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Unlocking the Secret to Contentment: The Foundational Role of Gratitude

Summary – Collaboration with ChatGPT

While reflecting and working on this post, I decided to collaborate with ChatGPT and ask for input on my assessment of the extreme potential that gratitude can bring to our lives. My prompt and [edited] response received were as follows:

Prompt:

I am writing a blog post about gratitude. The opening sentence is, “A lens of gratitude changes everything.”

I believe having a gratitude mindset is the foundational base for living a life of contentment and happiness. If we are grateful, we live life with a “gentler” outlook on life, and thus, we lean toward kindness to ourselves and interactions with others. This creates a rippling cycle of positivity that can change our life experience.

You are an expert psychologist. Would you agree with my assessment?

Response:

Bill T note: ChatGPT agreed with my assessment, and I asked for further insight and suggestions. The edited result is below.

A lens of gratitude changes everything.

I believe having a gratitude mindset is the foundational base for living a life of contentment and happiness. If we are grateful, we live life with a “gentler” outlook on life, and thus, we lean toward kindness to ourselves and interactions with others. This creates a rippling cycle of positivity that can change our life experience.

The Science of Gratitude

Research in positive psychology has consistently shown that practicing gratitude can significantly enhance well-being and satisfaction with life. Grateful individuals often experience positive emotions, relish good experiences, and enjoy better health and relationships. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what we have, fostering a sense of abundance and reducing stress and anxiety.

A Gentler Outlook

Gratitude encourages a gentler outlook by promoting self-compassion and acceptance. When we acknowledge and appreciate the good in our lives, we become more forgiving and understanding of our own imperfections and those of others. This gentleness nurtures our mental health and creates a foundation for lasting happiness.

Kindness and Positivity

Gratitude also inspires kindness. When we feel grateful, we are more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors, such as helping others and expressing appreciation. These acts of kindness benefit those around us and enhance our sense of joy and fulfillment. This creates a positive feedback loop: gratitude leads to kindness and reinforces gratitude, amplifying the benefits for everyone involved.

The Ripple Effect

The impact of gratitude extends beyond individual experiences. Positive emotions and behaviors can spread through our social networks, influencing friends, family, and strangers. This ripple effect creates an environment of collective well-being where gratitude can inspire widespread positivity and connection.

Practical Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

  1. Daily Reflection: Take a few moments each day to reflect on what you are grateful for. This can be done through journaling or simply pausing to appreciate the good things in your life.
  2. Express Appreciation: Make it a habit to express gratitude to others. A simple thank you, or a heartfelt note can go a long way in strengthening relationships and spreading positivity.
  3. Mindfulness Practice: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Mindfulness helps us stay present and aware, making it easier to notice and appreciate the small joys in life.
  4. Gratitude Rituals: Establish rituals that remind you to practice gratitude. This could be a gratitude jar where you write down things you’re thankful for or a gratitude walk where you focus on the beauty around you.

Encouragement

Embracing gratitude is a powerful choice that can transform your life. By fostering a mindset of appreciation, you cultivate a deeper sense of contentment and happiness. Remember, the journey of gratitude is ongoing, and every small step you take contributes to a more positive and fulfilling life. Start today, and watch as gratitude changes everything.

Full Original Writing

A lens of gratitude changes everything.

An aspect of my daily journaling includes prioritizing five minutes to reflect on my day and handwrite on an index card [at least] one comment in each of these areas:

  1. Win
  2. Gratitude
  3. Stress/Tension
  4. Help Others/Shine the Light
  5. Activity/Development

The process has helped me be more intentional and aware of how I conduct myself throughout the day. Here, I will reference five articles that have inspired me to encourage more gratitude.

In each article, thoughts resonated that remind me to strive to be gentler with myself and others and grateful for the gifts in my life. Throughout our days, we have many opportunities to “flip the perspective” and be grateful vs. frustrated or inconvenienced. Here are a few examples that we all can relate to:

  1. Moving along slowly in traffic other drivers take shortcuts and merge into the line you are waiting in. Remind yourself, “I am safely moving toward my destination and am helping others by allowing cars to merge into the line. I am grateful for a dependable car and the opportunity to help others, and I am confident others would give me the same kindness.“
  2. Waiting in a long line at the grocery store. Reflect, “I am grateful that my family has the resources to purchase the food we need and the systems in place that make it possible for us to have the incredible convenience of a grocery store where we have access to an abundance of food choices when many people in the world do not have this blessing.“
  3. Embrace the opportunity to contribute through simple micro-move actions such as picking up trash or safely returning a stray shopping cart to a corral. Consider, “I can help ease a path for others.
  4. When we think outside our individual needs and turn our focus toward others, gratitude for our ability to help is enhanced. When we help, the lens through which we view life evolves us into a gentler and kinder presence. We are simply more pleasant to be around.

I encourage you to read the full articles linked here and watch the YouTube video by Rajesh Setty. Below are a few excerpts that will inspire you to read further.

Bruce Kasanoff, in “Help This Person,” encourages us every time we encounter another person to think: help this person. Bruce notes:

“Nothing else can so quickly supercharge your career and improve the quality of your life. And, yes, being genuinely helpful is the most substantive “self-promotion” possible.”

“By first thinking help this person, you will change the ways that others perceive you. There is no faster or more effective way to change your interactions and relationships. You will be viewed as a positive, constructive, helpful, and dependable person. People will think you are more perceptive, attentive, and understanding.”

Be considerate and appreciative of everyone you encounter. When we lift the spirits of others, a potential ripple effect can occur, and we feel good as well!

The following post by Dave Kerpen inspired this reflection about gratitude. Linda Misencik, a longtime friend (married to “the best dentist in the country” until he retired in 2018), read this post and sent it to me. Speaking of gratitude, I am thrilled Linda thought to send the article to me!

In Dave’s post, “Gratitude is the Opposite of Entitlement,” he notes:

“When we are entitled, we think the world needs to go our way ‘just because’. When we are grateful, on the other hand, we appreciate the world around us no matter what, ‘just because’. I am grateful for so many things every day.”

This observation is incredible. When we believe events must go the way we want, that is an attitude of entitlement. Rather, understand that we don’t control external events. We control the reasoned choice of our mind (a critical aspect of Stoicism) and our response. When we embrace this understanding and are grateful for what we have, we move away from the perspective of entitlement.

The third and fourth posts to share are from Ryan Holiday‘s The Daily Stoic. I am a fan of Stoicism and look forward to the daily email (Monday through Friday) distribution. The two recent posts I encourage you to read:

“It Says Everything About You.” A few highlights that resonated:

“How we treat the little guy says a lot about us. How we treat the gate agent at the airline. How we treat the customer service representative. How we treat the waiter and the barista. This says a lot about us. Even when, perhaps especially when, they aren’t treating us well. Can we control our emotions? Can we contain our frustration? Can we remember that they are almost certainly having a hard time too? That no amount of yelling at someone making an hourly wage will make a plane appear or fix a stupid corporate policy?

We all have bad days…which means other people have bad days, too. We should strive to be patient. We should strive to understand.”

“We All Carry A Debt.“

“There is also a debt that we have to pay back. Our ancestors are not all Union men. We live on stolen land. Our museums are filled with looted goods. Our progress came at great expense to the environment and to other species. Who made that device you’re holding? Who made that T-shirt you’re wearing?”

“Our ancestors were wonderful and they were terrible. We, their descendants all over the world, are indebted to them for both. We have to pay forward the good they did. We have to make right the wrongs they did. We don’t control what they did—to borrow from the dichotomy of control at the center of Stoicism—but we control what we do now, here in our own times. Doing better is up to us. This is what the virtue of justice demands. It’s what decency and duty demands of us.”

Two additional posts to share are a blog from Seth Godin and a YouTube video from Rajesh Setty:

“What Does The World Owe Us?” Seth notes this question comes from a perspective of entitlement. He encourages us to turn this question around and ask ourselves, “What do I owe the world?“

“On the other hand, “what do I owe the world?” opens the door for endless opportunity. When lots of people ask this question, the contributions add up, the connections are solidified and better is possible.

The best part is that waiting for the world to get things just right is exhausting and frustrating, while taking responsibility for what we might be able to contribute or lead can be energizing and fun.”

Finally, I highly recommend watching this YouTube video from Rajesh Setty, Growing and Changing the World One Thank You at a Time.

A regular practice of gratitude will change your perspective on life. We can all participate in making our world a better place. Micro-moves of intentionally contributing to others and our world at large can make a difference in ways unimagined. Just believe. One person, one action at a time, matters.

Be the Light of the World – Kindness
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Be the Bigger Person: How Responding with Kindness Can Change Your Life

Summary – Collaboration with Claude AI

In this blog post, I reflect on the importance of being the bigger person when faced with perceived insults or mistreatment from others. Inspired by Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Dad meditation “Teach Them To Be Bigger,” I share the story of Jim Lawson, a young African American boy who, after being called a racial slur, was reminded by his mother that he was loved, intelligent, and destined for a good life. This lesson helped him realize that he was above the horrible things others said and did and that responding with kindness and love was what mattered most.

We all must embrace this lesson, and awareness of our emotions and pausing before responding can be tremendously advantageous. My personal journey, aided by my daily reading of Stoicism since January 1, 2020, has helped me in my quest for inner peace and to avoid allowing everyday inconveniences to stir me negatively.

I also reflect on the idea that we will encounter difficult people throughout life, but our control lies in our attitude and response. We should gladly accept the “taxes” of life, be grateful for what we have, and not retaliate when faced with challenges. Instead, be kind, keep moving forward, and set an example for others to be bigger, creating a gentler and kinder world.

Full Original Writing

When faced with an insult or mistreatment from another person, do you instinctively react in a similar manner, potentially escalating the situation? Or do you take a moment to reflect and choose a more measured response?

This blog post was inspired by my morning reading of the May 19 meditation of The Daily Dad: 366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids. The meditation is titled “Teach Them To Be Bigger.“ I could locate Ryan Holiday’s blog post on this meditation he published before the book was released. Please read the full post, but here are a few parts that resonated [Bold emphasis is mine]:

“A ten-year-old Jim Lawson was walking down the street when, as he passed a car, a small child looked at him and called him the n-word. Stunned by the hate and the meanness of it, Lawson reached into the car and slapped the boy in the face.

When his mother found out about this, she was understandably worried. In the then-segregated and racist South, the actions of a young black boy could so easily lead to something terrible and tragic at the hands of awful and unaccountable adults. But more than that, she wanted her son not to be defined or changed by the hate of the world around him.

“What good did that do, Jimmy?” his mother asked him. “We all love you, Jimmy and God loves you,” his mother explained, “and we all believe in you and how good and intelligent you are. We have a good life and you are going to have a good life. With all that love, what harm does that stupid insult do? It’s nothing, Jimmy, it’s empty. Just ignorant words from an ignorant child who is gone from your life the moment it was said.””

“It helped him realize that he was above the horrible things that other people said and did, what mattered, as the Stoics would also say, was what he said and did. What mattered was responding with kindness and love. What mattered was knowing that he was good and that he was loved and nothing anyone else thought could change that.

Lawson’s parents gave him the gift of teaching him–after that understandable lapse–that he was bigger than the small people who lived around him. That he could be the bigger person and do bigger things.“

The encouragement is “Be the bigger person.” Do not allow an external situation to provoke you into regrettable behavior harmful to improving a situation. Though Ryan Holiday writes in The Daily Dad about teaching this to our children, the lesson is one we all must embrace intentionally and heed to the best of our abilities. Awareness of our emotions and pausing before responding will provide a tremendous advantage.

My personal journey is a lifetime work in progress, yet my reading of Stoicism (daily since January 1, 2020) has changed me profoundly, and for that, I am grateful. I find that my inner peace has improved, and I am fairly consistent at not allowing the inevitable inconveniences of everyday life to stir me negatively.

Along with the theme of responding to difficult situations, below are additional thoughts that I reflect upon often and inspire me to strive to bring my best calmness and patience to those difficult situations.

Throughout life, we will encounter people who are different from us and will not or may not behave as we would hope. Our control is in our attitude and response. Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, expressed:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lie our growth and our freedom.”

In the Daily Stoic blog, Ryan Holiday encourages us in The Taxes of Life that everything we do has a toll attached to it:

“Taxes are an inevitable part of life. There is a cost to everything we do. As Seneca wrote to Lucilius, “All the things which cause complaint or dread are like the taxes of life—things from which, my dear Lucilius, you should never hope for exemption or seek escape.” Income taxes are not the only taxes you pay in life. They are just the financial form. Everything we do has a toll attached to it. Waiting around is a tax on traveling. Rumors and gossip are the taxes that come from acquiring a public persona. Disagreements and occasional frustration are taxes placed on even the happiest of relationships. Theft is a tax on abundance and having things that other people want. Stress and problems are tariffs that come attached to success. And on and on and on.

There’s no reason or time to be angry about any of this. Instead, we should be grateful. Because taxes—literal or figurative—are impossible without wealth. So, what are you going to focus on? That you owe something or that you are lucky enough to own something that can be taxed.”

Accept and gladly pay your taxes for the life you are blessed with.

When we encounter the inevitable “taxes” of difficult people, let’s not hurt ourselves by responding in kind or retaliating. Rather, we should be kind and move forward in our own way—no need to get even no need to have an escalation. Keep moving forward and bring goodness into the world. This helps us the best, and it may help the other person.

I don’t need to “prove my point” or be right. When at all possible (and it is possible a high percentage of the time), my handling of difficult people will be gentle and kind as I quickly move to separate from the situation.

We are not required to pass judgment and have an opinion. You don’t have to get upset. How about giving the benefit of the doubt and calmly thinking internally, “This moment is not about me. This person is doing the best that they can.” Even if I might be incorrect, the perspective serves me well and increases the likelihood of no further negative emotions and diffusion of an unfavorable situation.

Be bigger, and by example, lead others to be bigger. Wouldn’t that make our world a gentler and kinder place?

Nice Guys Finish First | Gary Vaynerchuk
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The Gentle Way Forward: Nurturing Ease and Inner Peace in a Chaotic World

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

In my life, I strive to treat everyone with gentleness and kindness, as I believe we never truly know the struggles others face. This mindset has been deeply shaped by my family’s experience with my son Ryan’s childhood cancer journey, during which we were uplifted by the compassion and kindness of those around us. I am committed to honoring their love and support by bringing my best self forward daily to make a positive difference in the world.

Recently, I discovered Elisabet Lahti’s book “Gentle Power,” which resonates deeply with my belief in the underappreciated strength of gentleness. The book highlights the Finnish concept of “sisu,” which combines determination and inner fortitude with wisdom and heart. Lahti challenges the notion that gentleness is a weakness, presenting it as a powerful tool for leadership, empowerment, and personal growth.

As I read the book, I was struck by the transformative potential of embracing gentleness in all aspects of life. By responding with kindness and understanding, we can inspire others to do the same, creating a ripple effect of positivity. While gentleness may not always be the easiest path, I am convinced that it is the most rewarding one in the long run. I am excited to continue exploring the concept of gentle power and to incorporate its teachings into my daily life as I work to create a more compassionate and nurturing world around me.

Full Original Writing

“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”

Bill Tomoff, signing The Focused Fight

The quote above is one I use when autographing Terri Tomoff’s memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, which is my guiding inspiration as I go through my daily life. A casual observer in my life has no idea what I and my family have endured through the years since my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis in 1996. I firmly believe everyone we encounter has a “story” and challenges we know nothing about. Embracing this mindset, I strive to extend gentleness and kindness in my countless daily interactions and pray that maybe I make a small difference that may lift the spirits of a fellow human being.

Thanks to a recent book discussion on Zoom with Emma Seppala about her book Sovereign, moderated by Emilia Elisabet Lahti, PhD, I discovered another inspiring book written by Elisabet, titled Gentle Power: A Revolution in How We Think, Lead, and Succeed Using the Finnish Art of Sisu.

“Sisu is a Finnish word for determination and inner fortitude in the face of extreme adversity. Gentle power is to apply sisu with wisdom and heart.”

–Elisabet Lahti, PhD, website

After I had completed Emma Seppala’s book, I was excited to follow her recommendation and start Elisabet’s book! As I write this, I am about one-third of the way through, yet I have noted that the content resonates deeply with my intention to live my days through gentleness and kindness. My dedication has been shaped by our family’s experience with family, friends, and strangers, who have selflessly brought compassion, gentleness, and kindness to our family during the difficult (seemingly impossible) days of Ryan’s cancer treatments. I am living my days in honor of those who have been at our side with unconditional love and concern – developing and bringing my best self forward to make a difference through how I present myself to the world.

Deep within my soul, I believe that gentleness and kindness are strengths vastly underappreciated. I am inspired to see the supporting research that Elisabet shares in her book! I will gladly take “the road less traveled.” Through my actions, I will encourage others and create a ripple of positivity in my world.

Below, I share a few excerpts from the book that resonate with me. I feel like the best is yet to come.

“What would you have? Your gentleness shall force more than your force move us to gentleness.”

-Shakespeare
Shakespeare quote gentleness vs force

Collaborating with ChatGPT, here is a further explanation of the quote’s meaning [Bold emphasis is mine]:

“This quote from William Shakespeare speaks to the power of gentleness over force in influencing others’ behavior. The suggestion is that gentleness and a soft approach can compel others to respond with the same kindness and softness, perhaps even more effectively than using force or aggression.

The underlying idea is that our emotions and behaviors can often inspire similar responses in those around us. One might inspire others to adopt a similar demeanor by choosing gentleness, creating a more harmonious interaction. This reflects a psychological concept known as “emotional contagion,” where people tend to “catch” the emotions of others around them. Thus, gentleness begets gentleness, proving itself a more potent tool for shaping the attitudes and actions of others than harshness or coercion.“

I am not naively suggesting that gentleness and kindness will always “win the moment.” Yet, coming from a genuine place of gentleness and kindness improves the possibility of preventing a contentious or challenging moment from escalating. It can improve the likelihood of a favorable resolution. In the long run, a lifestyle that strives to live with gentleness and kindness WILL be rewarding personally and for all involved. Using force may win the moment but most certainly degrades long-term relationships and effectiveness. If “winning” requires force, this is not how I want to live my life.

Further, regarding gentleness, Elisabet shares in her book about “Mistaking Gentleness for Weakness:”

“Most of us have been told a terrible lie our whole lives that anything soft, gentle, and supple (and feminine) is somehow inherently weak, unreliable, or of lesser value. This lie has caused untold suffering and has led to innumerable harmful decisions in politics and private organizations. For far too long, our culture has been overly infatuated with winning, competing, and making a profit, while gentleness and cooperation has been labeled inferior or fragile.

French philosopher André Comte-Sponville says that gentleness is “courage without violence, strength without harshness, love without anger” and also that “gentleness is gentleness only as long it owes nothing to fear.” 3 Our inability to assert boundaries, our struggles to lead people, and our reluctance to express opinions because we fear rejection is not gentleness but meekness. Gentleness is not about being passive or always accommodating others. Gentleness is a way of moving forward with a kind of dynamic grace. It’s about knowing when to push and when to pull back. It’s about succeeding not through force, but through empowerment.

Far too many of us have been dealing with an out-of-whack nervous system for years. We’ve been hardwired to overreact, overextend, and overwork. Adopting the gentle power style of encountering the world and moving through it isn’t so much about learning something new, but about unlearning these unhealthy ways of living. Gentle power is about finding accomplishment through nurturing a spirit of ease toward ourselves and others instead of achievement (no matter how glorious in the moment) and striving at the long-term cost of inner peace.

Comte-Sponville further describes gentleness as “a kind of peace, either real or desired . . . it can be pierced by anguish and suffering or brightened by joy and gratitude, but it is always devoid of hatred, harshness, and insensitivity.” Imagine if our experiences in leadership, social activism, politics, and families were devoid of harshness, force, and insensitivity. Imagine a relationship with yourself that’s completely free from judgment and blame. Socially, we’re told that this sort of treatment toward ourselves and others is soft and weak when it’s actually empowering, constructive, and energizing.”

Let’s ask ourselves daily, how can I present myself more gently and kindly to the world? I am excited to read more about Elisabet’s work on Gentle Power, inspired by hope and inspiration after reading the first one-third of the book!

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What You Do Matters: Embracing the Power of Individual Impact

When reading About The Author at the end of Emma Seppala’s book Sovereign, I noted:

“A psychologist and research scientist by training, Seppälä’s expertise is the science of happiness, emotional intelligence, and social connection. Her research has been published in top academic journals and featured in news outlets including The New York Times, NPR, and CBS News and featured in documentaries like Free the Mind, The Altruism Revolution, What You Do Matters [Bill T emphasis], and Bullied. www.emmaseppala.com and www.iamsov.com”

The documentary title, What You Do Matters, caught my attention. What we think and what we do are important. Think and do good. Be kind. Our actions and the presence we bring to the world matter.

In my approach to my career and my family, I have long embraced the core belief that what I do matters. Every action matters. Two quotes that guide me:

When Terri wrote her memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, her inspiration and goal for our family was stated:

“Helping one person, one family, at a time.”

The personal development and professional work I do with my twin Don (follow hashtag #TwinzTalk on LinkedIn!) is stated:

“Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”

I am not looking to impact the masses. Still, I am dedicated to making the most of individual IRL, virtual, and social media interactions, and bringing a presence to the world that may influence and reach folks I likely will never know about. The truth is we often don’t know the reach and impact that kindness and generosity toward helping others will have. I genuinely intend to help my world through micro-moments of living my life through caring and doing the “right thing.“

A favorite Daily Stoic blog post I share often is “You Do Not Need This.” Note:

“You want it, don’t you?

That “I told you so.” That “Thank You.” That recognition for being first, or being better, or being different. You want credit. You want gratitude. You want the acknowledgment for the good you’ve done, for the weight that you carry.

What you want is what Marcus Aurelius has called “the third thing,” because you’re not content enough with the doing. “When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it,” he writes, “why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top—credit for the good deed or a favor in return?””

“You don’t need a favor back. You don’t need to be repaid. You don’t need to be acknowledged. You don’t need the third thing. That’s not why you do what you do. You’re good because it’s good to be good, and that’s all you need.”

Too often, it is natural to wonder, “Am I making a difference?” I have let go of the need to have affirmation of my actions. I choose instead to KNOW that What I Do Matters. Thus, the video referenced in the book resonated with me. I have provided the link below and encourage everyone to prioritize the hour of time to watch the documentary. Inspiration guaranteed! I hope you will feel compelled to embrace approaching the world and others with a kinder and gentler presence. You will influence others, and over time, you will be profoundly changed for the better!

Emma Seppala emphasizes throughout her book the importance of awareness of our thoughts and the impact that can have in keeping us from reaching sovereignty. The good news is that we can take control of our minds, prioritize our self-care, and bring our best selves to others and the world daily. Our thoughts build our actions and what we do. Consider, and hold close, this quote from Lao Tzu:

“Watch your thoughts; they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do Matters
Credit: The Chicago Community Trust Documentary | What You Do Matters
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“Keep Your Eye on the Ball”: A Lesson in Priorities from Abe Pollin

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

In this heartfelt blog post, I share a deeply personal story of how the compassionate leadership of Abe Pollin, owner of the Washington Wizards, helped me navigate a family crisis while maintaining my professional responsibilities. My two-year-old son, Ryan, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) shortly after our family moved to the Washington, DC area in 1996.

Amidst the chaos of intensive medical care necessary to save Ryan’s life, I received unconditional support and understanding from Mr. Pollin and the Washington Sports & Entertainment (WSELP) organization. Mr. Pollin’s advice to “Keep your eye on the ball, and that ball will change from time to time” resonated deeply with me, helping me prioritize my family and my son’s health while managing my professional obligations.

I express immense gratitude for the trust, flexibility, and genuine concern Mr. Pollin and my colleagues at WSELP extended to me. This support was critical in enabling me to persevere through the challenges of balancing my role as the sole provider for my family, maintaining healthcare coverage, and fulfilling my professional responsibilities.

The blog post also highlights the lasting impact of Mr. Pollin’s leadership style on my life and career. My dedication to the organization, particularly during the sale of WSELP’s assets following Mr. Pollin’s passing in 2009, is a testament to the loyalty and respect inspired by Mr. Pollin’s compassionate leadership.

Through this personal story, I emphasize the importance of empathetic leadership, focusing on what truly matters and expressing gratitude for the support received during life’s most challenging moments. The blog post is an inspiring reminder to readers to identify and focus on their “ball” – their highest priorities in life.

Full Original Writing

“Keep your eye on the ball.” These words of wisdom and encouragement were from Mr. Abe Pollin in early 1997. He gently and compassionately reminded me to go all in on my highest priority.

This post was inspired by an Instagram reel my son-in-law, Bo, sent me. Please watch the short video and continue reading my story of gratitude for Mr. Pollin and the career-saving and life-saving gift of understanding and encouragement that he and the culture of WSELP brought to my and my family’s lives.

On October 17, 1996, only two and one-half months after arriving in the Washington, DC, area, my two-year-old son Ryan was diagnosed with cancer – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). In an instant, our world was turned upside down, and we were thrown into the day-to-day chaos of intense medical care necessary to save Ryan’s life.

I wrote more in-depth about this experience in my unpublished memoir, Living Life…Off The Track, and portions of that writing are reflected here.

March 13, 2001 | Tomoff Family at Capitals Game

When my family and I moved to Maryland, we had no idea about the leadership and genuine caring qualities of Mr. Pollin. And how that permeated into the culture of the organization. It turned out that I was a lucky professional blessed to receive unconditional support and understanding of the personal demands on me and my family. The professional who believes personal and professional lives should be maintained separately has not dealt with a life-threatening crisis. Without the company’s understanding of my personal demands, I simply could not have survived professionally.

Only days after Ryan’s diagnosis, my non-negotiable priorities were crystal clear, and I was laser-focused on where I would allow my precious time to be spent. Now, 27+ years later, my perspective has not changed, and I consider it a great gift. I fully understand my priorities EVERY DAY. In Chapter 32, Heartfelt Reflections from Bill and Olivia, of Terri’s memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, I noted:

“This trust and the team of professionals that surrounded me made all the difference in managing the impossible balance I had to maintain. I will never forget Mr. Pollin telling me, “Bill, you need to keep your eye on the ball, and that ball will change from time to time.” His use of the basketball metaphor was spot on, and he stressed to me, “Right now, your son Ryan and your family are the most important ‘ball’ in your life.”

The trust and flexibility afforded me, plus the genuine concern for my personal demands were immeasurable gifts that my WSELP colleagues extended to me. Ultimately, the organization and I were rewarded with a dramatic win-win situation. I am forever grateful for the support provided, and I know this was a critical pillar of our family’s ability to persevere.”

What were my core priorities, and how were the less essential priorities handled? I learned through a devastating life moment that most of my priorities were “nice to do” and not essential to moving my family or me forward. When you are focused on saving your child’s life, previously “essential” tasks go undone. A basketball metaphor from the owner of the NBA Washington Wizards hit me with a clarity I will never forget. What were those priorities boiled to their essence? Three rocks:

  1. Family: Saving Ryan’s life and maintaining some sense of normalcy for our daughter and family unit.
  2. Healthcare: Maintaining and monitoring coverage. Having coverage required that I maintain employment with benefits – I felt enormous pressure and prayed that I could deliver on this imperative necessity.
  3. Work: Professional responsibilities had to be completed. My family’s healthcare and financial survival depended on my job as the sole provider – while Terri focused fully on caregiving for Ryan and balancing Olivia and our family obligations.

A fourth “given” was that Terri and I needed to take care of ourselves to ensure we would be the best we could be for Olivia and Ryan. I dismissed anything that did not drop into these buckets of obligations. There was no time to think, “I will put in more hours,” etc…no exception.

My role when joining WSELP was to handle the accounting responsibilities related to constructing the [then] MCI Center. The arena was a state-of-the-art facility, and the accounting aspects consumed much of my efforts from my arrival in 1996 until opening in December 1997.

In early 1997, I was informed that Mr. Pollin wanted to speak with me. To have a direct one-on-one meeting with him was highly unusual, especially considering I had been in my role for less than a year. We had a delightful conversation that started with updating him on Ryan and my family. I soon learned his highest priority was understanding his employees’ human side. Over time, employees built tremendous loyalty to him and the organization. I quickly learned Mr. Pollin was genuinely concerned about his employees and their families. Below are some of my [edited] thoughts I wrote in my memoir:

“I often mention, “surround yourself with the best,” and you will ultimately enhance your life. My WSELP experience was the best fortune in my career…one could not have asked for a more empathetic and compassionate owner/leader than Mr. Pollin. And his spirit of how to treat employees resonated with all those who worked in the organization. This experience would change me dramatically.”

“My time with Washington Sports & Entertainment (WSELP) would be an exact fit for my and my family’s life. When Ryan was diagnosed, our world was turned upside down, and I truly believe that my accounting career could not have survived in most business environments. People who go through a childhood cancer experience often face incredible challenges to maintain health insurance due to the need to abandon their employment in order to care for the sick child.”

“Mr. Pollin asked that I consider taking on additional responsibilities within the finance operations. I was flattered but surprised that they would remove any of my focus from the MCI Center construction efforts. My heart and soul were going into the effort, and I wanted to see the journey to the arena’s grand opening. This challenge is what brought me and the family to Washington, DC! In addition, I simply could not fathom taking on new responsibilities when Ryan was in the throes of his initial three years and two months treatment protocol. When I shared these sentiments with Mr. Pollin, he commented, “Bill, you need to keep your eye on the ball. In life, that ball will change from time to time.” He fully appreciated and had empathy for the fact that the “ball” at this point in my life were Ryan’s leukemia treatments and my family.”

When Mr. Pollin passed away on November 24, 2009 (age 85), of a rare brain disease (corticobasal degeneration), the focus had to shift to selling the assets of the organization. The process was intense, yet my mission was to dedicate all energy necessary to contribute whatever I could in memory of the personal support and patience of Mr. Pollin and all I worked with over the years. The accounting work was extensive and tedious from November 2009 to the June 2010 sale date and the final transaction closed in November 2010. With a heavy heart, I was privileged and honored to have a significant role in selling WSELP to Monumental Sports & Entertainment. The WSELP organization supported me and my family steadfastly through hell and back for Ryan’s treatments from 1997 to 2005. I cannot imagine any other company and leadership patiently supporting me and my family for over eight years. I am eternally grateful to Mr. Pollin for the kindness, concern, and leadership he showed through his example.

When I left Monumental Sports on June 30, 2011, Rich Brand of Arent Fox gave me a heartwarming recommendation on LinkedIn. I treasure his words as a highlight of my career:

“I am a sports law attorney with Arent Fox and have practiced for more than 25 years. For the past 15 years, I have had the pleasure of working with Bill on countless financing agreements, operational matters, accounting matters and most recently, issues relating to the sale of the enterprise. Bill’s work ethic is extremely impressive but so too are his skills. And even more importantly, his personal attributes are second to none. Bill worked tirelessly on any matter asked of him and was instrumental in helping all parties involved understand the complex financial and accounting type issues. Bill is always able to “translate” what he does and what he knows to people who are less fluent in finance and accounting. He is also an excellent supervisor and earned the respect of his peers the hard way – by doing the work the right way and always on time. He commands the respect of all who worked above and below him in the organization.

The work Bill often had to do for us (or with us) typically carried horrendous deadlines and was critical to our achieving the overall task at hand. Whether it was providing lenders or buyers with all the necessary financial and operational information or providing an analysis of risks and issues to be addressed, it was done promptly, expertly and often utilizing technology that lawyers like myself can only dream of understanding.”

Mr. Pollin and my colleagues with WSELP indelibly impacted my career and life. I am grateful to have done my best to repay (and pay forward in my life) the kindness, passion, and compassion extended to me and my family. And yes, when the “ball” has changed throughout my life, I remind myself, smiling inside and thinking of Mr. Pollin, “Bill, keep your eye on the ball…“

What is your “ball” that deserves your focus?

April 2005 | Ryan Tomoff on the Washington Wizards Court
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Unlocking the Keys to Long-Term Fulfillment and Happiness: Insights from Influential Authors – Part 3 of 3 | Attributes of Mindset for Personal Development, Kindness, and Generosity

Personal Development and Helping Others

ChatGPT Dall-E Image – Personal Development Contemplation

“Take what you do seriously. Do not take yourself seriously.” This quote is a theme Don and I have embraced throughout our careers and lives. In our chosen paths in our lives, we must be serious about doing our best and continually preparing to be the optimal contribution we can be. The world is counting on this, and often, we are paid to deliver our talents to an employer. The employer is counting on us and, in turn, provides a paycheck that enables us to support ourselves and those we love. The obligation to perform is serious.

“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”

—Steve Prefontaine

Do not sacrifice the gift. Prioritize time continually to build your skills and build an asset that brings greater value to the world. Personal development must be a priority and is non-negotiable. In a blog post dated March 31, 2024, I wrote about personal growth and the inspiration our family received from Dr. Aziza Shad’s example. Who among us would accept a medical professional who is not committed to their own personal development? Take what you do seriously and always be learning and growing. Non-negotiable.

A #TwinzTalk initiative developed by Don and me focuses on an agenda of personal development topics. One section within the agenda is our list of recommended books. The list includes thirty non-fiction books focused on personal growth.

With our evolving and growing skills, we must be kind and generous to help others. An abundance mindset that embraces “when others win, I win” will serve you well in the long run of life.

Attributes of an Abundance Mindset, Kindness, and Generosity

ChatGPT Dall-E Image – holding door for a stranger

A theme near to my heart and one that has been rewarding for me throughout my life is embracing the concept that kindness and generosity are imperative attributes contributing to our individual fulfillment, success, and happiness. Caring about helping others is a surefire long-term strategy. This is not a purely altruistic suggestion. When others win, we eventually win. I am happy to see April Rinne and others in my social media world are also adamant believers. I am certain their influence over the years has inspired and shaped me to become the professional I am today (and the work never stops).

The evolution of social media and many genuine relationships developed over the years have lifted me up, and the kindness and generosity people bring every day inspire me to strive to bring the same to my network IRL and virtually, to honor and pay it forward for those who have helped me “level up.” We are who we surround ourselves with, and I have found many treasured people who lead by example of how to care, be generous with their talents, and treat others. That’s the tribe I want to belong to and am blessed to have in my life.

The level of kindness and professionalism I witness on social media and with online communities of practice (currently involved in Brainstorm Road Seth Godin-inspired Purple Space, and Harold Jarche’s Perpetual Beta Coffee Club PBCC) has sharpened my lens about all the relationships and interactions in my life. I strive to do my best to help others and to be in community with other like-minded humans.

A final book recommendation is Adam Grant’s Give and Take. Adam makes the case that givers often succeed in their careers and lives. He makes the point that helping others does not need to be grand gestures that take a large commitment of time. A Good Morning America video on YouTube highlights the idea of the “5-Minute Favor.” I know you will be inspired to take action!

Additionally, April Rinne referenced Adam in a spectacular LinkedIn post where she referenced generosity and his book.

Assess your priorities and how those can move you toward your goals and dreams. Once you have clarity, establish a commitment to personal development and be intentional about leading with generosity, kindness, and concern for others. I promise you inspiration and a gratifying cycle of positivity that will bring enhanced growth and happiness to your life! Many of these steps cost no money – just a little consideration when interacting with others.

Please do not sacrifice the gift that you have to make a difference for yourself and others!

Bill Tomoff – Community Trash Pickup
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Unlocking the Keys to Long-Term Fulfillment and Happiness: Insights from Influential Authors – Part 1 of 3 | Introduction

Part 1 of 3 (Introduction) | Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude AI

In my blog post, I explore tips and insights to enhance one’s possibility of long-term fulfillment, success, and happiness. I emphasize that using money and material possessions as a scorecard will not bring inner peace and contentment. Instead, I suggest reframing perspectives on freedom, addressing what “enough” means in life, and understanding the time trade-offs we make. I also highlight the importance of personal development, sharing one’s gifts with the world, and adopting an abundance mindset while being kind and generous.

I acknowledge that following these tips does not guarantee reaching one’s goals but can improve the odds of success. I emphasize focusing on what one can control, such as preparation, effort, and presence, while understanding that external events are beyond our control. I share a personal experience of financial concern during a family health crisis, which changed my lens of gratitude and appreciation.

In part 2 of my blog post, I plan to cover the following highlights:

  • Reframing the perspective on what “freedom” means, as explained by Morgan Housel in his book The Psychology of Money.
  • Addressing what “enough” means in life, as described by April Rinne in her book Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change.
  • Understanding time trade-offs that may not increase the quality of life, as discussed in James Clear’s 3-2-1 newsletter.
  • Being relentless in personal development and investing in oneself.
  • Bringing one’s gifts to the world and helping others develop and grow.
  • Adopting an abundance mindset, sharing kindness, and being generous with talents and resources, as explored in Adam Grant’s book Give and Take.

Part 1 of 3 (Introduction) | Full Original Writing

How might we enhance our possibility of long-term fulfillment, success, and happiness? Thanks to some of my favorite authors, here are some tips to contemplate and answer for your life. My personal experience is adopting a few of these into your daily life will change you and bring fulfillment quicker than you imagine!

Let’s get started! Using money and material possessions as your scorecard will not bring you the inner peace that leads to contentment and fulfillment. This is not to suggest that money is not important. We all have bills to pay, but being judicious with money and living beneath our means is often a choice and commitment that will compound to tremendous leverage in the future.

Tips expanded upon below include:

  • Reframe your perspective on what “freedom” means to you. Morgan Housel explains his definition of freedom in his book The Psychology of Money.
  • Relentlessly address what “enough” means in your life. In her book Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change, April Rinne describes one of the eight superpowers for embracing change as “know your enough” (not “you are enough” – but that statement is 100% true!).
  • James Clear’s 3-2-1 newsletter for April 11, 2024, reminds us to understand the time trade-offs we often may make that do not increase the quality of our lives.

On a shorter timeframe, understand that our choices and behavior in the everyday moments, compound over the long-term. With that in mind:

  • Be relentless in the area of personal development. Your own development is a gift you give to yourself. There are no shortcuts. Drip, drip, drip, invest in yourself.
  • Bring your gifts to the world. Help others develop and grow.
  • Carry a mindset of abundance, share kindness, and be generous with your talents and resources. Along these lines, Adam Grant’s Give and Take book is a must-read.

Please note my introduction asking, “How might we enhance our possibility of long-term fulfillment, success, and happiness?” I am not naive enough to suggest that the hard work of saving money, personal development, kindness, and generosity towards helping others is a guaranteed path to reaching our goals. As a friend in writing, Karena de Souza, suggests, we should strive to “tilt the future” to improve our odds of success. Adopting the tips in this post will improve the odds in your favor! Always understand we control our preparation, effort, and presence brought to the world. We can influence but do not control events external to our reasoned mind. A January 31, 2024, blog post by Tanmay Vora titled “Focus on Your Circle of Control.” beautifully illustrates this Stoicism concept.

Personally, I am a financial saver at heart. Perpetually working to provide a buffer for unexpected occurrences. We should always strive to anticipate and prepare, yet realize life may (or will eventually) have other plans. In Terri Tomoff’s memoir The Focused Fight, chapter 32, I reflect upon my concern about bankruptcy (2004) as our son Ryan was going to Duke University Medical Center for a bone marrow transplant to save his life as he fought acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) for the third time in his young life. Thankfully, we survived financially intact, yet I will never forget the intense concern of those times. Moments like these are stark reminders of how little we control, and this changed my lens of gratitude and appreciation forever.

I wrote a blog post on December 29, 2023, titled The Art of the Epitaph: Conveying a Lifetime in Ten Words or Less, where I summarized my life’s effort into six words: “I Did My Best. I Cared.” In the end, each of us doing our best is all anyone can ask. My effort, caring, presence, and best are all I or anyone can ask for.

With this clarification, in part 2, I will dive deeper into the above-mentioned tips. Please check it out and enjoy the inspiration from Morgan Housel, April Rinne, James Clear, and Adam Grant!

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A Foreword of Compassion: Dr. Aziza Shad’s Message in Terri Tomoff’s Memoir “The Focused Fight”

In 2016, Terri Tomoff started on her mission to write her memoir of our son Ryan’s battles with childhood cancer. Her determination to write a book that might help and inspire others was a gift of love for Ryan and our family. Yet, the process of writing a book of this magnitude was beyond comprehension, and the effort of “butt in the chair,” as Terri often mentioned, was a difficult initiative to sustain. When Ryan was diagnosed with tongue cancer in 2016 and 2017, a result of his years of radiation and chemotherapy for his three battles with childhood cancer from 1996 through 2005, Dr. Aziza Shad emphatically encouraged Terri, stating, “You must write your book now!“

From 2016 to 2020, Terri wrote sections of the book and contemplated the structure she hoped would guide her process. After the COVID pandemic shut the world down in March 2020, Terri and I would soon make a joint decision that, reflecting back, changed our lives dramatically. Starting on June 8, 2020, we joined a community of practice called Writing In Community (WIC), led by Kristin Hatcher and Seth Godin. This community became the encouragement and support for Terri to lean into completing her memoir. I assisted with recollecting the timeline of the events, read her work, listened to her read her work, and located pictures to ensure memories were accurate. The process was arduous, and her tenacity (often 8 to 10 hours a day) toward her mission was a feat I still marvel at today in 2024. While she wrote Ryan’s memoir, I participated in WIC alongside her and wrote my own personal memoir. We shared in the community platform and grew to love the daily commitment to writing and learning. Almost four years later, as I write this on April 1, 2024, we consider daily writing and reflecting a treasure. We are forever changed through our writing and collaboration with a community of kind, caring, and generous people who desire to lift each other up. A life-changing and enhancing experience set in motion by the pandemic lockdown.

Dr. Shad was Ryan and our family’s guiding force through the years. An entire book could be written about the care and compassion she delivered because she feels so deeply for those children and families under her care. She kept Ryan, our daughter Olivia, Terri, and me standing through the years with her steady, kind, and determined mindset to leave no stone unturned in delivering the best plan of treatment and care humanly possible. When Terri asked if she would write a foreword for the book, she graciously and excitedly said, “YES!” She knew Ryan and was thrilled to participate in Terri’s initiative of helping others through Ryan and our family’s story.

Below is an excerpt of Dr. Shad’s complete foreword. The full book, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey from Mayhem to Miracles, is available on Kindle digital or paperback at Amazon.

Foreword

By Aziza Shad, MD

When Terri first asked me to write the forward for her long-overdue book, The Focused Fight, something I had been encouraging her to do for a while, I was both humbled and honored. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by a flood of memories of my relationship with the Tomoff family and specifically Ryan, over the years—a relationship that began in 1996 and has only strengthened over more than two decades. The only difference is that in 1996, I was a young assistant professor in the Division of Pediatric Hematology Oncology at Georgetown University Medical Center in D.C. (now Medstar Georgetown University Hospital). I was actively involved in his day-to-day treatment from diagnosis of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, his two relapses,

and getting him to a matched unrelated donor (MUD) bone marrow transplant and beyond. Today I am Chair of Pediatrics and Chief of Pediatric Hematology Oncology at the Children’s Hospital at Sinai in Baltimore, Maryland, where I follow a wonderful, accomplished 26-year-old young man in the Amey Cancer Survivorship Program.

Every year, multiple books are published on patient and family experiences with life-threatening illnesses, especially cancer, but Terri’s memoir is different. It is a vivid recollection of a journey the Tomoff family had to make without their prior consent. They had to learn to navigate their way through frightening times and trying circumstances over and over again through the years, going from one crisis to the other, and yet stay intact for Ryan and as a family. Being in the practice of Pediatric Hematology Oncology for over 30 years, I have seen families break up, divorce,

siblings drop out of school, drug dependence, post-traumatic stress, and the list goes on. I have often wondered how the Tomoff family stayed together, stronger than ever today, a force to be reckoned with. The answer is quite simple. This young family with a four-year-old at home and a two-year-old with leukemia in the hospital, did it by becoming part of Ryan’s medical team. They participated in difficult decisions and trusted the oncologists and nurses who took care of him, and their unwavering faith and the conviction that he was going to get better by never losing hope or focus was it; hence the title! Their mission was simple—Ryan was going to beat his cancer!

Ryan was diagnosed on October 17th, 1996, with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL), Standard Risk with CNS involvement (detected by finding leukemia cells in the cerebrospinal fluid that flows from the brain down the covering of the spinal cord). He was considered Standard Risk based on his age and WBC count and enrolled on a Children’s Cancer Group Study, which meant he would be treated as per a strict set of guidelines and his clinical data. This treatment would be used to answer some really important questions that would enhance our understanding of leukemia better and hopefully improve survival for other children to come years down the road. Twenty-four years ago, we did not have the molecular and genetic diagnostic tools we have today that allow us to classify children into Low, Average, High and Very High Risk categories very early on, nor did we have some of the new agents and therapies such as imatinib, blinatumomab and CAR-T therapy, all of which have contributed to improved survival in ALL today.

I met Ryan and his parents for the first time on Day 3 of his diagnosis and the memory of that first meeting remains etched in my mind even today, 24 years later. A beautiful two-year-old angelic child with fear in his eyes at the sight of yet another stranger in a white coat, a father whose tears kept rolling down his face and a mother who was distraught but kept it together by taking copious, detailed notes, learning the unfamiliar medical jargon by the minute. Little did she know at that time, how long and complicated Ryan’s journey would be and how her notes would become a trusted reference for the different institutions on where he would be treated.

To say that Ryan’s journey through his initial diagnosis in 1996, two relapses in 2000 and 2004 followed by a bone marrow transplant was a difficult one would be an understatement! So many incidents come to mind—the episodes of sepsis and unexpected infections that landed him in the Intensive Care Unit on multiple occasions, the heartbreak mirrored in Bill and Terri’s eyes on hearing Ryan’s leukemia had come back yet again as they held Ryan and Olivia tightly in their arms, and the deep disappointment they experienced when Ryan’s first bone marrow donor backed out. Yet, through it all, this family held it together and plowed on, taking Olivia to her soccer games, making the 26 mile drive to Georgetown University Hospital with the back and forth days on end without a complaint, relocating to Durham, North Carolina (Duke) for months for his bone marrow transplant, all with one focus only—to get Ryan better.

There were good times too over the years. I saw Ryan and the family grow and transition from receiving support from family, friends, community and support groups, to giving support to many, many families grappling with the diagnosis of cancer. Through their involvement with organizations like Special Love, Inc. and parent support groups, they spent many a day giving hope and encouragement to others. They established incredible relationships and bonds with other families and medical providers that have lasted over 20 years. They went from being educated to becoming effective educators, teaching young medical students at the bedside how to communicate with patients and families, participating in the Pediatric department Grand Rounds and sharing the podium with me at the medical school when I gave my annual talk on Cancer Survivors and Late Effects of Cancer treatment.

Ryan graduated from school and enrolled in college. He celebrated his 21st birthday in Las Vegas in 2015, being the adventurer he was fast becoming! He wears the most outrageous colored pants that always make me laugh, collects sports jerseys and caps, learned to drive and became a spokesperson for childhood cancer! Terri pursued her life-long passion for quilting and joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild of Bowie, Maryland, inspiring them to jointly donate hundreds of beautiful quilts to pediatric cancer patients and their families in Washington D.C. and Maryland. What started as a gesture of gratitude and a desire to give back is now an international project, with Terri donating quilts to pediatric cancer programs in Africa and Latin America. We traveled together to Ethiopia a couple of years ago through the Aslan Project, where through a mist of tears, I saw her joyfully distributing quilts to the children there. Olivia went from success to success in varsity soccer with her proud family cheering her on and Bill thrived in his work. At last, all was well with the Tomoffs!

In April 2016, cancer struck again, not once but twice, turning Ryan’s world upside down! This time it was a squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue that started off as a canker sore! This cancer, that occurred years after a successful bone marrow transplant that had rendered Ryan disease-free, was a late effect of all the treatment he had received repeatedly for his leukemia since he was two years old, including chemotherapy, cranio-spinal radiation and TBI (total body irradiation) for his bone marrow transplant. It was a devastating diagnosis that resulted in Ryan needing multiple surgeries and effectively learning to speak and eat again. I went to visit Ryan at the University of Maryland where he had the surgery and instead of seeing a defeated soul, I saw a courageous fighter who was determined to put this curve ball behind him.

Lo and behold, it is now more than three years since Ryan had his tongue cancers. His speech is great, he works, is a connoisseur of gourmet food and a sports enthusiast, plus spends his spare time volunteering for childhood cancer organizations. The latter has won him much-deserved recognition and awards from Special Love, Inc. and the Aslan Project!

I continue to see Ryan regularly in the Amey Cancer Survivorship Program at the Children’s Hospital at Sinai in Baltimore. Here he is monitored for multiple late effects of treatment in concert with other subspecialists in Endocrinology, Cardiology, Oral Surgery and Dentistry, Ophthalmology and Dermatology. He is always accompanied by one of his wonderful parents, generally Terri, who still carries her notebook and Ryan’s updated medical records and information that we go over in each appointment. Just this month, I saw him and received the ultimate gift from him—homemade smoked cheese! Ryan is well on his way to becoming an entrepreneur and I look forward to the day I can say I know the Ryan of “Ryan’s Smoked Cheeses!”

In closing, often I am asked why I chose Pediatric Hematology Oncology as a profession, one which is regarded by many as sad and hopeless! All I need to do is look at Ryan, who together with his family conquered the impossible and today focuses only on the future, bringing a message of hope, courage and resilience to so many along the way. The incredible bond of friendship and trust I established with the Tomoffs that first evening at Georgetown 24 years ago has only grown stronger. We have laughed and cried together, rejoiced at successes and grieved for losses. I thank Ryan, Olivia, Terri and Bill for including me in their ever-expanding family and wish them all the happiness in the world!

Aziza Shad, MD

Ellen W.P. Wasserman Chair of Pediatrics

Chief, Pediatric Hematology/Oncology

The Herman & Walter Samuelson Children’s Hospital at Sinai

Professor of Pediatrics & Oncology

Georgetown University School of Medicine

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Celebrating Others: Gratitude for Dr. Aziza Shad and The UPLIFTERS Podcast!

Dr. Aziza Shad picture

On January 23, 2024, on Facebook, I shared gratitude for Dr. Aziza Shad for her unparalleled care to our family and all patients and families under her care. I was inspired by a Susan Cain post titled Seven things my father taught me, by example. Her father was a doctor and the list of seven things he taught her was heartwarming and points we should all take to heart. Point number five immediately reminded me of Dr. Shad:

“If you happen to be a doctor, take care of your patients – really take care of them. Study medical journals after dinner, train the next generation of physicians (my father kept teaching until age 81), spend the extra hour to visit the bedside of your patients in the hospital. (Here’s a letter from one of those patients, which we found after my father passed away. He never showed us these things while he was alive.)”

Susan Cain Image – Patient Letter to her Doctor Father

The gratitude I shared in my Facebook share was:

“When I read Susan Cain’s post on Substack, this point, and the letter sent to Susan’s father, it inspired me to intentionally pause and be grateful for Doctor Aziza Shad.

Since 1996, Dr. Shad has been at our family’s side guiding and caring for Ryan Tomoff through his #ChildhoodCancer wars and beyond to monitoring the late effects of his treatments through the years.

The image above IS the essence of expertise, care, and compassion that Dr. Shad has brought to our family and every patient and family blessed to be a recipient of her care.

Please read Susan’s full Substack post and my wish is you can share your #gratitude with someone who made a forever impact in your life 🙏❤️.

Dr. Shad, thank you… the words shared by a patient, in Susan’s post, are beautiful. The Tomoff family carries these sentiments for you:

“How do I start, where do I begin to express my feeling of gratitude. appreciation to a [doctor] that has compassion, knowledge, and the kindest doctor… I had the pleasure to have in our lives.

Your caring, right from the heart, your kindness to always lead us in the right direction. We never thought to get a second opinion. Whatever you advised was good enough for us. BECAUSE YOU CARED, TRULY CARED….” “

***

Released on March 22, 2024, Dr. Shad speaks with host Aransas Savas of The Uplifters podcast, titled Dr. Aziza Shad is Humanizing Healthcare: By using teamwork to tackle pediatric cancers. Terri recommended Dr. Shad for the podcast, and I am so happy this interview occurred!

Please prioritize 35 minutes to hear Dr. Shad’s perspective on treating her patients and their families. She cares deeply about all whom she is entrusted to care for. In the pediatric world, the child patient and the family must be considered to achieve the optimal outcome of curing a child. Aransas does a beautiful job guiding the conversation, and the entire podcast was an inspiring listen.

In the interview, Dr. Shad discusses why she chose pediatric cancer as a specialty, the founding of The Aslan Project dedicated to pediatric cancer in Ethiopia, and her mission to be accessible 24 hours per day, seven days a week! She is a godsend to our family. Listen in and be inspired – may we all approach our lives and careers to make the most meaningful difference we can.

***

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The Focused Fight: How Dr. Aziza Shad’s Guidance Fueled Our Family’s Cancer Battle and Personal Growth

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

I recently had a conversation with a friend in an MBA program who was advised by a classmate to lower the bar and focus more on soft skills. While I agree that real skills are critically important, I strongly disagree with the suggestion to lower the bar on learning. My twin brother Don and I are passionate about personal development and relentlessly encouraging others to bring their best selves to the world every day.

This commitment to excellence was solidified for me when my son Ryan was diagnosed with leukemia at age two in 1996. Dr. Aziza Shad, Ryan’s pediatric oncologist, came into our lives and guided us through an incredibly difficult journey. We had to completely trust Dr. Shad and her team to save Ryan’s life. A critical part of that trust was the expectation that she and everyone involved in Ryan’s care was dedicated to bringing their absolute best knowledge, judgment, and effort.

While most of us don’t hold others’ lives in our hands on a daily basis, I believe we should demand the same level of excellence from ourselves in whatever work we do. I owe this to Dr. Shad and the many professionals who exemplify this commitment. Ryan is thriving 27 years later thanks to their dedication and skill.

Dr. Shad’s example has inspired me to always strive to be my best and help others with the knowledge and skills I’ve gained over my lifetime. My wife Terri has also been moved by Dr. Shad’s encouragement to share our family’s story in her memoir. I hope others find inspiration in this message to never settle or get complacent, but to continually learn, prepare, and contribute your talents to the fullest. The world needs you at your best.

Full Original Writing

My twin Don and I embrace a theme in our careers and lives: “Take what you do seriously. Do not take yourself seriously.“

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend in an MBA program, and a classmate suggested, “You are taking the MBA too seriously. You should lower the bar and improve your soft skills.” This friend happens to be a spectacular human being with real (prefer term vs. “soft”) skills that I wish I possessed. I agree that we all must understand the critical importance of real skills, yet a suggestion to lower the bar on learning through the MBA curriculum content? NO.

Don and I are all-in on personal development, and we relentlessly encourage others to be serious about continually learning and bringing their best selves to the world every day. Please be serious and do your best with all learning opportunities you encounter. We must be our best and bring our learning and talents to the world!

“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”

—Steve Prefontaine

“Lowering the bar” means accepting that we can get by and succeed with less effort. We don’t need to be at our best. This sounds crazy to contemplate, doesn’t it? In my world, I expect the best from myself and those I interact with. Let’s pull the thread on this idea to make a compelling and obvious point – in the medical profession, for example, are we accepting of a doctor who has lowered the bar and is not bringing her best talents to serve patients?

On October 17, 1996, our family’s life was forever changed when my son, Ryan, was diagnosed with cancer – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) at the age of two years and two months. My wife Terri, and I, were stunned, scared, and had no concept of how we could move forward. On Saturday morning, October 19, 1996, Dr. Aziza Shad came into our lives carrying a protocol requiring our authorization for treatment to commence on Monday, October 21, 1996. Dr. Shad gently and caringly stepped through the protocol stages that would require three years and two months to complete and answered our questions. In order to save Ryan’s life, we had no option other than to accept and authorize the protocol.

We quickly understood a few core facts:

  • We had no control over a complicated childhood cancer world.
  • Dr. Shad and her team in the pediatric oncology world at Georgetown University Medical Center were our hope for saving Ryan’s life.
  • We had to trust Dr. Shad completely and partner with her while relentlessly advocating for Ryan.

Part of our trust in Dr. Shad and the medical community was our expectation that she and everyone involved in Ryan’s care was dedicated to staying current and relentlessly preparing to bring their best knowledge and judgment to Ryan and the countless patients whose lives depended on them. Let that sink in – isn’t this what you pray for when you put your trust in your doctors? While many of us are not saving lives on a daily basis, why would we accept less than our best when we live our lives personally and professionally? I have many limitations, but dedicating myself to continual learning, preparation, and bringing my best skills and effort to those counting on me is something I demand of myself. I owe this in honor of Dr. Shad and the many professionals who bring the same commitment to their lives every day.

We are blessed to have Ryan thriving now 27 years later, and Dr. Shad at his and our side guiding his follow-up care. Dr. Shad’s example of expertise, care, and compassion has solidified my determination to bring my best every day and help others with the skills and knowledge I have earned throughout my lifetime.

With Dr. Shad’s years-long encouragement, Terri published her memoir of Ryan’s five-time cancer battles in her book The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey from Mayhem to Miracles in March 2021. Dr. Shad kindly wrote a foreword for the book!

Terri Tomoff and Dr Aziza Shad – The Focused Fight

I will continue with future posts about Dr. Shad, where I will share the foreword from the book and other sentiments that speak to the incredible doctor and human being that she is.

To close this post, I hope you find inspiration to do everything in your power to be the best person and contributor you can be in your choice of work and how you carry yourself through each day of your life. Do not settle, get complacent, or “lower the bar.” The world needs your contribution!