do matters. Every action matters. Two quotes that guide me:

When Terri wrote her memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, her inspiration and goal for our family was stated:

“Helping one person, one family, at a time.”

The personal development and professional work I do with my twin Don (follow hashtag #TwinzTalk on LinkedIn!) is stated:

“Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”

I am not looking to impact the masses. Still, I am dedicated to making the most of individual IRL, virtual, and social media interactions, and bringing a presence to the world that may influence and reach folks I likely will never know about. The truth is we often don’t know the reach and impact that kindness and generosity toward helping others will have. I genuinely intend to help my world through micro-moments of living my life through caring and doing the “right thing.“

A favorite Daily Stoic blog post I share often is “You Do Not Need This.” Note:

“You want it, don’t you?

That “I told you so.” That “Thank You.” That recognition for being first, or being better, or being different. You want credit. You want gratitude. You want the acknowledgment for the good you’ve done, for the weight that you carry.

What you want is what Marcus Aurelius has called “the third thing,” because you’re not content enough with the doing. “When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it,” he writes, “why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top—credit for the good deed or a favor in return?””

“You don’t need a favor back. You don’t need to be repaid. You don’t need to be acknowledged. You don’t need the third thing. That’s not why you do what you do. You’re good because it’s good to be good, and that’s all you need.”

Too often, it is natural to wonder, “Am I making a difference?” I have let go of the need to have affirmation of my actions. I choose instead to KNOW that What I Do Matters. Thus, the video referenced in the book resonated with me. I have provided the link below and encourage everyone to prioritize the hour of time to watch the documentary. Inspiration guaranteed! I hope you will feel compelled to embrace approaching the world and others with a kinder and gentler presence. You will influence others, and over time, you will be profoundly changed for the better!

Emma Seppala emphasizes throughout her book the importance of awareness of our thoughts and the impact that can have in keeping us from reaching sovereignty. The good news is that we can take control of our minds, prioritize our self-care, and bring our best selves to others and the world daily. Our thoughts build our actions and what we do. Consider, and hold close, this quote from Lao Tzu:

“Watch your thoughts; they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do Matters
Credit: The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do Matters
Posted on

Nils and Jonas Salzgeber | Part 3 of 3: Benjamin Franklin’s 13 Virtues and Biography

The next Nils and Jonas blog post that resonated with me was Become a Better Person: Adopt Benjamin Franklin’s 13 Virtues.

Ben Franklin’s 13 virtues are timeless and worth reflecting upon often. Walter Isaacson discussed the virtues (pages 89 to 92) in his biography, Benjamin Franklin: An American Life, which I have read twice in the past ten years. I highly recommend the book! A 23-minute summary is available on YouTube.

The 13 virtues discussed in the blog are worth keeping and referring to for an expanded discussion of each virtue. Nils and Jonas describe the virtues as key to Franklin’s success: “The key to his success was his continuous pursuit of self-improvement.” The 13 virtues are:

  1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
  2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
  3. Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
  4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
  5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
  6. Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
  7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
  8. Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
  9. Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
  10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
  11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
  12. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
  13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

About Franklin’s efforts at living the thirteen virtues, Isaacson notes in his book:

“Mastering all of these thirteen virtues at once was “a task of more difficulty than I had imagined,” Franklin recalled. The problem was that “while my care was employed in guarding against one fault, I was often surprised by another.” So he decided to tackle them like a person who, “having a garden to weed, does not attempt to eradicate all the bad herbs at once, which would exceed his reach and his strength, but works on one of the beds at a time.””

Hopefully, the three books discussed in this three-part blog post will inspire you to pursue your quest for personal development. Show up every day and dedicate time to yourself and your own growth. The Twinz are cheering you on!

Posted on

Nils and Jonas Salzgeber | Part 2 of 3: Coach John Wooden

The Salzgeber brothers’ focus on personal development resonates with Don and me. Taking the initiative for personal growth and committing to continual learning is our north star, and we strive to help others and bring them along on the adventure. Bringing our best selves to the world is critically important work that we must embrace and not leave to the judgment of others.

Since reading (and sharing often)The Little Book of Stoicism, I now receive their email newsletter and periodically review the blog posts (as I write this in April 2024, I note the last blog post was in November 2022) on their website. I discovered two blog posts that resonated with me, and they reminded me of two recommended books in the #TwinzTalk personal development agenda – Benjamin Franklin’s Biography by Walter Isaacson and Coach Wooden’s Leadership Game Plan for Success by John Wooden and Steve Jamison. Below, I am sharing excerpts from Nils and Jonas’s blog posts and references to the books that Don and I recommend. We hope these topics inspire you to prioritize time for your personal development!

John Wooden

As Nils and Jonas note:

“John Wooden was a legendary basketball coach at the University of California, Los Angeles. During his last 12 years as a coach there, he won 10 championships, including seven in a row, and including an 88-game winning streak.

Some people say he was the greatest basketball coach ever. Some say he was the greatest coach in the 20th century. Others say he was the greatest coach of all time. Period.

John Wooden himself would not have bothered about such titles – that’ll get clear to you after reading some of his quotes below. He was much more concerned about the process, about putting in the work, about doing everything he could to become the best he could be. He was a truly inspiring man and a role model for me personally. Here are 35 timeless life lessons we can learn from him.”

The 35 life lessons shared in the blog post are all nuggets worth reading and holding onto. We can learn much from the wisdom of John Wooden. A few of our favorites include:

  • Number 5: Politeness and Courtesy – “…being a good person isn’t necessarily something we do for other people, it’s something we do for ourselves. We don’t need to expect anything in return. We’re getting paid well enough.“

  • Number 13: Stop Looking for Shortcuts – “If you spend too much time learning the tricks of the trade, you may not learn the trade. There are no shortcuts. If you’re working on finding a short cut, the easy way, you’re not working hard enough on the fundamentals. You may get away with it for a spell, but there is no substitute for the basics. And the first basic is good, old-fashioned hard work.”

  • Number 24: Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People – “It’s simple. Don’t compare yourself to somebody else, especially materially. If I’m worrying about the other guy and what he’s doing, about what he’s making, about all the attention he’s getting, I’m not going to be able to do what I’m capable of doing. It’s a guaranteed way to make yourself miserable.”

  • Number 28: Adversity = Opportunity – “Most people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder. But did you know that the opposite also exists? It’s called post-traumatic growth – the phenomenon of people becoming stronger after a tragedy or trauma. They don’t just bounce back, but they bounce higher than they were before.”

  • Number 29: Want Peace of Mind? – “I believe one of the big lessons of sports for dedicated individuals and teams is that it shows us how hard work, and I mean hard work, does pay dividends. The dividend is not necessarily in outscoring an opponent. The guaranteed dividend is the complete peace of mind gained in knowing you did everything within your power, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to bring forth your full potential.”

  • Number 31: Strive to Maintain Self-Control – “Complaining, whining, making excuses just keeps you out of the present. That’s where self-control comes in. Self-control keeps you in the present. Strive to maintain self-control.”

  • Number 34: Improve the Team by Improving Yourself – “If you want to change the world, start by changing yourself. For the best way to improve the world is to improve yourself. Joseph Campbell said it best, “We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world. The influence of a vital person vitalizes.””

John Wooden’s book on leadership, Coach Wooden’s Leadership Game Plan for Success, is an inspiring read. In addition, check out the downloadable image of Wooden’s The Pyramid of Success on the John Wooden website.

“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.”

-John Wooden

 
Posted on

Nils and Jonas Salzgeber | Part 1 of 3: The Little Book of Stoicism

For twin Don and me, a consistent theme in our lives has been a desire to develop to the best of our abilities. In earnest, we recognized this fully during our college years…when it felt as if our career survival was at stake based on our academic performance (in the 1980s, this feeling was probably more true than today in 2024).

While not realizing it then, the love of personal development and striving to do our best was born during the college years at Ohio University. Competitive distance running on the varsity cross-country and track and field teams, balanced with the academic workload of pursuing a business degree (accounting major), consumed our focus – and we were each other’s accountability partners before we knew of such a term.

Purely self-serving during those years has evolved into personal development to bring our best self forward for our families and employers and our quest to use our talents and skills to bring out the best potential in others. My “Why” is now articulated as “Helping others is rewarding and provides me fulfillment and gratification.” Helping others is the best way to help yourself.

Thanks to the evolution of social media and communities of practice groups, the possibilities for connecting and learning with others have grown exponentially. We live in an exciting time with the potential of virtual connections and learning via technology (online courses, YouTube, etc.). With a willingness to invest in yourself, resources are abundant (often FREE).

Since 2018, I have invested time in the philosophy of Stoicism. That path has led to this post, where I now share about brothers Nils and Jonas Salzgeber. In 2021, I read Jonas’s book The Little Book of Stoicism: Timeless Wisdom to Gain Resilience, Confidence, and Calmness. I have been an avid reader of Ryan Holiday’s work at The Daily Stoic and have read The Daily Stoic book of daily meditations daily since January 1, 2020.

Like Nils and Jonas, I now view Stoicism as a core component of my personal development quest. ChatGPT describes Stoicism as follows (to explain to a high school student):

“Stoicism is a philosophy that teaches us to focus on what we can control—our own actions and attitudes—and to accept what we can’t control, like other people’s actions or life’s unexpected challenges. It encourages us to respond to life’s difficulties with calmness and resilience, striving to be our best selves by practicing virtues like wisdom, courage, and self-discipline. By focusing on our own behavior and learning to accept whatever life throws at us without getting overly emotional or upset, Stoicism helps us lead happier, more fulfilling lives.”

If you are interested in Stoicism, I highly recommend The Little Book of Stoicism. Yet, now is when the journey becomes more fun! Don and I believe personal development should be a priority for everyone. Too often, we feel in the minority and cannot understand why individuals do not relentlessly prioritize time to “sharpen the saw,” as Stephen Covey shares as one of the seven habits of highly effective people.

We discovered that Nils and Jonas are on a mission of personal mastery. Their passion for their mission is heartwarming and inspiring for the Twinz. On their website, NJLifeHacks.com, they share their encouragement (and tie in personal development to Stoicism):

“We’ve started NJlifehacks in 2016 in the hope of making a living with our passion for all things personal growth and self-development.

You see, when we hear something that promises to help us become more confident, mindful, charismatic, kind, and loving versions of ourselves, we’re all ears. We can’t help ourselves.

Some people think we’re weird or too serious or too driven, but they don’t get it – this is our passion. We love reading about the latest bio-hacks, new psychological studies, or ancient spiritual texts by Indian gurus (say about Osho what you will, but this guy had some incredible insights). Since starting the website, we’ve easily spent over $5,000 on books. You see, when others read about the latest celebrity scandal, we read about the latest breakthrough in positive psychology research. As our father would say, to each his own, right?”

“We’re letting you in on a little secret. Just don’t tell anyone, right? We have found, after being on this path to self-mastery (for lack of a better word) for a long time that the best way to get more confidence, self-trust, certainty, and all of that great stuff is through Stoicism.”

“In one sentence: NJlifehacks is a personal growth company dedicated to helping people become better versions of themselves through ancient wisdom and modern science. We do this through our blog articles, books, online courses, email newsletter, and personal coaching.”

Book Image
The Little Book of Stoicism by Jonas Salzgeber
Posted on

Personal Development | Introduction of Three-Part Blog Series Inspired by Nils and Jonas Salzgeber

Personal development has been a lifelong passion for my twin brother Don and me, born out of our competitive college years and desire to be our best selves. What started as self-serving during our college years has evolved into striving to bring out the best in ourselves and others.

Introducing the Inspiring Work of Nils and Jonas Salzgeber

In Part one of this series, I’ll share the background of Don and my personal development journey and introduce you to brothers Nils and Jonas Salzgeber. Their mission of personal mastery through their newsletter and website, NJLifeHacks.com, resonates with us. They combine ancient wisdom like Stoicism with modern science to help people become better versions of themselves.

I’ll also preview the three book recommendations that are covered in this blog series:

  1. Coach Wooden’s Leadership Game Plan for Success by John Wooden and Steve Jamison
  2. Benjamin Franklin: An American Life by Walter Isaacson
  3. The Little Book of Stoicism by Jonas Salzgeber

Part two dives deeper into the timeless life lessons we can learn from legendary basketball coach John Wooden. His wisdom on hard work, staying in the present, and improving yourself to improve the team is powerful.

Part three explores Benjamin Franklin’s 13 Virtues that were key to his success and pursuit of self-improvement. These character traits like temperance, sincerity, humility, and others are relevant today. Walter Isaacson’s insightful biography of Franklin is also referenced.

I hope this series inspires you never to stop learning, improving and becoming the best version of yourself. Let’s go on this adventure together and help bring out the potential in each other along the way. Stay tuned for part one coming up next!

Posted on

“Keep Your Eye on the Ball”: A Lesson in Priorities from Abe Pollin

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

In this heartfelt blog post, I share a deeply personal story of how the compassionate leadership of Abe Pollin, owner of the Washington Wizards, helped me navigate a family crisis while maintaining my professional responsibilities. My two-year-old son, Ryan, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) shortly after our family moved to the Washington, DC area in 1996.

Amidst the chaos of intensive medical care necessary to save Ryan’s life, I received unconditional support and understanding from Mr. Pollin and the Washington Sports & Entertainment (WSELP) organization. Mr. Pollin’s advice to “Keep your eye on the ball, and that ball will change from time to time” resonated deeply with me, helping me prioritize my family and my son’s health while managing my professional obligations.

I express immense gratitude for the trust, flexibility, and genuine concern Mr. Pollin and my colleagues at WSELP extended to me. This support was critical in enabling me to persevere through the challenges of balancing my role as the sole provider for my family, maintaining healthcare coverage, and fulfilling my professional responsibilities.

The blog post also highlights the lasting impact of Mr. Pollin’s leadership style on my life and career. My dedication to the organization, particularly during the sale of WSELP’s assets following Mr. Pollin’s passing in 2009, is a testament to the loyalty and respect inspired by Mr. Pollin’s compassionate leadership.

Through this personal story, I emphasize the importance of empathetic leadership, focusing on what truly matters and expressing gratitude for the support received during life’s most challenging moments. The blog post is an inspiring reminder to readers to identify and focus on their “ball” – their highest priorities in life.

Full Original Writing

“Keep your eye on the ball.” These words of wisdom and encouragement were from Mr. Abe Pollin in early 1997. He gently and compassionately reminded me to go all in on my highest priority.

This post was inspired by an Instagram reel my son-in-law, Bo, sent me. Please watch the short video and continue reading my story of gratitude for Mr. Pollin and the career-saving and life-saving gift of understanding and encouragement that he and the culture of WSELP brought to my and my family’s lives.

On October 17, 1996, only two and one-half months after arriving in the Washington, DC, area, my two-year-old son Ryan was diagnosed with cancer – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). In an instant, our world was turned upside down, and we were thrown into the day-to-day chaos of intense medical care necessary to save Ryan’s life.

I wrote more in-depth about this experience in my unpublished memoir, Living Life…Off The Track, and portions of that writing are reflected here.

March 13, 2001 | Tomoff Family at Capitals Game

When my family and I moved to Maryland, we had no idea about the leadership and genuine caring qualities of Mr. Pollin. And how that permeated into the culture of the organization. It turned out that I was a lucky professional blessed to receive unconditional support and understanding of the personal demands on me and my family. The professional who believes personal and professional lives should be maintained separately has not dealt with a life-threatening crisis. Without the company’s understanding of my personal demands, I simply could not have survived professionally.

Only days after Ryan’s diagnosis, my non-negotiable priorities were crystal clear, and I was laser-focused on where I would allow my precious time to be spent. Now, 27+ years later, my perspective has not changed, and I consider it a great gift. I fully understand my priorities EVERY DAY. In Chapter 32, Heartfelt Reflections from Bill and Olivia, of Terri’s memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, I noted:

“This trust and the team of professionals that surrounded me made all the difference in managing the impossible balance I had to maintain. I will never forget Mr. Pollin telling me, “Bill, you need to keep your eye on the ball, and that ball will change from time to time.” His use of the basketball metaphor was spot on, and he stressed to me, “Right now, your son Ryan and your family are the most important ‘ball’ in your life.”

The trust and flexibility afforded me, plus the genuine concern for my personal demands were immeasurable gifts that my WSELP colleagues extended to me. Ultimately, the organization and I were rewarded with a dramatic win-win situation. I am forever grateful for the support provided, and I know this was a critical pillar of our family’s ability to persevere.”

What were my core priorities, and how were the less essential priorities handled? I learned through a devastating life moment that most of my priorities were “nice to do” and not essential to moving my family or me forward. When you are focused on saving your child’s life, previously “essential” tasks go undone. A basketball metaphor from the owner of the NBA Washington Wizards hit me with a clarity I will never forget. What were those priorities boiled to their essence? Three rocks:

  1. Family: Saving Ryan’s life and maintaining some sense of normalcy for our daughter and family unit.
  2. Healthcare: Maintaining and monitoring coverage. Having coverage required that I maintain employment with benefits – I felt enormous pressure and prayed that I could deliver on this imperative necessity.
  3. Work: Professional responsibilities had to be completed. My family’s healthcare and financial survival depended on my job as the sole provider – while Terri focused fully on caregiving for Ryan and balancing Olivia and our family obligations.

A fourth “given” was that Terri and I needed to take care of ourselves to ensure we would be the best we could be for Olivia and Ryan. I dismissed anything that did not drop into these buckets of obligations. There was no time to think, “I will put in more hours,” etc…no exception.

My role when joining WSELP was to handle the accounting responsibilities related to constructing the [then] MCI Center. The arena was a state-of-the-art facility, and the accounting aspects consumed much of my efforts from my arrival in 1996 until opening in December 1997.

In early 1997, I was informed that Mr. Pollin wanted to speak with me. To have a direct one-on-one meeting with him was highly unusual, especially considering I had been in my role for less than a year. We had a delightful conversation that started with updating him on Ryan and my family. I soon learned his highest priority was understanding his employees’ human side. Over time, employees built tremendous loyalty to him and the organization. I quickly learned Mr. Pollin was genuinely concerned about his employees and their families. Below are some of my [edited] thoughts I wrote in my memoir:

“I often mention, “surround yourself with the best,” and you will ultimately enhance your life. My WSELP experience was the best fortune in my career…one could not have asked for a more empathetic and compassionate owner/leader than Mr. Pollin. And his spirit of how to treat employees resonated with all those who worked in the organization. This experience would change me dramatically.”

“My time with Washington Sports & Entertainment (WSELP) would be an exact fit for my and my family’s life. When Ryan was diagnosed, our world was turned upside down, and I truly believe that my accounting career could not have survived in most business environments. People who go through a childhood cancer experience often face incredible challenges to maintain health insurance due to the need to abandon their employment in order to care for the sick child.”

“Mr. Pollin asked that I consider taking on additional responsibilities within the finance operations. I was flattered but surprised that they would remove any of my focus from the MCI Center construction efforts. My heart and soul were going into the effort, and I wanted to see the journey to the arena’s grand opening. This challenge is what brought me and the family to Washington, DC! In addition, I simply could not fathom taking on new responsibilities when Ryan was in the throes of his initial three years and two months treatment protocol. When I shared these sentiments with Mr. Pollin, he commented, “Bill, you need to keep your eye on the ball. In life, that ball will change from time to time.” He fully appreciated and had empathy for the fact that the “ball” at this point in my life were Ryan’s leukemia treatments and my family.”

When Mr. Pollin passed away on November 24, 2009 (age 85), of a rare brain disease (corticobasal degeneration), the focus had to shift to selling the assets of the organization. The process was intense, yet my mission was to dedicate all energy necessary to contribute whatever I could in memory of the personal support and patience of Mr. Pollin and all I worked with over the years. The accounting work was extensive and tedious from November 2009 to the June 2010 sale date and the final transaction closed in November 2010. With a heavy heart, I was privileged and honored to have a significant role in selling WSELP to Monumental Sports & Entertainment. The WSELP organization supported me and my family steadfastly through hell and back for Ryan’s treatments from 1997 to 2005. I cannot imagine any other company and leadership patiently supporting me and my family for over eight years. I am eternally grateful to Mr. Pollin for the kindness, concern, and leadership he showed through his example.

When I left Monumental Sports on June 30, 2011, Rich Brand of Arent Fox gave me a heartwarming recommendation on LinkedIn. I treasure his words as a highlight of my career:

“I am a sports law attorney with Arent Fox and have practiced for more than 25 years. For the past 15 years, I have had the pleasure of working with Bill on countless financing agreements, operational matters, accounting matters and most recently, issues relating to the sale of the enterprise. Bill’s work ethic is extremely impressive but so too are his skills. And even more importantly, his personal attributes are second to none. Bill worked tirelessly on any matter asked of him and was instrumental in helping all parties involved understand the complex financial and accounting type issues. Bill is always able to “translate” what he does and what he knows to people who are less fluent in finance and accounting. He is also an excellent supervisor and earned the respect of his peers the hard way – by doing the work the right way and always on time. He commands the respect of all who worked above and below him in the organization.

The work Bill often had to do for us (or with us) typically carried horrendous deadlines and was critical to our achieving the overall task at hand. Whether it was providing lenders or buyers with all the necessary financial and operational information or providing an analysis of risks and issues to be addressed, it was done promptly, expertly and often utilizing technology that lawyers like myself can only dream of understanding.”

Mr. Pollin and my colleagues with WSELP indelibly impacted my career and life. I am grateful to have done my best to repay (and pay forward in my life) the kindness, passion, and compassion extended to me and my family. And yes, when the “ball” has changed throughout my life, I remind myself, smiling inside and thinking of Mr. Pollin, “Bill, keep your eye on the ball…“

What is your “ball” that deserves your focus?

April 2005 | Ryan Tomoff on the Washington Wizards Court
Posted on

Unlocking the Keys to Long-Term Fulfillment and Happiness: Insights from Influential Authors – Part 2 of 3 | Defining Wealth and What is Enough?

In part 2 of 3 here, I share thought-provoking content from Morgan Housel and April Rinne, asking us to assess how we define wealth and what is our individual “enough” in terms of material consumerism.

Defining Wealth: Freedom in Control Of Our Time

In his book, The Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel defines freedom as “The highest form of wealth is the ability to wake up every morning and say, “I can do whatever I want today.”

I agree with Morgan’s view that true wealth is not monetary (though we must be able to sustain our chosen life) accumulation of money, but rather the ability to know that we have the ability to CHOOSE where we prioritize our most precious asset in life – our time. “People want to control their lives.” In the chapter, he goes on to define freedom with a quote I need to frame:

“The ability to do what you want, when you want, with who you want, for as long as you want, is priceless. It is the highest dividend money pays.”

Most of us may agree that Morgan’s ideal here is a wonderful aspiration. Wonderful, but easily dismissed as unattainable? Let’s unpack this a bit – I will argue that setting this vision as your North Star is a dream that can guide many decisions as you build through your life. Am I saving for the future? What are my material needs, and how can I reduce them if necessary? What are my core priorities with this one life I have to live? Contemplating these questions brings us to the next book of inspiration, where April Rinne defines one superpower as “Know your enough.“

Know Your Enough (the trap of consumerism)

In April Rinne’s book Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change, she discusses eight “flux superpowers” that “empower people to see change in new ways, craft new responses, and ultimately reshape their relationship to change from the inside out.” Our world is in constant flux, and we must find a path to help us navigate these rapidly changing and tumultuous times. I highly recommend this book.

For this post, the focus will be directed to her flux superpower number 5, “Know your enough.” April references our relationship with consumerism and the too-often quest for more (and more) material consumption. Life fulfillment and happiness are not derived from owning stuff. She makes a compelling argument in her book, encouraging us to assess our relationship with “physical stuff.” Bold emphases are mine:

“This “cycle of more” and the script that powers it can be quick to take root and surprisingly difficult to let go. The truth is: no amount of physical stuff can ever replace your inner sense of worth, but it can easily bankrupt you (and harm the environment in the process). Yet the old script persuades you of the exact opposite. This is how today’s consumerism is designed: the goal of “more” can never be fully satisfied, which keeps you tethered to the hamster wheel, clicking on ads and buying things that never fully satisfy.

But hold on. This is a script. And it’s not a script that many people would opt into, if they actually paused and thought about it. Who wants to live for an unattainable goal set by others, that’s exhausting and expensive, and often brings more jealousy than joy?

The new script sees through the mirage of more and says, enough is enough.

With your Flux Mindset opened, you can begin to reset your metrics and write a new script. This shift—from an interminable quest for more to a clear understanding of your enough—is simple yet profound.

Knowing your enough does not mean being miserly, uncharitable, or living in scarcity. If that’s your reaction (or your fear), you’ve misunderstood this superpower entirely. Knowing your enough is in fact the opposite of these things: it gives you room for generosity and plenitude. (A great irony of this superpower is that in a world focused on more, you’ll never find enough. Yet in a world focused on enough, you’ll immediately find more.)

Knowing your enough brings clarity about what really matters. When you know your enough, you have less anxiety and your ability to thrive expands a lot. Honing this superpower unleashes your full potential to the world. Knowing your enough sees through the futility of comparison and empowers you to develop your own metrics of “enoughness” rooted in internal satisfaction, meaning, relationships, resilience, discovery, and helping others. Such metrics transcend a price tag. They don’t diminish the success of others: I am not “more” fulfilled than you, or vice versa, if we’re clear on our respective enoughs. To the contrary, we’re more capable of lifting one another up.”

The perspective shared by April is spot-on and worth doing internal soul-searching to clarify what is important to us individually. How we prioritize our use of time must be a process of deliberate daily work – are you making decisions that align with your life’s purpose and the presence you want to bring to the world?

James Clear 3-2-1 Thursday’s newsletter, dated April 11, 2024, highlights a common occurrence where we often take different jobs for more pay without consideration for the lifestyle implications:

“If you already live a comfortable life, then choosing to make more money but live a worse daily life is a bad trade.

And yet, we talk ourselves into it all the time. We take promotions that pay more, but swallow our free time. We already have a successful business, but we break ourselves trying to make it even more successful.

Too much focus on wealth, not enough focus on lifestyle.”

In the final part 3 of 3, we turn our attention to the presence we bring to the world. Our focus on personal development, using our skills to help others, and bringing a mindset of abundance to our lives where we know kindness and generosity to ourselves and others will be life-changing to our lives and those we interact with. A daily, no shortcuts lifestyle that changes everything in our lives. The potential cannot be overstated.

Posted on

Unlocking the Keys to Long-Term Fulfillment and Happiness: Insights from Influential Authors – Part 1 of 3 | Introduction

Part 1 of 3 (Introduction) | Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude AI

In my blog post, I explore tips and insights to enhance one’s possibility of long-term fulfillment, success, and happiness. I emphasize that using money and material possessions as a scorecard will not bring inner peace and contentment. Instead, I suggest reframing perspectives on freedom, addressing what “enough” means in life, and understanding the time trade-offs we make. I also highlight the importance of personal development, sharing one’s gifts with the world, and adopting an abundance mindset while being kind and generous.

I acknowledge that following these tips does not guarantee reaching one’s goals but can improve the odds of success. I emphasize focusing on what one can control, such as preparation, effort, and presence, while understanding that external events are beyond our control. I share a personal experience of financial concern during a family health crisis, which changed my lens of gratitude and appreciation.

In part 2 of my blog post, I plan to cover the following highlights:

  • Reframing the perspective on what “freedom” means, as explained by Morgan Housel in his book The Psychology of Money.
  • Addressing what “enough” means in life, as described by April Rinne in her book Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change.
  • Understanding time trade-offs that may not increase the quality of life, as discussed in James Clear’s 3-2-1 newsletter.
  • Being relentless in personal development and investing in oneself.
  • Bringing one’s gifts to the world and helping others develop and grow.
  • Adopting an abundance mindset, sharing kindness, and being generous with talents and resources, as explored in Adam Grant’s book Give and Take.

Part 1 of 3 (Introduction) | Full Original Writing

How might we enhance our possibility of long-term fulfillment, success, and happiness? Thanks to some of my favorite authors, here are some tips to contemplate and answer for your life. My personal experience is adopting a few of these into your daily life will change you and bring fulfillment quicker than you imagine!

Let’s get started! Using money and material possessions as your scorecard will not bring you the inner peace that leads to contentment and fulfillment. This is not to suggest that money is not important. We all have bills to pay, but being judicious with money and living beneath our means is often a choice and commitment that will compound to tremendous leverage in the future.

Tips expanded upon below include:

  • Reframe your perspective on what “freedom” means to you. Morgan Housel explains his definition of freedom in his book The Psychology of Money.
  • Relentlessly address what “enough” means in your life. In her book Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change, April Rinne describes one of the eight superpowers for embracing change as “know your enough” (not “you are enough” – but that statement is 100% true!).
  • James Clear’s 3-2-1 newsletter for April 11, 2024, reminds us to understand the time trade-offs we often may make that do not increase the quality of our lives.

On a shorter timeframe, understand that our choices and behavior in the everyday moments, compound over the long-term. With that in mind:

  • Be relentless in the area of personal development. Your own development is a gift you give to yourself. There are no shortcuts. Drip, drip, drip, invest in yourself.
  • Bring your gifts to the world. Help others develop and grow.
  • Carry a mindset of abundance, share kindness, and be generous with your talents and resources. Along these lines, Adam Grant’s Give and Take book is a must-read.

Please note my introduction asking, “How might we enhance our possibility of long-term fulfillment, success, and happiness?” I am not naive enough to suggest that the hard work of saving money, personal development, kindness, and generosity towards helping others is a guaranteed path to reaching our goals. As a friend in writing, Karena de Souza, suggests, we should strive to “tilt the future” to improve our odds of success. Adopting the tips in this post will improve the odds in your favor! Always understand we control our preparation, effort, and presence brought to the world. We can influence but do not control events external to our reasoned mind. A January 31, 2024, blog post by Tanmay Vora titled “Focus on Your Circle of Control.” beautifully illustrates this Stoicism concept.

Personally, I am a financial saver at heart. Perpetually working to provide a buffer for unexpected occurrences. We should always strive to anticipate and prepare, yet realize life may (or will eventually) have other plans. In Terri Tomoff’s memoir The Focused Fight, chapter 32, I reflect upon my concern about bankruptcy (2004) as our son Ryan was going to Duke University Medical Center for a bone marrow transplant to save his life as he fought acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) for the third time in his young life. Thankfully, we survived financially intact, yet I will never forget the intense concern of those times. Moments like these are stark reminders of how little we control, and this changed my lens of gratitude and appreciation forever.

I wrote a blog post on December 29, 2023, titled The Art of the Epitaph: Conveying a Lifetime in Ten Words or Less, where I summarized my life’s effort into six words: “I Did My Best. I Cared.” In the end, each of us doing our best is all anyone can ask. My effort, caring, presence, and best are all I or anyone can ask for.

With this clarification, in part 2, I will dive deeper into the above-mentioned tips. Please check it out and enjoy the inspiration from Morgan Housel, April Rinne, James Clear, and Adam Grant!

Posted on

A Foreword of Compassion: Dr. Aziza Shad’s Message in Terri Tomoff’s Memoir “The Focused Fight”

In 2016, Terri Tomoff started on her mission to write her memoir of our son Ryan’s battles with childhood cancer. Her determination to write a book that might help and inspire others was a gift of love for Ryan and our family. Yet, the process of writing a book of this magnitude was beyond comprehension, and the effort of “butt in the chair,” as Terri often mentioned, was a difficult initiative to sustain. When Ryan was diagnosed with tongue cancer in 2016 and 2017, a result of his years of radiation and chemotherapy for his three battles with childhood cancer from 1996 through 2005, Dr. Aziza Shad emphatically encouraged Terri, stating, “You must write your book now!“

From 2016 to 2020, Terri wrote sections of the book and contemplated the structure she hoped would guide her process. After the COVID pandemic shut the world down in March 2020, Terri and I would soon make a joint decision that, reflecting back, changed our lives dramatically. Starting on June 8, 2020, we joined a community of practice called Writing In Community (WIC), led by Kristin Hatcher and Seth Godin. This community became the encouragement and support for Terri to lean into completing her memoir. I assisted with recollecting the timeline of the events, read her work, listened to her read her work, and located pictures to ensure memories were accurate. The process was arduous, and her tenacity (often 8 to 10 hours a day) toward her mission was a feat I still marvel at today in 2024. While she wrote Ryan’s memoir, I participated in WIC alongside her and wrote my own personal memoir. We shared in the community platform and grew to love the daily commitment to writing and learning. Almost four years later, as I write this on April 1, 2024, we consider daily writing and reflecting a treasure. We are forever changed through our writing and collaboration with a community of kind, caring, and generous people who desire to lift each other up. A life-changing and enhancing experience set in motion by the pandemic lockdown.

Dr. Shad was Ryan and our family’s guiding force through the years. An entire book could be written about the care and compassion she delivered because she feels so deeply for those children and families under her care. She kept Ryan, our daughter Olivia, Terri, and me standing through the years with her steady, kind, and determined mindset to leave no stone unturned in delivering the best plan of treatment and care humanly possible. When Terri asked if she would write a foreword for the book, she graciously and excitedly said, “YES!” She knew Ryan and was thrilled to participate in Terri’s initiative of helping others through Ryan and our family’s story.

Below is an excerpt of Dr. Shad’s complete foreword. The full book, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey from Mayhem to Miracles, is available on Kindle digital or paperback at Amazon.

Foreword

By Aziza Shad, MD

When Terri first asked me to write the forward for her long-overdue book, The Focused Fight, something I had been encouraging her to do for a while, I was both humbled and honored. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by a flood of memories of my relationship with the Tomoff family and specifically Ryan, over the years—a relationship that began in 1996 and has only strengthened over more than two decades. The only difference is that in 1996, I was a young assistant professor in the Division of Pediatric Hematology Oncology at Georgetown University Medical Center in D.C. (now Medstar Georgetown University Hospital). I was actively involved in his day-to-day treatment from diagnosis of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, his two relapses,

and getting him to a matched unrelated donor (MUD) bone marrow transplant and beyond. Today I am Chair of Pediatrics and Chief of Pediatric Hematology Oncology at the Children’s Hospital at Sinai in Baltimore, Maryland, where I follow a wonderful, accomplished 26-year-old young man in the Amey Cancer Survivorship Program.

Every year, multiple books are published on patient and family experiences with life-threatening illnesses, especially cancer, but Terri’s memoir is different. It is a vivid recollection of a journey the Tomoff family had to make without their prior consent. They had to learn to navigate their way through frightening times and trying circumstances over and over again through the years, going from one crisis to the other, and yet stay intact for Ryan and as a family. Being in the practice of Pediatric Hematology Oncology for over 30 years, I have seen families break up, divorce,

siblings drop out of school, drug dependence, post-traumatic stress, and the list goes on. I have often wondered how the Tomoff family stayed together, stronger than ever today, a force to be reckoned with. The answer is quite simple. This young family with a four-year-old at home and a two-year-old with leukemia in the hospital, did it by becoming part of Ryan’s medical team. They participated in difficult decisions and trusted the oncologists and nurses who took care of him, and their unwavering faith and the conviction that he was going to get better by never losing hope or focus was it; hence the title! Their mission was simple—Ryan was going to beat his cancer!

Ryan was diagnosed on October 17th, 1996, with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL), Standard Risk with CNS involvement (detected by finding leukemia cells in the cerebrospinal fluid that flows from the brain down the covering of the spinal cord). He was considered Standard Risk based on his age and WBC count and enrolled on a Children’s Cancer Group Study, which meant he would be treated as per a strict set of guidelines and his clinical data. This treatment would be used to answer some really important questions that would enhance our understanding of leukemia better and hopefully improve survival for other children to come years down the road. Twenty-four years ago, we did not have the molecular and genetic diagnostic tools we have today that allow us to classify children into Low, Average, High and Very High Risk categories very early on, nor did we have some of the new agents and therapies such as imatinib, blinatumomab and CAR-T therapy, all of which have contributed to improved survival in ALL today.

I met Ryan and his parents for the first time on Day 3 of his diagnosis and the memory of that first meeting remains etched in my mind even today, 24 years later. A beautiful two-year-old angelic child with fear in his eyes at the sight of yet another stranger in a white coat, a father whose tears kept rolling down his face and a mother who was distraught but kept it together by taking copious, detailed notes, learning the unfamiliar medical jargon by the minute. Little did she know at that time, how long and complicated Ryan’s journey would be and how her notes would become a trusted reference for the different institutions on where he would be treated.

To say that Ryan’s journey through his initial diagnosis in 1996, two relapses in 2000 and 2004 followed by a bone marrow transplant was a difficult one would be an understatement! So many incidents come to mind—the episodes of sepsis and unexpected infections that landed him in the Intensive Care Unit on multiple occasions, the heartbreak mirrored in Bill and Terri’s eyes on hearing Ryan’s leukemia had come back yet again as they held Ryan and Olivia tightly in their arms, and the deep disappointment they experienced when Ryan’s first bone marrow donor backed out. Yet, through it all, this family held it together and plowed on, taking Olivia to her soccer games, making the 26 mile drive to Georgetown University Hospital with the back and forth days on end without a complaint, relocating to Durham, North Carolina (Duke) for months for his bone marrow transplant, all with one focus only—to get Ryan better.

There were good times too over the years. I saw Ryan and the family grow and transition from receiving support from family, friends, community and support groups, to giving support to many, many families grappling with the diagnosis of cancer. Through their involvement with organizations like Special Love, Inc. and parent support groups, they spent many a day giving hope and encouragement to others. They established incredible relationships and bonds with other families and medical providers that have lasted over 20 years. They went from being educated to becoming effective educators, teaching young medical students at the bedside how to communicate with patients and families, participating in the Pediatric department Grand Rounds and sharing the podium with me at the medical school when I gave my annual talk on Cancer Survivors and Late Effects of Cancer treatment.

Ryan graduated from school and enrolled in college. He celebrated his 21st birthday in Las Vegas in 2015, being the adventurer he was fast becoming! He wears the most outrageous colored pants that always make me laugh, collects sports jerseys and caps, learned to drive and became a spokesperson for childhood cancer! Terri pursued her life-long passion for quilting and joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild of Bowie, Maryland, inspiring them to jointly donate hundreds of beautiful quilts to pediatric cancer patients and their families in Washington D.C. and Maryland. What started as a gesture of gratitude and a desire to give back is now an international project, with Terri donating quilts to pediatric cancer programs in Africa and Latin America. We traveled together to Ethiopia a couple of years ago through the Aslan Project, where through a mist of tears, I saw her joyfully distributing quilts to the children there. Olivia went from success to success in varsity soccer with her proud family cheering her on and Bill thrived in his work. At last, all was well with the Tomoffs!

In April 2016, cancer struck again, not once but twice, turning Ryan’s world upside down! This time it was a squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue that started off as a canker sore! This cancer, that occurred years after a successful bone marrow transplant that had rendered Ryan disease-free, was a late effect of all the treatment he had received repeatedly for his leukemia since he was two years old, including chemotherapy, cranio-spinal radiation and TBI (total body irradiation) for his bone marrow transplant. It was a devastating diagnosis that resulted in Ryan needing multiple surgeries and effectively learning to speak and eat again. I went to visit Ryan at the University of Maryland where he had the surgery and instead of seeing a defeated soul, I saw a courageous fighter who was determined to put this curve ball behind him.

Lo and behold, it is now more than three years since Ryan had his tongue cancers. His speech is great, he works, is a connoisseur of gourmet food and a sports enthusiast, plus spends his spare time volunteering for childhood cancer organizations. The latter has won him much-deserved recognition and awards from Special Love, Inc. and the Aslan Project!

I continue to see Ryan regularly in the Amey Cancer Survivorship Program at the Children’s Hospital at Sinai in Baltimore. Here he is monitored for multiple late effects of treatment in concert with other subspecialists in Endocrinology, Cardiology, Oral Surgery and Dentistry, Ophthalmology and Dermatology. He is always accompanied by one of his wonderful parents, generally Terri, who still carries her notebook and Ryan’s updated medical records and information that we go over in each appointment. Just this month, I saw him and received the ultimate gift from him—homemade smoked cheese! Ryan is well on his way to becoming an entrepreneur and I look forward to the day I can say I know the Ryan of “Ryan’s Smoked Cheeses!”

In closing, often I am asked why I chose Pediatric Hematology Oncology as a profession, one which is regarded by many as sad and hopeless! All I need to do is look at Ryan, who together with his family conquered the impossible and today focuses only on the future, bringing a message of hope, courage and resilience to so many along the way. The incredible bond of friendship and trust I established with the Tomoffs that first evening at Georgetown 24 years ago has only grown stronger. We have laughed and cried together, rejoiced at successes and grieved for losses. I thank Ryan, Olivia, Terri and Bill for including me in their ever-expanding family and wish them all the happiness in the world!

Aziza Shad, MD

Ellen W.P. Wasserman Chair of Pediatrics

Chief, Pediatric Hematology/Oncology

The Herman & Walter Samuelson Children’s Hospital at Sinai

Professor of Pediatrics & Oncology

Georgetown University School of Medicine