The Art of the Epitaph: Conveying a Lifetime in Ten Words or Less

Executive Summary (Assist to ChatGPT – modified)

As I reflect on the passing of Charlie Munger, I’m drawn to his humble suggestion for his epitaph, “I tried to be useful,” a sentiment that deeply resonates with my personal journey. His legacy, marked by wisdom and humility, inspires me to consider my life’s motto in ten words or less, “I did my best. I cared.” This phrase encapsulates my commitment to living with effort, compassion, and personal accountability, emphasizing that my actions are guided by intrinsic motivation rather than the pursuit of external validation. My recent four years of daily engagement with stoic meditations have profoundly influenced my perspective, teaching me the liberating truth that one’s value isn’t determined by universal acceptance but by the authenticity and kindness of one’s actions.

In my reflections, I’ve come to understand that it’s not about how others perceive my efforts but how I perceive them. I am inspired by the idea that while we can’t control others’ opinions, we do control our intentions and efforts. This understanding has been a guiding principle in my life, especially sharpened as I consider the legacy I wish to leave behind. With inspiration from Munger’s philosophy and my own stoicism efforts, I aim to live authentically, contribute meaningfully, and maintain inner peace by upholding my own standards and intentions, striving to make a difference in ways that inspire me, and focusing on acting with goodness and kindness without concern for external judgment.

Original Full Reflection

Charlie Munger, vice chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, passed away on November 28, 2023, at 99 years old. Warren Buffett “described Munger as his closest partner and right-hand man.” Due to my lifetime interest in personal finance and investing, I searched for more information about Munger upon learning of his passing.

A quote from Munger inspires this writing and my preliminary title for a book effort in 2024.

“I Did My Best. I Cared: Reflections on Experiences, Lessons Learned, and Heartfelt Tips to Live a Fulfilling Life.”

As Sahil Bloom shared on Twitter (X), Jason Zweig asked Munger “What he might want for an epitaph of no more than ten words. His reply was immediate and full of epistemic humility: “I tried to be useful.” Not “I was useful.” That would be for other people to judge. But “I tried.” That much he knew.”

Charlie Munger humbly answered, “I tried to be useful,” acknowledging that his intent and effort were under his control – not how others would judge him. His brief statement speaks volumes to his sincere desire to be the best-contributing human he was capable of, yet he was not going to guide his actions based on how he thought others might judge him. External judgment of his actions was not his business. I love his response and his perspective. Munger’s perspective is very stoic-like and reminded me of stoicism thoughts that have touched on this theme often.

The important part of my proposed book title is my personal response to Munger’s answer to a question from Zweig:

No more than ten words, yet this speaks from my heart about how I want to leave my life’s journey: “I Did My Best. I Cared.”

My intent and heart are dedicated to answering affirmatively when I question myself, “Have I done my best?” Not “Have I done my best in the eyes of others?” When we can go deep within ourselves and know that we have done our best, the feeling is liberating and provides peace with ourselves. I am measuring by my own standards and limitations. This is the measuring stick I strive to hold for myself, and I also strive to give grace to others by reminding myself that they are also doing their best – whatever that means for them. The best effort of others is not my place to judge.

Over the past four years, I have been reading The Daily Stoic Meditations daily, and I attribute the process to helping refine my thinking and behavior toward life. This is why Charlie’s epitaph suggestion, focused on what was within HIS control, resonated with me and prompted this reflection.

In the Daily Stoic email post, They’re Not All Going To Like You, we are encouraged to remember that “we are not for everyone, and we never will be.” It is liberating for us to reflect on and accept this fact and go forward with genuine intent to bring good and kindness to the world.

“In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius talks about how it’s easier to deal with stuff when you understand the percentages–that a certain number of certain types of people exist, for example, and you’re bound to bump into them eventually. Do you really think it’s possible for everyone to like you?

We didn’t do anything wrong. This isn’t bigotry or hatred. It’s just a mismatch. That actor whose face you don’t like…you have that same face for someone else. That person you roll your eyes at, you’re them to someone else. That show you change the channel to avoid, someone is doing that to your work right now.”

“You must accept that we’re not for everyone and we never will be. What matters is that we like ourselves, that we stand for what we like, and we leave those who this bothers alone.”

Inspired by my work with the Stoicism philosophy, Charlie Munger’s suggestion for his epitaph hit close to home for me. My heart is full as I consider the progress in my life – staying true to making a difference in the ways that inspire me and not seeking validation and affirmation from others. I did my best. I cared. Today, this sentiment feels perfect for me as I reflect on my life. How I am judged for my contributions is not my concern. I prefer to act with goodness and kindness and know I am making a meaningful impact. I know.

Personal Development Will Be Difficult. Embrace Adversity.

Working with my twin Don and I will be challenging. We will push you, and yes, it will be uncomfortable. We will ask you to demand more from yourself – because there IS MORE potential within all of us. The reward of personal growth – for ourselves and others – is compelling. We have experienced the benefits throughout our lives and careers, and thus why we are so committed to encouraging others.

We credit our mindset of continual learning, acceptance of being wrong, and failing over and over to our background as college and competitive marathon distance runners. Today’s Daily Stoic email asks, “When Is The Last Time You Challenged Yourself?”

The fact is, we all will face adversity in our lives. Unavoidably, extreme adversity may be thrust upon us, and we have no choice but to respond with every ounce of our being. In my family, my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis on October 17, 1996, changed our lives forever. His and our family’s story is told in Terri Tomoff’s memoir The Focused Fight.

Yet, outside of fate forcing adversity upon us, there is strength in placing ourselves in positions of chosen adversity. I encourage reading the short blog post linked above and contemplating where you might most immediately apply in your life. Highlights from the post:

“It’s very easy to get comfortable. To build up your life exactly how you want it to be. Minimize inconveniences and hand off the stuff you don’t like to do. To find what you enjoy, where you enjoy it, and never leave.

A velvet rut is what it’s called. It’s nice, but the comfort tricks you into thinking that you’re not stuck.”

“…as soon as we stop growing, we start dying. Or at least, we become more vulnerable to the swings of Fate and Fortune. Seneca talked over and over again about the importance of adversity, of not only embracing the struggle life throws at us but actively seeking out that difficulty, so you can be stronger and better and more prepared. A person who has never been challenged, he said, who always gets their way, is a tragic figure. They have no idea what they are capable of. They are not even close to fulfilling their potential.

Prioritize a few minutes to contemplate, “What personal development challenge is most interesting or impactful for me, and how can I chip away every day, embracing the difficulty, so I can be stronger, better, and more prepared?”

In Pursuit of Inner Peace: My Stoic Transformation

Executive Summary (Assist by ChatGPT)

Bill Tomoff shares his four-year journey (2020 and continuing in 2023) practicing Stoicism, crediting the philosophy for enhancing his self-improvement and contributing to a more grounded emotional state. The philosophy’s emphasis on internal work, resilience, and focus on aspects within one’s control are key components of his daily practice. Using the book ‘The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living’ by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman, Tomoff has integrated reading a daily meditation into his routine.

Over the years, Tomoff’s engagement with Stoicism has grown, extending from the discovery of Darius Foroux’s blog post ‘Practicing Stoicism’ in 2018 to becoming a member of Daily Stoic Life (DSL) in 2021. His DSL membership offers expanded access to Stoic resources, courses, and a community support group.

Stoicism’s tenets, such as not necessarily needing an opinion, being strict with oneself and forgiving towards others, and controlling one’s responses to external events, have significantly influenced Tomoff’s perspective and daily conduct. He recognizes Stoicism as a lifelong journey, not a destination, and an important contributing aspect to personal growth and inner peace. His commitment to the philosophy extends to incorporating additional books of daily meditations into his routine, highlighting his quest for continual self-improvement through reflective practice.

Full Blog Post

I have written about my interest in Stoicism and how my “work” with the Stoic philosophy has helped me grow into a better human capable of contributing to my world. I focus on awareness of topics while realizing one never becomes a “stoic.” Striving to embrace stoic thoughts and encouragement is a life’s work with no finish line – except when our time on earth has ended.

Stoicism may seem difficult because it asks [demands] of us that we do the work of improving ourselves. The work starts with a willingness to examine what is circling in the core being. Are we interested in being the best version of ourselves and letting external matters “be”? We must clear our minds of needing opinions and judgment about people and matters beyond our control. We only control our reasoned choice.

I am in my fourth year of reading The Daily Stoic: 366 Mediations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Starting on January 1, 2020, I began reading the daily meditation as part of my morning reading routine. For the year 2020, I completed the Daily Stoic Journal: 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on The Art of Living. The book provided a prompt with space for a morning and evening reflection daily. I took this journey with my older brother, Alex. I found the process rewarding, and I believe it has brought me greater clarity about my thinking and helped me keep my emotions more “grounded.

My December 31, 2020, reflection journaling read:

Prompt:

How will I turn these words into works?

Morning Reflection:

“In addition to The Daily Stoic readings and reflections, I believe I am also “doing the work” of being a good person. My number one priority to work on – is kindness, helping others, and continually working to improve my strengths while being forgiving of my weaknesses.”

Evening Reflection:

“Thankful and grateful. My “word of the year” for 2020 is Mahalo – from our family trip to Hawaii in December 2019. This year, “kindness” is my word for 2021. I will continue to put stoic words into works by setting an example and putting good into the world through kindness, encouragement, and celebrating others. 2021 – let’s do this. Treasure each day…”

Bill Tomoff with The Daily Stoic Meditations

The full year of reading and journaling twice daily profoundly impacted my perspective and how I bring my mind and actions to the world daily. Reading, absorbing, and reflecting on Stoicism is an important part of my daily practice. The work is difficult at times, yet also deeply inspiring. I am learning to sit with the discomfort – I will never fully “get there” (check out the concepts of Amor Fati and Momento Mori). Stoicism is a lifelong journey, not a destination to be reached. Awareness and a willingness to contemplate the work are huge steps to self-improvement and inner peace.

My interest and time commitment gradually grew after becoming curious about Stoicism through a December 2018 blog post by Darius Foroux Practicing Stoicism.

Before my morning reading of The Daily Stoic Meditations on January 1, 2020, I had done more research about Stoicism and discovered the work of Ryan Holiday. From Darius’s post in 2018, my love of Stoicism has evolved as follows:

  1. Early 2019 – read Darius Foroux’s blog post Practicing Stoicism.
  2. August 2019 – read The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.
  3. 2019 – signed up for the free (Monday through Friday) Daily Stoic daily email from Ryan Holiday.
  4. Full Year 2020 – read The Daily Stoic one meditation for each day and completed the companion journal reflections twice per day.
  5. January 1, 2021 – purchased annual Daily Stoic Life (DSL) membership. The first-year membership was $249, and renewals are $99 yearly. The membership includes access to a members-only Facebook group, daily emails extended to Saturday and Sunday each week, and unrestricted access to all Daily Stoic challenges and courses.
  6. Full Year 2021 – read The Daily Stoic one meditation for each day. My 2nd year of reading the entire book with one meditation per day.
  7. July 2021 – read The Little Book of Stoicism by Jonas Salzbeber. I loved this book for the nice overview provided about Stoicism!
  8. January 1, 2022 – renewed annual membership in DSL.
  9. Full Year 2022 – read The Daily Stoic one meditation for each day. My 3rd year of reading the entire book with one meditation per day.
  10. January 1, 2023 – renewed annual membership in DSL.
  11. Full Year 2023 (in the process) – read The Daily Stoic one meditation daily. My 4th year of reading the entire book with one meditation per day.

The Stoicism philosophy profoundly influences my perspective and “how” I handle myself and my emotions daily. Striving every day to develop my mind and embrace the only aspect of life we all control – our reasoned choice. Thoughts such as “it is not necessary to have an opinion, we should be strict with ourselves and forgiving of others (no judgment), and we control our response to any external event – we are harmed only if we believe we are harmed,” are thoughts I hold close to my heart and work to live in practice. Through my morning practice of reading The Daily Stoic, I have grown to love the short dose of daily meditation, to the point that I have adopted other books of daily meditations into my morning reading practice!