I recently had a conversation with a friend in an MBA program who was advised by a classmate to lower the bar and focus more on soft skills. While I agree that real skills are critically important, I strongly disagree with the suggestion to lower the bar on learning. My twin brother Don and I are passionate about personal development and relentlessly encouraging others to bring their best selves to the world every day.
This commitment to excellence was solidified for me when my son Ryan was diagnosed with leukemia at age two in 1996. Dr. Aziza Shad, Ryan’s pediatric oncologist, came into our lives and guided us through an incredibly difficult journey. We had to completely trust Dr. Shad and her team to save Ryan’s life. A critical part of that trust was the expectation that she and everyone involved in Ryan’s care was dedicated to bringing their absolute best knowledge, judgment, and effort.
While most of us don’t hold others’ lives in our hands on a daily basis, I believe we should demand the same level of excellence from ourselves in whatever work we do. I owe this to Dr. Shad and the many professionals who exemplify this commitment. Ryan is thriving 27 years later thanks to their dedication and skill.
Dr. Shad’s example has inspired me to always strive to be my best and help others with the knowledge and skills I’ve gained over my lifetime. My wife Terri has also been moved by Dr. Shad’s encouragement to share our family’s story in her memoir. I hope others find inspiration in this message to never settle or get complacent, but to continually learn, prepare, and contribute your talents to the fullest. The world needs you at your best.
Full Original Writing
My twin Don and I embrace a theme in our careers and lives: “Take what you do seriously. Do not take yourself seriously.“
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend in an MBA program, and a classmate suggested, “You are taking the MBA too seriously. You should lower the bar and improve your soft skills.” This friend happens to be a spectacular human being with real (prefer term vs. “soft”) skills that I wish I possessed. I agree that we all must understand the critical importance of real skills, yet a suggestion to lower the bar on learning through the MBA curriculum content? NO.
Don and I are all-in on personal development, and we relentlessly encourage others to be serious about continually learning and bringing their best selves to the world every day. Please be serious and do your best with all learning opportunities you encounter. We must be our best and bring our learning and talents to the world!
“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”
—Steve Prefontaine
“Lowering the bar” means accepting that we can get by and succeed with less effort. We don’t need to be at our best. This sounds crazy to contemplate, doesn’t it? In my world, I expect the best from myself and those I interact with. Let’s pull the thread on this idea to make a compelling and obvious point – in the medical profession, for example, are we accepting of a doctor who has lowered the bar and is not bringing her best talents to serve patients?
On October 17, 1996, our family’s life was forever changed when my son, Ryan, was diagnosed with cancer – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) at the age of two years and two months. My wife Terri, and I, were stunned, scared, and had no concept of how we could move forward. On Saturday morning, October 19, 1996, Dr. Aziza Shad came into our lives carrying a protocol requiring our authorization for treatment to commence on Monday, October 21, 1996. Dr. Shad gently and caringly stepped through the protocol stages that would require three years and two months to complete and answered our questions. In order to save Ryan’s life, we had no option other than to accept and authorize the protocol.
We quickly understood a few core facts:
We had no control over a complicated childhood cancer world.
Dr. Shad and her team in the pediatric oncology world at Georgetown University Medical Center were our hope for saving Ryan’s life.
We had to trust Dr. Shad completely and partner with her while relentlessly advocating for Ryan.
Part of our trust in Dr. Shad and the medical community was our expectation that she and everyone involved in Ryan’s care was dedicated to staying current and relentlessly preparing to bring their best knowledge and judgment to Ryan and the countless patients whose lives depended on them. Let that sink in – isn’t this what you pray for when you put your trust in your doctors? While many of us are not saving lives on a daily basis, why would we accept less than our best when we live our lives personally and professionally? I have many limitations, but dedicating myself to continual learning, preparation, and bringing my best skills and effort to those counting on me is something I demand of myself. I owe this in honor of Dr. Shad and the many professionals who bring the same commitment to their lives every day.
We are blessed to have Ryan thriving now 27 years later, and Dr. Shad at his and our side guiding his follow-up care. Dr. Shad’s example of expertise, care, and compassion has solidified my determination to bring my best every day and help others with the skills and knowledge I have earned throughout my lifetime.
Terri Tomoff and Dr Aziza Shad – The Focused Fight
I will continue with future posts about Dr. Shad, where I will share the foreword from the book and other sentiments that speak to the incredible doctor and human being that she is.
To close this post, I hope you find inspiration to do everything in your power to be the best person and contributor you can be in your choice of work and how you carry yourself through each day of your life. Do not settle, get complacent, or “lower the bar.”The world needs your contribution!
Terri Tomoff’s passion for quilting took flight in 1989 after taking a class in Ohio. Over the past 35 years, I’ve witnessed her quilting expertise evolve from hand stitching to using a long-arm machine. Terri’s primary love is creating one-of-a-kind “treasured keepsakes” t-shirt quilts.
Her dedication to quilting and sharing joy with others soared when she joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild in 1998. Terri’s colorful creations took center stage as the guild’s featured quilter in 2012. Quilting provided solace during our son Ryan’s battle with leukemia, a time she refers to as “Manufacturing Sunshine.”
Inspired by a quilt Ryan received during his 2004 bone marrow transplant, Terri spearheaded an initiative for the guild to donate lap quilts to childhood cancer patients. The beneficiaries now span from Georgetown University Medical Center to hospitals in Baltimore, Ethiopia, Puerto Rico, and even families affected by the 2023 Maui fires. Terri has also created quilts to raise funds for charities supporting children with cancer.
Beyond her charitable work, Terri generously gifts quilts to family and friends. Olivia, Ryan, and I treasure the t-shirt quilts she’s made, commemorating special moments in our lives. Terri’s commitment to continuous learning and finding better ways to create her quilted works of art is awe-inspiring.
I marvel at the extensive “body of work” Terri has built through quilting, just one facet of her multi-talented life. Her tireless dedication to family, friends, and passions is superhuman. Terri, thank you for manufacturing sunshine and generously sharing your gifts with the world.
Full Original Writing
Terri Tomoff loves quilting and everything that goes along with it…the hunt for beautiful fabric, learning continuously, the creative art of quilting, and the camaraderie of sharing her love of the craft with like-minded people. In 1989, she took a quilting class in North Olmsted, Ohio, and the fuse was lit. Over the past 35 years, I have had the gift of having a front-row seat to witness the development and refinement of her quilting work.
Today, her primary quilting love is creating one-of-a-kind “treasured keepsakes” t-shirt quilts for family, friends, and customers. Her quilting expertise has evolved from hand quilting in the 1990s to using a full long-arm quilting machine to accelerate her work once the creative design is completed. Yet, her quilting passion goes far beyond the business side of her efforts. Her love of quilting and sharing the joy with others took off in 1998 when she joined the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild in Bowie, Maryland.
“Quilting consumes me.” Quote from Terri when the local newspaper featured her after she was selected as the Featured Quilter for the 2012 Southern Comforters Quilt Show. The text of the article:
March 8, 2012
Crofton-West County Gazette
Quilting Woman’s Passion
“Inspired by Betsy Ross and the bicentennial, Terri Tomoff took on her first fabric project in junior high, when she crocheted an outline of the original 13 colonies for a school project.
She was instantly intrigued by the material arts and has since created more than 200 quilts.
As the featured quilter for the Southern Comforters Annual Quilt Show, Terri’s colorful creations will take center stage at the show, which will be held March 24 and 25 at C. Elizabeth Rieg School in Bowie.
Terri started quilting as a young adult after taking a sampler quilt class in her home state of Ohio but put her hobby aside to focus on her marriage, children and career. Soon after moving to Crofton in 1996, Terri’s 2-year-old son Ryan was diagnosed with cancer and that altered her course even further. When Ryan was able to start pre-school, Terri met a fellow mom who was a member of the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild and invited her to join.
“That was in 1998 and I haven’t missed too many meetings since then,” said Terri. “Quilts consume me.” The quilting guild gets together twice a month to hone their skills, share ideas and serve the community.
Terri said that during her son’s nine-year battle with leukemia, she started making and donating quilts to sup-port cancer research and the medical centers that treated Ryan. “Instead of donating money, I made quilts that were then raffled off,” she said.
Terri also made more than 200 quilt bags gifting them to everyone from the doctors and hospital staff to the parking attendants.
At the upcoming quilt show, 30 to 40 of Terri’s quilts will be on display.
One of her favorites, which will be featured at the show, combines varying shades of solid pink and yellow fabrics and a complementary floral fabric.
“I love that quilts have a dual purpose since they are designed for both beauty and comfort,” said Terri. “I also love to see the joy in people’s faces when they receive a hand-made quilt and I think it is an honor to receive one. They are a labor of love – you just can’t knock one out.”
Terri said that she was humbled to be selected as the featured quilter for this year’s annual show and that she looks forward to continuing to color the world with her quilts.”
March 8, 2012 – Terri Tomoff Featured Quilter – Article in Crofton-West County Gazette
Terri embraced the quilting community and her love of quilting with fervor. Everyone should have the gift in their life of a hobby or passion that brings out their creativity and desire to improve and add value to the world. Terri found this with quilting. Her dedication and growth in the world of quilting is inspiring to all who know her. She wants to contribute to bringing joy and comfort to others with each lovingly created quilt.
Ideas are Born
Manufacturing Sunshine
Terri often tells how the quilting process helped soothe her and brighten her days at Georgetown Hospital when Ryan was an inpatient for his leukemia treatment protocols. Many long days and weeks were spent in the hospital from late 1996 through 2004. A makeshift station would be set up in Ryan’s hospital room, and when she could, Terri let her mind work with the creative side of piecing together fabrics that involved bright colors. Years later in 2017, she would reflect back and refer to those times that she was “Manufacturing Sunshine.” This is now the title of her website blog page and a theme we hold close to our hearts in our family.
March 2017 – Ryan and Terri Tomoff with her Manufacturing Sunshine Quilt
Community Quilts Bringing Comfort to Childhood Cancer Children
In late October 2004, when Ryan was admitted to the PBMT floor 5200 at Duke University to begin his bone marrow transplant process, he received a quilt incorporating blank green and blue blocks for nurses, family, and others to write notes to Ryan. I remember discussing with Terri, “This quilt is a tremendous gift for the patient and the family. They are being seen and know that people care.” The act of this gift of a lap quilt brought comfort during a time of extreme concern and stress.
March 21, 2024 – 29-year-old Ryan Tomoff with Quilt provided at Transplant in November 2004
When we returned to Maryland in 2005, Terri inquired about the possibility of the Southern Comforters Community Quilts charitable initiative, including lap quilts to Georgetown Hospital (where Ryan was treated when we were home in Maryland) to be given to newly diagnosed childhood cancer children. The idea was warmly embraced, and Terri was leading the effort of providing quilts to the Georgetown Pediatric Oncology Clinic! A beautiful idea noted at Duke University inspired a movement in the Washington DC region. In 2015, Terri discovered and shared with me the concept of Post-Traumatic Growth. Terri shared this in her blog from 2019. We were excited to have a defined term for our emotions and desire to make a difference for others chosen to travel the path Ryan, and our family were on.
The Soothing Power of a Quilt Expands
In addition to donating quilts to Georgetown Hospital, Terri led the Southern Comforters to share the comfort internationally. She knew firsthand the comfort of a thoughtful gift that a lap quilt could bring to a child fighting cancer and their families. She was a force of nature determined to leverage her love of quilting to help others.
The beneficiaries of Terri’s and The Southern Comforters Quilt Guild efforts, over almost 20 years, now include:
A touching moment happened with a quilt recipient from a family who lost their home in the Lahaina fire, as noted in point 5 above. A donated quilt had the quilter’s name on the back of the quilt, and the recipient sent the following lovely message via Facebook Messenger. Terri shared in her blog:
“After our guild meeting this past week, Joan approached me with a big smile and told me she had something special to share. Her quilt pictured below was given to a family that found her through Facebook and recently wrote her this lovely message:
“Wanted to say Hi and Aloha! I lost my home in the Lahaina fire on Maui. I was fortunate to pick out your quilt (UFO Challenge), and I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you!””
In addition to the quilt donation efforts above, Terri has also created quilts for auction or has raffled quilts to benefit charities focused on efforts in the fight against childhood cancer. Charities benefited include:
Coordinating her t-shirt quilt business and the incredible charity initiatives shared above, can she make other efforts to spread her talents and love of quilts into the world? The answer is a resounding YES! Oliva, Ryan, and I have been the recipients of t-shirt quilts that we treasure, countless “baby quilts” have been gifted, and then she completes special projects for gifts (i.e., Tote Bags) and even tackles unique customer projects that showcase her broad spectrum of talent and creativity in the quilting world!
Terri is a continual learner and embraces “finding a better way” to be more effective with her quilting efforts. Her mission is to build space for the creative aspect of quilting, which she loves. Whether contemplating a collection of t-shirts, a charitable effort, or other unique projects, she experiences joy in creating a work of art that can be a lifetime gift to someone. The recipients of her art are often stunned at the beautiful work she delivers!
Within our family, Olivia, Ryan, and I all have t-shirt quilts that Terri lovingly made for us from activities that have defined a memorable aspect of our lives. My two quilts embrace my love of sports and competitive distance running memories. Olivia has a collection of memories from her competitive soccer years, and Ryan has a Special Love Camp Fantastic theme and sports memories.
June 2020 – Ohio University, Distance Running, and Other Sports Memories
I am thrilled that Terri found the art of quilting and savor the joy, purpose, and fulfillment it has brought to her life and the lives of others. Her talents are a gift to the world and she shares generously!
While writing this #CelebratingOthers, I marvel at the “body of work” that Terri has built with her quilting. Then, reflecting more broadly, I remind myself her quilting is only one aspect of her full, robust life. Terri is a sister, spouse, Mom, a dear friend to many, and is talented and dedicated to her life passions. The same commitment she brings to her quilting goes into everything she does. The tireless dedication to her family, supporting my efforts, and caring for Olivia and Ryan are superhuman! She is also the author ofThe Focused Fight, a memoir of Ryan’s wars with 3x childhood cancer and 2x adult cancers over the past 27+ years.
Terri, thank you for all you do for me, our family, and everyone you come in contact with through your quilting, writing, and sharing your passions with the world. Indeed, you are “Manufacturing Sunshine” for yourself and others!
Excellence and kindness. These are themes in my life that became more intentional after our family discovered the concept of post-traumatic growth in 2015. Inherently, my personality has always bent toward a gentler and softer approach toward others. Yet, my commitment has since sharpened and become a steadfast part of how I approach my daily life. Thanks to the work of Gary Vaynerchuk, Tom Peters (his book The Excellence Dividend was my book of the year in 2018), and Daniel Burns KindLoook initiative discovered through my participation in the community of practice “Writing in Community,” I now unabashedly consider myself a kindness advocate and [desperately] want others to join the movement!
On July 2, 2022, on a beautiful sunny day in Berthoud, Colorado, my wife Terri and I were on vacation visiting our dear friends Linda and Mark Misencik when I was contemplating my daily writing to be completed. My exact words from my writing entry for the day included:
“Another book idea is percolating while contemplating experiences on vacation.
Working title (“paint at the wall”) to evolve and work with:
“Excellence and Kindness: Live It. See It. Celebrate It.”
My “lens” towards life gained even greater clarity that day. I would strive to intentionally live with excellence and kindness; I would make an effort to see it happening around me, and when I witnessed it, I would celebrate it by acknowledging the kindness or, if unable to acknowledge it, I would move forward inspired to pay kindness forward in honor of the moment I witnessed. Excellence and kindness can and do ripple beyond the act. I choose to believe this and live accordingly.
This thought, shared in the book Thriving as an Empath by Judith Orloff, MD, resonated with me:
“In Buddhism, karma is the destiny you earn through actions and behaviors. What you give is what you get.”
Through my journey of kindness advocacy, my life has been enriched by discovering others who share the mutual desire to make the world a kinder place. I am eternally grateful for everyone who has touched my life with kindness – because they cared. I leave you with this quote:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
It feels good to make others feel good. When you light another candle, your candle loses nothing. In fact, your candle will burn brighter!
In this blog post, Don and I champion eliminating email from one’s personal and professional life to reclaim precious time and improve productivity. My twin (#TwinzTalk) Don and I were inspired by Luis Suarez, who successfully gave up corporate email in 2008 while working at IBM. Luis argues that email is a broken model of communication and collaboration that consumes too much time and buries important information.
We suggest that individuals can enjoy several benefits by consciously reducing email usage and adopting alternative collaboration tools like Slack or Microsoft Teams, enabling increased transparency, reduced spam and phishing risks, and more time for learning, personal growth, and family. We recommend starting with a hybrid approach. For example, consider limiting email to two 15-minute sessions per day to gradually transition away from email dependency.
Our post references Suarez’s journey and insights shared in an openSAP podcast. Suarez emphasizes the importance of individual action in breaking the email chain, openly sharing knowledge, and admitting that email overuse is a problem. He also highlights the challenges of transitioning from closed to open communication and the potential for AI to eliminate mundane tasks.
Our blog post serves as a rallying cry for individuals to join the “virtually no-one community,” reclaim control of their time, and enhance productivity by reducing email usage. We believe that by embracing this mindset shift and finding better ways to collaborate, people can build more fulfilling lives and become more effective contributors in all aspects of their lives.
Full Original Writing – Reclaim Your Time by Going E-Mail-less
Don and I are on a continual quest to find smarter and better working methods. When we can “find a better way,” we are excited to try [primarily] technology tools that might help us move in ways that enhance our ability to contribute to our worlds and improve our ability to reclaim more of our most precious asset – the time in our lives. Since December 2022, much of our efforts have been dedicated to studying and working with the potential of GenAI and ChatGPT. Yet this topic, which we feel is one of the most compelling in our now 40+ year careers, is only one of a long string of adoptions that have provided us a disproportionate advantage in our careers and lives.
“There’s a way to do it better – find it.” -Thomas Edison
In 2016, we were introduced to the collaboration platform Slack. Don and I immediately recognized the potential to reduce EMAIL use and create transparency around documentation and conversations among colleagues. We were off and running, working with the platform and encouraging others to embrace the potential that we felt was compelling. In hindsight, our vision was correct. Slack and, later, Microsoft Teams have become ubiquitous in the working world. However, almost seven years later, EMAIL seems to be raging as the go-to communication tool for many people and businesses.
Don and I felt as though we were on an island with our tenacity to vastly eliminate the use of EMAIL in our lives. Being on “the road less traveled” was a common feeling we experienced while pursuing smarter and more effective ways of working and living. We grew to enjoy living in the long tail of technology adoption.
If almost anyone is asked, “Do you struggle with email and the time required to manage it?” most people would respond emphatically, “YES!” Yet, because we all are familiar with this standard in our businesses and lives, we accept the burden and time-suck imposed upon us. Accepting a known inconvenience that everyone else is managing lets us off the hook of needing to confront the challenge of changing how we work. Instead, often, we complain and keep marching forward with the status quo. Don and I run toward finding a better way. We like to acknowledge and embrace that we are members of the “Virtually No One Community.”
A community of practice that I participate in is Harold Jarche’s Perpetual Beta Coffee Club (PBCC). A member of that community, Luis Suarez, posted on LinkedIn on February 15, 2024, that he was celebrating his 16-year anniversary of “surviving corporate life without using email!” What a radical (inspiring to the Twinz) thought and initiative to embark upon in 2008. We proudly count Luis as a member of our “virtually no-one community!”
Why is the elimination of email such a big deal? The number one encouragement we implore is, “You reclaim time in your life to dedicate yourself to matters of greater importance – higher quality work time for learning and growing, and most importantly, time in your personal life for your family and other priorities.” Being a more effective, efficient, and contributing person across all aspects of life is compelling. Who does not want to be a more optimal performer?
In this podcast episode, openSAP Podcasts – Education NewsCast – Episode 277, “Insights on NoEmail and distributed, remote work with Luis Suarez,” Luis talks with Thomas Jenewein about his decision to choose to eliminate the use of email in his corporate life. If you think, “My company is too big, and this would not be possible in my case, Luiz made his decision when he was working with IBM!“
Indeed, there is a better way, and Luiz shares his insights on making #NoEmail a reality in your world. At 23:00 minutes, Luiz shares his thoughts about starting with a hybrid solution to reducing email. This is the solution that Don and I embraced starting in 2016. Currently, I prioritize two 15-minute daily periods to review and clear email. My goal is to be intentional with my email review and not exceed 30 minutes per day. In addition to reclaiming precious time in our days (mentioned above), a few additional compelling benefits for us include:
Using a collaboration tool (i.e., Slack or MS Teams), sharing and transparency “for all to see” enhances access, and information is not buried in email.
EMAIL spam and phishing risks are eliminated.
Time saved from email management is available for prioritizing more important personal or professional matters, such as learning, development, and personal growth.
On February 15 and 18, 2008, Luiz shared blog posts about his decision to eliminate email. It was a courageous move that the mainstream world thought ludicrous. One reaction to his announcement was, “You will be fired within two weeks.”
I highly encourage listening to the full podcast discussion. Luiz stood up and said, “Enough” to the challenge that email brings to so many of us. May this post and his emphasis throughout the podcast inspire you to take action and reclaim your precious time! As Don and I did, starting in earnest in 2016, we adopted a conscious mindset to reduce and control the use of email. A hybrid approach has worked for us and changed our lives – personally and professionally!
Below are several timestamps in the podcast that were notable in my listening, but please listen to the full podcast!
3:00 – Why no email?
4:15 – Email is a broken model of communication and collaboration.
5:45 – Two different kinds of reactions. First, “You will be fired within two weeks.” Note – Luis was employed with IBM when he implemented his decision. He was NOT fired within two weeks.
8:10 – Now, in 2024, receive EIGHT emails per week. EIGHT!
9:10 – Myth of Inbox Zero.
9:40 – If you really want to reduce email, YOU, you, the individual, need to stop using email first. Break the chain.
10:20 – Why am I doing it?
13:30 – Study how you use email (to begin the process of elimination – small steps).
16:00 – Openness and transparency using different tools.
17:00 – My knowledge is not my knowledge. It’s everyone’s knowledge.
18:00 – Hoarding knowledge in email. Why?
19:50 – YOU are much more powerful if you share your knowledge with others.
23:00 – Hybrid solution – less email and use other tools allowing transparency. This is a great starting point.
26:20 – In your email inbox, you cannot scale…
31:45 – Change is hard…
37:10 – The transition from closed to open is a very challenging shift to make. Everyone wants to be an expert.
39:15 – Hiding in your inbox is not going to take you anywhere.
41:30 – Start with admitting, “I do have a problem.”
42:00 – GenAI helps get rid of mundane tasks. Why not eliminate mundane tasks? Hard stop. There is no need for AI in this case!
45:20 – We need to take back control of how we do work.
Join the movement and build a more productive and fulfilling life for yourself. Thank you, Luiz, for taking your position in 2008 and living true to your mission. You have inspired the twinz and shown the world what is possible. There is a better way – and you have found it!
Bonus – please read the following media coverage of Luis’s initiative to eliminate EMAIL:
On December 3, 2023, I gifted my twin brother Don my unpublished memoir Double Vision: Seeing Life Through Twin Eyes. The book led with advice and life lessons we have learned through our careers in business and working closely with each other – as only a twin could do. Directly from the book, I share the following:
Book Back Cover Blurb
In collaboration with ChatGPT, the back cover blurb for the book sets the context of the gift I have received by the good fortune to share my life with a twin brother:
In his reflections, author Bill Tomoff delves into the profound bond he shares with his twin brother Don. Beginning their journey together in 1958, Bill and Don have navigated the complexities of life, intertwining their personal and professional paths in an extraordinary dance of support, competition, and growth.
This book is a heartfelt tribute to a relationship that exemplifies resilience and mutual inspiration. Through anecdotes from their childhood to their careers in accounting and technology, Bill paints a vivid portrait of a life enriched by Don’s presence. Their story is one of shared trials and triumphs, a testament to the unique connection between twins and the strength of having a constant ally.
Bill’s reflections are a chronicle of twinhood and a celebration of gratitude. He credits Don’s influence for much of his personal and professional development, underscoring the importance of support systems in achieving success. This book is a compelling narrative of two lives beautifully interwoven, a journey of learning, adaptation, and relentless pursuit of excellence, made possible by the unwavering bond between twin brothers.
Advice and Life Lessons Learned from the Twinz
Throughout our lives and careers, Don and I are grateful to have learned many lessons that have helped guide our approach to our worlds. We hope some of the points noted below will resonate with you and help you “level up” and achieve greater fulfillment and success.
A great joy in our lives is when we can share and help others through our own life experiences. If any of these tips resonate with you, please share them in your world!
Do your best: Your best is all anyone can ask.
Play the infinite game: Be aware of the game you are playing.
“Don’t let work get in the way of progress.” – Don Tomoff
“Be gentle. Be kind – you never know what someone is going through.” – Bill Tomoff
Help others: In every interaction, think “help this person.” – inspiration fromBruce Kasanoff
Invest in yourself: Your time and resources. Prioritize personal development.
Read. Read: “Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.” – Harry S. Truman.
You will fail: You will make mistakes. Learn from these moments.
Be humble and carry a beginner’s (always learning) mindset.
Live a life of kindness and gratitude and express appreciation to others.
Send handwritten thank you notes: Expressing appreciation for family, friends, colleagues, customers, and others who help your journey through life is a superpower.
Generously share your knowledge and skills.
Live with an abundance mindset – not a scarcity (win-lose) mindset. There is room for everyone to win.
Embrace a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset.
Do not gossip, judge others, or share unwanted opinions.
Lead by example.
Change yourself to change others.
People need people: Remember the African proverb – “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.“
In this introspective blog post, I reflect on the concept of one’s “body of work” – the unique collection of experiences, talents, and contributions that make up an individual’s life story. Inspired by the writings of Steven Pressfield and Seth Godin, who emphasize that we are all artists in our own lives, I encourage readers to recognize and embrace their personal growth, leadership, and positive impact on others as their own form of art.
I share my own journey of self-discovery, which began in June 2020 when I joined a writing community with my wife, Terri. Through daily writing, I gained clarity of thought and a deeper appreciation for the power of the written word. This led to the creation of four unpublished memoirs, each focusing on a different aspect of my life: my personal story, my daughter’s soccer career, my older brother’s profound impact, and my shared experiences with my twin brother.
My work encompasses various meaningful areas that have shaped my identity and the value I strive to bring to the world. These include my experiences as a competitive distance runner, my academic and professional achievements, my role as a family man and caregiver to my son (a five-time cancer survivor), my love of sports, my involvement in soccer and refereeing, my advocacy for childhood cancer, personal development, and kindness, as well as my engagement in social media and communities of practice.
I conclude the blog post with an invitation to readers to contemplate their own life experiences and recognize the unique talents and nuances that make up their individual stories. I encourage everyone to embrace their personal body of work and continue refining it throughout their lives, joining me on this shared adventure of self-discovery and growth.
Full Original Writing – Introduction to My Body of Work
What is your story? Everyone has a story… and we all develop a body of work that builds as we find our path through life. Our body of work grows and our life perspective and wisdom is the gift of our work. We all are artists creating our own unique art that cannot be replicated by another human.
“One of the major responsibilities of a person is to make that intellectual spark which you have received from heaven illuminate the world around you.”
—Chinese Wisdom
The opportunity I am embracing here is to share my interpretation of my body of work through my personal lens. This writing is inspired by reading The Daily Pressfield by Steven Pressfield and The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin. Steven and Seth emphasize that we all can be/are artists in our lives. I love this – we just need to recognize how we grow, lead, contribute, and help others, is our art, if we care enough to put our heart and soul into the work of being our best every day.
As you read the rest of this introduction, I encourage you to contemplate, “What is my body of work that is the art creating my life story?”
My life has evolved from being a fiercely independent, accomplishment-driven young man to a family man led by my life experiences to building and developing my talents so I can maximize helping others and leaving the world a better place for having been alive.
My adventure into deeper self-introspection started in June 2020 when I joined my wife, Terri, in a writing community. Over the past [almost] four years, we have grown to love the daily process of writing, the clarity the writing brings to our thoughts, and an appreciation of the gift of writing and the community of kind and caring people participating with us.
My efforts have resulted in four unpublished memoirs that I have completed. I have gained tremendous enjoyment from writing these memoirs and fulfillment knowing the thoughts, appreciation, and memories I ultimately leave for my family. The four memoirs have now made it possible to think about and more clearly articulate my body of work through the blessing of my 65-plus years of life,
The four unpublished memoirs completed, and one in process, include:
December 2020 – Living Life…Off The Track. My personal memoir.
December 2021 – Forever Changed: One Family’s Adventure with The Beautiful Game of Soccer. My memoir of our daughter Olivia’s 15-year soccer career.
January 2023 – “Million Dollar Al” and Beyond. My memoir of my older brother Alex and his profound impact on my life.
December 2023 – Double Vision: Seeing Life Through Twin Eyes. My memoir of my twin brother Don and our shared adventure in life.
TBD (in-process) 2024 – I Did My Best. I Cared: Reflections on Experiences, Lessons Learned, and Heartfelt Tips to Live a Fulfilling Life.
As I write at this point in time, the meaningful areas of my body of work are many. I hold each of these close to my heart. They have shaped who I am and the value I strive to bring to the world every day. The areas include:
Competitive distance runner
College academics
Career
Family
Caregiver, with Terri, for our five-time cancer survivor son Ryan.
Post-Traumatic Growth
Love of sports shared with family
Soccer and soccer referee
Advocate for childhood cancer
Advocate for personal development
Advocate for kindness
Social Media 2010 and forward
#TwinzTalk cofounder 2018
Philosophy of Stoicism since 2019
Communities of practice
What is your story? Contemplating your life experiences, you may realize, as I have, that there are many nuances to every person’s life. We are all unique and have talents within us that no one else owns. Embrace yours and continue refining your body of work for the rest of your life! Join me on this adventure.
Follow my writing as I expand in greater depth to highlight each area of my body of work. Thank you for reading!
Are you on the sideline thinking about using AI tools such as ChatGPT Plus and Claude.AI? Hard stop – listen to the incredible wisdom of Seth Godin on Branding & Marketing In The Age of AI with Stephen Houraghan.
When ChatGPT was introduced on November 30, 2023, Don Tomoff and I quickly thought, “We need to understand what is happening here.” Since then, we have been stunned by the potential of this technology to assist us personally and professionally. We encourage anyone to adopt the ChatGPT Plus Pro plan for $20 per month and dedicate daily time to experimenting and getting a sense of the technology. We focus on narrowing the path to help others enter the AI-enabled world. For a quick start, see blog post dated February 14, 2024, ChatGPT Lite – How to Get Started: Introduction Part 1 of 6.
In the podcast episode linked below, Stephen asks Seth about his thoughts on the impact of AI. The image below speaks volumes. When Seth heard the question – he smiled as if to say “I was hoping you would ask this question!” For almost four minutes, Seth made compelling points that everyone should pay heed to:
“I think AI is the biggest change in our world since the invention of electricity. A bigger change than the internet.”
“If you are not using it for half an hour a day, you don’t understand.”
“Every word I put out there with my name on it [Seth Godin blog, etc.] was written by me. But if I was starting today, that would not be true.”
“What AI does today is it replaces competence… The only space left is to not be simply competent… You have to figure out how to do something that AI couldn’t do because that is the only thing worth charging for.”
“When you are doing work that could be done by AI, you should have AI do it so you can get back to the work that we need to pay you for.”
“You have helped create change. And now, change is coming after you.”
“The opportunities for agile, smart people to take advantage of AI over the next three years are enormous.”
The last point bears repeating for emphasis: “The opportunities for agile, smart people to take advantage of AI over the next three years are enormous.“
The YouTube video posted here will start at 32:18 when Stephen asks the AI question. The conversation goes to 36:00 minutes. Embrace these four minutes of learning Seth’s thoughtful and dramatic observations about the future of AI and what every professional needs to do now.
As Seth would encourage, “Go. Make a ruckus.” Please. The world needs your contribution. AI will help you create value for yourself and your ability to contribute and help others!
Since the introduction of ChatGPT in December 2023, #TwinzTalk Don Tomoff and I have prioritized learning and working with OpenAI’s ChatGPT and other LLMs, such as Anthropic’s Claude AI.
In the work that Don and I do, we continually challenge ourselves to “narrow the path” and present actionable information that encourages others to invest in their learning and identify ways to leverage technology to benefit their lives personally and professionally. In this regard, Generative AI and specifically the ChatGPT Plus LLM have become the most urgent focus for everyone. The advancements in these technologies are going to continue and accelerate. This document is focused on an introduction to getting started with ChatGPT adoption. We are referring to this as “ChatGPT Lite.”
Topics to be covered include:
Description of Generative AI (GenAI) and how ChatGPT fits into the framework of GenAI.
Steps to getting started with ChatGPT.
High-level concepts to understand.
Resources for learning – influencers and online learning courses.
Sample of use cases to inspire your creativity for personal use.
Before diving into the topics, in our interest of narrowing the path, we consider the following steps essential:
Enroll in ChatGPT Plus. This cost is currently $20 per month, and we emphasize that this must be considered a non-negotiable personal investment for every individual.
Commit to being curious and learning daily. Drip, drip, drip, the learning compounds by dedicating and investing personal time.
Understand that adoption of ChatGPT Plus is an individual decision and NOT subject to the approval of an employer. The opportunities to expose yourself and learn with this technology can be done personally without crossing the boundaries of professional roles possibly involving an employer’s intellectual property.
With this overview introduction completed, please follow along as we delve into the specific topics detailed above!
A theme that has been a central aspect and one I have held close throughout my life is my goal to always answer this question with “Yes, I did my best.” In my teen years, my efforts focused on distance running. However, I became much more intentional with my self-encouragement and introspection in 1977 when I started attending Ohio University and took on the challenge of obtaining a business degree in accounting.
On October 17, 1996, my and my family’s life was forever changed by the challenge of my son Ryan’s childhood cancer diagnosis. Every day, my wife Terri, me, then four-year-old daughter Olivia, and two-year-old Ryan started surviving by bringing “our best” to the day and the often unimaginable stresses that were now a part of our everyday lives. An acute sense of gratitude for life and the joys of ordinary moments quickly took hold in our perspectives. I wish our gift of perspective were one that everyone could genuinely appreciate. Yet, I wish for others to reach this perspective without traveling the road Ryan and our family have traveled for the past 27+ years.
Post-Traumatic Growth
In chapter 33 of Terri’s memoir The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles, she discusses her discovery of Post-Traumatic Growth while we were traveling in 2015. Thanks to Oprah Magazine and journalist Ginny Graves, Terri’s discovery of this topic crystallized many emotions we felt through Ryan’s challenges. Without realizing the impact (our focus was saving Ryan’s life and providing as much normalcy as possible for Olivia), our lives profoundly changed by embracing our mission to help others affected by childhood cancer and to pay forward the care and kindness that has been showered upon us since that life-changing day in 1996. In introducing the section in her book, Terri shared this quote that has rung true for us:
“Something very beautiful happens to people when their world has fallen apart: a humility, a nobility, a higher intelligence emerges at just the point when our knees hit the floor.”
—Marianne Williamson
Collaborating with ChatGPT, I summarized the chapter with a 500-word recap and then generated an insightful bullet-point highlight list of ways post-traumatic growth has enhanced our lives. I shared these two results below. A BONUS – the full text of chapter 33 from Terri’s memoir is provided here.
Chapter 33 Summary | Collaboration with ChatGPT
Chapter 33 of Terri Tomoff’s book “The Focused Fight: A Childhood Cancer Journey: From Mayhem to Miracles” is titled “Post-Traumatic Growth.” The chapter opens with a note from Tomoff’s son, Ryan, reflecting on his experiences with PTSD following his battle with cancer. This note provides insight into the challenges he faced, such as constant fear of cancer recurrence, the constant medical environment, and coping mechanisms like video games.
Tomoff connects Ryan’s struggles with the concept of post-traumatic growth (PTG), an idea suggesting that individuals can experience positive transformation following trauma. This concept is hard for some to comprehend, and not everyone can rally around it, but it represents an alternative to the narrative of unending suffering.
Tomoff then recounts her family’s various contributions to their community following Ryan’s diagnosis, including running marathons to raise money, starting a Postcard Project, and taking meals to the hospital floor where Ryan was treated. She shares that these activities, aimed at helping others, could be considered PTG as they transformed their family’s trauma into a positive force that benefited their community.
The term PTG was coined by Richard Tedeschi, a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, who asserted that trauma survivors could undergo profound changes that extend beyond mere resilience. Jack Tsai from Yale School of Medicine adds that the healthcare system emphasizes identifying dysfunctions rather than superior functioning. This trend is now shifting towards promoting overall well-being.
Tomoff elaborates on her family’s extensive volunteer work, including lobbying for childhood cancer funding, founding advisory boards, and volunteering at various organizations and events. These activities provided a sense of purpose, helped others facing similar challenges, and, in return, aided their healing process.
Tomoff explains that despite the pain associated with a childhood cancer diagnosis, the shared experience has created a strong sense of community and camaraderie. This has led to emotional sharing sessions that have deeply moved the families involved and the staff at the facilities they work with.
Finally, the chapter highlights the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild of Bowie, Maryland, which Tomoff is a part of. The group has made over 2000 quilts for newly diagnosed children at Georgetown University Hospital and has extended its mission internationally. Tomoff and her family’s endeavors reflect the essence of PTG, transforming a traumatic experience into meaningful contributions to society, leading to their emotional growth.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Our Enhanced Family Approach to Life | Collaboration with ChatGPT
From Chapter 33 of Terri Tomoff’s memoir, it’s clear that the family’s experience with their son Ryan’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent trauma transformed their approach to life, fostering a deep commitment to aiding others and giving back to society. This transformation reflects their experience with post-traumatic growth (PTG). Here are some key ways in which PTG enhanced their life:
Embracing Purpose Through Helping Others: They found purpose and solace in assisting others undergoing similar trials. This included running marathons to raise funds, launching “The Postcard Project”, delivering meals to the hospital, and volunteering at multiple organizations. They found a form of healing by turning their trauma into meaningful activities.
Creating Advocacy Initiatives: Their personal experience led them to advocate for more funding for childhood cancer research. Tomoff mentions lobbying on Capitol Hill with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society as a part of this initiative.
Building Community: They co-founded the Parent Advisory Board and involved themselves in other groups supporting families dealing with cancer. This fostered a strong sense of community, which provided emotional support and a platform for shared experiences.
Promoting Well-Being and Positive Transformation: Their work with others emphasized the promotion of well-being, aligning with the concept of PTG. They believed that surviving adversity could be used as a catalyst for profound personal change and betterment.
Empathy and Understanding: Their own experience with trauma allowed them to deeply empathize with other families going through similar experiences, making them effective in their efforts to help others.
Legacy and Long-Term Commitment: The family has pledged a lifelong commitment to giving back to society, acknowledging that they “will never live long enough to give back to the universe.” This dedication is evident in their ongoing efforts, such as Terri Tomoff’s work with the Southern Comforters Quilt Guild, which has created over 2,000 quilts for children newly diagnosed with cancer.
Family Involvement: The family turned their struggle into a collective mission, involving every family member in various ways. This not only helped in dealing with their trauma but also fostered a sense of unity and shared purpose within the family.
In summary, the concept of post-traumatic growth profoundly affected the Tomoff family, driving their extensive efforts to help others, advocate for change, and create a legacy of kindness and resilience in the face of adversity. This has fundamentally transformed their approach to life, making them deeply committed to serving their community.
Thanks to the interpretation and insights offered by ChatGPT, the results beautifully articulate the essence of Terri’s heartfelt writing about post-traumatic growth and the impact our family has felt throughout the years of Ryan’s treatments. We can all show up and do our best one day at a time. Doing your best is what YOU must hold yourself accountable for – this is a personal matter and not subject to the judgment of others. Do your best, keep moving, and hold your head high.
November 4, 2004 – PBMT Donor Meetup – Olivia, Bill, Terri, and Ryan Tomoff
October 1996 – Ryan and Bill Tomoff at Georgetown Hospital
October 1996 – Ryan and Bill Tomoff at Georgetown Hospital – Dad heading home
On October 10, 2023, inspired by Sahil Bloom’s post, I began a five-minute daily reflection ritual, focusing on five aspects: Win, Gratitude, Stress or Tension, Helping Others/Shining the Light, and Activity/Personal Development. After 100 days, the practice remains a source of intentionality and personal alignment, offering clarity and a momentary escape from the digital frenzy.
Daily, I handwrite my reflections on an index card, cherishing the tactile process as a form of self-care. This habit, reminiscent of my morning meditations and inspired by the Stoicism encouragement to “put each day up for review,” encourages introspection and gratitude. Seneca’s wisdom on self-evaluation resonates deeply, prompting me to scrutinize my actions and thoughts, contributing to my ongoing quest for self-improvement.
Through this simple yet profound practice, I’ve realized the transformative power of pausing and pondering daily life. It’s a reminder of what truly matters, enabling me to confront life’s challenges with a grounded and grateful heart. I advocate this practice for anyone seeking fulfillment, urging them to start small and witness the profound impact of daily reflection.
Original Reflection
October 10, 2023. After reading a post by Sahil Bloom on social media, I began a daily reflection process of prioritizing five minutes to reflect on five aspects of my day. Sahil’s post highlighted three items, and I subsequently added two additional prompts to reflect upon.
Sahil’s original three were:
Win
Gratitude
Stress or Tension
My additions:
Help Others/Shine the Light
Activity/Personal Development
My goal with this exercise is to intentionally reflect and appreciate/inspire my daily approach to life. On January 17, 2024, I completed 100 consecutive days of reflection. I am unsure how long I will continue this process, but I feel the daily reflection brings me value by helping me be intentional about my perspective and how I want to bring myself to the world daily.
The daily reflections are handwritten on an index card. I deliberately chose to do this exercise manually vs. electronically. Sitting with my thoughts and handwriting my observations are my way of slowing down and creating a pause in my life – away from the distractions of the non-stop digital worlds we live in. The gift of the process is the daily reminder of the areas I want to prioritize and be certain to “sit with” for a few minutes to look at my day and ask, “How did I do today, and what highlights do I want to remember?” Writing my observations by hand creates a few moments of joy/contentment for me. The act itself is a gift I am giving to myself and is a small part of my self-care.
An aspect of my personal development that I wrote about in my blog post dated May 20, 2023, Dawn of Awareness: A Journey of Self-Discovery through Morning Meditations, is my love of morning quiet time, where I read several daily meditations that help me reflect and prepare for the upcoming day. The Daily Stoic Meditations is one of the books included in my process.
The Daily Stoic Meditation for January 22nd, The Day In Review, resonated with me. The encouragement is to prioritize time to evaluate our day and assess how we feel about our day’s performance. My approach with the index card is a mini-version of the daily stoic recommendation. While I reflect and write, my mind assesses the areas I have identified as a priority in my life. As noted in the Meditation:
“I will keep constant watch over myself and—most usefully—will put each day up for review. For this is what makes us evil—that none of us looks back upon our own lives. We reflect upon only that which we are about to do. And yet our plans for the future descend from the past.”
—Seneca, Moral Letters, 83.2
“Take time to consciously recall the events of the previous day. Be unflinching in your assessments. Notice what contributed to your happiness and what detracted from it. Write down what you’d like to work on or quotes that you like. By making the effort to record such thoughts, you’re less likely to forget them. An added bonus: you’ll have a running tally to track your progress too.”
Can a short process of assessing and journaling each day enhance your life? I encourage you to start small and try it! May you find contentment and fulfillment as you “put each day up for review.“
