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Stitching Together Love and Comfort: The Inspiring Quilting Journey of Terri Tomoff

Summary Overview – Collaboration with Claude.AI

Terri Tomoff’s passion for quilting took flight in 1989 after taking a class in Ohio. Over the past 35 years, I’ve witnessed her quilting expertise evolve from hand stitching to using a long-arm machine. Terri’s primary love is creating one-of-a-kind “treasured keepsakes” t-shirt quilts.

Her dedication to quilting and sharing joy with others soared when she joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild in 1998. Terri’s colorful creations took center stage as the guild’s featured quilter in 2012. Quilting provided solace during our son Ryan’s battle with leukemia, a time she refers to as “Manufacturing Sunshine.”

Inspired by a quilt Ryan received during his 2004 bone marrow transplant, Terri spearheaded an initiative for the guild to donate lap quilts to childhood cancer patients. The beneficiaries now span from Georgetown University Medical Center to hospitals in Baltimore, Ethiopia, Puerto Rico, and even families affected by the 2023 Maui fires. Terri has also created quilts to raise funds for charities supporting children with cancer.

Beyond her charitable work, Terri generously gifts quilts to family and friends. Olivia, Ryan, and I treasure the t-shirt quilts she’s made, commemorating special moments in our lives. Terri’s commitment to continuous learning and finding better ways to create her quilted works of art is awe-inspiring.

I marvel at the extensive “body of work” Terri has built through quilting, just one facet of her multi-talented life. Her tireless dedication to family, friends, and passions is superhuman. Terri, thank you for manufacturing sunshine and generously sharing your gifts with the world.

Full Original Writing

Terri Tomoff loves quilting and everything that goes along with it…the hunt for beautiful fabric, learning continuously, the creative art of quilting, and the camaraderie of sharing her love of the craft with like-minded people. In 1989, she took a quilting class in North Olmsted, Ohio, and the fuse was lit. Over the past 35 years, I have had the gift of having a front-row seat to witness the development and refinement of her quilting work.

Today, her primary quilting love is creating one-of-a-kind “treasured keepsakes” t-shirt quilts for family, friends, and customers. Her quilting expertise has evolved from hand quilting in the 1990s to using a full long-arm quilting machine to accelerate her work once the creative design is completed. Yet, her quilting passion goes far beyond the business side of her efforts. Her love of quilting and sharing the joy with others took off in 1998 when she joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild in Bowie, Maryland.

“Quilting consumes me.” Quote from Terri when the local newspaper featured her after she was selected as the Featured Quilter for the 2012 Southern Comforters Quilt Show. The text of the article:

March 8, 2012

Crofton-West County Gazette

Quilting Woman’s Passion

“Inspired by Betsy Ross and the bicentennial, Terri Tomoff took on her first fabric project in junior high, when she crocheted an outline of the original 13 colonies for a school project.

She was instantly intrigued by the material arts and has since created more than 200 quilts.

As the featured quilter for the Southern Comforters Annual Quilt Show, Terri’s colorful creations will take center stage at the show, which will be held March 24 and 25 at C. Elizabeth Rieg School in Bowie.

Terri started quilting as a young adult after taking a sampler quilt class in her home state of Ohio but put her hobby aside to focus on her marriage, children and career. Soon after moving to Crofton in 1996, Terri’s 2-year-old son Ryan was diagnosed with cancer and that altered her course even further. When Ryan was able to start pre-school, Terri met a fellow mom who was a member of the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild and invited her to join.

“That was in 1998 and I haven’t missed too many meetings since then,” said Terri. “Quilts consume me.” The quilting guild gets together twice a month to hone their skills, share ideas and serve the community.

Terri said that during her son’s nine-year battle with leukemia, she started making and donating quilts to sup-port cancer research and the medical centers that treated Ryan. “Instead of donating money, I made quilts that were then raffled off,” she said.

Terri also made more than 200 quilt bags gifting them to everyone from the doctors and hospital staff to the parking attendants.

At the upcoming quilt show, 30 to 40 of Terri’s quilts will be on display.

One of her favorites, which will be featured at the show, combines varying shades of solid pink and yellow fabrics and a complementary floral fabric.

“I love that quilts have a dual purpose since they are designed for both beauty and comfort,” said Terri. “I also love to see the joy in people’s faces when they receive a hand-made quilt and I think it is an honor to receive one. They are a labor of love – you just can’t knock one out.”

Terri said that she was humbled to be selected as the featured quilter for this year’s annual show and that she looks forward to continuing to color the world with her quilts.”

March 8, 2012 – Terri Tomoff Featured Quilter – Article in Crofton-West County Gazette

Terri embraced the quilting community and her love of quilting with fervor. Everyone should have the gift in their life of a hobby or passion that brings out their creativity and desire to improve and add value to the world. Terri found this with quilting. Her dedication and growth in the world of quilting is inspiring to all who know her. She wants to contribute to bringing joy and comfort to others with each lovingly created quilt.

Ideas are Born

Manufacturing Sunshine

Terri often tells how the quilting process helped soothe her and brighten her days at Georgetown Hospital when Ryan was an inpatient for his leukemia treatment protocols. Many long days and weeks were spent in the hospital from late 1996 through 2004. A makeshift station would be set up in Ryan’s hospital room, and when she could, Terri let her mind work with the creative side of piecing together fabrics that involved bright colors. Years later in 2017, she would reflect back and refer to those times that she was “Manufacturing Sunshine.” This is now the title of her website blog page and a theme we hold close to our hearts in our family.

March 2017 – Ryan and Terri Tomoff with her Manufacturing Sunshine Quilt

Community Quilts Bringing Comfort to Childhood Cancer Children

In late October 2004, when Ryan was admitted to the PBMT floor 5200 at Duke University to begin his bone marrow transplant process, he received a quilt incorporating blank green and blue blocks for nurses, family, and others to write notes to Ryan. I remember discussing with Terri, “This quilt is a tremendous gift for the patient and the family. They are being seen and know that people care.” The act of this gift of a lap quilt brought comfort during a time of extreme concern and stress.

March 21, 2024 – 29-year-old Ryan Tomoff with Quilt provided at Transplant in November 2004

When we returned to Maryland in 2005, Terri inquired about the possibility of the Southern Comforters Community Quilts charitable initiative, including lap quilts to Georgetown Hospital (where Ryan was treated when we were home in Maryland) to be given to newly diagnosed childhood cancer children. The idea was warmly embraced, and Terri was leading the effort of providing quilts to the Georgetown Pediatric Oncology Clinic! A beautiful idea noted at Duke University inspired a movement in the Washington DC region. In 2015, Terri discovered and shared with me the concept of Post-Traumatic Growth. Terri shared this in her blog from 2019. We were excited to have a defined term for our emotions and desire to make a difference for others chosen to travel the path Ryan, and our family were on.

The Soothing Power of a Quilt Expands

In addition to donating quilts to Georgetown Hospital, Terri led the Southern Comforters to share the comfort internationally. She knew firsthand the comfort of a thoughtful gift that a lap quilt could bring to a child fighting cancer and their families. She was a force of nature determined to leverage her love of quilting to help others.

The beneficiaries of Terri’s and The Southern Comforters Quilt Guild efforts, over almost 20 years, now include:

  1. Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington, DC.
  2. LifeBridge Sinai Hospital of Baltimore in Maryland.
  3. Mother Teresa Home for Children with Cancer – The Aslan Project in Ethiopia
  4. San Jorge Children’s Hospital in Puerto Rico.
  5. Maui, Hawaii Families Stricken by Fires that Devastated Lahaina on August 8, 2023
  6. Terri Tomoff and Jodie Smith visit the Maui Quilt Shop on September 11, 2023

A touching moment happened with a quilt recipient from a family who lost their home in the Lahaina fire, as noted in point 5 above. A donated quilt had the quilter’s name on the back of the quilt, and the recipient sent the following lovely message via Facebook Messenger. Terri shared in her blog:

“After our guild meeting this past week, Joan approached me with a big smile and told me she had something special to share. Her quilt pictured below was given to a family that found her through Facebook and recently wrote her this lovely message:

“Wanted to say Hi and Aloha! I lost my home in the Lahaina fire on Maui. I was fortunate to pick out your quilt (UFO Challenge), and I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you!””

In addition to the quilt donation efforts above, Terri has also created quilts for auction or has raffled quilts to benefit charities focused on efforts in the fight against childhood cancer. Charities benefited include:

  1. Special Love for children with cancer.
  2. Just Tryan It provides financial assistance to families with a child in treatment for pediatric cancer.
  3. Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation addresses psychosocial support for childhood cancer children and their families.

The Rest of the Story

Coordinating her t-shirt quilt business and the incredible charity initiatives shared above, can she make other efforts to spread her talents and love of quilts into the world? The answer is a resounding YES! Oliva, Ryan, and I have been the recipients of t-shirt quilts that we treasure, countless “baby quilts” have been gifted, and then she completes special projects for gifts (i.e., Tote Bags) and even tackles unique customer projects that showcase her broad spectrum of talent and creativity in the quilting world!

Terri is a continual learner and embraces “finding a better way” to be more effective with her quilting efforts. Her mission is to build space for the creative aspect of quilting, which she loves. Whether contemplating a collection of t-shirts, a charitable effort, or other unique projects, she experiences joy in creating a work of art that can be a lifetime gift to someone. The recipients of her art are often stunned at the beautiful work she delivers!

Within our family, Olivia, Ryan, and I all have t-shirt quilts that Terri lovingly made for us from activities that have defined a memorable aspect of our lives. My two quilts embrace my love of sports and competitive distance running memories. Olivia has a collection of memories from her competitive soccer years, and Ryan has a Special Love Camp Fantastic theme and sports memories.

June 2020 – Ohio University, Distance Running, and Other Sports Memories

I am thrilled that Terri found the art of quilting and savor the joy, purpose, and fulfillment it has brought to her life and the lives of others. Her talents are a gift to the world and she shares generously!

While writing this #CelebratingOthers, I marvel at the “body of work” that Terri has built with her quilting. Then, reflecting more broadly, I remind myself her quilting is only one aspect of her full, robust life. Terri is a sister, spouse, Mom, a dear friend to many, and is talented and dedicated to her life passions. The same commitment she brings to her quilting goes into everything she does. The tireless dedication to her family, supporting my efforts, and caring for Olivia and Ryan are superhuman! She is also the author of The Focused Fight, a memoir of Ryan’s wars with 3x childhood cancer and 2x adult cancers over the past 27+ years.

Terri, thank you for all you do for me, our family, and everyone you come in contact with through your quilting, writing, and sharing your passions with the world. Indeed, you are “Manufacturing Sunshine” for yourself and others!

Learn more about Terri at TerriTomoff.com ❤️.

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Body of Work: Introduction to Kindness Advocacy

Twin brothers with sign stating "A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle"

Excellence and kindness. These are themes in my life that became more intentional after our family discovered the concept of post-traumatic growth in 2015. Inherently, my personality has always bent toward a gentler and softer approach toward others. Yet, my commitment has since sharpened and become a steadfast part of how I approach my daily life. Thanks to the work of Gary Vaynerchuk, Tom Peters (his book The Excellence Dividend was my book of the year in 2018), and Daniel Burns KindLoook initiative discovered through my participation in the community of practice “Writing in Community,” I now unabashedly consider myself a kindness advocate and [desperately] want others to join the movement!

On July 2, 2022, on a beautiful sunny day in Berthoud, Colorado, my wife Terri and I were on vacation visiting our dear friends Linda and Mark Misencik when I was contemplating my daily writing to be completed. My exact words from my writing entry for the day included:

“Another book idea is percolating while contemplating experiences on vacation.

Working title (“paint at the wall”) to evolve and work with:

“Excellence and Kindness: Live It. See It. Celebrate It.”

My “lens” towards life gained even greater clarity that day. I would strive to intentionally live with excellence and kindness; I would make an effort to see it happening around me, and when I witnessed it, I would celebrate it by acknowledging the kindness or, if unable to acknowledge it, I would move forward inspired to pay kindness forward in honor of the moment I witnessed. Excellence and kindness can and do ripple beyond the act. I choose to believe this and live accordingly.

This thought, shared in the book Thriving as an Empath by Judith Orloff, MD, resonated with me:

“In Buddhism, karma is the destiny you earn through actions and behaviors. What you give is what you get.”

Through my journey of kindness advocacy, my life has been enriched by discovering others who share the mutual desire to make the world a kinder place. I am eternally grateful for everyone who has touched my life with kindness – because they cared. I leave you with this quote:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

― Maya Angelou

It feels good to make others feel good. When you light another candle, your candle loses nothing. In fact, your candle will burn brighter!

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Flip the Script: Cultivating a Kind World to Add Value in 2024

Be Kind – some themes need to be front and center every day of every year.

Happy New Year to all. Wishing everyone a 2024 year filled with kindness and compassion for yourself, others, and our world! Together we can go far…

Andrea Sanchez, thank you for the inspiration and opportunity to share the message with “Be Kind” signs from the “Wisconsin Kindness Angel”.

The above comments were originally shared on LinkedIn with TwinzTalk tip 1179.

In connection with my “Word of the year” for 2024 – Value – I am contemplating the many ways we can bring value to ourselves and others.

I am finding contentment in the all-encompassing nature of the word. The principles I aspire to live by – such as kindness, appreciation, and helping others – contribute to forming my thoughts, decisions, and actions as I go through my day.

While I was out running errands today, it occurred to me that our presence around others (whether we are calm, smiling, or showing enthusiasm, if possible) is a subtle yet compelling way to bring value to our world.

The thought that struck me was, “Your presence matters. Our energy can inspire a ripple into the world.”

Unfortunately, human nature tends to bend towards negative sentiments and “what is wrong” with any situation. When we have a positive experience, it often goes unnoticed, or we move through the moment with no appreciation because the outcome is what we expected. Oh my, such a sad state to carry through our lives!

How about we recognize the problem by recognizing that highlighting negative experiences and complaining about life’s everyday challenges brings an awful vibe to our world?

Let’s intentionally “flip the script” and celebrate the everyday caring and kindness around us. This action will create an energy that has the potential to ripple beyond our imagination. And, by the way, it feels good to be this type of person.

In my daily writing, I recently collaborated with ChatGPT to expand on my belief the “kindness and generosity begets more kindness and generosity.” Along this theme, these quotes resonated:

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”

– Princess Diana

“Remember there’s no such things as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”

– Scott Adams

Collaboration with ChatGPT

I asked ChatGPT a few questions about my belief that “kindness and generosity begets more kindness and generosity.” The response noted, “Reciprocal Altruism is a fancy way of saying, “If I help you today, maybe you’ll help me tomorrow.” But the most important part is that you help without expecting anything immediately, just because it’s kind and friendly.”

I added the following prompt:

“I understand your explanation of reciprocal altruism, but I struggle with your presentation – I believe in kindness and generosity with no expectation of a direct reciprocal action. Rather, I believe the “universe” will reward me over the long run. Thus, I believe the style will reward those who consistently practice goodness and kindness, but we cannot be directly looking for reward and affirmation.

Am I making any sense?”

ChatGPT responded with an answer that more aligned with my thinking:

“Yes, you are making perfect sense. Your perspective aligns with a more altruistic or selfless approach to kindness and generosity. In this view, acts of kindness are done without expecting direct reciprocation from the individuals you help. Instead, there’s a broader belief that these good deeds contribute to a positive shift in the universe or the overall fabric of society. This shift may bring about positive outcomes in the long run, potentially in indirect or unforeseen ways.

This approach is more philosophical and spiritual than the concept of reciprocal altruism as defined in social psychology. In comparison, reciprocal altruism focuses on a somewhat transactional understanding of kindness (I help you, expecting that you or someone else will help me in return); your belief system is centered around contributing to the greater good without immediate or direct expectation of return.

In many ways, this can be seen as a more pure form of altruism. It’s about contributing positively to the world and trusting that these actions create a kinder, more generous environment overall. This belief in the long-term, indirect rewards of goodness and kindness resonates with various philosophical and spiritual teachings across cultures. It’s a view that underscores the intrinsic value of good deeds and the belief in a kind of moral balance in the universe.”

Thank you, ChatGPT! The explanation provided beautifully articulates the sentiments I carry in my heart and hold onto to inspire me to strive to set an example of kindness and generosity.


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The Art of the Epitaph: Conveying a Lifetime in Ten Words or Less

Executive Summary (Assist to ChatGPT – modified)

As I reflect on the passing of Charlie Munger, I’m drawn to his humble suggestion for his epitaph, “I tried to be useful,” a sentiment that deeply resonates with my personal journey. His legacy, marked by wisdom and humility, inspires me to consider my life’s motto in ten words or less, “I did my best. I cared.” This phrase encapsulates my commitment to living with effort, compassion, and personal accountability, emphasizing that my actions are guided by intrinsic motivation rather than the pursuit of external validation. My recent four years of daily engagement with stoic meditations have profoundly influenced my perspective, teaching me the liberating truth that one’s value isn’t determined by universal acceptance but by the authenticity and kindness of one’s actions.

In my reflections, I’ve come to understand that it’s not about how others perceive my efforts but how I perceive them. I am inspired by the idea that while we can’t control others’ opinions, we do control our intentions and efforts. This understanding has been a guiding principle in my life, especially sharpened as I consider the legacy I wish to leave behind. With inspiration from Munger’s philosophy and my own stoicism efforts, I aim to live authentically, contribute meaningfully, and maintain inner peace by upholding my own standards and intentions, striving to make a difference in ways that inspire me, and focusing on acting with goodness and kindness without concern for external judgment.

Original Full Reflection

Charlie Munger, vice chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, passed away on November 28, 2023, at 99 years old. Warren Buffett “described Munger as his closest partner and right-hand man.” Due to my lifetime interest in personal finance and investing, I searched for more information about Munger upon learning of his passing.

A quote from Munger inspires this writing and my preliminary title for a book effort in 2024.

“I Did My Best. I Cared: Reflections on Experiences, Lessons Learned, and Heartfelt Tips to Live a Fulfilling Life.”

As Sahil Bloom shared on Twitter (X), Jason Zweig asked Munger “What he might want for an epitaph of no more than ten words. His reply was immediate and full of epistemic humility: “I tried to be useful.” Not “I was useful.” That would be for other people to judge. But “I tried.” That much he knew.”

Charlie Munger humbly answered, “I tried to be useful,” acknowledging that his intent and effort were under his control – not how others would judge him. His brief statement speaks volumes to his sincere desire to be the best-contributing human he was capable of, yet he was not going to guide his actions based on how he thought others might judge him. External judgment of his actions was not his business. I love his response and his perspective. Munger’s perspective is very stoic-like and reminded me of stoicism thoughts that have touched on this theme often.

The important part of my proposed book title is my personal response to Munger’s answer to a question from Zweig:

No more than ten words, yet this speaks from my heart about how I want to leave my life’s journey: “I Did My Best. I Cared.”

My intent and heart are dedicated to answering affirmatively when I question myself, “Have I done my best?” Not “Have I done my best in the eyes of others?” When we can go deep within ourselves and know that we have done our best, the feeling is liberating and provides peace with ourselves. I am measuring by my own standards and limitations. This is the measuring stick I strive to hold for myself, and I also strive to give grace to others by reminding myself that they are also doing their best – whatever that means for them. The best effort of others is not my place to judge.

Over the past four years, I have been reading The Daily Stoic Meditations daily, and I attribute the process to helping refine my thinking and behavior toward life. This is why Charlie’s epitaph suggestion, focused on what was within HIS control, resonated with me and prompted this reflection.

In the Daily Stoic email post, They’re Not All Going To Like You, we are encouraged to remember that “we are not for everyone, and we never will be.” It is liberating for us to reflect on and accept this fact and go forward with genuine intent to bring good and kindness to the world.

“In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius talks about how it’s easier to deal with stuff when you understand the percentages–that a certain number of certain types of people exist, for example, and you’re bound to bump into them eventually. Do you really think it’s possible for everyone to like you?

We didn’t do anything wrong. This isn’t bigotry or hatred. It’s just a mismatch. That actor whose face you don’t like…you have that same face for someone else. That person you roll your eyes at, you’re them to someone else. That show you change the channel to avoid, someone is doing that to your work right now.”

“You must accept that we’re not for everyone and we never will be. What matters is that we like ourselves, that we stand for what we like, and we leave those who this bothers alone.”

Inspired by my work with the Stoicism philosophy, Charlie Munger’s suggestion for his epitaph hit close to home for me. My heart is full as I consider the progress in my life – staying true to making a difference in the ways that inspire me and not seeking validation and affirmation from others. I did my best. I cared. Today, this sentiment feels perfect for me as I reflect on my life. How I am judged for my contributions is not my concern. I prefer to act with goodness and kindness and know I am making a meaningful impact. I know.

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Living with Intention: My Path to Post-Traumatic Growth and Encouraging Everyday Kindness

ChatGPT Summary

In this blog post, I share my reflections and insights shaped by a journey marked with resilience and gratitude, deeply influenced by my son Ryan’s courageous battles against cancer. Drawing wisdom from Terri Tomoff’s “The Focused Fight,” I explore how these profound experiences have enriched my perspective, fostering a commitment to spread kindness and positivity.

As I approach my 65th birthday, my heart is brimming with gratitude. I’m dedicated to living a life filled with impact, kindness, and helpfulness, embracing the concept of post-traumatic growth. I’m inspired by Adam Grant’s “five-minute favors” from his book “Give and Take,” believing in the cumulative power of small, intentional acts of kindness.

My life philosophy is encapsulated in three core themes. Firstly, through “The Focused Fight,” I aim to encourage others with a message of gentleness and understanding. Secondly, our Tomoff family mission focuses on helping one person, one family, at a time. Finally, along with my twin Don and our #TwinzTalk initiative, we endeavor to change the world one interaction at a time. These principles guide my daily interactions, where I strive to be an encouraging and enthusiastic presence.

Supporting this message, I reference a post from Instagram’s imagine_values and a “Five-Minute Favors” video on YouTube. Additionally, musician Nick Cave’s words resonate deeply with me, highlighting the significance of everyday gestures in creating ripples of change. Cave eloquently speaks to the profound impact of our smallest actions and their meaningful consequences.

In conclusion, I extend a heartfelt invitation to join me in embracing micro-moments of kindness and a gentler approach towards ourselves and others. Every action, no matter how small, matters significantly. Through these seemingly insignificant acts, we can all contribute to lifting the spirits of others, thus shaping a kinder, more compassionate world.

Full Reflection

My perspective and efforts in life strive to lead with a grateful heart as I go through my days. When I am gentle and kind to myself, I am inspired to bring that same presence to the world and those I interact with. I could credit many life events for their role in shaping me into who I am today. Yet, the dramatic life-threatening and life-altering event of my son Ryan’s five-time battles with cancer and the lens through which I experience life have profoundly changed me. Terri Tomoff’s memoir, The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey From Mayhem to Miracles, shares Ryan and our family’s journey since his original diagnosis in 1996.

As I approach my 65th birthday (!), my heart is filled with gratitude for the growth I have experienced in my life, and I am dedicated with my heart and soul to being an impactful, kind, caring, and helpful person for the rest of my life. The concept of post-traumatic growth is one that Terri and I embrace fully, and we strive to be intentional in our efforts to pay it forward for the unimaginable care and kindness that has been shared with our family over the years.

Recognizing that TIME is my most precious asset, I have dedicated efforts focused on micro-moments of kindness and five-minute favors (encouraged by Adam Grant in his book Give and Take). Opportunities abound to make a difference in our world, and my approach to seemingly small, insignificant, yet genuine acts of kindness WILL make a compounding difference in my world. How do I “know?” I believe, and I KNOW – I do not need affirmation. I promise – live your life to bring good to the world – and you will notice the impact on you and your world!

A few themes I believe and strive for as part of my values are:

My theme – encouragement with signed copies of The Focused Fight:

“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.”

Our Tomoff family mission of The Focused Fight book:

“Helping others, one person, one family, at a time.”

Bill and Don Tomoff’s mission of #TwinzTalk and our professional work:

“Changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.”

My preferred contributions for making an impact in my corner of the world are to focus on micro-moments of kindness and five-minute favors. How I conduct myself daily is critically important, and I strive to be an encouraging and enthusiastic presence as I go through my activities and interactions. Our actions matter – a lot. An inspiration from imagine_values on Instagram is a fantastic reminder for my approach to bringing value to my life and world: “Think big and act small.“

A beautiful discussion of “Five-Minute Favors” is shared in this short 4-minute and 41-second YouTube video from Good Morning America.

And, to close, James Clear’s 3-2-1 weekly newsletter from Thursday, November 23, 2023, shared a beautiful excerpt from musician Nick Cave:

Musician Nick Cave on the power of small actions:

“The everyday human gesture is always a heartbeat away from the miraculous.

Remember that ultimately, we make things happen through our actions, way beyond our understanding or intention; that our seemingly small ordinary human acts have untold consequences; that what we do in this world means something; that we are not nothing; and that our most quotidian human actions by their nature burst the seams of our intent and spill meaningfully and radically through time and space, changing everything.

Our deeds, no matter how insignificant they may feel, are replete with meaning and of vast consequence, and they constantly impact upon the unfolding story of the world, whether we know it or not.”

Source: ​The Red Hand Files, Issue #216​ (lightly edited for clarity)

Portions of the unedited post at the link provided above resonated with me:

“Perhaps the song attempts to present the idea that the everyday human gesture is always a heartbeat away from the miraculous – that ultimately we make things happen through our actions, way beyond our understanding or intention; that our seemingly small ordinary human acts have untold consequences; that what we do in this world means something; that we are not nothing; and that our most quotidian human actions by their nature burst the seams of our intent and spill meaningfully and radically through time and space, changing everything. Night Raid tells us that our deeds, no matter how insignificant they may feel, are replete with meaning, and of vast consequence, and that they constantly impact upon the unfolding story of the world, whether we know it or not.”

“… All action provokes change. Nothing is ineffectual. Nothing.

Francis, rather than feel impotent and useless, you must come to terms with the fact that as a human being you are infinitely powerful, and take responsibility for this tremendous power. Even our smallest actions have potential for great change, positively or negatively, and the way in which we all conduct ourselves within the world means something. You are anything but impotent, you are, in fact, exquisitely and frighteningly dynamic, as are we all, and with all respect you have an obligation to stand up and take responsibility for that potential. It is your most ordinary and urgent duty.”

My hope is anyone who reads my post here will embrace the magic of micro-moments of kindness and five-minute favors. As Nick Cave encourages, EVERY action matters. We all can prioritize time to contribute and lift the spirits of others through seemingly insignificant actions. 

May we all adopt a kinder and gentler approach to ourselves and our interactions with others? Join me in this movement.

PS – if you need to move in front of me in a long traffic line, I’ve got you covered!

April 2023 - Bill and Ryan Tomoff
The Tomoff Family - Terri, Olivia, Ryan, and Bill
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Join the Kindness movement… KindLoook – “Look a little longer, with kindness…”

A longtime interest in my life has been kindness – to ourselves and others – and a curiosity about why kindness often seems missing in our lives.

Thanks to a chance encounter with Daniel Burns in the Akimbo Writing in Community (WIC) initiative that Terri and I joined in June 2020 (it turns out WIC evolved to become a tremendous gift out of the COVID pandemic challenge), I connected with Daniel and learned of his mission to encourage and spread kindness around the world, with greater intentionality. His mission ignited a flame inside me, yet now my determination to be more aware of and practice kindness has become a fulfilling integral part of my life. A few specific themes have evolved, which guide me every day:

  1. Excellence and Kindness. Live it. See it. Celebrate it.
  2. Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.

These encouragements have sharpened my lens of what I see in my world. I am not encouraging endeavors that are individually time-consuming, and the acts are often free for us to practice. Extending kindness to another person or the energy and attitude we bring to the world are available at no monetary cost and with only small incremental efforts of the time involved. The personal change that results from this mindset shift is fulfilling and life-changing.

Daniel and his kind-hearted team have introduced a global initiative inviting us all to be alert for and recognize kindness. Introducing KindLoook – “Look a little longer, with kindness.”

Here I will share two stories of kindness that happened yesterday – enhanced by my awareness of the moment/opportunity. Each of these were “This Made My Day” (#TMMD) [H/T to Rajesh Setty] moments that brightened my day, along with those involved in the exchange!

Saturday, April 8, 2023. My son Ryan and I went to Washington, DC, to attend the Washington Capitals vs. Florida Panthers hockey game. This game was the 10th of our 10-game flex-pack for the 2022-2023 season. Over the past two seasons, we have enjoyed the flex pack and have been blessed to attend every game. Each outing with Ryan is a time I treasure being with him, savoring our time together, and sharing our love of sports. Since this game was on a Saturday, we scheduled dinner at Farmers & Distillers, a restaurant where have enjoyed several pre-game meals. After dinner, we take a short walk to Capital One Arena and enjoy the game. The two moments of KindLoook that made my day:

Ryan and I shared a wonderful time together at Farmers & Distillers. Our meals and waiter service were excellent. When we were wrapping up the meal, a small mishap occurred that the waiter was very apologetic about. Mistakes happen, and I am diligent about not sweating the small stuff. The fact is, how mishaps are handled often speaks volumes about the character of the people involved.

The waiter (Darius) came by and asked to clear my dishes. Giving my OK, he picked up my plates and proceeded to stack two existing plates he was holding. When he added those plates to mine, a small container of ketchup flipped off my plate and landed face-down on the table. Darius quickly worked to pick up the container, but again a slight mishandling occurred, and the container landed face-down in my lap – on top of the napkin I still had in my lap. I was not disturbed and worked to get the container back to Darius to finish his effort of clearing the dishes.

As the situation was resolved, Darius was ready to move on with his task of removing three sets of dishes he held in his hands. Yet, he paused, leaned towards me, and expressed gratitude for my calm behavior (I am guessing a more common customer response would be disbelief or outrage?). He said, “Thank you for your kindness about that.” I was touched that Darius was moved enough to thank me for not causing a scene. Yes, wait staff have difficult jobs, but moments of kindness when we pause and appreciate the work of others might be the moment that gets them through their shift. Think about that the next time you feel moved to complain – could you turn to a moment of understanding, compassion, and kindness – and just maybe be a shining moment in their day?

The second KindLoook moment was in the arena. Ryan and I share the same seats for every game, so we notice some consistencies during each game. In particular, a concessions beer vendor would visit our section a few times every game. He had his routine down pat. This gentleman was hard working and serious about his work [I don’t believe I could last 30 minutes carrying the container of ice-cold beers and navigating the arena stairs, crowd activity, and the inevitable a bit too drunk unkind customer]. Clearly, he was working to maximize his compensation, but it was obvious he had the process wired and handled himself well in adverse situations.

I had never talked with this beer vendor, but thinking of KindLoook when I walked by him on the concourse before the game, I stopped to talk with him. Briefly (he was selling beer, and I did not want to disrupt his livelihood), I explained my son, and I noticed him at many Capitals games, and we were impressed with how hard he worked and how he handled himself professionally. I mentioned, “I don’t drink beer,” but I wanted to thank you for your efforts and the dedication you bring to the work you are doing. I then gave him a small cash tip and noted, “Please keep up the great work you do.“

His name is Caesar, and he said, “You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you for taking the time to give me a compliment.” WOW – I am so thankful to see Caesar in the arena concourse and have the opportunity to share a moment of gratitude with him!

My twin Don and I often express our work as “changing the world, one interaction, one person, at a time.” Let’s join Daniel Burns and fellow kindness advocates in the KindLoook initiative and change the world one interaction at a time!